107. Sasuke Retrieval Arc, Part 8: Everything but the Kitchen Sink Vs. Kimimaro!

Kimimaro flees across the grass field with Sasuke’s casket, and we follow. We left our friends behind to make it this far, relying on them to protect themselves.

“Alright, that does it! I’m not letting you run away any longer!” Naruto shouts as his teeth sharpen, eyes turning red and pupils narrowing to slits. Red chakra rolls off him in waves. “Multi Shadow Clone Jutsu!”

Suddenly, hundreds of Naruto’s surround Kimimaro.

I gape. It’s hard to believe that knuckleheaded himbo is capable of this. But he’s not playing around anymore. The bone-user isn’t either, standing guardian over Sasuke’s casket while ivory spears grow from the palms of his hands.

“Come.”

“You’re so canceled!”

“Naruto-kun, stop using Shino-chan’s weird phrases,” I tell him, “You have no idea what they mean.”

“Macabre Bone Pulse: Dance of the Weeping Willow!”

More bone spikes emerge from Kimimaro’s shoulders, elbows, and knees as he flows and sways across the battlefield. Naruto clones throw themselves at him to be impaled, slashed, and cut down. The last of the Sound Five is the picture of grace while evading punches, kicks, and tackles from all sides and multiple angles at a time.

“Wow, Naruto-oniichan is riled up, huh, Sakura-chan?” Naruko comments, seeming a little worried by her twin’s fierce demeanor.

I nod. “He’s done with Orochimaru-kun messing with us. Let’s go help him. Macabre Bone Pulse: Second Dance of the Cosmos Flower!”

“A pale imitation,” Kimimaro sneers at me as he sees my technique in action.

Ivory gauntlets cover my hands and forearms while Karin manifests arm from my thighs to slap the ground with her palms, sending a dozen growing vines whipping toward Kimimaro, “Wood Release: Smothering Binding Technique!”

I wade in among the Naruto’s and throw a punch at the Sound ninja. He’s a slippery guy, but my taijutsu is aided by a new sense of battlefield awareness from the Byakugan in addition to my previous Sharingan upgrade. My movements aren’t as practiced and elegant as Kimimaro’s, but I can keep pace like this.

It doesn’t seem to matter, though. He’s a whirlwind of bone spines twirling and slashing and kicking, popping Naruto’s left and right while simultaneously deflecting my punches. I can’t land a solid blow!

Karin’s vines are no more than a momentary distraction quickly dealt with and ignored. He simply leaps over them like jump ropes. Damn, the problem is that she doesn’t have the chakra reserves to properly harness her insanely potent Kekkei Genkai. Naruto has ridiculous chakra levels but can’t do more than toss clones at this dude. I, on the other hand, have had a matter of weeks to invent a new fighting style and am facing off against a prodigy who spent his whole life perfecting his moves. I’m afraid we don’t have what it takes to beat this guy.

Then the casket starts to smoke.

“Won’t be long, now,” Kimimaro comments.

“Quit showing me your boner and let me see Sasuke-kun!” Naruto quips.

The Sound ninja ignores his jab and continues, “This is no ordinary bone… I’ve maximized its density to harder than steel.”

“Tch; whatever. I’ll smash through whatever you put in my way, dattebayo!”

Kimimaro scowls at us. “I have five dances. Don’t even think that you understand that power… particularly this next one. Macabre Bone Pulse: Dance of the Camelia!”

In one of the craziest, most buck-wild creepy displays I’ve ever seen, the guy rips his arm bones out of his shoulder to wield them like a sword. Wow, I’ve only begun to explore this Kekkei Genkai’s depths. It’s a good thing my Sharingan is studying him closely.

There’s no time to stand here and be impressed, though.

A wave of Naruto’s dash toward Kimimaro, who sweeps all their legs at once before slashing each with his new bone sword, dispersing all of them in an impotent puff of smoke.

“Wood Release: Great Forest Technique!”

