Chapter 61. Pansy’s anxiety

It was nearing the end of our second school year, and things around the school had come to a collected relief over the end of the Chamber. Draco, still unknowing of Pansy being the perpetrator, and me stopping her, spoke to us casually over the events. “Shame… Part of me hoped to have all the mudblood's run screaming so we can enjoy school without them.” I hid my disgust, remembering how horrible every portion of the Chamber was built for. Pansy was a bit odd as well, her gaze seemed unsure as she glanced at me.

I shrugged while readjusting myself on the black leather couch in our common room. “That’s what summer is for, is it not?” I asked with my plastered on snide grin, Draco laughing a bit in agreement. “That’s a good one!” However, Pansy only nodded with a somewhat forced smile, chuckling alongside Draco and I in the common room. After some time, Pansy left Draco and I, saying she wanted to head to the library. Both Draco and I shrugged it off while we talked about potions and spells.

Pansy frowned in thought, the image of Lucas’ fake smile sticking in her mind. She had known both sides of Lucas enough to tell when he was lying. Normally it had to do with keeping up appearances of conceit most other Slytherin’s had. However this time he was making that face talking about mudblood's. Heading into the library, her vision was soon placed onto the brown haired mudblood girl, already sitting together with her silver haired friend.

Pansy’s chest squirmed just looking at the mudblood, the feelings of when she was controlled and manipulated by Tom resurfaced. ‘Why…? Why do I hate her so much?’ She thought. Other mudblood's were nothing more than forgettable nuisances, but this one brought out the depths of her anger. The way that Lucas so easily sacrificed the last remembrance of the unicorn for her, even going so far as to perhaps curse himself forever to join her hand in hand came to her mind.

Pansy hated the feeling. The thoughts of this mudblood and Lucas together, caring for each other, made her chest squirm and her stomach sink. She quietly moved to the table she was scowling at, and watched as both girls looked up at her in confusion. “Stay away from Lucas…” Pansy hissed with vitriol, glaring at the mudblood girl’s confusion. “I don-” Before she could talk, Pansy cut her off. “No, just stay away from him. If I see you anywhere near him… I will begin making things difficult for you…” Pansy placed her hands on the table, leaning closer to Hermione, staring her down.

Hermione frowned at Pansy, she already disliked and distrusted Pansy especially after seeing her as the reason for the attacks this year, targeting one of the friends sitting just beside her, although she could never say a word. However now this blood purist was telling her what to do. It was evident that Pansy was close to Lucas, in fact she was one of his few close friends. Hermione felt that Pansy was realizing that Lucas was not entirely a blood supremist, and perhaps blamed her for it.

Hermione nodded at Pansy with a shrug. “Sure… I wasn’t planning on it anyway.” Pansy scowled at Hermione, not believing a word, but leaving regardless after declaring war. “Are… Are you going to be okay?” Chiara nervously asked, whispering while leaning closer to Hermione. Hermione frowned, she hated Pansy, or doing anything she might say, but if Lucas was seen with her then his entire life would be flipped upside down. It also might come into question over why he believed in blood equality, outing him as not being ‘pure’ either. Hermione sighed at Lucas’ predicament, part of her wishing he could have been in any other house, but her hands were tied. “I’m not the one to be worried over…” She mumbled, shaking her head at Pansy leaving.

Pansy sighed, leaning against the wall behind her near the library doors. ‘What am I doing? I’m supposed to be more sophisticated than her, yet I’m resorting to threats…’ Pansy frowned, through her shattered memories of her time under Tom’s control, she recalled the reasons he gave her to petrify the silver haired Hufflepuff. ‘She is also trying to cling onto Lucas. With her out of the picture, the mudblood girl will deliver herself to Lucas and you. Both of them are trying to get in between the both of you.’

Pansy crossed her arms, the underlying worry of losing Lucas to either of them, a girl he threw his life on the line for, and another that always seemed to catch his eye. They were both dangerous in their own way, but the mudblood was the one that worried Pansy the most. Before it was only the nervous girl that showed interest, something that Pansy could easily scare away with only small amounts of pressure, but now the mudblood girl was starting to see Lucas with a gentler gaze. That girl never knew when to quit, evident from her spending a full month to create a potion just to interrogate Lucas.

