Chapter 30: Travel Montage

---D-Day+180, Goridine 23rd, Saturday Afternoon---

---Eastern Yangxu---

*clipclop* *clakclak* *thunthun*

Fields of wheat crawl by as I stare numbly out the square carriage window. Occasionally a tree appears. Stubbornly standing up to the monotony of the plains. Good for you, tree.

Oh my god. I am soo booorred.

Meeting up with the caddies, skellies and golems was totally anticlimactic. Was really expecting an ambush. I mean, there was an ambush. The clanners were just dead by the time we got there.

Agrag1Name: AGRAG(Autonomous Golemancy Research Assistant Golem) | Persona: Male | Race: Golem | Culture: Tourinese | Profession: Golem Maker(Steel) | Nicknames: Agrag, Roboto, Robotman was happy to see me again. And he's resumed my tutoring on Golemancy. Thought about raising the corpses but I was in a hurry and they weren't impressive. So just booby trapped them and moved on.

One hundred undead skeletons, Drabek2Name: Drabek | Persona: Male | Race: Skeletal Undead | Culture: Tourinese | Profession: Death Knight(Silver) | Nicknames: Skullie the death knight, ten war golems, Agrag the golem maker and fourteen wagons. No biggie. We brought horses and drivers for them.

We’ve left the coastal hills behind as we head deeper into Yangxu. Now it's not really all grain as far as the eye can see. But it certainly feels that way. Twenty-six wagons rolling across a landscape even duller than North Dakota.

Sigh…

"Jon-kun?” Hitomi3Name: Hitomi Barton | Jon's Harem: 4th Wife | Gender: Female | Race: Human-Elf | Culture: Japanese | Height: 5’2” | Age: 16 | Eyes: Amber | Hair: Black(Short spiky) | Skin: Dark Gray | Face: Inverted Triangle | Ears: Pointed(Long Swept back) | Breasts: D-cup(Archtypal) | Body: Inverted Triangle(Firm) | Butt: V-shaped(Small) | Profession: Thief Hero(Gold) | Magic School: Dark(mst) | Weapon: Shortsword(adv), Dagger(adv), Shortbow(adv) | Daoist: Juqi(Qi Gathering) Zhongqi(Middle-stage) | Status: Ritual summoning, Transmigration(Body), Shadow Mistress(Aquecian hero), Kojiro Tsutsumi(Ex-boyfriend) | Formerly: Hitomi Chigusa | Nicknames: Ninja-wife, JK girl, Japanese high schooler, Thief-hero, Ninja otaku, Ninja girl, Shinobi girl, my half-japanese half-dark-elf ninja-wife, who's snuggled into my side, looks up and asks. “Yen for your thoughts?"

"Travel montage."

"Eh?"

"You know, the scene where they show bits of the journey to create the impression of time and distance passing?"

"Oh, right." She cutely pulls on a pointy ear. "So… what should be in this montage?"

"A food scene probably." I answer. "But should it be in one of these village inns or by a campfire?"

"Inn, definitely inn." Shinobi girl confidently nods.

Squint. "Why?"

"Campfire has to be you and Cheri4Cherry red yamaha electric six-string guitar brought with Saint Sanriel Pearimon(Sayo Kashiwa) when she was summoned. Turned into a legendary magic item."

Can see that. "True, but which song?"

"Ey up luv." Lizzy5Name: Elizabeth Carter | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: British(Yorkshire) | Height: 5’4” | Age: 16* | Eyes: Green | Hair: Blue(Short Curly) | Skin: White | Face: Round | Breasts: C-cup(Archtypal) | Body: Spoon(Slim) | Butt: Heart(Small) | Profession: Noblewoman(Copper) | Magic School: Water(int) | Weapon: Dagger(bsc), Crossbow(bsc) | Daoist: Lianti(Body Refining) Chuqi(Early-stage) | Status: Accidental summoning, Transmigration(Spirit), Herre(Baron) Lehne of Vehberg(Father) | Formerly: Helena Lehne(Lustonia) | Nicknames: Lizzy, Otome girl chimes in. "Don't them have a song playing in the back the whole time?" Her accent gets worse the safer she feels. Means that's a good thing. Probably.

"Shit, that's right. So which…" My eyes meet Hitomi's as we shout in stereo.

""Muppet Movie!""

♪C, G+, G, C, C, F7, D7, F, G7♪

♫Movin’ right along in search of good times and good news. With good friends you can’t lose.6https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6NQcO9KTBY♫

Hitomi jumps in. ♫This could become a habit.♫

Sweet! She actually knows the lines. Second verse!

