91. Shino’s Movie Marathon 1: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow, Part 5 (Sakura)

The next day, we ride a caravan of snowmobiles through an old tunnel that used to be a railway system. Princess Koyuki tries to escape (it’s her thing, she keeps trying to run away like how she was fleeing on horseback from her own manager when we first met), but I prompted a few Shadow Clones to watch her, and she doesn’t get far.

When the snow on the train tracks melts, we know Dotou is making his move. It’s an interesting bit of technology in this frozen hellscape of a land that we were thankfully tipped off about by an ‘anonymous’ source. *Cough* Fubuki *Cough*

The enemy arrives by train, each of dozens of compartments loaded with repeating shuriken-throwers. Dotou isn’t messing around, and he’s brazenly overconfident—popping out of a hatch to step onto the roof and begin his villainous monologuing, “It’s been a while, Koyuki-chan. Ten years. Now, let me see your face.”

Unfortunately for this douche, we’re entrenched uphill and ready for him. Sandayu, Koyuki’s manager, wanted to lead his men in a valiant downhill charge, but we convinced him to let us throw explosive tags at the train from the high ground while we start an avalanche.

*Boom!*

That forces Dotou retreating back inside the hatch while the train speeds away. When they're halfway across the nearby bridge when the pursuant wave of snow sweeps away the support struts. Dotou’s men are forced to decouple half their train cars to escape the bride's collapse.

It’s a nice little skirmish that thins out some of Dotou’s forces. The funny part is that the crazy director caught pretty much everything on film—what kind of wild movie are they going to cobble together in the editing room? Anyway, I’m surprised that the other Chakra Armored goons didn’t show up…

And then a blimp hidden by the edge of the cliffside rises into the air with the fat guy (Fuyukuma Mizore) hanging out the entrance door to shoot his retractable hand at Princess Koyuki. It’s a nice shot that hits her directly.

The thing is, we knew he had that ability already because he tried this before. We were told they had a blimp that likes to ambush people thanks to Fubuki. And we already knew Koyuki was their target.

Needless to say, when Mizore’s robot hand grabs 'Princess Koyuki,' I drop my princess-impersonation-Transformation in a puff of smoke. His enormous fingers wrap around my waist and try to reel me in, but my arms lock in place around the robot hand and my leg bones plunge through the bottoms of my feet to dig into the ground like anchors.

It’s not me who moves.

Mizore gets yanked out of the blimp before he can cancel the device’s retraction command and zooms toward me involuntarily. He tries to let go but I’m holding tight onto his arm with my bone gauntlets. Naruko and Sasuke are there in a flash with a Rasengan and a Chidori, ready to pulverize the man as soon as he gets close.

The Chakra Armor blocks both A-rank ninjutsu attacks but shorts out thereafter from being overloaded. My new Sharingan gives me the boosted reaction time needed to land a full-strength Second Dance of the Cosmos Flower punch to the man's jaw a fraction of a second later. My blow throws him off the cliff to plummet to the ground far below.

That’s two minions down.

Dotou must not have had time to change the ‘locks’ on his mansion, so to speak, because our intel lets us easily bypass most of his security that night. Not that it would’ve been too much of a challenge as-is with half his ninja squad down. Sandayu’s Snow samurai (flesh-and-blood folks loyal to the prior regime, not armored snow clones) and an army of Naru-Clones storm the place, disarming or eliminating enemy mooks left and right.

After navigating our way through the labyrinthine interior, we enter a massive throne room where Dotou sits alone in the dark like a theatrical fucking weirdo, the lights turning on dramatically as we approach to set the stage. He’s wearing cinematic, elaborate robes that serve no practical use in combat.

The smarmy guy, Kakashi’s opponent from his failed mission years ago, Rouga Nadare, then Body Flickers to appear at his boyfriend’s side.

“Ahh, Princess Koyuki, you’ve arrived here at last.”

She came with us mostly because it’d be dumb to leave her alone given her flight-risk history while Nadare was likely out and about hunting for the girl.

“Just take this stupid thing and leave us alone!” she cries as she betrays us, breaking ranks to dash forward at Dotou while brandishing her hexagonal crystal key.

Kakashi, Sasuke, Naruto, Naruko, Kin-Kitty in her brand-new Chakra Armor, and I spring into action, but our opponents are just as fast.

“It seems only one of you has any sense,” Dotou chuckles and activates a hidden mechanism.

