Chapter 52

Explaining the many things that had ensued over the last week was difficult from the start. He already knew about my and Lena’s little scouting session along the rooftops of the library and wasn’t at all surprised that I snuck over to spy on the sorceress, as it was obvious that I’d met her one way or another. When I got to the part about snooping in her room, I couldn’t help but fidget nervously in my seat as my words stuttered. The total shame of it all gripped me, both from having kept him out of the loop and from how all of it was caused by my own deplorable decision making.

“It—it was sorta like a game, in a way. T-tag and hide. I wasn’t really thinking about what the consequences would be, and I know it was foolish and wrong to do. I just—I just wanted… I needed to be someone else—something different. I couldn’t—” I shook my head. As if my excuses would make up for it all.

“When I reached her closet, I was certain that I’d find something there. Something that justified everything. And then everything quite literally fell apart.”

I told him about the resulting accident—the shattered magical vial and the strange vision I had in the street. My father was on the edge of his chair, one of his hands becoming pale from how hard he was gripping onto it. I tried to focus on explaining everything, but my mind kept going back to the worries plaguing me. He was going to hate me, cast me out from the family and tell me I was no longer welcome in his home. There was no way he would accept me as I was. I should have just run off; it would have been better had he thought I was missing or simply on the run rather than becoming some demonic monster. This was a mistake. And yet, I continued further, as best I could.

He followed every word and move with an intensity that I wasn’t sure how to interpret, though it was obvious he wanted to say something, despite doing his best not to interrupt. Finally, as I got to the Mark on my skin, my father couldn’t hold his tongue any longer and stopped my stuttering string of syllables.

“Pearl.” His voice was soft, as though scared he might spook me. I stared back with wide and fearful eyes. Would he condemn me? Would he hate me? “Are you meaning to tell me that you’ve become a sorceress, like Camilla? One of the Marked, as they are called?”

“I…” I gulped, trembling. “Y-yes. I’m—I’ve been marked.” Then my eyes watered and the flood down my face began. “I’m sorry, Da I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to happen, I just fell anditspilledandIdidn’tknowwhattodoandshesaidIcan’tch—“

“Pearl, Pearl, shhhh. Hey, it’s alright sweetheart. It’s okay.” It was his turn to wrap me in a tight hug. I squeezed him back with all my might, sobbing into his shoulder. Somehow, the man didn’t even let out a grunt from the death-grip I had around him. All the while, he continued to give me encouraging words of love and, to my surprise, acceptance. Was it possible? Could he really be okay with it—with me?

When he released me a couple minutes later, he pulled me into his lap, something he hadn’t done in years. It felt a little awkward, considering that I was a lot taller than back then, no longer the tiny little boy that I used to be. But something about it was still comforting.

“My beautiful girl, I would never judge you for something like this—for something as simple as being different. Your words and actions determine how good of a person you are, and while I’m admittedly disappointed that you went searching through someone’s things without their permission, breaking and spilling something important of theirs as a result, I do not think any less of you for something so minor as becoming a sorceress.”

He made it seem so simple. How—when everyone I knew declared them terrible monsters, and when even I still struggled to figure out the truth of the matter—could my father toss all that aside as though it didn’t matter?

“Before you continue, there’s something I should admit,” he said, and I stared as my worry began anew. “Your mother was a sorceress as well. One of the Marked, as she often called it.”

My mind repeated the statement several times, word by word, as though they didn’t make any sense. Had I misheard him? That couldn’t be true. It was ridiculous. He said they were rebels, fighting together against the Empire for independence. How could she have been…

“Mom was…” my voice trailed, and I stared my father in the eyes. “She was a sorceress?”

He smiled. “She was. And incredibly strong, if I do say.”

“But…” It just didn’t make any sense. No, it couldn’t be true. “Then how did she hide it from everyone here? Surely everyone in town would have figured it out. She would have looked inhuman! And I don’t remember much of her, but I think I’d remember something so—”

He pressed a finger to my lips. “I promised I’d tell you about your mother, though I’d still like to hear the rest of what’s been happening with you. I’ve brought up her being a sorceress now because I want you to understand that I don’t care if you are one of the Marked, as she was. It does not and will never change how much I love you.” I bit my lip as my emotions swirled and swelled till they felt close to bursting at his words. “And it’s because of that love that I need to know what sort of situation you’re in here before we run out of time. This world is not a safe place for the Marked.”

I stared into his eyes and then gave him a nod. As much as I wanted to pester him for more, he was right; I needed to tell him the rest. At least this meant I didn’t have to be so worried about his reaction to my changes. Though, I was beginning to fear what he might do once he knew just what was going on. It was only just sinking in that my father was a rebel. Would he do something dangerous once I told him the rest?

“Alright,” I muttered and went back into my little tale, beginning back at the point where I spotted the Mark in the mirror.

As I went through all the events since that fateful day, there were a number of occasions that I could tell he wanted to interrupt once more, but he held his tongue. Particularly when I spoke of my talks with the Praevus, and later, when Camilla talked about how dire things were for us, he seemed over the verge of blurting something out. Finally, I made it all the way to what happened with Silas, still able to quite vividly recall the things he’d said, and the end of my ‘adventure’ thus far.

“That’s… a lot to take in,” he muttered after several seconds of silence. “I’d known something strange was happening, given the extent of your change of appearance.” I fidgeted from his words. Was it as obvious to others as it was to him? Silas hadn’t recognized me, at least not at first. But then, Rosetta had. “Clothes and makeup can change a lot, but even they couldn’t explain how different you’ve begun to look. It was one of the things I was hoping to ask about, actually. I can’t say that I expected this as an answer.”

“I don’t look that different, do I?”

“Don’t be silly, sweetheart. You’ve been blossoming into a lovely young woman.”

