Consultation 116.
Consultation 116.
“Konpeko, konpeko, konpeko~”
The instant I heard that when the door opened, I had the sudden instinctive urge to materialize a gun and aim for the head. Thankfully, I held myself back when I realized it was just your typical run-of-the-mill defective washed-up waifu. Only this one was more annoying than the others and had an irritating cutesy quirk whenever she spoke.
“God, God, in front of peko, who is fairest VTuba of all, peko~”
“Please be gone, you stupid rabbit. This God does not do consultations with cursed peko rabbits.”
“Tsk. Who are you to call Peko-chan a stupid cursedo usagi? Peko-chan is numba wan VTuba.”
“I don’t care what you are. Why the hell are you booking a consultation with me? What could a small-brained rabbit like you want to know?”
“I didn’t book consurtation, I’m super idoru. You obviously bookedo consurtation with Peko~chan. Now, what would you rike to consurtu with Peko~chan about, God (wwwwww).”
I covered my eyes with my hand and vacantly stared down at the table praying for some mysterious lightning to coincidentally strike this stupid rabbit down and turn her into fried rabbit on a lightning bolt.
“Shut it, what idol? You’re literally just the backup food for the cold winter nights.”
“So cruel~ Peko-chan is not foodo~ How can God say that, peko~ peko~”
Haaaaah. Someone, anyone, please get this rabbit out of here.
“What do you really want, braindead rabbit?”
“Tch ahhh… Well... you see God, since Peko-chan has conquered hearto of many many peporu across grobu and Peko~chan is numba wan VTuba idoru, Peko-chan thinkingu... about… etooo… expandingu… how you say... Peko~chan’s sphero of influenso? I wantu professionaru righto noveru be writteno. Meeeee as maino charactoru. Later adapto into manga and finary anime... rength of Naru-peko. How can I do, peko~?”
“Why not just do it yourself? Who better to write a light novel revolving around yourself than the person in question?”
“Well… Peko-chan can writo with amazingu poetry skillsu, but drawingu… just a bito… hardo?”
“Oh, right, I forgot, you’re on the level of a grade-schooler when it comes to art.”
“Peko-chan~ is too busy being supa numba wan VTuba idoru, it’s not Peko-chan bado at drawingu. Got that? Too busy. Too busy with supa amazingu numba wan Vtuba idoru work.”
Ah. Her descriptions of herself had gotten progressively longer every time.
“You know, you can just speak in your own language. I am a God after all.”
“Oh. You can understando?”
“Yes. There’s a thing called Goddle Translate, you can think of it as a far superior version of Google Translate in your world.” Was her rabbit brain too small to realize she could understand everything I said to her despite it not being her language?
“I see. Why didn’t God say so sooner? Pekopekopeko.” Yep, that was definitely the problem.
“I guess watching the English challenged rabbit speak broken Engrish was somewhat amusing.”
“Ah~ God is bullying Peko~channn~~~~” With her mouth partially opened she shut her eyes and leaned back in her chair while swaying from side to side.
“Bitch, you done trying to act cute?”
“God is mean. Why does God not appreciate the greatness of Peko-chan~”
“There is no greatness to be found here. Anyway, let’s get down to business. You mentioned you wanted a professionally written novel?”
“Yes.”
“Do you even have anything in mind for what it would be about?”
“No. That’s why I came to God for ideas.”
“I see. So you wanted a good title for the novel first?”
“Yes, exactly.”
It seemed it was time for me to unleash my forbidden trump card that I’d sealed away for all this time. The AI-powered random light novel title generator 2.0! With the power of AI and anime in the palm of my hand, I can’t possibly fail.
I pulled out my phone and opened the app to generate a few titles.
“How about this for a title? Peko-chan is a Cat. I Am The Strongest in the World, So I Try to Pick Up Girls.”
She blinked and stared at me with a look that screamed, ‘What the fuck are you talking about, God? Do these ears look like cat ears to you?’
“Uh… can we maybe try something more suiting for Peko-chan’s super bunny girl idol character?”
“Sure, how about, Peko-chan of the Six Flowers Eternity Sword School. The Journey of a Genius Demon Lord.”
“Mmmmm… I like the genius part, but-”
“Sorry, you’re right, genius doesn’t suit your character at all. I should have realized it sooner.”
“Peko! Peko-chan is super genius bunny girl idol! The demon lord part is what’s wrong!”
“Moving one. Peko-chan: Raising My Darkest Little Brother in Another World! Does It Again?”
“Hmmm, the dark little brother maybe sounds a bit nice, but what the heck is the ‘does it again’ supposed to mean?”
“Dunno, your guess is as good as mine.”
“Then don’t include it, peko!”
“Peko-chan no Naru no Reina: A Certain Magical Index Girl - Part 2 This is my girlfriend?!”
“What happened to Part 1, peko!”
“Good point.”
“Peko no Kami-chan! ―Erebus Rebellion―――The Last Witch’s Awakening.”
“Kami? Hmm, that doesn’t sound too bad. The story could be that Peko-chan is turned into a God when her powers as a witch awaken and she goes on to lead a rebellion. It’s not terrible, peko. Is there anything better than that?”
“Peko no Nijou Kana no Kana Kana-kun’s! This is a bad Idea.”
“What the heck is this? God, are you even trying anymore? If it’s a bad idea, then don’t suggest it!”
“Uh… that was actually part of the title, not my personal feedback on it.”
“Next, peko!”
“Peko-chan the Harsh Mistress of the Forbidden City. Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?
“Non! Non! Non! Peko-chan does not want to be sued!”
“Peko-chan: A META Suit for My Pet's Senses and Teeth.”
“Peko-chan isn’t a suit to wear! What the peko is a suit for teeth anyway!”
“Peko-chan the Kidnapper! Another World War?!?! A Story of a Super Bunny Girl Idol!”
“Oh? Not bad. Finally you’re speaking my language.”
“Not… bad?” I looked at her confused. In what way was this considered not bad?
“It sounds like Peko-chan is an elite kidnapper stealing hearts of fans across the globe leading to the start of a world war. With the power of love and my fans' worship, I level up and turn into a superhero. The super beautiful one bunny girl army great savior of the world, Peko-chan! I like very much, peko. If there isn’t anything better, I might as well go with that.”
“Peko-chan: The Melancholy of the High School Bunny Girl; The Wrong Side of the World; How the World Wants to Be; Only God Knows Everything, the Right Thing Is Wonderful.”
“That’s it! Peko! It encapsulates the essence of Peko-chan.” You mean the essence of autism? It’s like a God asked a child how many semicolons do you want and the child replies, ‘all of them.’
“The melancholic high school bunny girl wants to unite everyone through their singular love of Peko-chan but she struggles against society’s judgemental eyes. Those who can’t understand Peko-chain’s great intentions are on the wrong side of the world. The world wants to be able to understand, but they just can’t see the greatness of Peko-chan because of their inability to change. But Peko-chan is an all-forgiving and benevolent super bunny girl idol, right? So Peko-chan forgives all of these grave sins. Ah~ it’s just so good, peko~ It’s really true, only God knows the depth of Peko-chan’s good intentions. Isn’t the right title that embodies all of Peko-chan just wonderful, God? Yes, this is it! Peko~chan loves it~”
“Then, you’re really… content with this...” abomination of a title?
“Definitely, I couldn’t have asked for anything better.”
It’s best to not say anything and just observe her from a distance with a warm smile.
“Peko-chan will make sure God’s amazingly profound title does not go to waste.”
“Right… you do that.”