Chapter 4: My Precious?

Chapter 4: My Precious?

A booming, cheerful voice shattered my peaceful sleep. "Wake up! Here comes the tickle monster! And if you do not get up, I will—"

Smack!

I pulled off a beautiful, Michael Jordan-style slam dunk right onto my annoying alarm clock.

I am just kidding, of course. The clock is actually pretty dope, but a guy can dream.

"Guess I need to get up and make plans for taking over the world, Pinky," I mumbled to myself, chuckling at my own stupid joke. I rolled out of bed and started my usual morning routine.

I headed downstairs toward the family dining room to meet my parents. My new home was just like Issei’s from the show—your average, everyday track home in the quiet suburbs of Japan.

As I rounded the corner, a loud sizzle and pop echoed from the kitchen. The delicious, smoky scent of bacon and eggs filled the air. My beautiful mother, Kiyomi Tanaka, was hard at work at the stove. She was quite tall for a Japanese woman. I swear she must have been a flight attendant or something when she was younger. She had long, shiny black hair tied up in a neat office-lady bun, which made sense since she managed a local clothing store.

Then I looked over at the dining table. My dad, Touji Tanaka, was sitting there. Wait, is that a Playboy magazine?!

Unbelievable. That waste of space was the exact reason the younger version of me from the anime turned out to be such a total degenerate. I really do not know why my mom married him. She is the complete opposite of him in every way. Dad is the shortest person in our family, well below average height for a Japanese man. He constantly radiates a lazy vibe, looking exactly like a certain copy-cat ninja from that famous fish-roll anime. He also has a closely shaved head, just like me.

My pals at school call me "Ash Baldy," and now I finally know why. At first, my Earth-zero brain thought it was just because I played sports and kept my hair short. Nope. It turns out that if my dad or I try to grow our hair out, we end up with embarrassing Japanese afros.

It is a sad reality. Truly.

A beautifully arranged plate of breakfast broke me out of my strange thoughts. It looked like it belonged in a five-star restaurant.

"Looks good, Mom!" I said, smiling at my wonderful cook. "And thanks for the cake and balloons yesterday."

She smiled warmly at me before opening up her morning newspaper to enjoy her own meal.

After a few minutes of quiet eating, Mom looked over the top of her newspaper. She caught Dad staring at his magazine and smirked.

"So, dear," she asked innocently. "Are there any good articles in that piece of highly intellectual material?"

Nice one, Mom! I gave her a silent thumbs-up.

Cough, cough, cough!

Mom's timing was absolutely perfect. Dad swallowed his food completely wrong and started choking. But like a true champ, he used the distraction to quickly flip the page backward with a loud flutter.

"Um... yes, dear," Dad wheezed, after almost meeting my other heavenly Father. "It seems the economy is finally picking up steam again. We should recover our GDP in a year or so."

Dad glanced at me and flashed a proud thumbs-up, looking like a magician who had just pulled off an incredible card trick. This is the High School DxD world, after all. What else could I expect?

He cleared his throat and looked at me. "Brat, the two boxes I had in my den went missing. You need to help me carry some heavy stuff to the shop after we finish eating."

Great. My luck is absolutely terrible.

An hour later, I finally escaped my dad's shop. Interestingly enough, the shop sat right near the overpass where Issei is supposed to meet that angry, hot Fallen Angel babe.

As I crossed the bridge, I stared down at my smartphone. I was trying to research what I needed to prepare for my upcoming enrollment at Kuoh Academy.

Then, I heard the strangest thing.

Woof! A clear voice popped into my head. [You're a good boy! You smell really, really good!]

What the heck?!

Woof! [I want to love you and lick you, and then we can play catch!] Woof!

Bang! Thud!

Before I could even blink, I was knocked flat on my back. A massive brown Mastiff—the biggest dog I had ever seen in my two lives, and probably in twenty-one lives—was pinning me down.

"Okay, okay, boy! Let me breathe!" I laughed, digging my hands into the thick ball of muscle to pet it. "Damn, is your name Hooch or something?"

To my absolute horror, the dog barked back, and the words formed perfectly in my mind again.

Woof! [No, silly goof! I'm a girl, and my master calls me Precious!]

Right then, a husky, sexy voice called out from a short distance away. "Damn it, Precious! Down!"

I scrambled to my feet and saw a scowling, beautiful European woman jogging toward us. She was incredibly tall—she made my mom look short. Her navy-blue hair fell all the way down to her waist in a tight ponytail. Man, I really need to get used to these anime hair colors on humans, I thought.

The supermodel-esque woman wore a tight running outfit, clearly out on a morning jog. She was trying her best to pull the massive dog back, but she was failing miserably. It looked like she might actually hit the poor animal out of frustration, so I decided to step in. I lowered my voice to a calm, steady tone.

"Okay, girl," I said softly to the dog. "Be good and listen to your owner."

To the woman's complete surprise, Precious instantly jumped to her side. The dog's tail began swinging wildly like a helicopter propeller. She grabbed her own leash in her mouth, nudging her owner's hand to take it.

The woman took the leash, her scowl softening into a rare, genuine smile. "Thanks for that... She actually listens to you? That is so odd. She usually hates everyone but me."

