Chapter 89. Talk It Out
"So... How much do you actually know about the origins of that letter?"
"Vat letta?"1What letter?
"The one you handed to me back then."
"Noh letta."2Not a letter.
"Not a letter?"
"Nup. Hyu wreeet letta. Dis maded."3Nope. You write letters. This was made. (implication being that Memiri simply conjured the letter already written)
"Yowch. Technically correct, but... Is it also my fault you seem to be taking verbal clues from orks?"
"Nuh-huh, jussa funning."4Nuh-huh. Just making a funny.
"Well, so long as you don't plan on WAAGH..."
"For Kayoss!"5For Chaos!
"Yes, I should have expected this much. Chaos, huh? I can't imagine the loci are the same, though... Local elves certainly haven't been debauched enough to spawn Slaanesh, as of yet. Any ideas?"
"Kayoss Undeeevidah! Mohmee!"6Chaos Undivided! Mommy!
"Wait. WHAT?"
"Mohmee eez the kayoss undeevidah! Eeefen eef mohmee spleets."7Mommy is the chaos undivided. Even when mommy splits.
"I'm not exactly a goddess."
"Nah goddesh, nah. Kay-oss!"8Not goddess, no. Chaos!
"I'm not sure if I should be relieved or terrified I'm the closest this reality has to Chaos locus. I'll do with relieved. How does that even work given my end goals are all about introducing way more order into things?"
"Kayoss ish beeg, ish conr... cohr... contradeektive itshelf!"9Chaos is big, is conr.. cohr... contradictive in itself!
"Very well, then I contradict myself, for I am large and contain multitudes? Sheesh. Alright then. Let's talk about something more important."
"Hwee?"10(an exclamation of surprise and intrigue, not an actual word)
"Tentacles."
"HWEEEEHEHEHEHEEEE! EEeeeEEeeE! Whah-haaaahahah! Hier! Fasta! Eeee!"11Ahahaha! Eee! Wahahaha! Higher! Faster! Wheee!
___
To sum it up. While I most definitely did NOT plan on having any progeny at this moment, it's surprisingly fun to play with my entirely unplanned... damn it, but let's go with daughter. I'm honestly not sure if gender is actually a concept she is going to pay much attention to, but for now, she identifies as she, that should be sufficient. In addition, I am, to some degree, in a shock. Which means I'm not paying attention to things properly. Thankfully, everyone who DID walk in on me "flying" Cy around with a tentacle were already well acquainted with my corporeal plasticity. In all honesty, making the buzzing sounds was harder to explain than the tentacley activity itself.
The conversation that followed, however... Doooodgy. Because in the worst traditions of spreading the chaos around, Cy starts to compare herself to each of the four in rather transparent attempt to figure out which of them should be "father". Which, in turn, is extremely awkward for all of them. In no small part because trying to comprehend the concept of getting ME knocked up is not really meshing well with their own self-image. I'm having a bit of "uh-huh, sure" myself when I try to think of it... Oh for crying out loud, suggesting that maybe it's all four at the same time does NOT make things less awkweird, Cy!
Selene provides a much needed disruption by asking me to step out for a moment to "clarify something". I admit, I am in equal parts bemused and loathe to leave Cy alone with my wives, but if there are any problems beyond the readily observed, the sooner I know of them, the better.
"What the fuck is Wizard's Nightmare?" - she levels at me straightly as soon as the door is closed.
I lean on the wall next to the door and rub my face. This does not in any way alleviate my weariness. "Putting it very crudely? When you're very powerful magically and have a nightmare, there's a chance you might subconsciously conjure something out of the nightmare." - I explain - "Mind you, a nightmare is not necessarily a dreaming kind, it is also possible to do this if you're put through an emotional wringer. Most common trigger, however, is having a vivid nightmare, hence the name."
"Uh-huh." - she drawls - "Well, I do understand how wee-ash-forty-kay can be a high octane nightmare, but... The hell, Alyssa? How do you even... She's not even... Just... WHY Cultist-chan, of all the...?"
"Are you asking me to give a logical explanation to a nightmare? As in, something borne out of the subconscious and irrational fears?" - I toss back - "Maybe I should also toss in the explanation regarding the meaning of life and everything? It's forty two, by the way."