…

Frazur7Name: Frazur | Persona: Male | Race: Shadow Dragon(Black Imperial) | Culture: Draconic | Profession: Adult Dragon(Mithral) | Formerly: Frazurrarth | Nicknames: Lizard lips, my shadow dragon, is being stubborn.

~I refuse.~

"Come on, senpai, it'll be so cool." But Hitomi's not giving up. "Please…" Batting eyelashes at the dog size undead winged lizard in her lap.

~You look dumb doing that. And I said no.~

Better help out.

"Go ahead, Frazur. Consider it… an apology for almost eating her at Lions Keep." See? I wore my smarty pants today.

~Fine archon…~ How does a fleshless dragon skull look so expressive? ~My own fault for not biting you in two when I had the opportunity.~ Gives ninja-wife a dirty look. ~What are you humbly begging me to accomplish?~

My half-dark-elf half-japanese high schooler ignores the condescending lizard and gets a big ol smile on her face. "Okay, here's what you do."

Short while later.

A Big Bird size undead dragon is walking, on two legs, along the road as a wagon approaches. He's carrying a suitcase. I have no idea where he got it from.

"Whoa…" Hitomi pulls on the reins and the Lubei lumbers to a stop. "Hey there, wanna lift?" She asks.

~No, thank you.~ Sigh. ~I am proceeding to New York Town to smash into civil television.~

Crickets.

"Pffft." Thief-hero can't hold it in anymore. "Hahahaha!!!"

Okay, JK girl was right, that was a little funny. "Thank you, Frazur." I say from the other side of my fourth wife. Who falls out of the wagon, laughing her ass off.

…

"Come with this shao.” Silkpants shows his most handsome smile. “My divine sword will carry you to heaven."

Ugh.

We are in an inn by this town's main gates. Thick brick walls surround yet another trading/farming community beside the royal highway.

It's the typical restaurant scene from an old kung fu movie. There are two floors to this establishment. Ground floor is planks with wood columns and furniture. "Lots of browns" would be a good description. Red and green banners hang from the ceiling. Various proverbs and blessings sewn into them.

The second level is more balcony than floor. Ringed with tables that look down on the central stage in the middle of the ground floor. Where musicians and dancers perform. The smells of incense and cooked food complement each other. Gotta give the owner props. Your mouth is watering before the food even shows up.

But this is only half the building. The back half is where the rooms are. Simple but clean rooms for weary travelers. With a large stable outside. This business caters to traffic spending the night as well as those just stopping for a meal. And since there’s a town or village every few li8Around a third of a mile. Competition for customers is fierce.

Our caravan is camped outside the walls. And I'm not dressed in silk robes right now. Nope, just a simple linen outfit. My ladies have also dressed down. Making me look more like a younger brother traveling with sisters and friends than a wealthy lover.

Yes, this is totally a trap. Don't even have the entire harem here. Just Li, Ji, Frankie9Name: Ushinua Barton | Jon's Harem: 2nd Wife | Gender: Female | Race: Human-Elf | Culture: Tourinese | Height: 5’0” | Age: 18 | Eyes: Purple | Hair: White(Long Straight) | Skin: Dark Gray | Face: Heart | Ears: Pointed(Long Swept out) | Breasts: G-cup(Round) | Body: Hourglass(Slim) | Butt: Round(Large) | Profession: Godbeast Priestess(Silver) | Magic School: Air(int), Water(adv), Dark(mst) | Weapon: Mace(int), Wand(int) | Daoist: Juqi(Qi Gathering) Chuqi(Early-stage) | Formerly: Avalina Faphyri Angelles, Royal Princess(Tourin), Oracle(Metia) | Nicknames: Frankie, Priest-wife, Ushi, Hitomi and Lili. So of course the local young masters are circling like sharks. The most arrogant, of course, making the first move.

No, this was not my idea. The girls got together and schemed this, well, scheme. Naturally as a settlement along the royal highway they are each dominated by a branch or vassal family of the "big" clans. Many of their leaders and heirs, members of the Shaoyeshe10Young Masters Club.

Making them targets of Li's ire.

"You should leave, shao." I, at least, warn the guy. Not bothering to look up from my surprisingly good noodle soup. Of course I don't really give a fuck. Another corpse on the pile doesn't bother me none.  But I believe in giving people a chance.

The fancily robed young master and his cronies click their tongues. Apparently unimpressed by my advice.

"How dare you not speak properly, peasant. Can you not see Mount Tai?" The shao waves dismissively. "Believe you are the first commoners this lord has harvested?” Sweeps a fan, “Be happy you have brought these beauties to me and count it as the greatest moment of your miserable simple life."

