Ch 8 – La la la~ I can’t hear you~

‘We should talk while we have time,’ the demon whispered into my mind.

I held my breath as I stepped through the threshold into the shower. Cold water met me, and I gritted my teeth. I would bear through this, all of this, much as I had the many obstacles of my past—with stubborn perseverance. I’d survived my father’s brutal training and ever-present disappointment for years. If I could push the pain and emotional turmoils of the past to the side, locking them away into a container to be forever ignored, then I could do the same for the whispers of a conniving demon and a temporary change in my physical form. By comparison to the pain I’d endured, this should be easy. The true challenge would be handling my peers. Yet I was confident I could come out on top with careful planning.

‘Are you listening?’ she said.

I wasn’t, of course. Nothing the demoness said was worth hearing. She would only try to corrupt me further and drag me down the depths of the Under.

I could hear the creature’s sigh in my mind. ‘I’m trying to help you—help us both. I should be able to develop a potion to transform you back.’ A likely story. ‘I need to know that you’ll trust me enough to follow my instructions in brewing it and then drinking it.’

Just how dense did this creature think I was? That was the worst attempt at deceit I believe I’ve ever witnessed, I thought back. I almost felt bad for her. Almost.

Her voice plainly displayed her irritation. ‘I’m not trying to deceive you, nor do I think you are particularly dense. Well, perhaps a little. It’s your arrogance, however, that is beginning to grate on my nerves. What would it take to convince you of my honesty?’

A smile slid across my lips. Perhaps this wouldn’t be as difficult as I’d thought. From what I recalled, succubi weren’t exactly viewed as the most intelligent of demons.

At the very least, this little conversation was serving as a good distraction away from my shower. As we talked, I worked at scrubbing my body down, doing my best to view it like any other menial chore that I could lose focus on. If it wasn’t for my being able to physically feel the rough sponge against my skin, it would have been easy. Like scrubbing blood out of a basin. I glared down at the red of my skin, brushing the sponge against my arms as hard as I could, as though perhaps the color might be purged from it with enough force.

Growling, my thoughts went back to the demon. If she was a succubus, as I was beginning to very much suspect, given that a succubus was what I’d been trying to summon, then perhaps she posed little risk. Certainly so if this ridiculousness was what she considered subterfuge. So long as she didn’t have any other tricks up her sleeve, I was hopeful she would be of little threat.

Giving up on my arms, my already red skin rubbed raw and stinging, I moved to my torso.

‘Little Vyxa, you’re making this much more difficult than it needs to be. Would you at least—’

Stop calling me that, I shot back, interrupting her. My name is Gellin. Though, I expect you to address me as Syr Zelian. Or better yet, ‘Master.’

Why was I even engaging with the stupid creature? It was a waste of my time. Better to just ignore it until I found a way to block whatever magic it was using to speak to me.

‘Vyxa is not your name, it is what you have become. A “succubus” as humans apparently call it. Though if your thoughts are anything to go on, you seem to have a rather flawed perception of them as a species.’

Was that a moment of honesty on her part? I wasn’t sure. Though it would make sense to sprinkle in truths between the lies. I shook my head. What did I care?

‘You should really reconsider; at least give me a chance. Given how little the humans around you seem to care, and how little you know about such transformations yourself, I’m the best chance you’ve got at becoming human again.’

Shut up, I demanded.

What did some stupid demon know of my capabilities? This whole thing was likely all her fault in the first place. Her and whoever altered the spell book I’d been using. I was not so idiotic to trust the very creature who’d done this to me in the first place.

‘Do you really believe that you can do this all on your own? It could take you countless years to find a way to change back without the right knowledge and resources. And I’ve heard of how humans like to treat demons over in your realm. Stop being so stubborn and just admit that you need help.’

Shut. Up. My fingers sunk into the sponge with a deathly grip, and I ground my teeth together. As if I would need help from anyone, especially some lowly demon.

‘You truly are hopelessly stubborn, aren’t you? Or perhaps you want to stay like this. Is that what’s hiding within those buried feelings that you keep pushing aside?’

How dare she. To think this creature had the gall to believe she knew anything at all about me. With all the mental energy I had, I began trying to shove her out of my head by sheer force of will. The liquid warmth—the mana—inside me swelled and swirled like an impregnable pool of magic. If only I knew how to utilize it to banish her. Leave, leave, leave, leave, I began repeatedly demanding, like an internal mantra.

‘Despite all your bravado and obstinance, your shell isn’t quite so difficult to pierce as you’d like others to think, is it?’ she continued.

Get.

‘I could see how you were looking at yourself in the mirror. And even without that, I’m rather good at picking up on emotions, even hidden ones.’

OUT.

‘There was more to your feelings than simple embarrassment or lust, wasn’t there?’

OF MY HEAD!

I screamed at the infernal creature with as much force of will as I could possibly manage—so much that my head spun, a bout of wooziness making me sway. The sponge fell from my grasp as my hand pressed against the wall.

It was only as I took a heavy breath of air down my raw throat that I realized I’d released a hig- pitched scream aloud as well. I took several breaths, the light-headedness slowly fading and my fogged vision clearing.

