Chapter 32
Telling Lena and Rosetta about my discussion with the Praevus and the resulting conversations with Camilla didn’t take nearly as long as I had expected. I left out a few of the details, like Envers words about my ‘vice,’ Camilla’s very personal talk about her past, and her stripping me naked just before several sentinels broke in. The first would lead to a conversation I wasn’t sure that I was ready to have just yet, and the latter was just too embarrassing to admit in front of both of them. Perhaps I could tell Lena about it later when we were alone. Camilla’s story of her past was of course her own decision to tell or not. It wasn't mine to share.
By the end, Lena was scowling at me and Rosetta looked rather pale.
“I… did not expect that things were this severe,” Lena muttered. “This very much changes things.” Her scowl only deepened, and I fidgeted next to her on the bed. Was she just annoyed by the situation, or was she angry with me too?
Rosetta looked back and forth between us, not seeming to know what to say.
As Lena glanced back up at me, she said, “Did you ask Camilla if she knew of a way to remove the Mark?”
“Umm, no. I haven’t.”
She sighed and gave me a look. “Shouldn’t that have been the first thing to ask?” I flinched, and her expression became apologetic. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated by all this. I assumed that at worst you would simply be sent away to receive some kind of training when the sentinels eventually found out, assuming your Mark was exposed while they were here.”
The redhead stood up, apparently wanting to stretch and move her legs after sitting for so long. “Especially with you being under the sorceress’s employ and protection. She may not be a noble in name, but her word still often holds some amount of import. Not to mention that no one wants to deal with an angry sorcerer.” Still scowling, she began tapping her fingers against her arm. “I had no idea things were this serious. But if Camilla said that it could mean a death sentence, then we should be able to take her word for it. Out of anyone, she would know. The question is: what now? With your body changing as it is, we, unfortunately, can't guarantee the secret will stay hidden.” Lena paused in thought, and I decided to elaborate some.
“I was definitely planning to ask her about the possibility of removing it. But things were really tense at the time, and unfortunately, she didn’t bring it up. She seemed to think that the best thing for us to do would be to plan an escape from here.” The fact that Camilla hadn't suggested simply removing my curse did cause some amount of worry to swell within me. It seemed the most obvious solution, assuming a way to eliminate it truly existed. Though perhaps it was simply not something as easily accomplished as I might have hoped. Much like the substance that caused the Mark, something similarly rare might have been needed to remove one. I couldn't give up hope on it just yet.
Lena scowled once more. “I’m not sure running away is really the best solution here. That’s basically admitting you’ve done something wrong. It seems like a last resort type of thing.”
Rosetta leaned forward, speaking softly. “The roads have been closed off for several days now too. No one can come in or leave the town. It’s all Chilton has been able to talk about, when he’s actually in the kitchen.”
I’d only spotted the cook a few times since I’d started my maid work. Until recently, I didn't even know the place had a chef. The man seemed to be a bit of a hermit and often spent most of his time in his room, only popping out occasionally to cook the meals for the day and then run back off. It was often the job of one of the maids, typically Ida, to make sure things were actually kept clean and warm for lunch and dinner.
It still baffled me somewhat that Rosetta and Ida were able to keep this place tidy by themselves. A week ago, it hadn't occurred to me just how much they had to do here. There were of course a few other servants, like the groundskeeper and the cook, but a lot of work fell on the two girls’ shoulders, considering that each of them also looked after Lena and her mother respectively. I’d gone into the kitchen a number of times only to find Rosetta or Ida cleaning up everything that had been left behind by Chilton.
The thought of food made my stomach rumble. I was beginning to feel rather exhausted and starved after all the emotional hills and mountains I'd had to traverse already today. I could really use a good meal and some tea soon if I was honest. Perhaps even sitting down in a quiet corner with a book to read, though I doubted that was going to happen anytime soon. My days had become far too eventful of late.
Realizing that I'd become lost in thought, I faced Lena once more and attempted to put together what was being said.
“… have to wait for her. We really just don’t have enough information to begin formulating any kind of plan.”
The word ‘we’ stuck out boldly in my mind, and I realized what it meant. “So… you’re both going to help me then?”
Lena faced me, a saddened expression on her face. “Of course, Pearl. I’ve been a garbage friend, but I hope you don’t see me that terribly. We’ll find a way to fix this, even if it means helping you and Camilla flee here somehow.”
My lips parted, the suggestion that she should run away with us hanging on the edge of my tongue. But I hesitated, fearful that she would say no. Fearful that I might crack the delicate and healing friendship we’d just agreed on all because of my continued insistence that we find a way to avoid her marriage. We’d had a conversation on it not even an hour before, one in which she’d once again shot down my pleas.
Rosetta nodded and gave me a smile. “Between all of us, I’m sure we’ll think of something.”
Another issue, I realized, was that with Rosetta and Lena being lovers, it wasn't just Lena that would need to be convinced. I expected Lena planned to have Rosetta continue to serve as her personal maid after her marriage. It might even have been one of the reasons that Lena was so willing to go through with being married to Silas, knowing that her secret love would be there with her to comfort and support her. But would Rosetta be willing to run away with us even if I could convince Lena? The whole idea was all becoming exceptionally more complicated by the moment. If only I could just speak with them about this, find some way to convince them without the fear of destroying our friendship. Perhaps I could give it a few days first?
Rosetta moved in front of me, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I realize that it might be a bit overconfident of me to say, but it’s gonna be alright, okay? You’re not in this alone.” She must have noticed how anxious or upset I outwardly appeared. Though it wasn't my Mark that I was actively worrying over.
