Chapter 204 of 225

Chapter 31: Rush Hour

By ByzFan • 2,446 words • Code: NV-ahxkylH

---D-Day+195, Siesic 6th, Friday Lunch---

---Beiguang, Outskirts---

*clak* *whiny* *moo* *grumf*

We are surrounded. By people, by carts, wagons, horses, oxen, monsters, even palanquins. Holy shit. It's a wuxia traffic jam. The width has varied but here? Pavement's about fifty feet across. Couple cross streets back, it became one-way. Meaning four lanes all heading towards the capital. Really, really, slowly.

Except it's more like eight lanes worth. Spilling over into the cleared turf on both sides of the highway. Jesus, what a mess.

Soon after Beiguang came into sight, traffic skyrocketed. Piling on at intersections. Instead of just sharing the wide winding roadway with another caravan or two and a sprinkling of carts and riders? It's turned into LA at rush hour. Start stop. Start stop. Are we even going one mile an hour? And nobody's happy about it. Or shy.

"Were your ancestors turtles?!" "Those wheels are supposed to go round and round!" "How can undead be slower than dead?!"

Rickshaws and mounts weave around the bigger wagons. Pushing and shoving to squeeze through. Screaming obscenities at each other the whole time.

"Bad egg!" "Yellow woman!" "Son of bitch!" "Stupid melon!" "Dog fart!" "White face!" "Two!" "Pig head!" "Fuck your ancestors to the eighteenth generation!"

At least I think they're cussing. How is "two" a bad word? Should I be taking notes? And my undead are slower than dead? Now that's just hurtful. Plus, why are they brave enough to yell at me?

Yeah, I get it. None of these wagons have noble livery like the Lian's carriages did. But I've got actual undead here. Golems too. Some of the wagons are even made out of bones! Its scary shit. And aren't normal people afraid of cultivators?

"Move along! Move along!"

An authoritative voice draws my eyes upward. Floating a couple dozen feet up, is a shield. And standing on it is a lamellar armored warrior with a spear in his hands. Bow and saber on his hip.

Look down the line and see a couple other daoists circling the snout to tail congestion in the mile left before the city gates. Hovering over the cloud of dust and funk created by so many people and beasts in one place.

Wait… are those… xianxia traffic cops? But don't you need to be in the fifth realm to have enough mana to make an object fly? Hmm…

Li picks up on my confusion. "Those shields are enchanted, xingan." Oh, okay, that makes sense. "Daoists must be at least Foundation Establishers to ride them." China girl sneaks a dumpling into my mouth. "Only the elite of the capital guard may use them."

*chew*

Yum, good stuff. But they're still highway patrol. Maybe the fantasy china version of CHiPs? Erik Estrada, the cultivator.

You know, now that I think about it. There's been a few times when "commoners" should have run. Like the crowds watching that fight between the protag and young master outside the brothel. Or the fight between the protag, me and those thugs after the dock ambush.

So…

Once again Li detects my quandary. "Xingan, is something wrong?"

"Princess, shouldn't the non-cultivators be afraid of, well, cultivators?" She tilts her head. Clearly not getting it. "I mean, daoists. Can't daoists do whatever they want to do to little people?"

Younger sister looks shocked. "Oh no, Yuehan1Badun Yuehan is the yanese pronunciation of Barton John, we Tiang follow the imperial laws(fa). Promote virtue to prevent shame. Punishment(xing) is only for the selfish who harm the people."

"Um…" Something does not compute. Point my thumb behind me. "Didn't we kill, like, a dozen guys coming here?" That seems like a whole lot of harming to me.

China girl understands my uncertainty now. "Xingan, punishment requires confession. Which they had refused. And since I was not allowed to help them confess." Shrugs. "We could only restore balance through direct action." Smiles. "See?"

Nod my head outside, agreeing, while inside thinking, 'wow… that made zero fucking sense.' I've been wondering why we're not being chased or arrested. Is it some weird legal thing? Those last couple stops were strange as there wasn't a single shaoye in sight.

What can they really do though? I've fought a Nascent Souler before and survived.

Shit, did I ever talk about realms(dazung)? Don't remember. Okay, quick recap, as I understand it. The Immortal Way has nine "realms." First three are Body Refining(1st), Qi Gathering(2nd) and Foundation Establishment(3rd). Ninety plus out of a hundred "daoists" will be them.

