Chapter 32: Xianxia VRBO
---D-Day+195, Siesic 6th, Friday Night---
---Beiguang, Lanyun Palace---
*thunthun*
The night sky is clear, hot, and we're not long after the new phase for both moons. So the two are only waxing slivers. Beneath this incredible sea of stars lies a sprawling oriental palace. No, this is not the imperial palace. Instead it is a "guest" one. One of several built for visiting VIPs.
*krach*
On a large plaza in the center of the complex stands a hundred skeletons1material undead in a square ten by ten formation. Some with mounts. Next to them is a row of ten golems. Beside these warbots is another ten by ten. This one of living shadows2hybrid undead, part astral part material. And lastly a square formation of one hundred ghosts3astral undead.
*thunthun*
I've been experimenting with my creations a lot over the last few months. Trying to make them stronger. Managed to raise many up a rank or two, according to the adventurer guild’s scale. Even the weakest here, Bronze, would be considered Foundation Establishment on the daoist scale.
Kinda sorta. The cultivation and guild scales don’t really line up one to one.
*krach*
These are my elites. Finest of my legions. And in front of them? Their champions.
Rowl4Name: Rowl | Persona: Male | Race: Living Shadow(Human) | Culture: Caladoran | Profession: Shadow Champion(Gold) | Companions: Alfek(Shadow Hound), Orsa(Shadow Hound) | Formerly: Royal Knight Captain(Calador), Royal Champion(Calador), once the royal knight captain of a long fallen kingdom. Raised by a vengeful necromancer and accompanied by his loyal hounds Alfek and Orsa in undeath.
Alex5Name: Alex | Persona: Male | Race: Living Shadow(Human) | Culture: Tourinese | Profession: Shadow Inquisitor(Silver) | Formerly: Alexo Richall, High Inquisitor(Metian Inquisition), the goddess Metia’s high inquisitor. Who interrogated and tortured to root out heresy and blasphemy. Until he took the lives of those important to me. So I claimed his soul, and those of his subordinates, as payment.
Yodo6Name: Yodo | Persona: Male | Race: Living Shadow(Wolfman) | Culture: Tourinese | Profession: Shadow Assassin(Silver) | Status: Mistu(wife), Juri(daughter) | Formerly: Holy Assassin(Metia) and Mitsu7Name: Mitsu | Persona: Female | Race: Living Shadow(Batwoman) | Culture: Tourinese | Profession: Shadow Assassin(Silver) | Status: Yodo(husband), Juri(daughter) | Formerly: Holy Assassin(Metia), formerly Metia’s part demon assassins. Their mothers fouled by demonkin and cursed, from then on, to birth only tainted offspring. Going to the church seeking safety and salvation. They found only slavery and exploitation. Bred over and over to create a hidden inhuman army for the faith.
Ferra8Name: Ferra | Persona: Female | Race: Living Shadow(Human) | Culture: Tourinese | Profession: Shadow Oracle(Silver) | Magic School: Dark(adv), Fire(int) | Status: Blessing(wings), Half-dead(Simone Barton) | Formerly: Ferrani Albellac, Oracle(Metia) and Margo9Name: Margo | Persona: Female | Race: Living Shadow(Human) | Culture: Tourinese | Profession: Shadow Oracle(Silver) | Magic School: Dark(adv), Earth(int) | Status: Blessing(wings), Half-dead(Odaline Barton) | Formerly: Margaritte Polaril, Oracle(Metia), once two of the goddess’s oracles. The elite of her priesthood. Trained as much for the bedroom as the throne room. Their skills kept the Tourinese aristocracy loyal to, or at least friendly with, the church.
Lyrwel10Name: Lyrwel | Persona: Female | Race: Ghost Spirit(Gnome) | Culture: Granyan | Profession: Banshee(Steel) | Formerly: Lyrwel Fnepper, Minstrel, one of the twisted Count Gilend's many victims. Who bore him such ill will after death that she turned into a wraith. Haunting his dungeon. Offering herself to me during my purge of House Gilend.
Drabek, my first creation of true unlife. His Frankensteinian soul having no intact memories of "life." With a skeleton made from the bones of my enemies and elevated, through my experiments, to death knight.