A huge portion of the ceiling retracts, dumping tons of snow on top of us. Who the fuck installs a retractable ceiling in their snowbound mansion’s throne room???  Nadare uses this to his advantage, however, performing a few quick hand signs, “Ice Release: Wolf Fang Avalanche!”

It takes me a second to realize he named the technique after himself. Then I cringe because he’s a fucking smarmy chuuni prick.

Anyway, a pack of giant snow wolves are descending on us, now.

““Chidori: 1,000 Birds!””

Sasuke and Kakashi both use their signature moves and dive straight through the foremost wolves as if they were mere illusions. They’re real, though, and it takes me and the Naru-twins a bit more work to plow through them, but our Bone Pulse punches and Rasengans are up to the challenge.

Dotou throws off his robes to reveal a set of black Chakra Armor just in time to grab Koyuki in his arms. He snatches the hexagonal crystal key from her grip and holds it aloft in triumph, “Finally, it’s mine!!!” The key shatters in his hand. “Wait… this is a fake?!?”

“Got the real one right here,” Kakashi says, revealing the crystal in question attached to his ninja tool bag like a keychain. Like I thought, he switched them out back on the boat.

While Dotou is distracted, Koyuki whips out a knife and stabs at the man’s neck in a triple-cross, screaming, “This is for my father!”

“Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!” Dotou shouts, his Chakra Armor’s barrier blocking the blow, and he backhands her down the stairs.

Collapsed in a heap, bruised but not broken, Koyuki gasps, “I am an actress, after all,” before falling unconscious.

“Enough of this foolishness,” Dotou shouts, pulling at the nearby snowbanks with his black chakra, “Ice Release: Black Dragon Blizzard! No, Twin Dragon Blizzard!”

Two massive draconic dark figures with glowing red eyes spew from his hands, twirl about the room, and then merge into a tornado that encompasses everything. Everyone is picked up and hurled outside through the open skylight.

Dotou sprouts a pair of batlike wings from his Chakra Armor to avoid the worst of the storm. His boyfriend, Nadare, is caught up in it along with the rest of us, though he uses his wrist-mounted wire launcher to zipline to safety. Kin-Kitty is fine with her chakra barrier and flight. Meanwhile, Naruto dives for Koyuki’s limp form and shields her with his body. I armor up as best I can, though my Macabre Bone Pulse technique is far from complete.

We land in the forest, using the branches to slow our falls as we descend, so the impact doesn’t do much damage. Having the Sharingan to help navigate those split-second reactions is incredibly helpful.

“You pathetic fools thought you could challenge me?” Dotou asks as he soars above us like the egomaniac that he is. “Now, perish—wha???”

Crystal Ice Swallows dart in, several smashing uselessly against his Chakra Armor’s barrier, but a few clip his wings and ruin their integrity. Dotou quickly and embarrassingly plummets to the ground.

Great job, Kin-Kitty! The number of swallows in her flock has increased dramatically since donning her armor.

Kakashi dashes forward with a Chidori to finish Dotou, but Nadare conjures a saber-toothed dragon of snow between them. The two Jonin-level fighters square off as the enemy leader rises to his feet.

“I shan’t be defeated so easil—gack!” Just as he starts up with another villainous monologue, Naruto and Sasuke double-team him with a Rasengan and Chidori. Both attacks deal noticeable damage to the crystal powering his chakra barrier, but it maintains its integrity through the assault. Dotou retaliates, “Black Dragon Blizzard!”

Another casting of that dark chakra technique scatters the boys, but Dotou can’t capitalize with all the Crystal Ice Swallows harassing him. There are enough of the flying blade-wing projectiles flying about that even Nadare has to be careful.

“Macabre Bone Pulse: Second Dance of the Cosmos Flower!”

I’ve had plenty of time to recover from my fall, form my bone gauntlets, run in, slip under his guard using my Sharingan to analyze his movements, and punch that evil asshole square in the chest on his yin/yang gem. The blunt force of my impact on the already cracked chakra battery causes it to fail spectacularly; seconds later, an explosion blasts Dotou and me away from one another.

Shielding my face with my bone gauntlets allows me to block the heat and shrapnel from hitting my more vulnerable areas. Dotou, on the other hand, struggles to his feet covered in burns and cuts—only to be sliced to ribbons by ice swallows and dropkicked into oblivion by Naruko. The Naru-twins have regeneration powered by the Tailed Beast sealed inside them (Shino told me), explaining how they’re on their feet so quickly.