Karin’s arm becomes several twisting trunks of wood that reach for the enemy. He easily dodges around the grasping bark-covered fingers while popping Naruto’s and fending me off at the same time. He stabs at me, and I need to cross my arms to block the sword thrust. A Rasengan-bearing Naruko flies through the battlefield to no effect, having had her clones throw her at speed, but still unable to connect with the elusive Sound ninja. He ducks under her arc and she crashes into the ground in an explosion of whirling chakra.

Looking around, I see all but one of the Naruto’s are left. Kimimaro really popped all of them by himself… This is getting ridiculous.

Nearby, the casket hisses and smokes.

“The time is nigh. This is our first step towards Orochimaru-sama’s ideals.”

Then the casket explodes.

Sasuke emerges from the rubble and fading purple smoke partway transformed into his Cursed Seal’s second stage, slowly reverting as Naruto tries to get his attention. The Uchiha scion ignores Naruto and goes bounding off on his own while cackling to himself.

“Sasuke-kun, wait! Can’t we talk about this? If you need space, I can give you space! And I totally understand if you want to focus on your long-term revenge goals, but… hey, come back!”

“Naruto-kun, behind you!” I shout, knowing I’m too far away and too slow to intervene.

“Breaking up is easy if one of you is dead,” Kimimaro says from behind Naruto with his bone sword poised to stab the blond knucklehead through the heart.

“Leaf Hurricane!”

A green blur delivers a flying kick to the bone user’s side, sending Kimimaro skidding away in a defensive crouch. Could it be?

“Konoha’s handsome green beast is back! The name’s Rock Lee!”

“Lee-kun!” I exclaim in shock, “You’re healed!” Tsunade’s surgery must have been a success!

“Yep! I told him everything; we’re here to help!” Naruko-L appears beside me via Body Flicker. Wait… Is she wearing a green jumpsuit???

My eyes nearly fall out of my skull as I look Lee’s Naruko up and down. Either her jumpsuit is a size too small, or she doesn’t mind it riding up her ass in a massive wedgie like a gymnast’s wardrobe malfunction. Her tits are just hanging out there, too, with no support beneath—the jumpsuit is practically painted over her skin—leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. I can totally see her cameltoe and clit through the thin layer of fabric covering her crotch. Damn it, why is that bimbo so fucking sexy?!?

I’m going to have to fuck our Naruko’s brains out when we get home to erase this image from my mind.

“Naruto-kun, you go on ahead and get to Sasuke-kun,” Lee says, giving his buddy in the orange jumpsuit a big thumbs-up, “Leave this guy to us!”

“Okay! Thanks, Bushy-Brows. I owe you big!”

Lee clears his throat. “Yes, well, no offense, Naruto-kun, but I’d much rather Naruko-chan repays that favor.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, Naruto-oniichan. I’ll give him the good-long-suck later!” Green Naruko adds, unnecessarily. “Hear that, Stud? Whup this guy’s ass and I’ll take you to heaven~”

Blushing with embarrassment, Naruto leaves to follow Sasuke.

I roll my eyes at their antics and take my place beside Lee. “Thanks again for the assist, Lee-kun. I’d give you the suck too if I wasn’t married.”

“Thanks, Sakura-chan. That means a lot, coming from you. I’m glad you were able to find happiness in a relationship, even if it wasn’t with me.”

Aww! I almost feel bad about ignoring him for Sasuke, and then Shino. He’s a good guy. “Same, Lee-kun. Hit that Naruko’s pussy for me when you get home.”

“I’d appreciate it if the lot of you would take this seriously,” Kimimaro gripes.

“Oh, thank ninja-god we made it in time!” Shino shouts as she, Fubuki/Kin, Tenten, and Hinata (the Hyuga girl’s Chakra Armor battery clearly cracked) run over to join us. Then she double-takes at Green Naruko and gives a wolf-whistle. “Holy shit, that’s stupid-sexy, Naruko-chan!”