Less than ten out of a hundred will break through the first heavenly tribulation to become "experts." Core Formation(4th), Spirit Condensing(5th) or Qi Realization(6th).

The last three are the "masters." Beating a second divine fuck you lets you reach Nascent Soul(7th), Body Transcending(8th) and Immortal Ascension(9th). According to Big Ji, only a couple out of a thousand might get that far.

Heavenly Tribulations are the gods way of saying "bad dog, sit!" And smacking you on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. Except, in this case, the daily gazette is lightning.

Though Ji says the trial can be anything. Depends on your weaknesses and fears. So I’m planning to develop a crippling fear of hot and easy women before trying to break through to Core Formation(Jiedan).

And I'm close. Feel like I've got a good understanding of the "three origins2essence to breath, breath to spirit, spirit to emptiness." Solidifying that comprehension into a dozen columns in my lower dantian.

Wanted to break through before meeting Li and Ji's royal dad. But the divine fuck you is not something you do in a crowd. They can cause significant collateral damage. So plenty of elbow room is recommended.

No shit.

Several ladies and I are sitting on our long haul wagon’s roof. Avoiding the stuffy inside of the carriage on this breezeless cloudless afternoon. In fact, that seems to be a common thing. I notice other coach's passengers doing the same.

*klang* *crak* *bam*

Follow her fair skinned finger to see a crowd forming a ring off to the side of the slow road to china. See a flash as a brown robed guy with a spear tries to puncture a white clothed dude carrying an ax.

Um… road rage?

"Tch." Li squints then clicks her tongue. "Those are disciples of Baiyinghui(White Eagle Society) and Yanhujiao(Rock Tiger Cult). They hate each other and are always fighting."

One of the wuxia patrol floats over but doesn't try to stop them. Leaving me perplexed again.

"So that's legal?"

Big Ji answers. "Un, dashi, those sects have a known feud."

"But what if the rubberneckers get hurt?" [Super Senses]4Cheat that enhances senses with mana. Can be one sense, like sight, or multiple senses at once. Let's MC see around, sometimes through, obstacles. Even see mana moving in someone else's body. Can be blocked. Using too much mana or for too long can damage the sense involved confirms there's only a couple daoists among the dozens ringing the magic kung fu fight. "Couldn't they die?"

Older sister answers again. "By choosing to remain they accept the risk." Rolls her palm. "And if there is an injury they may appeal to a magistrate for compensation."

Ah, that's right. Li paid each owner some coin for damages before we left. Well, when in Rome…

Crack my knuckles. "Alrighty then. Ladies, see anybody needin a whippin?" Beatin some ass helps time pass.

"As the water recedes, the rocks appear." Eh? A woman's voice is coming from a neighboring palanquin. "Should not a silingfashi behave better than a barbarian."

There is now a large litter beside us. Must have just gotten here? A fairly fancy one at that. With drawn black silk curtains keeping me from eyeing who's inside. Looks kind of gothic actually. The frame is built from bones. Yet the most surprising thing is what's carrying it.

Zombies.

Eight large male undead are supporting the palanquin on their shoulders. With visible stitches keeping their parts together. But there's no rotting flesh. No oozing pus. The pale bluish skin is actually very clean. And they wear black robes.

You can't see their faces though because each has a piece of paper covering most of it. A big post-it note with glowing characters written across. How do they even see where they’re going? All in all, pretty impressive. They don't even stink.

Both Li and Ji quickly stand, do the fist to palm thing and bow towards the litter. ""Shimei greets honored Shijie Shen6from Vol 4, Branch 6: Shen Ling."" The sisters say in stereo.

Senior sister?

Can almost hear her making the same motion. Just almost though. Her curtains are blocking [Super Senses] somehow. “Shijie greets diligent Shimei Tiang Ji and Shimei Tiang Li.” A pause. “Congratulations on saving your sister, Gongzhu Li.”

*clack…clack*

The line continues its glacial creep forwards. Christ, think I saw a snail pass us.

"You praise me overly, Shijie Shen." Li smiles at me. "For it was my xingan who saved Gongzhu Ji. Not this unworthy one."

Big Ji blushes but Shen scoffs.

