Chapter 33 – Who we are

This one moment after Levia greets me is probably the strangest moment in my whole life. A part of me wants to escape, a part wants to go and hug her, a part wants to ask her to take me somewhere with her, and more. I don't have time to think, even if I had my thoughts wouldn't form into coherent sentences, but...

I don't know what happened next. I vaguely remmeber standing frozen in place, I vaguely remember hugging a cold figure, I remember some voices in the background, I remember being guided out of the house and into a small, black vehicle.

All this time I know I'm holding something in my hand for my dear life.

My thoughts collect themselves only some time later and I realize I'm in a ship speeding above orange, scorched by sun ground at speeds high above what is considered the norm for hoverers. I'm sitting before a large glass window in a black interior of the ship and I quickly realize it's at the front where the pilot sits.

The pilot, the pilot.

I slowly, fearfully turn my head a bit to the side and I see... I see Levia. My heart leaps in my chest, but in my state I have no idea why, I have no idea what I feel.

I stiffly turn my head back to the front and... I don't know what to do. I glance back at my side and only now notice that she is focused on various screens displayed before her and her hands are rapidly moving over a holographic keyboard before her. Her expression is tense and defermined.

I try to pull my hands to me under some sort of instinct and only then realize that my left hand is clenched around something so hard it's almost painful. I look at the side and I see my hand wrapped around Levia's and not letting it move.

Uh, third hand? No, she has four, she is using three to do her things. Oh.

Feeling her arm being yanked on, she turns around and our eyes lock as I look up to the movement.

I feel... I don't know what I feel. I have no idea what I should feel, no idea what I should do, no idea what I should say. I just stare into her violet eyes, similar to those in VOW, but a bit less vibrant, not as deep, not as beautiful. And they are mechanical, there are lenses distinctly visible in the insides. But they are still... Levia's.

"Helia." She says quietly, reassuringly, if uncetainly and nervously, and I...

I'm suddenly crying, curled up, squeezing her hand in my both so hard it's probably painful. I feel cold arms wrap around my body and I feel the reassuring presence on my side and I feel a hand in my hair, and her chin on my shoulder.

"Levia." I say painfully, desperately. "Levia. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me." I repeat desperately, almost choking on my tears. Tell me you don't hate me, tell me my body doesn't matter to you. I don't voice the question because I just can't.

"Helia..." I hear a pained voice by my ear. "I love you. Your body isn't important." I hear the reassuring, comforting, relieving, loving voice that almost seems to read my mind and my body shakes, and I cry and I realize I'm holding a figure in my hands, squeezing her tightly and crying my eyes out on her shoulder.

"Levia." I squeeze out. "I love you, Levia, I love you." I say, I whisper, I groan into her shoulder. I repeat these words like a broken record, I hug her tightly, and nothing in the world matters but these words and hers.

"I love you too, Helia." I feel another spasm shake my body, another wave of love, of relief, of all the bottled up emotions gushing out of me and forming into tears of relief and of happiness.

I stay like that... I don't know how long. I don't know how long, I have no idea what happens in all this time, because nothing matters past us. This one single moment I anticipated and feared, I expected and hoped to never happen, and that finally happened and I couldn't be more glad, happier that it did.

...

"Why..." I begin. "Why are you here?" I ask the question that has been bothering me as I lean on Levia's chest, already somewhat calmed down.

I feel my girlfriend... my girlfriend tense a bit. "When you... told me about you, I... was already shaken. When I logged out, it wasn't anything planned, but it was a spontaneous decision. I, uh, I used your ID... to track you down. Sorry." She says apologetically.

"Don't be." I say quickly with strange... happiness sprouting in my mind. That she went so far as to track me down without my knowledge to help me. Is it strange to feel this way? "I understand."

"Mhm." She lets out in response. "After... yesterday, that girl made me realize that... that I need you." She mumbles bashfully. "I mean that... if I don't have you for real... I won't be happy. When I logged out, it was so... painful." She pauses for a while. "So originally I just wanted to see who you are... selfishly... but after that I made up my mind to meet you. And I wanted to just leave you a message today, but when I saw that woman going furious inside... I followed her, because I knew something was wrong." She takes a deep breath, a bit angry. "I heard what she said, and I decided to abandon any subtlety. I dragged you out of there, and you were very spaced out back there and we are now on my ship." She finishes. I feel like she left out a bit too many details, but I don't bother with it.

"I see." I reply. "What about Xethu?"

"Uh..." Levia hesitates a bit. "I... bonked her. She should be unconscious now. If anyone asks, she was a victim, and she probably also thinks this way, though she might have noticed some connection between us. Either way she should be safe and shouldn't endanger us till we clear up the situation. Who is she by the way?"

"Uh." I think for a moment how to introduce her properly. "My classmate, and my ex." I finally say, deciding not to hide anything. "Our relationship was very brief because her parents are similar to mine and somehow got wind of me being against the Church. And they forced her to dump me. She visited me because shit hit the fan and she lost practically all her friends."

"...Color me interested." Levia finally responds. "Were you... uh..."