“Yeah,” I muttered, not sounding at all convinced.
As I continued to deliberate over the idea, I couldn’t help but wonder when the best time to bring it up would be, if not now? The wedding was already on the horizon. If Lena and Rosetta were willing to put themselves at risk to help me, it seemed only right that I was willing to do the same for them. Plus our friendship had already crumbled once and sprouted back up from the rubble into something even stronger. Or I hoped so, at least.
I couldn’t continue to ignore this and put it off. Time wasn't on my side; it never really had been. I had to talk with them about it and put my foot down once and for all. I looked up, and met Rosetta’s eyes, before glancing over to Lena’s. Standing up to face them eye to eye, I said, “Lena, I… I know you probably don’t want to talk about this again right now, but,” she stared at me, not appearing to realize just yet what I was leading up to, “I think instead of marrying Silas, you should come with me and Camilla. If we really do run away from here, I want you to come too.” Glancing back to Rosetta, I said, “Both of you.”
Lena sighed, clearly frustrated at having to discuss this with me, yet again. “Pearl, I’ve told y—“
Hearing the rejection already in her voice, I interrupted her. “I’m sorry, but no,” I nearly shouted out. My hands balled into fists and I squared my shoulders as I faced her. “If we’re going to be proper friends again, real friends like we used to be, then I’m not going to let you do this to yourself.” My anger and frustration flowed out of me through my words. “You deserve better. Much better. Someone like Rosetta or — or like me.” My cheeks reddened at saying something so bold. Yet I wasn’t going to take it back. “Not him.”
“But—”
“And I don’t care about the town, either. The town will be fine without you. I know that you feel like this is your duty, that the Empire and your family demand this of you, and you feel that it’s all your responsibility. But — but fuck the Empire.” I blinked at my own statement. Lena’s eyes widened in surprise. “Did I really just say that?” I muttered to myself, and then realizing I'd spoken out loud, blushed and decided to just push forward. “Umm, r-right. The Empire can find someone else to be the Reeve here. I’m sure there’s some other noble that can do the job. Or I dunno, the cook or something. Literally anyone but you and that bastard together. It doesn’t have to be you, Lena. Not if it means marrying someone you hate.”
“Pearl, we've talked about this.” Her gaze clearly expressed her frustration, but I had no intention of backing down this time. “It’s not about them, it’s for the sake of the whole town and everyone here. I’ve been training to do this for years, learning all the things I need to know to keep this town safe and stable. Without good management, too many things can go wrong. We rely on the exports of lesei to the capital to keep everyone fed and healthy. The town itself doesn’t make nearly enough food and such on its own to survive on. If someone without the necessary knowledge and experience tried to manage things here, people would likely starve. Especially during the winter months, when imports are more difficult to acquire. It’s a balance that someone with the right knowledge and experience has to manage.”
She had a good argument, I had to admit. But, “I don’t care, Lena,” I told her bluntly, staring her firmly in the eyes. “I believe you, but it still doesn’t need to be your responsibility. Not when the cost is your own life and wellbeing.”
“It is my responsibility, though, Pearl,” she insisted back. “I’m the daughter of the Reeve. It’s what I was born to do. It’s not something I can simply abandon. The people here rely on me.”
“Well, I was born to be a boy, and you can see how well that’s been going for me,” I said with a deadpan tone.
“It’s not the same as that at all,” she muttered quietly.
“I don’t care,” I repeated, still unyielding. “It's close enough to the same. I’m sure that there is someone else who can do it, and if not, your father will surely find someone. Don’t do this to yourself, Lena. Don’t do this to us.” I glanced up at Rosetta, who seemed to have a thoughtful look on her face.
Lena sighed dramatically, “You’re utterly infuriating.” Looking over to her maid with a pleading look, she said, “Back me up, will you? You understand as well as I why I can’t just run off.”
“I… actually don’t think leaving here is too terrible of an idea.” Her eyes flickered between both of us, consideringly. Realizing that I had an unexpected ally, I gave her a small smile of appreciation.
The hurt look Lena shot her would have one believing she’d been truly betrayed. “You too?”
“I’ve told you several times already that I think you should try to explore… different avenues, so to speak.”
“You’re ‘different avenues’ are not nearly the same as running off into the woods and away from my responsibilities,” she responded flatly.
“That hadn’t been what I’d meant originally, no. But given recent circumstances…”
“One of your suggestions had been to stage an accident where Silas became unfit to wed me.”
“That was mostly in jest.”
“‘Mostly,’ she says,” Lena muttered with air quotes. “We don’t even know if fleeing is the best plan for Pearl yet, much less for myself.”
For the first time in all the conversations I’d had with her about this, I was getting the sense that Lena was close to actually giving in. In my surprise, I nearly had to force my face to stay neutral. I couldn't flub this now. We just needed to push it a little more.
“If Camilla thinks it’s what we’ll have to do, I’m inclined to trust her,” I asserted.
“And it’s just hypothetical, really,” Rosetta added.
Lena glared back and forth between both of us. “You two really aren’t making this easy for me.” We stared back, waiting to see what else she might say that we could refute. The redhead pinched her nose and then anxiously started tapping her fingers against her shoulder. Several times she seemed about to say something but stopped herself.
Eventually, she let out a loud huff, as though taking a cue from me. “Gods damn it, fine. Assuming that we go with this 'running away' plan of Camilla’s, I’ll consider the possibility of coming along. If the sorceress agrees.”