She sighed, and I got the distinct feeling that this woman normally hated people in general.

"Anyway, thanks again," she continued, turning to leave. She waved a hand over her shoulder, giving me a view of her incredibly toned back. "My name is Karen. I hope we meet again in the future. Just yesterday, some gross perverts tried hitting on me, so it is nice to meet a young man with actual manners."

I pumped up my chest, matching her energy, and yelled back, "And my name is Matsuda Tanaka! Remember it!"

Crap, did I just do a Naruto introduction?

As the duo reached the end of the bridge and prepared to turn the corner, Precious looked back at me one last time. Her furry face looked completely confused.

Woof! [I don't know why Master gave you a fake name, but her friends call her Kalawarna!]

The woman and her dog disappeared around the corner.

My jaw dropped. Wait... WHAT?!

A while later, I walked into my bedroom on pure autopilot. My mind was spinning, trying to process what had just happened on the bridge.

Buzz! Ding!

Right at that moment, my computer monitor whirred to life all on its own. A bright email notification popped up on the screen.

I sat down in my desk chair, wondering what kind of crazy phenomenon was happening now. I opened the message. The sender was listed simply as:

Big G.

The email read:

[Took you long enough to open this... Anyway, I didn't want to cock-block you on your first little outing there. And yes, she is exactly who you thought she was.]

[I will keep this short. I assume you have been experiencing some pretty bizarre things lately. Consider this a BRIEF user manual for your Sacred Gear, and what it can do once you actually unlock its power.]

[This item contains a spark of my original Power of Creation, the very same energy I used during the Seven Days of making the Universe. Right now, you are only unlocking the passive effects. To use actual spells and active abilities, you are going to need to train.]

[Fortunately, you have about a year or so before anything major happens in this world. I'm not going to dump all the knowledge into your brain instantly like those fanfiction books, but this list should point you in the right direction.]

[Also, this is the first time this specific Longinus has ever appeared in this D×D world. When it fully awakens, the Throne of God in 7th Heaven will officially recognize it. It’s going to drop that silly Longinus Spear that killed you in your past life down a notch.]

I blinked, rubbing my eyes. "Okay, this is a whole lot to take in. Let's just keep reading..."

[Longinus Sacred Gear: Eyes of Creation]     Day 1: Light – You are completely immune to all light and holy-based attacks. You also gain a natural mastery over Heaven's magic.     Day 2: Atmosphere/Firmament – You gain immediate knowledge of common barrier magic, as well as a extremely high resistance to almost all environments. (Yes, this includes the Dimensional Gap.)     Day 3: Dry Ground & Plants – Complete mastery and manipulation over earth, dirt, and plant life.     Day 4: Sun, Moon & Stars – Gives you precognition (seeing the future), advanced visual analysis, hyper-cognitive thinking speed, and knowledge of most illusion magic. This day also grants you [System Administrator Privileges] greater than even Michael's. WARNING: Use this power with extreme care!     Day 5: Birds & Sea Creatures – A perfect affinity with birds and marine life. It also grants you the ability to fly wingless and swim effortlessly.     Day 6: Land Animals & Humans – A deep affinity with all land animals and their magical counterparts. It also gives you magic to manipulate and care for pure humans who have low magical potential. (Hence why you could understand the dog!)     Day 7: The Sabbath of Rest – Grants passive regeneration and the ability to use healing magic through physical touch. The wielder is completely immune to mind control. Finally, this Sacred Gear can never be stolen, destroyed, copied, or suppressed by anyone other than God himself.

[Well, I think you get the gist of it. Naturally, you will have to practice to find your limits. Some powers are passive and will grow on their own. Others must be practiced diligently and require their own unique energy to manifest. For instance, spells will require your magical power, or its equivalent.]

[Other abilities will drain your physical stamina and endurance, kind of like running a long-distance race. Be careful not to pull off any big moves or spells that will cause you to collapse. ]

"Huh. Did God seriously just use a wink emoji?" I muttered, finding that part deeply bizarre. I kept scrolling.

[And finally, I hope you have a fun and exciting life. Try not to live with too many regrets.]

[PS: I may have altered the destiny of a certain Devil and changed her past-life choices just a tiny smidge. I know deep down in your heart you would never want to ruin someone else's happiness, so as a good father, I hooked you up... well, only if you choose to become a Devil, of course.]

[Did I pique your interest? Too bad, so sad, I won't spoil this one! Oh, PSS: In case you die again, I took the liberty of deleting your internet browser history. Don't thank me, it was nothing!]

Love, Big G!

I stared blankly at the glowing computer screen. My mind was completely overloaded trying to process this massive data dump.

Suddenly, a giant, smiling emoji wearing a golden halo appeared on the monitor. The emoji's cartoon hand appeared, folding its fingers down one by one.

Three... two... one...

Zap! Zap! Bang! Puff!

A loud, violent electrical crackle filled my bedroom, immediately followed by the sharp, bitter smell of burnt ozone.

I choked on the smoke, coughing wildly as the screen went completely black. To my absolute horror, I realized exactly what had happened.

God had just fried my computer.

"What the fuck, man?!" I screamed into the empty room.