Chapter 51
“So,” I said, with a tinge of awkwardness. My legs and back shifted, fidgeting in the stiff wooden chair.
Da took a moment to look around the room, wavering in place several feet away. As his eyes wandered, he dawdled slowly forward with a surprising amount of reticence.
“How much do you trust her, the sorceress you’re serving?”
The question caught me off guard. I squinted my eyes, wondering just what he was thinking and at what angle he was asking from. While I hadn’t really acknowledged it out loud, it was clear that there were two sides to the issues that faced us. We wanted escape and freedom from the Empire’s control—perhaps for all the Marked, though I wasn’t as certain yet on that one. And those like the Praevus wanted the opposite. Which of the two sides would my father take? Would he still consider me his daughter when I laid the truth of what happened to me out before him? When I told him I was likely stuck like this?
“I trust her with my life,” I spoke in a soft tone. “A lot has happened over the last week. There’s… a few things I should tell you.” I gulped, preparing myself. There was no telling just how this was going to go, but I wasn’t sure that I could live with myself if we ran away, disappearing without him knowing why. Camilla probably wouldn’t like it, but he was my Da. I owed it to him more than anyone to explain what was going on and why this escape had to happen—an explanation, and as much as it hurt, a goodbye as well. I just hoped he would take it as well as the last secret I revealed to him.
My father paused behind a chair, his hand tapping the top of it. With a firm nod, he said, “I imagine you do.” Then his eyes finally found their way back to me. “And I hope you’re right in trusting her. There’s much that I need to tell you as well, things I should have said long before now and that I’d rather others not overhear.”
The sigh that escaped him felt weary and despondent. He moved around the chair and plopped down into it, facing me with a difficult expression.
“It’s alright, Da. Whatever it is. I promise.”
His lips curved ever so slightly, lightening an otherwise troubled face. “Things are happening in this little town, things that I believe you’ve managed to stumble right into the middle of. I’ll be honest, it should not have taken me this long to have this talk. You’re my daughter. It’s my job to keep you safe.”
I fidgeted. “I’m a grown—“ I winced, nearly saying ‘woman’ without thinking. “I’m an adult. I can look after myself.”
The gentle, fatherly smile he gave me back caused me to slip into a pout. “You’ll always be my little girl. I’ll never stop looking out for you. At least so long as I’m properly doing my job as a father.” He leaned forward.
I grumbled, but didn’t give a real protest.
“I’m not sure where to begin, really. There’s a fair bit I want to tell you, so I suppose the very beginning will do. At least, the beginning for me.”
I adjusted myself, getting into a more comfortable position, and then he began.
“I wasn’t born in this little town, as I mentioned once before, when you were much younger. Nor was your mother, as it happens. I was born and raised in the city of Neche, in the Salphori Province, of what was once the Salphori Kingdom.” He paused as his words sunk in. “It’s a city up to its waist in poverty, as it has been for generations now. And full of people who want independence. We called ourselves separatists and liberators, among other names. The Emperor referred to us as bandits and traitors to the Empire.” He scowled down into his lap.
“We?” I mumbled out, barely able to believe what I was hearing.
“Yes, I was among their number, as was your mother, when she came to the city. She was certainly something.” A smile crossed his lips, and I suspected he was reliving some memory of the past. “We first met back when I was part of a group known as the Salphori Feathers, back when our group was attempting to bring Prince Thelous into power. The rather long story shortened is that your mother, Juniper, and I fell in love. Not instantly. In fact, I didn’t trust her at all in the first few months after we met. Your mother was… different, which I’ll get to in a moment.” He waved a hand. “Over time, I fell hard for her charms, and somehow she found something in me that she liked as well. Then, after we’d been together for a few months, she found out she was pregnant.” He let out an awkward cough. “You were admittedly a bit unintended. But still a very happy accident. For a few months, we weren’t sure what to do. Neche wasn’t the best place to raise a child. Then, as things began to turn for the worst,” he paused once more, “we fled.”
“So, then—the both of you were—you were both rebels?” I asked, completely stunned, and lacking a better question. Not only was my father speaking about my mom, by name, but to think that the two of them were separatists fighting to break from the Empire. My imagination helpfully provided visions of the two of them running through tight city streets and clashing blades with sentinels. It was a ridiculous image, and likely inaccurate. I didn’t remember much of my mother, but to think the gentle, loving woman of my memory was involved in something so full of danger and violence? Though, I admittedly had no idea whether they actually did any real fighting, or if either of them knew how to wield a weapon. Even ignoring the fanciful scenes my mind had created, it was almost too much to believe. And on top of it all, I couldn’t help but wonder… why was I learning all this now? I held back a groan.