Cold water continued to pour down on me, now feeling completely frigid as it pelted me. I was tempted to shift it to a warmer temperature. But no, I was done with this. Despite not having properly finished my shower, I stumbled out, shivering as I stretched out my numbing limbs. There was too much to be done, far more important things.

Stupid idiotic demon. What could she possibly know about me? As if spending a handful of hours perusing my thoughts could tell her much at all. Had she even paid any real attention to my thoughts? The creature probably had the intelligence of a beetle. I waited, expecting some retort. But none came. Finally given up?

The strange, and rather sudden, silence dragged. Still, no foreign thoughts popped into my head—only my own. Hello?

Did I dare hope? Could it be real? Had I actually somehow blocked the demon from my mind? I waited a moment longer, thinking back on the dizziness that had overcome me when I screamed, as though battling the creature in my mind. Even still, I kept expecting the wool to be pulled from across my eyes.

Yet only more mental silence greeted me.

Avoiding looking at the mirror, I stepped fully out of the shower and reached for the towel. As I wrapped it around me, cold water slowly dripping to the floor, I let out an uncontrolled shiver. Beyond the numbing cold, my body felt weaker, emptier—as though something were missing. And on top of it all, I felt increasingly starved. How long had it been since I’d eaten? Probably far too long, considering everything that had happened. If—if I even did eat anymore.

Still, the emptiness inside felt all the more welcome if the demon was truly gone. Some of it was evidently from the mana I’d used up to push her out, mana that was now plainly missing. But perhaps some of the feeling also came from her absence. I dared not hope she was gone forever, though. Some part of me knew she’d be back. This wasn’t the end.

The sound of footsteps caught my ear, and I scrambled to wrap the towel more properly around me, hiding at least some of my body. My tail quivered, twirling down around my leg as I stared toward the door.

It burst open, and Lilis stepped in, her eyes rapidly scanning the room as though expecting someone to jump out. Only then did they fall onto me, narrowing. Once more I found myself nearly naked in front of the girl. Was this something I was going to have to get used to? I squirmed, both from the idea of it and the intensity of her gaze.

“You screamed,” she stated.

It… made sense that she would have heard it.

“Umm, yes,” I admitted. Once more the higher pitch of my voice threw me slightly off guard.  Should I have denied it? Too late now, I supposed.

“Why?” she asked, tone still unclear. Through her narrowed gaze, however, I could tell she was on the verge of berating or insulting me.

My lips parted as I tried to come up with some excuse better than ‘I was yelling at the demon in my head.’ Should I lie and say I was attacked? Perhaps it was true in some sense. Still, that would bring too many other questions. She’d want to know how the person got in and out, what sort of magic they used, who they were, and far too many other queries that I would have to come up with fake answers for. The lie was too risky.

“I’m,” I paused, biting my lip, and pulling the towel tighter around my shivering body. “—still adjusting to, err, everything.”

She stared, either unconvinced or entirely too baffled to respond. The focused gaze made me fidget as a peculiar warmth grew in my core, melting the numbing cold of the shower from my bones. I could still feel the cold water as it slowly dripped from my hair, plopping against the red skin of my bare shoulders. The silence held, and finally, I couldn’t help but give in to the pressure to add more.

“And perhaps, I’m not doing so well at it,” the admission felt like pulling teeth from my own mouth, or like stabbing myself in the gut. Had I really just openly admitted a weakness to someone? Still, if anything was evident, it was that I obviously wasn’t handling this well if this was the sort of situation I was finding myself in. I needed to do better. I had to do better.

Finally, the eyes holding my gaze softened and looked away. Lilis sighed.

“Right,” she muttered. I waited for the derisive comment that would follow. But rather than a sneering gaze of superiority, when she met my eyes once more, her own were neutral—almost appearing compassionate, had I not known better. “That’s… fair,” she continued. I blinked. That’s fair? “Are you truly a student here then? Gellin Zelian, as Professor Fell claimed?”

My eyes narrowed. “I am, yes.” Where was she going with this?

She nodded, as though that explained everything sufficiently. Once more, I waited for the vitriol and condescension to begin, certain that this time it would.

“Just—just try not to be so loud about it next time?”

I continued to stare, as the confusion sunk into me.

She continued, “That was perhaps blunter than I’d intended. I’d just rather not draw any more unnecessary attention, and I could hear you all the way down the hall.”

“Oh,” I said, biting my lip. How grand.

That—that was it, though? No demeaning comments? No smirking sense of superiority hidden behind a polite smile? No demands that I start properly serving my betters?

Just what was wrong with this woman?

Slowly, with a sufficient amount of suspicion layered in, I enunciated, “Alllright.”

This had to be part of some larger ploy. Perhaps she expected that she could present a faux kindness, convince me to trust her, and then fully ensnare me at my most vulnerable. The more I considered it, the more it made sense. After all, I’d just made myself seem quite openly vulnerable—and perhaps manipulable.

Ultimately, I would just have to be careful. I doubted it would be too hard to avoid falling for any potential ruse, if I knew her angle. In fact, so long as she believed I was buying into it, I could acquire the upper hand instead.