“…I’m just going to kill you all, now,” Kimimaro announces as he dashes forward with his bone sword in hand. Unfortunately for him, my sister-wives have something to say about that.

““Ice Release: Crystal Ice Swallow Snowstorm!””

Tenten, Kin, and Fubuki perform the proper hand sign in unison to produce a triple-portion of frozen flying shuriken that soar and dive and threaten Kimimaro from all angles—keeping him busy for a few more precious seconds.

“Shino-chan, you go on and make sure things go according to your vision or whatever. We can handle him,” Tenten reassures, taking Shino’s bug gourd and storing it in a scroll.

“Are you guys sure? He’s super dangerous!”

Lee speaks up next, “Shino-chan, didn’t you promise Naruto-kun you’d bring Sasuke-kun home? Well, I promise to beat this guy!”

“Me too,” I agree even as I watch the enemy bone user dispatch all those Ice Swallows with incredible efficiency. Shit, this won’t be easy.

But Shino believes in us.

“Alright, but I’ll be pissed if anybody gets hurt while I’m gone!”

Then she’s racing to catch up with Naruto and Sasuke.

“Ready to end this?” Kimimaro asks, completely unconcerned by how we’ve outnumbered him.

“One moment, please,” Lee requests, raising an imploring hand. Amazingly, the Sound ninja complies while the rest of us politely wait. “I’m sorry, but it’s time for my medicine. Excuse me.”

The boy in a green jumpsuit reaches into his tool kit and produces… a fucking sake bottle!?!

I stomp over and snatch it out of his hands before he can take a swig. “Lee-kun, I know you haven’t developed a sudden case of substance abuse. Did Tsunade-sensei leave this by your bedside next to the real medicine?”

He closely examines the sake bottle before blushing bright red, “Oh! Sakura-chan, you’re right, that’s not a bottle of medicine at all! I must’ve picked this up by mistake. I’ll have to do one hundred pushups, one hundred sit-ups, one hundred squats, and a ten-kilometer run as punishment! Wait, that doesn’t actually sound like much, so it’ll have to be a thousand pushups, a thousand sit-ups, a thousand squats, and a hundred-kilometer run—before noon! If I can’t do that—”

I cut him off before he goes on a tangent, tossing the bottle over my shoulder as I speak, “Worry about that later. I’ve got something better than Tsunade-sensei’s medicine for you.” I touch the skin on his bare neck and merge my palm into him using Amalgamation. “Don’t fight me, I don’t have the chakra to force this.”

“While I have a respect for my opponent’s medical needs, this is clearly a combination jutsu, so I won’t be holding back,” Kimimaro states before continuing his assault.

*Voosh!*

*Schvrmmm!* *Krrrrk!*

Hinata draws her Lightning blade, but the tip is jagged as if previously broken off. I don’t think it’s at full power, though it appears to be slowly reforming. Regardless, she blocks his bone blade edge-to-edge, and the two weapons lock in place for a tense moment. Then Kimimaro attempts to sweep her legs, but Hinata has the awareness and reflexes from her visual prowess to gracefully retreat.

Kin-Kitty/Fubuki is there in a flash to threaten the Sound ninja’s flank, “Ninneko Art: Cat Chakra Claws!”

I wouldn’t have thought mere kitty claws could match Kimimaro’s bone density, but the live chakra flowing through her nails allows Kin to parry his slashes while dodging his thrusts. She manifests her body from Fubuki at sharp angles to strike from unexpected directions, attacking the head one moment and his ankle a split-second later, living proof that offense is the best defense. Her enemy still makes her job difficult as daggers of bone sprout from his arms or legs whenever she gets near to both block and potentially counter if she lets her guard down.

Naruko makes another wave of clones to throw at Kimimaro while Tenten supports from a distance.

“Go, Dako!” Tenten’s serpentine spear weaves through the Naruko clones to strike at the Sound ninja’s unprotected side like a viper. However, his ribs extend, growing out into open air, and stops the attack.

