Consultation 117.
Consultation 117.
“God, have you ever seen a woman tell a funny joke on Twitch?”
I tilted my head to the side and looked at the person seated across from me with an incomprehensible look on my face.
“God, why are you looking at me like that?”
“I didn’t know those words could be used in the same sentence.”
“Come on, it can’t be that bad. Surely you’ve laughed at one joke a woman on Twitch has said.”
I leaned back looking at her with extremely confused eyes.
“God, stop messing around!”
“I’m sorry, but are the women on Twitch even capable of formulating a thought that is funny? I thought they were all just there to dress skimpily for creepy guys to jerk off to and throw money at.”
“That is…”
“Right?”
“That’s not true. I’m sure there is at least one joke a woman has told on Twitch that was funny.”
“Sorry, but even with the infinite expanse of the multiverse, there does not exist a universe in which a funny joke has ever been uttered by a woman on Twitch..”
“There’s no way that is true.”
“You don’t believe me? Just search YouTube for, ‘woman tells funny joke on Twitch,’ trust me, I’ve tried and to my own shock, I didn’t find a single clip that was the slightest bit funny. I’m telling you, they just don’t exist. Give up.”
“Surely you’re exaggerating.”
“I shit you not. Try it.”
“Fine, I will.”
“The most you will find that’s even remotely funny is chat roasting the woman. The woman herself is in no way funny on her own.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Also, VTuber’s don’t count as women.”
“What! You can’t do that!”
“Female VTubers are the representation of what an ideal woman would be, funny and not relying on her own fleshy body, thus you can’t count them. You can never know for certain whether they are actually just a man using a voice changer. You also don’t know if they’re following a script someone else wrote up for them in advance.”
“Ugh. I guess that does make a bit of sense why you’d exclude them.”
As she scrolled through the list of videos on YouTube, she gradually noticed a common pattern.
“God, how can this be possible?”
“So you’ve noticed it?”
“Every single video is about the woman being roasted by chat. How can this be possible? Surely at least one woman has told a funny joke.”
“Perhaps, but there is a big problem with that. If a woman tells a funny joke and no one is around to clip it because they’re too busy fapping to the unfunny chicks with tops almost bursting under the immense weight of their oversized milk jugs, does anyone ever hear that funny joke to begin with? If no one hears it, did that funny joke ever exist? No! It does not!”
“Do you now see why no woman has ever told a funny joke on Twitch before? It’s simply because no one is around to hear it because the funny chicks can’t keep their 1 viewer around long enough to finish their joke!”
“No! I refuse to accept this!”
“Just give up. You could spend your entire life searching, but you just won’t find it no matter how hard you search. You might find something orchestrated by a man to make women seem funny, but at the end of the day, they would be funny thanks to the scenario that man put together.”
“I will tell you now, the closest thing I ever found to a somewhat funny joke told by a woman was her complaining about how other women’s boobs alone in a single day get more viewers than she as a person ever has had in her entire lifetime.”
“God, I found it! I found something funny!”
“Hah? No way. For real? You did something even a god couldn’t do?”
“Yeah, take a look. With all these likes on the video, it’s obvious people found it hilarious.”
I started watching the video with pretty low expectations. As expected, a woman on screen had her tits on full display for the world to see. I was immediately unimpressed. She was talking in the typical annoying unfunny way dumb chicks talked.
“This isn’t funny at all,” I dissatisfiedly complained.
“Just wait for it, the funny part is coming, God.”
Suddenly a little girl only six years old came up to the woman in the chair from behind and tugged on her arm.
“Mommy, Mommy,” the little girl called out.
“What is it?”
“I want to be a comedian when I grow up, but all the boys in school tell me women aren’t funny. Why aren’t women funny, Mommy? Are you funny, Mommy?”
“Hahahaha! See, the little girl’s is funny, right?” That was supposed to be the funny part? Why aren’t I laughing? Why does this video have so many likes? Was it the tits?
“Yes, I’m funny, Sweetie. Of course I’m funny and entertaining. I have all these viewers here watching me every day because of how funny I am. Being funny and entertaining is my job. If you want to be a comedian, I’m sure you can become one. Comedy is surely in your genes.”
A monotone text to speech donation came in, “Sorry, we’re here for the tits, not because she’s funny, kid. When you grow up, just do what your Mommy does, pop your tits out and you can be just as successful as your Mommy one day. You too can have horny kids over the internet beating their meat night and day as creepers both near and far imagine what you look like naked. Also, sorry to break the news to you, but the only thing in your genes is probably your Mommy’s thick thighs, fat ass, and astronomic bazingas. Can I get Fs in the chat for this little girl’s shattered hopes and dreams?”
“See... wasn’t the little girl... funny? Ha ha. Ha… ha… ha...”
“That’s… even for me, that’s a real stretch…”
“Come on, God! She was funny.”
“Even if we took pity and said she was funny, the savage roast from the text to speech donation clearly overshadowed her in every way possible.”
“Ugh. I didn’t listen up to the donation damn it! I really thought everyone liked the video because they thought the little girl was funny.”
“Well… better luck next time I guess. How about we call it a day? You can take some time to slowly do some more research or soul searching and book another consultation if you do find something you think a woman said that was funny. I’ll provide you with a second opinion on whether it really is funny.”
“Mmmm. Yeah… sure… I’ll do that.” Extremely dejected, she left without looking back.