"Nope. As I said, our relationship was very short." I reply, already predicting the question, and turn my face upwards to see her. Why does it appear like there is something in her head? Like... a barely visible cloud? It makes tricks on my mind and looks a bit as if it was overlapping with her head. Or is it? What the fuck is it? No matter. I push the issue to the back of my mind. "My first kiss was with you." I say with a small, sly smile.

I see her lips twitching and her cheeks tightening in telltale signs of embarrassment, but unfortunately they don't get red. A shame.

"I'm... um. I wasn't worried about that." She squeaks out. "Um, what happened to her?" She changes the topic quickly.

"She rolled a random character in VOW and got a demon. Mazoku. And the Church kids being Church kids said they don't want to associate with a demon. Apparently I was the only person she knew more closely that wasn't affiliated with the Church and she hoped she could talk to me about things." I explain.

"Oh." She replies blankly.  "Must be hard for her."

"Yeah." I nod lightly. "She's a lesbian by the way, so that's another thing." I feel Levia tensing for a moment, but she relaxes soon after. "Just to be clear, she said she doesn't want to continue our relationship the way it was and I told her the same. We're staying as friends now."

"Oh. Oh, okay." Levia nods, her voice a mix of relief, happiness, pity and a bit of guilt.

We stay silent for a moment and I look out to the Wastes as we fly through them. They are huge swaths of land on Gaia around the equator of the planet that are unsuited for living due to very high temperatures and scorching sun that prevent almost any plants or animals from living here. Terraforming is supposed to make them into thriving jungle in a few hundred years, but there's still a lot of time till then. Currently the Wastes are only habitable, and even then barely anyone lives here due to impractical distance to any larger settlement and way too high for comfort temperature. On that note...

"Where are we?" I ask. "And where are we going?"

"Um, we're going in a roundabout manner to the space lift. We're now flying through the Wastes along the equator." Levia replies a bit nervously.

"Oookay... And then?" I press on.

"Um... to my parents spaceship?" She squeaks out. "Sorry I didn't ask..."

"Don't worry about it." I say quickly, hugging her tighter. "I don't really have anywhere else to go anyway. And, well..." I look up at her with a smirk. "If it's with you, then I can go anywhere."

"Ah..." She stammers and averts her eyes, then suddenly leans forward and locks our lips together. My... these...?

When she pulls away, she hugs me tightly, feeling my nervousness that suddenly spiked to much higher level than it should. "Kinda rough. I like it. But in game you have it better." She says smoothly in one breath.

I make a strange expression as I try to smile, happy she wasn't repulsed and that she kissed me despite... all that, and at the same time grimace with sudden uncomfortable feeling assaulting me, and I bury my head in Levia chest with eyes tightly shut and hint of tears starting to form.

"Sorry..." Levia starts and I shake my head abruptly.

"It's not your fault. It's just..." I sigh, my breath shaking a bit. "It's just temporary."

"Mhm. Okay." She replies, tensed. "Um, my mom can shape you." She blurts out suddenly.

"Uh, what?" I ask, unsure if I heard it right.

"Um... okay. I... need to tell you about my parents first." She says and takes a deep breath. "So, both of them are Mechanical as you know, but there's more to that. My mom was formerly a human. She... is the only known case of a human mind not to go crazy after being transferred. She had her body crushed in an accident and my dad turned her into a Mechanical as a last resort."

Oh, wow. That's... interesting. Though definitely not pleasant, duh.

"They are both above four hundred years old, mom even five hundred, so they have a lot of experience. And they had... many close friends through the years." Levia says with a hint of pain in her voice. It must be rough to see their friends passing and staying as the only two always alive. "They had and have many friends and at least one of them is trans. She was from... Ganimedes."

Oooh, holy shit. From this tyrannical khanate? I haven't heard much details about it, but apparently they have a ruler with a bloody iron fist and they are required absolute obedience. Knowing the media, a large part of it is definitely exaggerated, but there's no smoke without a fire. And their beliefs are in a way even worse than those of the Church, because any body or genetic modifications are illegal to the point you can even be killed if you are caught with them. So, uh, good luck, trans people.

"Yeah. She was from Ganimedes, and it was really troublesome because she couldn't get shaped or anything there, but they also couldn't risk involving her with other places where people from Ganimedes are seen very badly." Right, they have gray skin due to genetic modifications so no one would mistake them. "So my mother learned about the procedure and performed it herself. It was ten years ago, but it went very well and I don't see why she wouldn't do it a second time." She explains quickly. "For you." She adds quietly with a bubbly smile.

I suddenly feel immense nervousness and anticipation welling up inside me and I squeeze Levia tightly.

"Why are you so good to me?" I groan lovingly and she giggles. "But seriously, is it possible? I can't just come to her and ask her to shape me."

"Hush. I can." She replies and I can hear the smile in her voice. "I haven't told her yet, but since she would be doing it herself all you'll be taking is a week or so of her time, so I see no reason why she would refuse. Especially if it's for my... girlfriend." She finishes with an embarrassed smile.

"Oh. Okay. Thanks." I say with bubbly happiness and far less relief than I really feel and would like to admit. "By the way, what about my pod and ID? It was set for House AI so I don't have anything with me right now."