How are we supposed to score a hit on this guy? As if in response to my question, more bones protrude across his body until he resembles a porcupine. “Macabre Bone Pulse: Dance of the Larch!” Kimimaro bats away Tenten’s spear with his sword and idly activates his Cursed Seal’s first stage while my sister-wives catch their breaths. They gave me the time I needed, though.

“Deva Symbiont Jutsu: Dance of the Broccoli Flower!”

By merging with him enough to use the Macabre Bone Pulse on his body, the Byakugan being immensely helpful by letting me see my work in progress directly, I alter the bones of his arms and legs. Hard plates form on his shins, the bones of his hands protrude like brass knuckles, and his overall skeleton temporarily hardens.

“I feel like I could punch through solid stone! Let’s do this, Full Frontal Lotus!”

Lee darts forward faster than even my Sharingan can follow to kick Kimimaro in the chest, starting his air combo. The bone user attempts to absorb the force of the impact with his protruding ribs, but Lee’s foot is solidly armored and weightier than ever. Lee doesn’t pull back to avoid getting skewered. No, he presses on with confident aggression!

Kimimaro is surprised as he’s kicked into the air, stunned as Lee follows him up to deliver additional blows to pummel him higher, and stares wide-eyed as Lee ignores the defensive bone quills while flipping the bone user into a plummeting piledrive. Kimimaro slams headfirst into the ground, impacting hard enough to crack stone.

Oh, he felt that!

But the Sound Ninja is far from out, righting himself and snapping his neck back into alignment with a minor exertion of chakra. We don’t intend to just let him walk it off, though.

Karin’s vines grab Kimimaro’s legs while Hinata, Kin-Kitty/Fubuki, Tenten, and I converge on the immobilized bone user and start whaling on him. Each swing of Hinata’s Lightning blade severs lengths of bone, Kin-Kitty’s claws find a gap and draw blood, Tenten wets her serpentine spear’s tip with red, and I crack him across the jaw. My knuckles clack against the bone plating under his cheek, but I have a feeling his brain is rattling around in his skull after that.

“Macabre Bone Pulse: Ten-Finger Drilling Bullets!”

The crazy bastard shoots his fingerbones in all directions, forcing us to give him space or be peppered with impaling projectiles. They bounce off my bone gauntlets while Hinata and Kin-Kitty parry with their weapons and visual prowess. Karin hides with Tenten behind the brunette’s Crystal Ice Mirror. A dozen Naruko clones get popped at once.

Then Lee is there in a green flash kicking Kimimaro in the small of his back to send the Sound ninja tumbling.

“This has gone on long enough,” the bone user growls as he rights himself. “Macabre Bone Pulse: Dance of the Clematis: Vine!”

Kimimaro’s skin darkens as the Cursed Seal’s second stage consumes him. A long tail sprouts from his lower back, dorsal bones jutting up along the length of his spine and huge arcing bones like horns emerging from his shoulders. It’s a bit terrifying, to be honest. Then he adds to that by literally ripping out his own spine to use as a bladed whip.

Fuck.

He cracks the whip, its bone edges scoring the ground, then sends it screaming toward Tenten, who stumbles away as her defensive mirror shatters under his assault. Kin-Kitty/Fubuki hops over the dangerous cable like she’s skipping rope, but Kimimaro’s motions become erratic as he picks up speed, flinging the whip in multiple directions before going for—

“—Don’t you dare touch Hinata-chan!” the words are ripped from my throat as I dive to intercept the blow, taking it with my bone-plate gauntlets, but the cordage wraps around me like a constrictor snake. Though I struggle to break free, I’m not strong enough to escape.

Kin-Kitty attacks Kimimaro while he plants his feet after catching me, but his tail thwacks her/Fubuki in the gut, sending them tumbling to a stop yards away. Hinata’s blade comes down on the length of the spinal cord and cuts a divot but fails to sever the whip. The former Snow ninja launches a few Ice Swallows that pester Kimimaro, but he ignores the shallow cuts they make on his skin as his arm changes.