Xuthik11Name: Xuthik | Persona: Male | Race: Undead Skeleton(Elf) | Profession: Death Mage(Silver) | Magic School: Dark(adv), the death mage. Tinkering with raised skeletons eventually created a cadre of bone mages. This undead wizard is very skilled in dark magic, especially necromancy.
I left most of my living impaired servants with Val12Name: Valaine | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Vampire(Human) | Culture: Tourinese | Height: 4’2” | Age: 100* | Eyes: Red | Hair: Black(Short Curly) | Skin: White | Face: Heart | Breasts: B-cup(Archtypal) | Body: Rectangular(Thin) | Butt: Heart(Tight) | Profession: Noble Vampire(Steel) | Status: Blessing(sun) | Formerly: Vala, Helmo Alvingham(master, deceased) | Nicknames: Val, Loli vampire, Littlest vampire, the loli vampire, back in Tourin. Helping her create a bastion and take revenge against the church for destroying her creator’s clan.
Point at the warbots. *thunthun*
And in front of these champions? I be. With Cheri in my hands. Been a long trip and need some “me” time.
Point at the skellies. *krach*
The golems stomp their feet. *thunthun* The skeletons smack the butt of their pikes on the ground. *krach*
*thunthun*
*krach*
*thunthun* *krach*
Good, good. Channel my inner Freddie…
♫Buddy you’re a boy, make a big noise playing in the street, gonna be a big man someday!13https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJYN-eG1zk♫
Brian time.
♪C, C, E, C, G♪
Fuck yeah!
What is it about music that can make it such a rush? A natural high.
Wave my hands. Stopping the skellies and warbots. Damn, that was awesome. Next!
♪Cm, Eb, F, Fm♪
♫I’ve paid my dues~ Time after time~ I’ve done my sentence. But committed no crime~14https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04854XqcfCY♫
""We are the champions~! Of the world~!""
Hitomi, Lizzy and some other haremites help me with the chorus. They’ve started to sing along with me. Especially on the catchier tunes. I'll even hear them humming later.
Liking my music makes me feel connected to these women above and beyond the cheat rings and dual-cultivation. Or it's another sign of Stockholm Syndrome, but I'll take what I can get.
Huh? Oh, yeah, we finally got through the gates after a couple more hours. And let me tell ya. Beiguang and Chenghai are very different cities.
The port's walls were impressive. But the capital's on a whole other level. Like Chenghai’s the outside is angled. Has an incline. A noticeable slope. Not like the medieval Europe style vertical walls back in Tourin. But Beiguang's are so fucking thick there is an actual road on top of them. You can even see carts going back and forth.
And the towers? Stupid big too. Some look more like apartment buildings than towers. Don't get it myself. Are all those windows for archers?
Tried to send my shadows for a closer look but the ramparts are heavily warded. Or, is it, "arrayed?" Well, whatever the fantasy china version is called. These fortifications are covered with them.
And where Yangxu's biggest port was hilly with roads winding about? The emperor’s city is pretty flat with laser straight roads. Plus the chaos of Chenghai is replaced with a much more orderly atmosphere.
The harbor town had a commercial and industrial vibe to it. While this plateau community is heavily governmental and militarized. Armed and armored patrols are a regular sight. As are bureaucrats going from one office to another.
It's also a no fly zone. Except for more shield boys and some soldiers on flying monsters. Though the friendly tameable versions are called Lingshou (灵兽) "spirit beasts." By the by, the untameable hostile monsters are usually called Moshou (魔兽) magical beasts or Yaoshou (妖兽) demonic beasts.
Now that's not to say there are no civvies. There are. Tons of them. But the multiracial population of Chenghai takes a nosedive while the bestiary skyrockets. The crowd in Beiguang is almost entirely "human" but there are lots more creatures. One guy is riding some giant oriental lion. Another has a big deer looking thing. And there's a cart being pulled by a huge beetle.
Of course everyone is dressed like they walked right out of a xianxia webnovel. Robes. Lots and lots of robes. High cut, low cut, short, long, one piece, two piece, three piece, simple, layered, pleated, sewn, stenciled, emblazoned, etc, etc… All different sorts of colors too. Enough to make a rainbow of skittles jealous.