"Don't worry about it." Levia replies with a small smile. "I'm a Mechanical, so programs are like second nature to me. I copied your profile and other things and fried them out in that House AI so no one will be able to log in from there."

"Oh, thanks. I was worried." I sigh in relief.

"If it's about pods, my mom has a few spare, so we'll just need to prepare one and you'll be fine."

"Okay-." I start, but then freeze and look at her with an embarrassed grin. "You just totally said it like I'll be living together with you. Like, preparing me a pod, right?" I say and she averts her eyes and buries her head in my shouder. If she could blush, her whole face including ears would be beet red right now.

"Uuuh." She groans. "I'm... living on a spaceship with my parents..." She mumbles. "It just came out..."

"Eh?" I let out in surprise. Did she just say she lives on a spaceship? Not like it's impossible, but no one does that due to very high maintenance costs. "Uh, you're living on a spaceship?"

"Um." She stumps for a while. "Yeah? She's a former... destroyer?" She squeaks out and I suck in a cold breath. Okay, calm thinking. I was worried that a house spaceship would be small and have little comfort, but that one sentence threw my concerns out of the window and introduced a lot more.

Destroyer, to put shot, is the smallest size of battleships, at least a hundred meters long and made typically for warfare. Definitely not for casual use.

"Um, soo..." Levia says a bit uncertainly. "She's two hundred meters long and heavily armed, but it's all concealed, so from outside she appears like a large house ship. From inside too. She was repurposed by my parents into a sort of their workshop and home. If you're worried about fitting there, then there is absolutely no problem. In terms of comfort, it's not much different from normal houses."

Oh, oookay... that's something.

"Um." I begin and get stumped, unsure how to ask about what bothers me and finally deciding on blunt approach. "Um, don't you have problems with... maintaining it? Her? With energy? And with costs?"

"No, not really."  Levia shakes her head. "Mom wanted to make it appear as much like a normal house as it could, but it's a rather small part she takes care of herself. Most of the ship are workshops, systems and storages, and they don't really need to be cleaned or maintained past the crucial things like engines. And energy... um, I'm not sure if I can say it? It's a technology that's... not commonly known. Not at all known actually, because it was invented by Mechanical. I'll show you if my dad agrees." She finishes apologetically.

"Okay, I understand." I nod.

"If it's costs, uh, my parents are kinda wealthy?" Levia adds.

"Well, alright, I'm not gonna pry now." I smile lightly and look into her eyes. "What matters for me is you, the rest will come around. On that note, do your parents not have any qualms about me, uh, moving in, because I don't think what you seem to be planning is anything less?"

"Um, not really, there's no problem." Levia replies with a sheepish smile. "I have my own deck, that's... like an apartment for myself where my parents let me do anything as long as it's not dangerous to the ship. I figure they won't have anything against putting you there with me. Though they might not want you to see some things, but I trust you to keep your hands to yourself."

"It..." I gulp. "It keeps getting better."

"What?" She asks with a frown.

"I mean, duh." I shrug with a grin. "First I get to know you tracked me down just like that, then you tell me I'll be living with you, and now you practically said I'll be staying for indefinite amount of time on a ship with you." I say and her face lights up. In red. I lean to her a bit and say in lower tone. "I didn't take you for a girl that would enjoy locking me up."

Levia squeals in embarrassment and turns her head away. "N-no, I, I didn't... Uh. You damned Succubus." She groans lovingly. "You didn't really let me finish, but as of now there are eighteen hundred meters squared of the ship that aren't exclusive. There are also private rooms for each of us, and then all the systems and things."

I blink. "Oh." Now I feel kinda stupid. "Ow, well." I lean to Levia's chest with a small smile. "Are there other people on the ship?"

"No, not really, except for the AI of course. There are sometimes people staying temporarily, mostly when mom finds herself someone, but now it's only us." She says, starting to run her hand through my hair. Uh, this hair...? Uh. Shit. I... don't know how to feel about it.

Also, mom finds herself someone? What does that mean? Eh, no matter, I'll know soon enough.

"Um, I wanted to ask before." Levia begins with concern in her voice and I look up at her. "Don't you, uh, you're taking it surprisingly calmly. The whole... moving in with me and leaving your past behind."

"I'm very much not calm right now. Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet." I reply and she blinks in surprise. "It's just... Even before whole VOW thing started, I completely didn't agree with my parent's worldview and I didn't want anything to do with my father's company. It's just... not my thing. I didn't really know what to do with myself and was trying various things, but I didn't really hope to get out of there because I didn't want to risk pissing off my parents before securing my life."

I sigh deeply and look at Levia.

"I knew I'll need to get the hell out of that place sooner or later, and start a whole new life. You know, technically what you are doing is giving me a whole new life. It's just... you're getting me out of what I... didn't really try to get out of." I say in small voice. "I always wanted to get out of there, but hadn't really done anything."

"Well, don't think about it." Levia interrupts me before I can say anything more and start rambling. "We're getting to the space lift in two hours. In five we'll hopefully be on my ship. Then you'll rest, and then you can think."

"...Okay." I exhale a long breath and hug Levia tightly. I'm really a hug girl, am I not?