Kakashi neutralizes Nadare's snow dragon with a Chidori, prompting a midair taijutsu clash. The infamous copy ninja grabs Nadare in a hold, both of them plummeting to the ground where Kakashi slams the enemy Snow ninja's head onto a rock. The overloaded barrier pops, and Nadare's neck snaps like a twig.

A Naruto clone runs onto the cleared battlefield with Princes Koyuki in his arms, who promptly vomits when she sees the corpses of our enemies. Actress or not, a normal person can’t hold their stomach in the face of such brutal carnage.

“Y-you switched out my hexagonal crystal key!” she accuses Kakashi after clearing her mouth with some clean snow.

“Sorry about that,” he admits while rubbing the back of his head.

“Well? Give it back!”

“No.”

“Eh???”

The Copy Ninja sighs. “I’ve been wondering what the hell this thing unlocks for years. Let’s go see this Land of Snow’s treasure.”

Nearby, there’s a ring of giant snow-covered pillars with an access port in the center. Kakashi reluctantly hands the key over to Koyuki after she promises to turn on the mysterious device. She plugs in the hexagonal crystal and gives it a turn.

The machine takes a few minutes to warm up. Literally. It’s getting hot around here all of a sudden.

As the sun rises, though, the pillars reveal themselves to be giant mirrors that reflect the morning light into a flash of rainbow energy. A wave of power sweeps over the land, melting the snow, followed by green leaves and flowers springing up out of nowhere.

Then a hologram appears in the air showing a young Princess Koyuki prancing into view with her dead dad talking to her from out of frame.

“Koyuki-chan, what do you want to be when spring comes?”

“A Princess! A brave, strong princess who believes in justice!”

“If you believe in yourself and your dreams, I’m sure you’ll become one someday.”

“Also, I want to be an actress!”

“Lol, okay.”

Koyuki is hugging Naruto while bawling her eyes out the whole time, and so is Sandayu—who survived getting yeeted (thank you Shino for that delightful word) out of the mansion by a draconic twister. The actress’s manager turns to his young ward and says, “Looks like you won’t need the eyedrops for crying scenes anymore.”

Yeah, so the greenery that ‘magically’ sprang up was a genjutsu.

The whole point of it was to show what the land would look like after letting the machine run for a few years. That mystery machine in question, as it turns out, is a generator designed to alter the Land of Snow’s climate. While the device is incomplete, Koyuki thinks she can continue her father’s research and eventually be able to justify changing her country’s name to the Land of Spring.

After the battle, we looted the shit out of that mansion. Fubuki knew where all the bodies were buried (both literally and figuratively). We kept her tied up during the final battle but, without her armor or her team, she was basically harmless even if she tried to betray us. She didn’t even attempt to escape, though.

“It’s a shame your talent will be wasted as a princess,” Kakashi says while Sandayu’s men clean up the place the next day.

“Actually,” Koyuki corrects while pulling something from her robes, “I’ll continue to be an actress in my spare time.” She’s holding a screenplay for Make-Out Paradise: The Movie!

If only Kakashi wasn’t wearing that mask—his expression must be priceless.

Incidentally, Naruto and Koyuki hooked up for the remainder of our stay and the crazy director somehow convinced them to film a porno.

“You didn’t have to watch it right away…” I tell Shino.

My lover and harem queen pauses the scene with Koyuki riding Naruto cowgirl style while a clip of Twin Dragon Blizzard destroying Dotou’s mansion plays in a weird overlay that I think is supposed to symbolize how he’s wrecking her pussy, then ejects the tape from the player with a jovial lilt to her step. “You did amazing, Sakura-chan! This is peak cinema!”

Koyuki gave us a copy of the porno as a going-away present.

“If you say so, Shino-chan,” I say with a shrug.

“Imomushi-chan, find this man and start throwing money at him! He’s a genius; way ahead of his time. I want this guy to have a front-row seat during our next big orgy! Who knows what he’ll come up with?!?”

“At once, Mistress Shino-sama.”

“I should’ve known you’d be more excited about the porno director than the political connection of having an entire country in our debt,” I deadpan.

“Sakura-chan, this is even better than a sex tape! Koyuki-chan is going to be a household name when it gets out that a famous actress is now a political figure who does pornography in her spare time!” The manic glee finally fades from Shino’s face. “And she’s fucking Naruto-kun, which means we have her as long as we have Naruko-chan. It’ll be fairly simple nurturing a mutually beneficial relationship with the Land of Snow regardless—us sending them ninjas for missions while they give us technology in return. Speaking of… What else did you bring me?”