She snorts - "Bonus points for nerd references, but no cigar...." Selene paces in front of me silently for a couple moments, then whirls around and throws a hand in my direction - "Are you even ready to be a mom?"
"Absolutely fucking not, if you're talking about preparedness. Money's not an issue, and hiring servants to address the chores is not a problem, but as far as mentally ready? Not a clue, sorry. I'm totally winging it here." - I retort tiredly - "Remember me ranting about needing a vacation? Well, consider this the third impact. When your body, mind and magic all throw a wobbly, it's a sign to ease up and rethink life priorities. As such... I'm going to put minimal token effort into passing the term exams, which would be negligibly minuscule given that I apparently wrote some of the textbooks in process and dedicate every single moment otherwise towards my family so that it does not implode on me. Businesses are doing fine, the plans are ticking, the people are primed to expand and grow without my direct input and I am going to eat the head of the next idiot to saddle me with an unnecessary chore."
"...What, like literally?" - she quips sarcastically. I'm... not sure how to address this, but thankfully she pushes on, leaving that question to be rhetoric - "Ok, so... If you need someone to babysit..."
She trails off as I start to giggle. "Selene, I appreciate the sentiment, but you DO understand I can afford to hire a whole nursery of nannies and maids if needs be?" - I toss back at her - "I don't mind if you want to spend the time with my suddenly expanding family, as a whole or in detail, but don't go putting yourself out on my account. Honestly, I'd rather you start thinking what kind of cheat you want to put on the market to bamf up your own funds."
"I wasn't planning on that..." - she retorts feebly - "Wait, wait, it's not THAT easy. I mean, you are a high noble, I'm just an ennobled commoner and a foundling at that. No one would trust me with any sort of credit... Um... er... except you, I suppose."
"Indeed. So start thinking on what you can do. Get Ed in on it, if you can figure out some kind of product he would be interested in making. Remember me grilling him about his holdings? Well, you also have the advanced knowledge in your head, use it. I'll back you up with technical details if you end up missing some tidbit on your own. Start selling something. Not sure if you noticed, but people are kind of getting the gist of Ed switching up from me to you, and the general sentiment seems to be 'golly, why would a prince trade down from a golden goose noble to a rando commoner'? So far, it's just disjointed ruminations, but if you let them solidify, the most likely collective delusion people will arrive at is that Ed knocked you up. IF you start something of your own here, and it proves to be just as lucrative as my own stuff, however? Or at least just as innovative? That would muddle things up well enough for you to slip by and deal with public opinions from a position of strength that's not reliant on Ed's interference." - I rant at her.
Selene starts looking offended, but then simmers down and mulls over it. "...Alright, well... you DO have a point there." - she then admits - "But what should I invent?"
"How should I know? Think something up. Preferably, something relevant to your interests." - I suggest - "Or Ed's interests. Also an option. Start a spun glass salon maybe. Or exotic cuisine restaurant. Start making biros or gyros or lyres. Up to you. As I said, I'll quietly nudge you along if you find yourself stumbling over a technical problem, but please be the face. My plate overfloweth at the moment."
"Hrm. And why right now?" - she asks suspiciously.
"To take the heat off me, duh. I've been making headlines for months. Lemand's offsetting it right now, but he's my retainer, I still get the spotlight because of it. Now that I'm suddenly a mom, tongues are gonna waggle on turbo setting." - I admit blithely - "Just the right moment for you to do something that gets the whole capitol talking about new and fancy. And if you screw up, then no one will remember it much, given the much more juicy 'did you hear Alyssa Gillespie conjured a child?' versus 'oh that ennobled commoner Serenity screwed up a shop'."
"Sooo... If I make a big impact, it's going to take the heat off you, and if I make a big flop, it won't be paid attention to overly much, right?" - she repeats - "Gah, this is so messed up. So glad Ed's not the crownprince. I'd run away if I had to study that seriously for queenly training. Alright, well... Not alright, but we do have a plan then, right? I'll... think on what we can do, talk it over with Ed and maybe Al and show you what we got, alright?"
"Sure. Feel free to ask my harem for ideas too. Lily-Anne might have some, in particular. She's been making noises about wanting to be more involved in business, maybe talk to her and see what she can think of." - I confirm, as I turn back in - "But for now, excuse me. Family time nao."