The buildings are, uh, amazinger too. The port city had a very rebuilt and messy look. Look closely and you could see layers of architectural history. But this place? Everything appears new, neat and orderly. Now this town is only centuries old compared to Chenghai’s millenia. But that's still hundreds of years.
There are also a lot more pagodas here. Downtown Beiguang is like wuxia skyscraper central. Well, not really skyscrapers but several blocks with hexagonal and octagonal towers two to three dozen stories tall is a treat for any xianxia fan's eyes.
I wanted to take my time. Enjoy the sights. But, of course, they were waiting for us at the gates. More imperial guard types looking for my chinese princess.
Was ready to road rage after that traffic jam but Little Li said these henchmen belong to the royal prince. Who is her mom's enemy. And they only half heartedly tried to get china girl to leave me before giving up and escorting us all to the VRBO.
We spent the next couple hours going through the capital's maze of streets. Dropping off the guards, servants and extra wagons along the way. Finally ended up in a posh neighborhood. No pagodas but lots of palaces. Super-siheyuan.
Pulled up to see, like, a hundred plus servants waiting for us. Dozens of guards too. And, I shit you not, they're all women. No grannies either. Even the oldest are just milfs. A fact that did not please some of my females. Princess Li was particularly grumbly about it. Saying this must be the prince's idea. Bet brother's going to get an ear full when they meet.
Wha?
Duh, of course I fucked them. Well, not all of them yet. I may, basically, be Saint Gigolo now but even I have some restraint… Pfft, yeah, okay okay, that was funny, but seriously. *seriousface* There's only so many hours in the day.
Spent the evening humping my ladies, and the locals, anywhere and everywhere in this mansion. So intoxicating to just stroll up to a hottie in uniform and start kissing. Then fondling. And have her want it even more than you do.
It's good to be the king.
Mentioned before that the yanese are very anti-pda, public displays of affection. Even holding hands can make the censors whip out the NC-17 stamp.
So taking an oriental maid in the middle of a hallway? With her blushing coworkers nearby? An armored fantasy china chick on top of a wall? As a pair of curious armed babes passes by? Feels extra naughty. This is a pervert palace paradise. Grinding, licking, sticking-
Better stop. My penis can only get so erect.
*ahem*
You know, it's liberating to move past the guilt and pokemon trainer mindset. Feeling obligated to take care of them. Protective. Possessive. And what did that get me? Over a dozen women dragged across an ocean to a very foreign land. Socially and culturally isolating them just as much as I've been since day one.
Sigh… gotta fuck smarter, not harder.
Um, for some reason that doesn’t sound right.
Well, whatever, and while this body may be, uh, seventeen? The soul inside it is a hell of a lot older. Meaning my fishing should be green, uh, friendlier? Less tag and bag. More catch and release.
What? No, no no, still shooting blanks. I’m not that much of an asshole. Thank god. Just a narcissist. Who has way too many women feeding his ego. My head, either one, swells up much more? And I'll float off to the playboy mansion in the sky.
So after the humpathon and short Queen set? Collapsed into a big ass bed and let my harem spoil me even more. While I wait for the FBI and ATF raid to show up.
Wake up the next day not to circling choppers and suspiciously heavily armed door to door salesmen peddling search warrants. But tingling spidey senses instead.
Hmm… There is a disturbance in the force.
Where… ah, main hall, two floors down. A barrier? Oh, Li and Ji are inside it talking to someone. But they’re muffled. Blurry. Let’s see… some mana here. Some qi there. Tweak a little and…
"...father was a frog in a well, sister?"
Got it!
Whoa, Jesus, that guy practically screams "villain." Acts smooth. Like he's got it all figured out and everyone else are just bugs. Guy is handsome too but it's an evil handsome. Eeevil! Definitely a boss type. Maybe even an… antagonist? Well I’ve met three xianxia protagonists, I think, so far. About time I meet one of the main bad guys.
And holy shit thems some fancy silk robes. Lots of embroidery too.