Alright, I warned him.

Get up from the crowded table and walk towards the young master. He and his crew point, laugh and snicker. Probably expecting me to drop and beg them to spare his sisters, fiance, childhood friend, whatever.

*slap*

Instantly, the hall goes silent. Even the musicians and dancers stop. Shocked to see the cheaply dressed transient strike a noble across the face. None are more stunned than that noble himself. Who blinks several times before finally realizing what’s happened.

“Y-yo-you dare?!” A saber sheathed at his hip is drawn. “I will gut-”

*SLAP*

My right hand comes back around. Backhanding his right cheek this time. Harder. Making the young master stumble back. Clearly confused that he could be struck at all. Let alone hurt by a simple commoner. Swear his face turns purple as he points his curved sword my way and screeches.

“KILL HIM!”

The screaming wakes up his flabbergasted posse and they charge me. Pulling out their own blades.

*klang* "Aiyee!" *chulch* "Augh!"

Right into the weapons of my babes. Who lept to intercept them.

*crash* *smash*

The brawl quickly devolves into a free for all as others get involved. Settling scores, getting in cheap shots or just being assholes. Furniture flies. Common folk run. Employees panic.

Cry havoc! And let slip the dogs of war.

[Fist of Scales]

*Bam!*

The first realm Yulongyan11Jade Dragon Flame. Unarmed martial art created by the First Emperor.  Focuses on strikes and takedowns using punches, hands, kicks, feet, and sweeps technique powers my left fist into the young master's gut. Blasting him backwards through a thick timber pillar. Ending up a bloody pulverized mess in the ruins of a table.

*cough* *cough*

Huh, he's still alive.

*shing*

Tormentor springs out from under my oversized gray linen tunic. Hilt landing in my right hand. Flames excitedly lick the black and red steel. Yeah, I said excitedly.

As “legendary” magic items, super swords, both my infernal longsword and divine rapier have their own mana pools. Not needing to be fed mana by a wielder to activate aspects12magical effects.

They also have their own "wills." But not really "minds." Just wanting to stab and slash. I’ve noticed though, as time goes on, that their personalities are becoming more, well, complex. Or maybe it's just my imagination.

Not sure how I'd feel about waking up to a talking sword one day. I mean, what if it's an asshole? And sounds like Stewie from Family Guy.

"Hey! Are you gonna polish me or what?! I can feel the rust crawling on me."

Or a pervert.

"Ooh, yeah, rub that oil in deep. Spread it up and down my long hard-" *splurt* "What? No. I don't know where that came from. You must have spilled something. Don't look at me!"

No thanks, I'll pass.

Stroll towards the shaoye through flying bodies, swinging blades and flashy techniques. See him put a pill into his mouth. Must be a healing pill because the wounds start closing. Bleeding stops. Swelling goes down.

Mister young master's eyes bulge when he sees me and Tormentor's burning blade. Shakily points.

"A tiger wearing sheepskin. I know what you are, assassin!" His eyes search frantically for allies but find none. Some of our guards are getting a bonus to help keep the chaos going. So his crew is busy. "Wa-wait!" Crawls backward. "You can't kill me! Do you know who I am?" Panicking. "I… I can pay! Gold taels! Qi Crystals! Women! Anything! Wh-what do you want?!"

Remember an old favorite. Hope it comes across well enough in yanese. “Shao, some men can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with.” Only a couple steps away now. “Some men… just want to watch the world burn.”

[Star Slash]

…

"Come on, please." She's batting her eyelashes again.

*stare*

Tries again. "It'll be so cool!"

*stare*

"Honey?" Hitomi turns my way. Sweetly asking for help.

I reply sincerely. "Hitomi, dear, I don't think Drabek will make a good Doctor Teeth."

"But… look at all those teeth!" Ninja-wife points at the Death Knight's impressive chompers.

Can't really disagree. "Well, yeah, he's a skeleton."

"Already got hairy guy to agree to be Animal." Japanese high schooler whinily nods at the hairiest mercenary I've ever seen. Seriously, is he part Bigfoot? Gooney goo goo? “But I still need a Doctor Teeth for the scene.”

"Sorry, sexy, I don't think it's happening."

"Chikushou." My part dark elf crosses her arms and pouts. Even stamps a foot. Somehow she makes it cute and lewd at the same time.

"Hitomi, why do you know the Muppet Movie so well?" I'm curious.

Ninja-wife smiles. "Okaasan loved the show." Nostalgic. “We would watch the movie and sing the songs together.”

And she complains about me liking old films.

