94. Shino’s Anime Filler, Episode 2: Land of Tea Escort Mission, Debriefing

The so-called 'Sword of the Thunder God' said to once have been wielded by Tobirama-san himself. A true relic of a bygone era. And, apparently, it’d been sitting on a warehouse shelf somewhere in the Konoha vaults when Idate stole it. Why???

The only thing I can think of is that Kakashi (an infamous, prominent Jonin-level Lightning Release user) wasn’t allowed to have it due to political reasons. I suppose the Senju clan no longer exists officially; Tsunade is probably only Senju on her mother’s side, and that matters to stupid people.

So, I’m just not going to tell anyone I have it!

If Tsunade asks what happened to the blade after Hinata’s team beat Aoi, I’ll say it broke or fell in a river or some shit! Finders, keepers; losers, weepers. Konoha had better be satisfied I gave them Aoi to interrogate for intel on the Hidden Rain Village!

I know it’ll get out that I have this thing eventually but, I hope, I’ll be too entrenched, well-connected, and powerful for anyone to come complaining about their precious relic that they somehow deserve according to a mile-long moronic legal document despite not being able to protect it from a Genin thief. Seriously, the security in Konoha sucks!

As for why I want the thing…

It can cut through A-rank techniques like butter! Need I say more? Okay, yes, according to the Anime, the blade shatters if used to consecutively block multiple powerful attacks. So would a kunai! Also, here’s a little gem of a factoid:

Aoi doesn’t have the Lightning chakra nature (I confirmed this before handing him over to the authorities).

I have a theory about this sword. It doesn’t seem as powerful an artifact as I'd expect to be associated with Tobirama, as presented in the Anime. I know he’s a famous guy, but they wouldn’t keep around his toothbrush or 'baby’s first kunai' just because his genius hands once touched a thing. Sure, it’s cool that even a dumbass can make a lightsaber with this thing, but I’m guessing you need to possess the Lightning chakra nature to see its full potential.

That sends me down the rabbit hole of what chakra natures my girls have. Anyone who watched the Anime knows Naruto has the Wind affinity. What about everyone else? Well, (mentally flipping through my encyclopedic knowledge of Naruto canon) there are the databooks, and some non-canon information related to the Anime, Games, etc. Basically, if someone is ever seen doing a thing, they probably have an affinity for it (or at least a propensity) because training yourself to learn a chakra nature you aren’t inclined towards is such a staggering achievement of hard work and genius. We’re talking about thousands of hours of training.

The breakdown goes a little something like this:

Me – Earth, Fire, Yang

Tenten – No Nature Release

Sakura – Earth, Water, Fire, Yin, Yang

Ino – Earth, Water, Fire, Yin, Yang

Karin – Earth, Water, Yin, Yang

Kin – Yin

Tayuya – Yin

Temari – Wind

Anko – Fire, Yin

Kurenai – Yin

Tsume – Unknown (but I’m assuming nothing)

I asked Tenten, and she confirmed that testing chakra natures is something a Jonin-sensei does with their second-year Genin, which explains why Naruto didn’t get to it until he returned from training with Jiraiya in Shippuden. Pervy Sage probably overlooked it assuming Naruto already had taken the test. And, yes, Tenten is a no-affinity type, which is more common than you’d think at first, but my expectations from watching the Anime are skewed towards the cream of the crop of the ninja world with tons of affinities or dedication to learning nature transformations like Sakura, Ino, and Karin. The average 'Joe Schmoe' ninja of this world is a Genin with no nature affinities.

Tenten tried basically everything in her year since graduation from the Academy to learn a chakra nature (to no avail) before eventually settling on Fuinjutsu (sealing techniques). Despite every setback, including being told she had no talent for medical ninjutsu, Tenten persevered until she found a niche she could cultivate. I can totally believe she’d eventually gravitate toward ninja puppets as an adult in an alternate timeline in her search for any advantage to get stronger. If anyone is a genius of hard work, it’s this girl!

Mastering all five basic chakra nature transformations is something that only the elite of the elite have been known to do—names like Hashirama, Tobirama, Hiruzen, Orochimaru, and Kakashi Hatake (yes, seriously, despite almost everyone he meets having heard of him, most casual Anime watchers still don’t understand how big a deal Mr. Worldwide legitimately is). But, supposedly, it’s not uncommon for Jonin to have multiple nature affinities.

(Also, don’t get excited about ‘Yin, Yang’ because it's not the same thing as ‘Yin-Yang Release.' That’s a whole different animal.)

Anyway, know who has Lightning affinity? Or at least a canon propensity to learn it? No bull. I’m not fucking around. That’s right, I swear I wasn’t just wiki-browsing, and no one can prove I didn’t read NARUTO Hiden: Scroll of Formation Character Official Databook in my previous life!!!

Hinata – Fire, Lightning

“Shino-chan, I’m back from my first big mission. You heard the debriefing, so, umm… W-what do you think?”

Hinata stands there, not meeting my gaze while nervously twiddling her fingers as if the world hung on my approval.

I sigh in exasperation at the adorable kunoichi and hug the poor girl, then pull away to pat her head with one hand while kissing her gently on the lips. “You did a great job, Hinata-chan. S-rank performance! You too, Karin-chan.”

The Hyuga girl giggles with satisfaction at my praise, Karin preening beside her, before schooling her features and presenting me with the legendary weapon, a metallic vajra. “Here’s the sword you requested, Shino-chan.” I give it a glance where she’s held it out towards me atop her palms and push it back towards her. “Eh?”

“I want you to have it, Hinata-chan. Please, humor me. Give it a try?”

Shrugging, Hinata focuses her chakra on the weapon and holds it aloft.

*Vooosh!*

“Hmm, is it just me, or does the blade seem longer now than when that dirtbag Aoi-kun wielded it?” Karin asks.

I just stand there and smile.