Chapter 3: Two Boxes Of DVD Porn?

Chapter 3: Two Boxes Of DVD Porn?

I was finally done saving my room from what could have been the biggest blacklight disaster in history. Now, the place was squeaky clean. It was time to head downstairs for a quick wash, and then I would raid the refrigerator for whatever breakfast my mom had left behind.

To be fair, she was a pretty average cook. But when it came to Japanese dishes, she easily beat me. In my past life on Earth Zero, I mostly made Western-style meals. It was still very bizarre to have a whole new set of routines from my past life mixed into my daily habits. For example, in Japan, people always shower and soap up before entering the tub for a nice, hot soak.

When in Rome! I thought.

A while later, I finished my bath. And no, I did not fall asleep, almost drown, or meet God again. Thank goodness for that.

I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. To my surprise, a bunch of birthday balloons popped right out of the door!

"You got me, Mom," I chuckled.

She had left me last night's stir-fry and a large slice of cake. A small candle stuck out of the frosting, resting next to a note that read: Happy Birthday, Super Stud!

I blew out the candle with a quick puff. "Okay," I muttered to myself. "I won't send my parents away to a retirement home just yet."

Then, I tried to remember what else she had said before leaving for the day.

That's right. Mom had ordered me to mow the lawn. If I didn't, she threatened to pimp me out to the neighbor's kid. I shuddered just thinking about that female sumo wrestler.

"Alright, where is that lawn mower?"

I walked out to the backyard shed to get the chore over with before the noon sun got too hot. "Manual labor on my big day," I sighed. "Just my luck."

But the moment I opened the shed door and reached for the mower, a strange sensation tingled down my spine and right into my eyes. The weird feeling made me freeze in fear.

What the hell was that? I wondered. A Spidey-Sense?

Suddenly, I felt a powerful urge to put the mower back, run up to my room, and pack all my adult DVDs into two boxes. The feeling told me I needed to do this immediately, right before my friends Issei and Motohama arrived.

I felt like I was losing my mind. The urge did not physically force my body to move, but a deep gut feeling warned me that I would deeply regret it if I ignored it.

"Let's just do it," I muttered. "I am in a world full of magic and monsters now. I need to go with the flow."

I pushed the mower back into the corner and rushed up to my bedroom. After searching around, I found two empty cardboard boxes from my dad's office. I began sorting through my secret stash, splitting my "treasures" evenly into the boxes.

Man, I thought, looking at the titles. My past self really loved this stuff.

The strange tingling sensation returned the moment I finished. It felt like a warm pat on the back, urging me to carry the boxes down to the living room. I followed the feeling and walked downstairs. As soon as I set the boxes on the floor, a wave of satisfaction washed over me. It felt like a job well done.

"Well, I guess that counts as my first system quest in this world," I said. "Time to finish the yard work."

But as I stepped toward the back door, the feeling stopped me again. Now that I understood the sensation a bit better, I tried to decode what it wanted.

From what I can tell, I realized, I should just sit on the couch and watch TV until the boys get here.

So, I did exactly that.

Around lunchtime, the doorbell rang. The loud chiming announced that my free labor had finally arrived.

The bell rang a second time. I walked slowly to the front door, purposely taking my time to make them wait a bit. I peeked through the peephole and grinned.

"Who is it?" I called out in a playful voice.

"Damn it, Matsuda! Just let us in already!" Issei yelled from the porch.

Hearing Issei's voice in real life was completely different from hearing it in the anime. God was right; this world was definitely not two-dimensional anymore.

I unlocked the door and swung it open with a smug smile. Two sweaty high school boys stood on my porch, looking completely miserable and defeated.

I actually felt a little worried for a second.

"What happened to you guys?" I asked.

Motohama leaned against the wall, wheezing heavily. "Issei and I saw this beautiful woman walking a massive Mastiff dog. Issei thought it would be a great idea to get her phone number and give it to you as a birthday gift. But things went horribly wrong."

Issei sighed and hung his head. "Yeah, I walked up to her trying to look mature and cool. But when I got close, I noticed she had the best rack in the whole neighborhood. I accidentally drooled a little bit, and the crazy lady screamed 'Molesters!' and set her dog on us!"

I couldn't hold it in. I dropped to my knees and laughed until my stomach hurt.

After taking a few angry glares from my friends, I wiped a tear from my eye and stood up. I put on the most serious face I could manage, pointed directly at the two boxes in the living room, and made my announcement.

"I have a mission for you, if you choose to accept it," I said solemnly. "Each of you will receive a box of top-of-the-line, best-selling adult DVDs. All you have to do is mow my yard and clean my entire house before my mom gets home."

The two idiots stared at the boxes and gulped at the exact same time.

"Really?" they asked.

I nodded, and a true birthday miracle happened.

My house had never looked so clean, both inside and out. To this day, my mom still has no idea how I finished all those chores so fast.

I looked up at the sky and gave a giant thumbs-up. Thank you, Lord, for teaching me that I can pay for labor with porn.