‘The further away they both are from him, the better.’ She thought, walking through the halls, not ready to have Lucas pull away from her again. “I see you have worries over your war…” A sudden warm, elderly voice said with a sigh, as if he were feeling the pressure right alongside her. Pansy snapped her head to look at the oiled painting she fell asleep in front of, beside Lucas’ shoulder. Pansy blushed just remembering how he casually dabbed away her drool, her desire for that night to happen once again itched in her chest.

“What war?” She asked, staring at the image of the old wizard, casually reading a book in his rocking chair. He was still facing away from her, she was unable to see his face, only the open pages on his lap. He chuckled, closing the book, Pansy noted a sidelong glance as he looked towards her with a saddening smile. “You remind me of an old friend of mine, if you care to listen…” He mumbled looking back off towards the mountain range far away in his painting.

Pansy slowly sat down on the bench, giving space where Lucas last sat, wishing he were here. “She was… A magnificent witch. Smart, hardworking, headstrong… Caring…” He sighed at his last description. “She cared too much…” He muttered, stroking his long beard. “People believe what they are taught. Even if what they are taught is wrong, they will still believe it… She had lost much of what she cared for from those that misunderstood wizarding culture, and decided to fight back… However, in doing so, she lost everything she had left.”

Pansy felt her chest tighten, he was describing a story, but all Pansy heard was how it matched with her own life. She started to lose Lucas by fighting to keep him to herself. She leaned forward in her seat, paying attention to every word Merlin would mumble. “You wonder if perhaps the thing you're fighting over is changing… However, perhaps it is only your beliefs that are wavering…” Pansy frowned, suddenly the last talk she had with Merlin came back to her mind. “Lucas… Is he perhaps… Not what I think?”

She stared at Merlin’s back, rocking back and forth in his chair, begging for answers. ‘He must have spoken to Lucas that night, what is he saying?’ Merlin kept rocking slowly as he spoke, not bothering to look at Pansy’s desperate expression. “What do you think he is?” He asked, Pansy stuttering, the images of Lucas’ shocked and horrified expressions at seeing Pansy as the attacker, the avoidance of her afterwards, his desire to keep Hermione safe at the cost of his own safety. “Lucas… Isn’t a blood traitor, is he?”

Merlin then gazed through her, his eyes almost seemed alight with silent anger as he stared into Pansy. Pansy gulped, only now remembering that Merlin believed in protecting Muggles most. “I’ll only leave you with this question Ms. Parkinson… Parselmouth, how did  Salazar gain such an ability, allowing him to talk to snakes?” After he said that, he turned around in his chair, facing towards the distant mountains as he began slowly rocking in his chair again. Once he did, the sudden pressure Pansy felt, all released at once, and she gasped for breath, pondering his sudden question, one that she had never given much thought to. ‘It comes from lineage, Lucas is part of Salazar's bloodline, that's why he can speak with snakes... Who gave it to Salazar? Did it just... Appear?'

The nagging idea in Pansy’s mind was shut out, refusing it to be even acknowledged. If such a power just appeared like that, then perhaps other abilities could also come about. 'What else could have appeared?' A part of her questioned, a sudden gnawing in the back of her mind now left unsatisfied. 'Could we have appeared...?' Pansy started to become dizzy, her face felt flush, her breathing became ragged, her ears rang, the walls closed in, she felt her entire beliefs shake. Was Lucas perhaps not pureblooded? Was she? Was anyone? If the oldest of wizards and witches came about by just a random chance of two muggle-borns like any other mudblood, then who could ever be labeled as pureblooded?

Perhaps by that logic, nobody was… Nobody was truly pure blooded to begin with. Not even the first wizards and witches would be. ‘Is all we are just as random as my eye color? Eyes…’ Pansy then thought about Lucas’ changing eye color, thinking more about Lucas quickly reminded her of his parselmouth. Perhaps he knew of this to begin with, that everything that Slytherin believed… Was a lie…