Right, back on track with the debriefing.

Kin-Kitty steps forward wearing her new suit of Chakra Armor. She looks great in the pale blue qipao dress with a hole cut in the back for her tail butt plug to poke through. Kin activates the mechanical wings, showing off her new cat-bat look, and summons a flock of Crystal Ice Swallows to do tricks in the air for our amusement. Her nekomimi ears twitch and flick as we clap.

Shino wolf-whistles for Kin-Kitty, who twirls happily in appreciation.

“The Land of Snow’s signature Chakra Armor is powered by a rechargeable crystal that stores the user’s energy. The battery creates a small barrier around the user and floods the contained area with chakra released from storage. This ambient cloud of pre-molded chakra both fuels and amplifies the user’s ninjutsu, allowing them to perform enhanced versions of their techniques. The barrier offers limited protection from ninjutsu, taijutsu, and genjutsu but, if it gets overwhelmed, the crystal will crack and need to be replaced. If two suits of Chakra Armor come into contact, they disastrously resonate and explode, so don’t do that. It also comes with a wrist-mounted wire launcher for quick gettaways.”

Fubuki stands there giving her report with a flat tone belying her nervousness and embarrassment.

“P-p-penguin! She looks like a penguin!” Shino exclaims excitedly.

Indeed, as soon as we got home, Tenten provided Fubuki with a new outfit. It’s a white crotchless leotard with a turtleneck and black sleeves that extend into evening gloves. Even with Fubuki’s lavender-pink hair, the overall effect most resembles a classic penguin. Tenten looks extremely proud of herself.

Hinata instantly glomps onto a very put-upon Fubuki and nuzzles into the former Snow ninja’s neck.

“W-we were able to recover one of the experimental Chakra Disruption Devices,” Fubuki continues while trying to maintain composure in the face of overwhelming Hyuga cuteness. “It’s reusable, but the Land of Snow lost the blueprints for this model during the fight, so it can’t be replaced.”

Shino nods. “Neato. Not a Kage-level suppression tool but should be able to shut down most Jonin. Yet another useful find. Great job, everyone!” Naruko and Kin preen at the praise. I can’t help doing so either, though I try not to be obvious about it. She continues, basically thinking aloud while summarizing the details of our haul to the others. “The Chakra Armor isn’t ideal for a close-combatant and this model has a Jonin-level limit to the chakra it can store and amplify. However, with the wings, it’s useful for long-range ninjutsu users to maintain distance while offering some minor protection. Having a connection with the Land of Snow will even allow us to repair it should the suit get damaged.

“Sadly, they’re not taking requests for additional suits, as they need them to support their undertrained, Genin-level defensive forces. Another minus is that the armor can’t be Amalgamated like clothes or basic ninja tools, although it can be stored in a scroll. Also, according to Sakura-chan’s report, Kin-Kitty was able to obtain multiple Jonin-level Ice Release ninjutsu. Overall, a very impressive haul.”

It feels awesome to excel in the field!

Shino continues, “I’m happy to see Fubuki-chan with us alive and well, but I’m not yet sure where to put her. Hmm, my ‘Ring’ of Amalgam users is going to get crowded very fast if I accept every Genin and Chunin-level kunoichi we defeat. We already have two superior Ice Release users… Okay, Fubuki-chan, how would you describe your sexuality?”

The lavender-pink-haired Snow kunoichi blinks in surprise. “You’re asking me my preference? Hmph, you’re more accommodating than I was led to believe. Well then, I’m a bisexual fujoshi. Might as well be proud of it now the secret is out.”

Our harem queen looks her up and down one more time. “I can help you fulfill that desire from time to time. Now, then, does anyone want to call ‘dibs’ before I give her to Kiba-kun?”

“I think this kitty deserves a treat,” Kin says while sauntering forward to wrap her arms around the sexy penguin girl.

“Any objections?” Shino asks.

“N-no,” Fubuki says with a shiver while Kin nibbles her ear. Fubuki doesn’t seem to hate her new place here.

“You’re welcome to join us on missions if you prove trustworthy, though I expect you to stay here at the Aburame clan estate otherwise. Too much risk of you getting taken in for questioning as a spy if I let you wander around.” Then Shino’s face melts into a lewd expression, “Now, come sit in your mistress’s lap, I have a very special task I need you to perform~” Fubuki’s eyes bulge as she spots Shino’s blue, insectoid cock growing painfully erect. “You’re going to bear me a Byakugan.”