“It feels like another life now, but yes. We were fighting for a better life, one under better rule, and which could hopefully pull our city out of the pit of poverty that the Empire kept it in.” He gave me a look, projecting forth the full gravity and sincerity of what he was about to say. “I know it might not be easy to understand, being raised here in Sunridge and growing up isolated from that sort of life, a life forever under the Empire’s sword and boot. But I need you to understand, Pearl, that things out in most of the Empire are different. Growing up, my family and I often scraped by to survive. For much of my childhood, we often weren’t certain that we would have enough to eat week to week. And my family was much better off than many.” His voice grew weak, and then he softly begged, “So please try to understand why your mother and I fought—for a better life and future. We did what we felt was right—what is still right—even if it may not seem so to you.”
I stood and walked over to him, before leaning down to my knees and wrapping him in a tight hug.
“It’s alright, Da. It’s okay. I—well, I don’t truly understand, I’m sure. But I do at least a little. Honestly, I think it’s pretty amazing that you and mom really were a part of something like that. I’ve only recently begun to see that the Empire isn’t the gentle place of majesty that I thought it was. It’s been a difficult perspective for me to come around to. But I believe you and believe in you. I just wish you’d told me about all this sooner.”
He exhaled a gust of relief from his lungs. Gently, a hand rubbed my back before I released him from the tight hug a few moments later, dragging my chair over beside his.
“I’m here, Da.”
“I wish I’d told you sooner as well,” he admitted. “At the very least, perhaps I could have given you a better education as you started to get older. It’s our fault—your mother’s and mine—that you don’t already know all this. Though probably my own more than hers now. We wanted you to have a peaceful life, one not like either of our own. And we knew it could be dangerous if our pasts got out, especially hers. So, like most of the people here, we kept quite on where we were fleeing from, and pretended to be normal citizens of the Empire looking for a simple life in the eastern wilds. Even if that meant letting you believe whatever nonsense that sham of a priest, Callan, taught you.” He rolled his eyes. “It hurt me to keep something so important to who we were a secret from you, even if it was to keep us all safe. And then, as you got older, it just never seemed like the right time.”
“Oh.” I truly didn’t know how to feel about this. Beneath all the shock, there was at least some betrayal at never having been told any of this. Though I could understand the reasons, and the feeling was very much tempered after everything that had happened between Lena and I. I knew that I didn’t have a history of being someone particularly trustworthy, and it especially made sense for when I was much younger. If only I could go back in time and beat past-me’s head against a rock to knock some sense into them.
“I don’t have any excuses anymore. Truthfully, you should have known about all of this well before sentinels started showing up, not to mention a sorceress and then a gods damned Praevus.” I blinked, surprised to hear my Da curse, something that I’d only heard him do a handful of times in my life. “Now even more sentinels are showing up seemingly every morning. I should never have waited this long. At the least, I should have spoken with you when you became Camilla’s maid. I just…” He buried his face into his hands. “How do you tell your—your daughter that you’ve lied to them? That I’ve kept not just my past a secret, but also your mother’s, and so much more about the world you live in? I’ve taught you so little of the world and the true nature of the Empire, letting that useless Priest teach you his skewed perspective.”
My lips parted, but no sound left them. Da reached a hand out, and I latched onto it like a floating log in a dangerous river. He stared deep into my eyes, his own full of a deep sorrow and trembling terror.
“I’ve failed you as a father, Pearl. All this time, I’d convinced myself that I’d been doing you a favor, keeping you safe from my past, safe from the Empire. And when they finally marched into town, I was too scared to act. I prayed that they would leave as quickly as they came, terrified that I’d lose you if I revealed my past to you. And when you and Camilla came to visit me several days ago, I realized that perhaps I already had lost you. Instead of doing something, like I should have been, I’ve been too busy fretting over how well you’d take all this. About what the right decision was, and if I would end up just putting you in more danger if you didn't believe me. And all the while, I’ve had no idea what kind of situation you’ve already stumbled into here. Or if you’ve even been safe.”
I bit my lip, knowing that I couldn’t truthfully say that I was safe here. Quite the opposite. Da’s mouth thinned, and he gave me a small understanding nod.
“If it’s alright, perhaps we can exchange tales. You tell me what has been happening here, and I’ll tell you what I’ve been meaning to tell you about your mother and our past? Or at least everything we have time to discuss. There’s a lot more that I haven’t told you yet, and I don’t know how much time we’ll have.”
I considered it for a moment, hesitating only momentarily as I worried about getting him further involved in my mess. Ultimately, I owed him this, though, just as much as he owed me. We were a family. We looked out for each other. And we’d both been keeping a lot of secrets, it seemed. “Alright, so long as you tell me more of what mom was like?” I asked hopefully.
He smiled. “You can count on it.”
I nodded, and my expression sobered, last-minute doubts freezing my lips. Would he take it well? Would he accept me once he knew the whole truth? With no small amount of fear and anxiety swirling inside me, I began, “It started the day Camilla arrived…”