"Hmph. Lao Baiyu7Name: Jingi Baiyu | Jon's Harem: Ex-mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Yanese | Height: 5’8” | Age: 300* | Eyes: Green | Hair: Black(Long Straight Pinned) | Skin: White | Face: Oblong | Breasts: C-cup | Body: Inverted Triangular(Firm) | Butt: V-shaped(Tight) | Profession: Master Daoist(Mithral) | Spirit Root: Earth/Water(double) | Weapon: Jian/Sword(mst), Longbow(adv) | Daoist: Yuanying(Nascent Soul) Chuqi(Early-stage) | Status: Core Elder(Beyulongong), Leader(Xinulongzu), Li Zexi Tiang(Disciple), Ganyue Luo(Disciple), Xinyue Luo(Disciple) | Nicknames: Jin, Kungfu-queen, Superwoman told shimu about your junfei8Gentleman consort, monarchal concubine, 君妃, word made up by Baiyu Jingi, Li's shimu, to embarrass her. But she's grown to like it." Wow, that's a lot of scorn. And now china girl's cheeks are pink. “That a daughter of the imperial dragon would lay with a dual-cultivator. Your ancestors must be shedding tears like rain.”

My chinese princess locks up. Older sister is stunned too by the insult. "Sh-shi-" Li stutters but I ain't having it.

"Hey, bitch." Hear a gasp from behind the dark drapes. "If you don't have anything nice to say? Fuck off!"

Actually see the palanquin shaking. "You dare address me with so little respect?!" An icy wind blasts towards me. But is stopped cold, hehe, by a different chill.

The chill of the grave.

*crackle*

Unleash my aura and it slams into hers. Keeping it from reaching the wagons. Cracks form in the air between us as our qi battles for dominance.

*crunch* *crunch* *clip* *clop*

But I am not alone.

Within my aura everything becomes shadowy. As if beneath a tall tree. Even under this noonday sun with no such object nearby to create such a deep shade.

Every driver, servant, guard and beast nearby freezes. Not from the cold. But from feeling that even the slightest move, will draw death's gaze.

A golem steps forward. Forcing its way into her aura as Drabek on a barded skeletal steed trots around the front of our caravan. A drawn longsword glowing sickly green in his grip. My warbot lifts its arm as a scorching blade extends with a snap.

*shing*

"Halt!" Shit. "Restrain your auras at once!" Look up to see three wuxia state troopers floating overhead.

Crap, it's the fuzz. Okay, which excuse to use? Hmm… Wife in the hospital delivering a baby? Nah. Late for a job interview at the orphanage? No. Donating blood to save anemic puppies? Maybe. Heading to your house to fuck your wife before your shift ends? Better, but they probably hear that one all the time.

Oh well, all I can do is handle this maturely. Come on buddy. Visualize. Be the adult.

Point at the spooky litter. "She started it!"

Perfection.

Both our auras pull back. Letting some bystanders collapse. Exhausted from the unleashed cultivation's pressure on them.

Another xianxia trooper speaks. "All duels must move to the side of the highway."

Necrobitch speaks again. "That will not be necessary, brother daoist." Her attention turns back our way. "I apologize for my unsightly behavior. Shuangxiu9dual-cultivation took everything from me. Tiang Li, incense will be burnt and prayers spoken at the First Emperor's shrine. For you to return to your senses. Before it is too late."

Without another word her zombies start pushing forward. Squeezing around other wagons and carts. Before long, lost to sight within the dust and mess of fantasy china humanity.

The other two shield boys float off but Asian Estrada ain't done with us yet. Can practically feel his eyes roving over my women. You know, killing him would be bad. But stomping him into a bloody paste should be fine, right?

He hovers lower. "I need to review your… documents. Um… Individually. One of your wagons should do-"

"Heeeelllp!"

A screaming halfling interrupts the about to be severely injured douchebag. Desperately holding on to the neck of a saddled ostrich looking monster as it sprints by like a bat out of hell.

Super trooper spins around to stare after the fleeing foul. And I swear I hear him say, before he zips off chasing it.

"Mother of God."

But maybe that was just my imagination.

Huh, convenient. Well, glad he didn't find my stash. That, uh, I absolutely do not have.

*sniff*

Fuck, Li's crying. Scoop her into one arm, Ji into the other, and flip down inside the carriage. Where we snuggle as they sob. Senior sister's hostility really caught them off guard.

Shen bitch? Welcome to my shit list.