A smile slid along my face. I could do this; I could make this work, despite the setback. My right foot stepped forward, and in a strange moment of clumsiness, I nearly tripped over myself. My arm braced once more against the wall, and the gnawing hunger from before fully gripped me. A full-bodied shudder rolled through me, as the growing heat spread from core. My face flushed hot red, in shame, embarrassment, and… something else.

I’d used far too much mana in whatever I’d done to block the demon, and now I was likely facing the consequences of that. Demons were much more magical in nature than humans, if what I’d read of them was accurate. And even humans would suffer from excessive amounts of mana depletion. The potential, implicit consequences of that left me shuddering.

Lilis stepped forward, only to then hesitate. “What's wrong? Are you… feeling unwell?”

Despite clearly trying to appear concerned for me, the obvious pause told me all I needed to know. She clearly wasn’t used to trying to appear compassionate towards others. Did she really think she was fooling me?

It was tempting to lie once more. I was good at lying—given that it was one of the most important skills to master, so far as I was concerned. Yet this was an opportunity to make myself appear more vulnerable while gathering any information she might know at the same time. Pretend to be in her grasp while pulling her into my own.

Biting my lip, I gave her a nervous stare. ‘Innocent and helpless’ wasn’t a persona I’d spent time working on. But hopefully I could make it work. The nervous part was at least easy.

“I’m,” I mumbled out, adding a deliberate pause. “Hungry.”

Her lips parted, closed, and then opened once more. “Oh.”

Unfortunately, the simple response told me little of what she knew, or potentially knew.

“Will you help me?” I asked, staring up at her with wide eyes. “Help me find…” I trailed off, giving her the chance to finish the sentence. How she chose to fill it in would hopefully tell me what I needed to know. My eyes stared down at the floor, forming what I hoped was a more demure appearance. It meant I couldn’t see her face, but if I met her eyes now, I feared I’d too easily give myself away—not just my ignorance, but the vague knowledge of her own scheme and my resulting duplicity.

Was I doing this right? I fidgeted, wishing she would just hurry and say something. The hunger was becoming worse. Just how much mana had I lost?

The truth was that I knew little about demons. Sure, I had an idea of how to fight them, but that told me little of their day-to-day existence. My father had an acute distaste for the demonic, after all. He’d permitted for me to learn the possible ways to kill various demons, and little else. And in truth, even that differed little from humans.

However, I suspected some other families were more open with the knowledge, at least of those with enough wealth and influence to acquire it. Diabolists were well known for being stingy with what they knew, but a wealthy family like the Espir was another matter.

I chewed on my lip, the silence dragging. Just say it. Even a hint will do.

I could understand the ignorance of all the lesser families. They were only barely different from commoners. But she had a proper lineage. They had to have taught her something useful about succubi, beyond all the wild and varied theories around their sexual appetite.

Finally, I looked up, fearing that I’d been too obvious. Her eyes were narrowed on me, laden with suspicion.

Fuck. I should have stuck with what I knew.

“That was terrible acting,” she stated. The blunt response made me wince. “But you don’t need to try and manipulate me in order to ask for a favor.”

Right. As if I believed that. Though if she thought this was the extent of my ability to manipulate others, she was going to vastly underestimate me. I could still salvage this.

“Alright,” I said pensively, hoping I could at least pull off a more subtle appearance of contrition.

My hands gripped tighter around the towel’s soft fabric. Though I was hesitant to say if it was due to my acting, or from her piercing stare at my near-nude form.

“So long as you don’t try anything foolish, I suppose that I could help lead you to the academy healer.”

The healer? The response confused me so much that I nearly blurted the words aloud. I’d expected the mess hall, or Above’s forbidden, to offer to help me find someone safe to… fuck. I was even prepared for her to offer up herself.

But how did the healer fit into this equation?

Absently, I nodded as I tried to puzzle it together. It was then that an uncomfortably believable scenario came to mind. If I truly did need sex, or some kind of sexual energy to survive, then it might make sense to have a third party overlook things to ensure that I wasn’t taken advantage of? Or worse, to be there specifically to take advantage of me. I squirmed at the thought. Perhaps to allow student after student, or teacher after teacher, to pass me around until they’d all had their ‘fill.’

“Gellin?”

Or even worse, to strap me down to a bed, turning me into a slutty demonic fuck toy for—

“Gellin?”

A finger poked into my forehead. I blinked, my blurred vision revealing two Lilises inches away from my face as the world seemed to momentarily spin. My lungs took in a deep breath, and I stared deep into her eyes, four merging into two. I could feel as my cheeks flushed red—or redder. Just what had I been fantasizing about? Why had it excited me so much? I fidgeted, taking a step back.

I did not want to be strapped down to a bed and—and—

My balance wavered, and the towel slipped from my grasp, falling to the floor. Lilis moved forward, and I reached out, grabbing onto her blouse as her arm circled around me. Her face was dangerously close to my own. The girl’s bright green eyes held mine—like an anchor that I held onto for dear life.

“Alright, alright, I’ve got you. I suppose now works too,” she whispered out.

I shivered.