"Did anyone else support me, brother? Support jiejie?" Uhoh, Li's pissed. "Xingan has. What man proposes heaven disposes, royal brother. I will not let anyone separate us. Not even royal father." Shit, better get down there.
The guy wearing white and black silks clicks his tongue. "Tch. And the word for sex has a knife in it. You sound like a dual-cultivator's brainwashed victim. Not a Tiang princess, sister." Shakes his head. "Which only helps your mother's claims."
The three are sitting around a small table in the large columned chamber. Drinking tea using a blue porcelain set and surrounded by servants and guards. Guess the prince brought these guys because they're all dudes. Must be his cronies?
Ji, who is acting much more reserved than her angry sister asks. "Royal brother, do you believe we have been turned into human cauldrons?"
Dude opens a fan and flicks it. "Does it matter what I think?" Rolls his eyes at Ji's sincere expression. "Fine, no I do not. Most demonic dual-cultivation arts drain the target's cultivation. While yours have risen."
"See?" China girl feels vindicated. "I told mother that-"
*clack*
Royal brother's hand fan snapping closed interrupts her. "Though the darkest shuangxiu raise the victim's cultivation first. Just to plunder it all at once later." An evil smirk. "Devouring arts."
Both sisters shudder. “So?” Li recovers first and fires back. “Have you satisfied your curiosity?”
Her brother shrugs. "Somewhat." Takes a sip. "Every one of their cultivations increased and those with old injuries were healed." Huh? "Even those with damaged meridians and dantians."
Wait…
Oh, you mother fucker! Well, yeah, I may have used [Recovery Magic] on a, uh, few of them. Hey! I was in sage mode. Those were some good nuts and post-nut clarity makes it easy to sense if they have, you know, problems.
Maids are panicking. Trying to wash and dress me as I stomp out of the rental we are so not getting the deposit back for.
A little [Needle of Wangmu] here. Some [Hand of Yaoshih] there. Add a dash of [Focused Purification]. Pinch of [Chiron's Fingers] and presto! Good as new.
Honestly? No, didn't even occur to me that it was a test. Most of the ladies I meet have old “damage.” God, there was this sorceress girl, Isa I think, actually had an arrowhead in her. The healers weren't able to get it out so they just closed her up and hoped for the best. Been there for years.
Was easy for me to take out. Next time I saw her? She was wearing it as a necklace. So as long as it's an easy, for me, fix? Don't mind playing "doctor" with them. Got a special thermometer for ya babe. All natural.
“Royal brother.” Ji is looking uncomfortable. “Will the Beyulongong accept him?”
Her younger sister scoffs but the villain looks contemplative. “While only a few dual-cultivation arts are branded demonic? The rest are considered heretical.” Fans himself. “You know our orthodox North Jade Dragon Palace should not accept him.” Waves down china girl before she explodes again. “Yes, we all know some disciples and elders practice heretical, or even demonic, arts in secret.” Sideyes her. “But a foreigner openly using such arts?” Shakes his head.
My chinese princess’s eyes turn cold. “Are you going to oppose us, royal brother?”
“Xiao Li.” Dude needs an evil mustache to twirl as he laughs malevolently. “I still believe he should be drugged, suppressed and locked up in a deep dark cell. Left for the imperial interrogators and alchemists to unlock his secrets while harvesting his… gifts.” Oh no you didn’t. “However, royal father is enjoying the show. Even dragons may find worms amusing. For a time.”
*slam*
China girl’s hands slap down on the table as she stands. “Tiang Yang Bai!” Staring daggers at her older half-brother.
A heavy oppressive aura fills the air. Trying to force Li back into her seat but she fights it. Earning a squint from the royal prince. “I see laying with pigs has made you stronger, little sister. Though you should remember your place.” A smirk. “You would not want to end up like Slutty Ji now.” The dark aura gets heavier. “Would y-”
*CRACK*
“Boom baby!”15Traditional Incan greeting, according to disney
The double doors at the back of the hall smash open. Ripped from their hinges, by my foot, they fly past the table to both sides. Shattering against distant columns. Servants and guards scrambling out of the way.
The malicious atmosphere vanishes. As if blown away like leaves in the wind. I catch a flash of rage from his royal assholeness. But it's immediately gone. Replaced by that refined dignified mask of his.