I grumbled, unable to meet his eyes.

“There is one thing I need to correct you on, however,” he continued. “The Praevus was wrong, about a number of things, but notably one in particular. There is nothing wrong with being as you are—as a woman and one of the Marked.”

“But—“

“Now, now, let me finish. No matter how much power a man holds, he can be as wrong as anyone else. You are a woman, Pearl, my beautiful daughter. Nothing and no one can ever take that from you, especially not some fool of man like him.”

I shook my head. I needed to make him understand. “No, not completely. Not where it matters. I’m not like them, those stories of the Vergent Souls. At least I don’t think I am. I’m a man.”

“Pearl,” he began before I shot up from his lap, surprising him.

My voice raised into a near-shout, and I struggled to restrain it to not be overheard. “Even if I wanted to be a girl, I don’t truly feel like one! I don’t even know what that’s supposed to feel like. I’m just a boy playing pretend. It’s not real!” My gaze lowered to the floor in shame over yelling at my father, and my tone softened. “It’s not real. Even if I want it to be. My spirit will always be a man’s.”

There were a few seconds of silence before I met his gaze. I could tell he was putting together a response, but I cut him off before he could.

“Can we talk about something else?”

He looked conflicted, clearly still wanting to say something—to find just the right words, but perhaps not sure how. I gave him a stern glare, insisting that we drop it.

The man sighed. “Alright, perhaps later. Why don’t I tell you a bit more about your mother, then?”

Tension fell as I sat back into a chair. Then he weaved together a somewhat lengthy story about how he met my mother. It didn’t take long at all before I was fully invested, caught in the middle of his tale.

“…When she strolled into that building, full of confidence and standoffish pride, it really cemented my distrust of her back then. She wasn’t like the rest of us. She didn’t have our experience—hadn’t lived the kind of life that we had. How could we truly know that she was on our side? But,” he raised a finger, and a smile slid along his face, “that was also the night that my feelings for her began to develop.”

“Really?” I asked, leaning forward. It was a bit strange and awkward to hear about the early love life of my Da. But it was worth it to hear more about her, my mother.

His face gained a slight pinkish color as he stared off to the side, lost in the memory. “She confronted me, and we had a big argument over it. It was really heated. And honestly, from that point onward, I just couldn’t get her out of my head. It helps that we all got really drunk that night, and she ended up kissing me at some point. I remember being a bit annoyed about it.”

Da let out a light laugh and looked my way. “I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to hear all the little details. Let me get to the important bits.”

“No, it’s alright, Da. It’s been nice.” I didn’t mind the slight awkwardness.

He smiled. “Regardless, Camilla will probably be back soon, so let me speed it up a bit.” He sat up straighter, idly cracking his fingers. “The two of us slowly fell for each other, and she became an important part of our group.”

“But where did she come from? I mean, how did she get there? Was she still part of the sentinels?” I interrupted. It was one question he hadn’t really answered.

“No, she faked her death some months before. Juniper was quite good with illusions. The warden watching over her believed her magic only extended to gathering light to herself, and didn’t realize that she’d been secretly making progress with using it in other ways.”

My eyebrows creased. “What does light have to do with illusions?”

My Da stroked his chin. “I’m not entirely certain. She was still working out just how it all worked together, but the way she’d explained it to me was that she could somehow shift the movement of light similar to waves in a pool of water. There was more to it than that, but it’s been so long that I don’t honestly remember.” He shrugged. “Either way, she became skilled enough that she was able to stage a fake death, and then found her way to Neche a few months later.”

“Was she, umm, really strong, then?”

“Oh, very much so. It was actually somewhat of a problem once she became pregnant. Prince Thelous insisted that she kept doing… tasks for him. Despite her often coming back with injuries. Even after he was killed, and she was getting further into her pregnancy, Juniper was reluctant to stop. For a long while, I think we both believe she would come home one day and…” He shook his head before continuing.

My father explained how the Prince was later killed, and how violence in the city got worse, with more sentinels arriving to suppress the riots. Then he spoke about coming here.

“It was a risk, but it seemed safer than going north at the time, when it looked like war was coming soon. Really, we did it mostly at Juniper’s insistence, so that you might have somewhere safe to grow up. She would have to hide her less human features, but she was quite good at that already. I honestly thought it would all fall apart, and we would have to run again. But somehow it worked, at least for a few years. Most people this far in the east are here because they’re running from something—because they want to begin a new life away from the chaos elsewhere. No one asked any questions or wanted to pry into our business, for much the same reason they didn’t want anyone looking into theirs.”

He sighed and brushed a hand through his hair. “It wasn’t all easy, though. We still got word about Neche on occasion, as things continued to deteriorate there. It was worse for her than it was for me, in a way. It was my home, a part of who I was. But I was still glad to get away from it all, relieved in a way that I’d never really been before, even if part of me wanted to return. Juniper was a sorceress, though. Someone able to do things someone like I would never be able to. I think that power, more than anything, was what ate at her. Hiding in a little nowhere town like Sunridge just—it wasn’t something that sat well in her mind. She longed to make a difference. I think she felt like she had a responsibility to do something. So when a man showed up, asking her to return to Salphori…” My Da closed his eyes, overwhelmed. “She agreed.

“I begged her to stay. For you. For both of us. You were still so young, and you both loved each other so much. Not to mention the way you’d just started blooming into our daughter. I didn’t think I could handle raising you alone. Not without her. I couldn’t.” He sobbed out, tears rolling down his face. “I begged her.” His arm rubbed against his face. “And then she left.”

Once more, we hugged, and this time I was the one consoling him. But even through all the tears and consoling words, there was one thought that I could shake from my mind.

My mother was…

Alive?