“Macabre Bone Pulse: Dance of the Clematis: Flower!”

The bone user morphs his arm into a massive drill/spear of solid osseous tissue while preparing for the lunge that will end my life. Like an arrow from a bow, Kimimaro flies towards me.

“Go, Dako!”

“Rasengan!”

Kimimaro brushes off Naruko’s jutsu rather than absorb the damage, a shoulder barge sending the blond girl sprawling, although he takes an extending spear's point to the thigh as a result. It may not be much, but that gives Lee the extra moment of time he needs to grab the tip of the whip. Together, Lee and I unwind the bladed whip from around me and dodge in opposite directions when the bone user thrusts his drill at us.

Lee capitalizes on the situation, tugging Kimimaro off his feet using the bone user’s own whip—hands protected by my jutsu’s bone gauntlets—and swings him in a rapidly accelerating orbit. After completing several circles, Lee slams Kimimaro into the ground headfirst like he’s planting rutabagas. The bone user’s legs go limp.

“Is it over?” Fubuki asks, tempting fate, and I curse.

“You are indeed formidable… but! Macabre Bone Pulse: Dance of the Seedling Fern!”

Kimimaro’s voice reaches us from below ground as endless spires of bone rise from the earth in an expanding wave. We scramble to find safety.

“Go, Tsurukame!” Tenten shouts as she Magnet-levitates a quickly summoned shield that she hops atop. Rushing to follow, we silently agree the best way to make sure everyone can fit aboard is to partially merge everyone together (except Lee and Naruko, who grab the turtle shield’s either edge to dangle from the sides). Tenten, Hinata, Kin, and I each have a leg merged with our partners, and we included Fubuki in the chain using the Deva Symbiont Jutsu.

It’s a true jungle of bone filling the entire meadow beneath us. This feels like surveying a petrified forest; the spikes of osseous tissue are as tall as trees. You could get lost in there!

“So much chakra… he must’ve exhausted himself,” Tenten assesses.

“I am Orochimaru-sama’s right arm! I shall not fail!” a rough, desperate voice calls from behind us. Kimimaro emerges from a bone tree, his flesh manifesting from the osseous structure as if using the Amalgamation jutsu and thrusts his drill at us again almost point-blank. It’s only because we’re connected that we can respond in time.

““Combination Jutsu: Bouquet of Flowers!””

Tenten, Kin, and Fubuki make Ice Mirrors, Hinata interposes her Lightning blade, Karin grows layers of protective wood from her arm, and I block with my bone gauntlets. The ice shatters, the Lightning blade snaps in half, the wood splits apart, and my bone armor cracks but, in the end, the drill only draws a trickle of blood from my arm—nothing more.

“H-he’s dead!” Lee says, and I look up to confirm that Kimimaro is indeed not moving. He’s forever frozen in that rage-filled moment before impaling me.

I sigh deeply. We got saved by fate today. Whether his time was up, or his large-scale ninjutsu accelerated his disease, we’ll never know.

“L-let’s g-get down from here,” Hinata suggests, and everyone agrees. Nobody wants to be anywhere near that crazy bastard’s creepily statuesque body.

After we carefully float to the edge of the bone forest using Tenten’s mag-levitating turtle shell shield, I gratefully separate and dismount onto my own two feet. Just then, some familiar faces show up.

“We’re here to aid Konoha in her hour of n—need?” Kankuro looks around in confusion at the scene as he skids to a halt from a dead sprint.

“Oh, are we too late? Where’s Sasuke-kun?” Gaara’s Naruto asks (or maybe Kankuro’s Naruto, I’m not sure).

“Yoink,” Tenten says with a wink, sweeping a blushing Temari off her feet and into a princess-carry. “I’m definitely going to need some relaxation after all my hard work today, so you’re right on time in my book.”

“We need to find Naruto-kun,” Gaara states the obvious.

I have a feeling that we’re too late to change the outcome either way, though.