*eyeroll*

…

Another town. Another inn.

“How much for the little girl?” A heavily perfumed young master is leaning over my shoulder. “The women. How much for the women?”

*slap*

…

*shlop* *quiver* *schlop* *swack* *slop*

“Ah♡” “Ah♡” “Gu♡”

Her head and shoulders are pressed back flat against the wagon’s cushions under me. But Mel’s13Name: Melicent Chastel | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Tourinese | Height: 5’4” | Age: 48 | Eyes: Black | Hair: Blonde(Long Curly) | Skin: Fair | Face: Inverted Triangle | Breasts: E-cup(Relaxed) | Body: Triangular(Curvy) | Butt: Round(Large) | Profession: Noblewoman(Iron) | Magic School: Water(bsc) | Weapon: Dagger(int) | Daoist: Lianti(Body Refining) Chuqi(Early-stage) | Status: Alote Barton(daughter) | Formerly: Duchess of Trosseria(Tourin) | Nicknames: Mel, Mommy duke honey hole is up in the air at the end of a curved back. Bent knees next to bouncing E-cup breasts. Ankles pinned beside mommy duke’s ears by my strong sweaty hands.

*schlup* *spasm* *jiggle*

“Ooh♡” “NNG♡”

My rod rams down into her sloppy burrow over and over. Mating press pile driving faster and faster. A lust drunk flushed face looks up at me. Black eyes shake as another climax ripples through that voluptuous body. Recovering, her lower mouth grips my cock tight.

“B-beloved! Mark m-me! Cl-claim me!”

*kasplurt*

…

And another town.

“Begone boy, these women belong to me now-”

*Slap*

…

Night. Under a starry sky. Within a circle of carriages. Next to a campfire. Milti14Name: Miltinnia Alnus | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Aquecian | Height: 5’1” | Age: 16* | Eyes: Gray | Hair: Gray(Short Curly) | Skin: Light Brown | Face: Rectangular | Breasts: D-cup(Conical) | Body: Spoon(Slim) | Butt: V-shaped(Large) | Profession: Thief(Iron) | Magic School: Light(int) | Weapon: Shortsword(int), Dagger(bsc), Crossbow(bsc) | Daoist: Lianti(Body Refining) Chuqi(Early-stage) | Status: Merchant Apprentice(Moderca Trade Company), Half-Dead(Juri) | Formerly: Amputee(Legs) | Nicknames: Milti, Ex-wheelie, Wheelchair girl, Wheelchair giggles as she spoon feeds me stew. Messily. While a more brawn than brains monster slowly turns and roasts on a spit over the flames. In my hands Cheri sparkles as I tune her.

“Play for us, dearest, please.” Isa15Name: Isabeau Manel Angelles | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Tourinese | Height: 5’1” | Age: 16* | Eyes: Blue | Hair: Blonde(Short Curly) | Skin: Pale | Face: Round | Breasts: C-cup(Round) | Body: Triangular(Thin) | Butt: V-shaped(Small) | Profession: Archer(Iron) | Magic School: Fire(bsc) | Weapon: Dagger(int), Shortbow(adv) | Daoist: Lianti(Body Refining) Chuqi(Early-stage) | Status: Royal Princess(Tourin), Ymanie Baramont(Girlfriend) | Formerly: Manaless | Nicknames: Isa, Princess, Heinieness, Dynamic duo cutely pleads.

Smile at her. “Sure.” Ponder. “You know, it's been a while since I played this but…” Look up at the stars and wonder if Earth is next to one of them. “This feels like the right time to play it again.”

♪G, D7, G, A♪

♫This looks familiar, vaguely familiar. Almost unreal, yet, it's too soon to feel yet. Close to my soul, and yet so far away…16https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gsQ9PZDgG0♫

…

And another inn.

“You ladies will look good on this shao’s-”

*SLAP*

…

Finally, after two weeks, the plains become hillier. There’s more trees and less grass. More sheep and less wheat. Can feel an incline as the convoy begins climbing up out of the flatlands.

Li’s grinning. “Xingan17Heart and liver. Someone very precious that you feel you can't live without! See it? Beiguang!”

Jump on top of the coach with her and gaze at the horizon. Mana enhances my eyesight and zooms in. Imposing walls taller than Chenghai’s. An entrance and approach lined with statues of mythical creatures. Well, probably all real in this world. Beyond the ramparts, pagodas stretch upwards like xianxia skyscrapers.

Pretty fucking impressive.

Hitomi hops up. She makes a camera shape with her hands, closes one eye, and faces me. “Travel montage, end scene.”

*click*