Yeah, put a lot of mana into that kick. Same with the shout. Hey, it broke his aura and the barrier so, mission accomplished.
Get my first face to face with mister antagonist, instead of through [Shadowsight], and he looks every bit the scheming douche. But he's strong too. [Super Senses] reveals a very dense astral aura.
*chu*
Ignoring the disdainful prince. I walk up and give first Li then Ji a big ol snog and snug. Of course adding some tongue action. Making them blush. Plus earning protests from the asshole's minions. That I also ignore.
"Junfei." Yang practically sneers out.
Be cool. "The name's Barton, John Barton." Secret agent double oh face. Grab a chair and pop a squat between my ladies. "I'd appreciate it if you'd be less of an asshole to my women."
Those words prove to be too much for henchman number whatever. "You dare?!" He shouts. "Please, your imperial highness, let me teach this barbarian the price for not seeing Mount Tai!"
Villain raises his hand. "Thank you, Peng Chao, but you are not his match." Still staring at me. "And I refuse to spend the lives of my subordinates so freely." He comments calmly. "Tea?"
Glance at the nervous servant who's somehow managed to not drop the pot. "Yes please, shaken, not stirred." Which is, of course, how all the finest british accents drink.
Serving guy looks at me. Then at the super ornate and definitely expensive glazed ceramic kettle in his hands. Then back at me.
…
*jiggle* *rattle*
Ha! He actually did it. That's hilarious. Confused servant dude pours me a cup, bows and retreats.
"Badun Yuehan." Antagonist rolls his eyes before continuing. "Why do you continue using Yuetaoban16Moon Peach Petal dual-cultivation art to cultivate?" Waves his fan. "Tianyulong17Celestial Jade Dragon cultivation art is a superior art. Renowned across Luyan."
Raise an eyebrow. "Cause I'd rather fuck than sit? Duh…"
Prince Yang stares at me, as his minions gasp, before sighing. "Lanyun18Blue cloud Palace has been set aside for your use." Another crony walks up and places a scroll on the table. "Reasonable expenses will be covered and a stipend provided." A jingling bag is set next to the scroll. "In exchange you will accept the title of royal special physician."
"And what's that mean?" Call me Wuxia Howser M.D. Damn, [Recovery Magic] really is my golden finger19A cheat that gives the MC an advantage over others. May be a skill, system, wealth, etc…. And to think I only wanted it to keep my old wrinkly ass alive.
Villain frowns. "You will treat patients who require your unique skills. Some will be women requesting help with their… cultivation." Geesh, why does everyone want to pimp me out?
"What about the sect thing?" I'm sure Lurch wants me to go there.
Prince squints. "The autumn trials are in a week." Sips tea. "Since you are Elder Qinxin's apprentice. Your admission is almost guaranteed." Fan snap. "However, you may be… challenged."
"Challenged?"
There's that smug smirk again. "The North Jade Dragon Palace is an Orthodox sect." Another sip. "Rumors that Junfei Badun uses heretical arts to cultivate are spreading. Which will offend both disciples and elders." Feel him probing my aura again. "Your new court rank and apprenticeship give you some protection. But there will be those who try to drive you out anyway."
"...So?"
An annoyed look. "So? Hmph. You bested Shishu20Uncle Master thanks to your Wangling21Undead." Fan hands. "But this is the Beyulongong. Dozens, if not hundreds, will target you. Even the grandmaster alchemist cannot stop them all." He's getting irritated. "Do you not understand?"
"No, I get it. I just don't care."
Sneers. "My sisters were seduced by a fool." Shakes his head.
I snort. "Ha. Do you know how many dumbfucks I've killed?" Thumb at the sisters. "I let that pedo live because you guys are sort of family now. Kinda." Shrug. "And what family doesn't have a Chester the Molester hiding in its tree?" Give him the evil eye. "But that was clearly a mistake." Bad llama. "So it doesn't matter who you are now." My aura turns sharp. "No mercy."
"Are you prepared?" He's absolutely doubting me. "Disciples, elders, experts, masters, entire sects?"
Give him my best shit eating grin.
"Send them all."