Chapter 45: Night of Long Knives
---D-Day+210, Siesic(Youyue) 21st, Thursday(Qiri) Evening---
---Beyulongong, Lower Ward---
Under the spotlight of reflected lamplight. An ivory skinned scandinavian woman with platinum blonde hair, clothed in white furs, sings.
♫Hvem skal synge meg. I daudsvevna slynge meg. Nar eg pa Helvegen gar. Og dei spora eg trar er kalda, sa kalda.1Helvegen♫
That voice is joined by dozens of other singers. Lurking in the dark around her. They chant and play string, drum or horn instruments. Sometimes other fur and leather wearing norsemen minstrels also get the limelight treatment.
The music is haunting. Primal. Rousing howls from ancestral caves in my soul.
…
And I have no fucking clue what they’re saying.
Lean to my right and whisper. “Psst. What does it mean?” No speaky vikingesey.
I’m keeping my voice low because it's the polite thing to do. Don’t want to disturb the show. We’re in a dark amphitheater setup like the auction house in Chenghai. Except, instead of a dirt floor, there are benches carved out of the rock descending to a lowered stage. Three wood floors of elevated box seats fence the half-circle shaped auditorium.
Fortunately there’s a roof covering it all. Because it gets downright cold at night on this mountain. Not looking forward to climbing back to the cave mansion. But at least we can use the hot humid tunnels for part of the hike.
Amazed the xianxia flu doesn’t kill everybody who lives up here.
The floor seating is filled with residents and outer disciples. While the skyboxes are for inner and core disciples or elders and their guests. My fifty plus entourage occupies several. Was going to leave most behind but everyone wanted to see the “skalds.” So the entire harem is here.
Frankie whispers in my ear so closely, I can feel the steam of her breath. “They sing of dying, master, and who will carry on after them.” Fingernails trace my biceps.
Okay… Well, good, at least it's not depressing. Yeesh.
Dusky skinned dark elf fingers massage my shoulders. “They sing of a promise, Jon-kun. That they will remember those who came before them.” Hitomi says from behind me. As she kisses and nibbles the back of my neck. Sending shivers down my spine.
“Stop it, sister.” A very pregnant Red murmurs from my left side. “Do not disturb the performance.”
Ninja-wife harrumphs. But stops trying to turn this into a much more adult kind of show. Still rubbing my shoulders though. And it's not like knight-wife can complain too much about it. Since I’m rubbing her sore fair feet at the same time.
*sole knead* *arch rub* *heel squeeze* *toe spread*
“Oh…♡”
Wife number one’s moans remind the girls that my fingers are almost as magical as my weiner. Though I still, frequently, thank god that I was born with an outie2Penis Song instead of an innie.
The infamous schedule has turned up the ladies’ horniness a bit and I ain’t complaining. But, sadly, my own calendar is swamped. Martial arts, alchemy, necromancy, lectures, invitations, visitations, meditations, cultivations, reports from the escort agency3Fantasy china's version of the adventurers guild. Get your mind out of the gutter, you perverts and updates from the beggars gang. Christ, haven’t worked on golemancy or swordmagic in weeks. Maybe longer? And that doesn’t count every damn body wanting to use my [Recovery Magic] or Shuangxiu4dual-cultivation to help their cultivation.
If I didn’t have the emperor and lurch’s backing? Would probably be getting chased around like Benny Hill5Athletics w Closing Chase.
Okay, okay, so maybe I am complaining.
We’re only here tonight because all the girls want to see the fantasy norsemen singing on stage. And that’s exactly what they look like. Right out of those viking shows and games. Dozens of scandinavian looking guys and gals performing. In front of a wuxia crowd.
A fantasy china audience for a fantasy norway concert.
Fucking bizarre.
Not saying it isn’t cool. Those chicks are hot and the tunes are great.
♫Min warb naseu. Wilr made thaim. I bormotha hauni. Hu war. Hu war opkam har a hit lot.6Krigsgaldr♫
But not what I expected to see. Everytime I think I’m beginning to adjust? This world throws me another curveball.
“Ji?” Look back over my left shoulder. “Is this… normal?”
“Is what normal, dashi7great master?” My newest concubine tilts her head, confused.
“Having, um, bands from other cultures coming through on, uh, tours?” What would be the fantasy analogy for k-pop? The mind. It boggles.
“Yes, dashi.” Keeping her voice low. “There are troupes that travel across the world. The richest clans and sects pay very well for exotic performances.” A wistful look. “Sadly, we missed the archemieni sword dancers. They always impress.”
Huh.
*applause*
Oh, they’re done? The light from lamps and lanterns increases. Revealing the couple thousand spectators on the stone benches below us. Well, shoot, I was hoping they’d play Freebird.
Or Wonderwall.
Dozens of viking types raise their fists in, I guess, salute and begin filing offstage.
“Would you like to meet them, xingan?” Little Li asks from beside her big sister.
Eyebrow lift. “Have my women meet dozens of hairy sweaty berserkers?” Ha! Yeah, like that won’t go horribly wrong. “We’ll pass.”
Stand up and begin sorting ourselves for the trip back upslope. Then I hear Simone and Odaline speak in stereo.
““Sensei8A title Sim and Oda like to use for MC that was taught to them by Frosty in Stormgarde, they have come to you.””
Eh?
“Varlskif9Lustonian word for person from another world, knulle meg.”
Look up to see one of the singers standing at the back of our box seat. She's about five and a half feet tall. Slim body. White skin. Tight ass. C-cups. Platinum hair. Oval face. Blue eyes. Straight nose. Full lips. Wearing a white robe with an ivory fur shawl.
There’s lust in her eyes. But also ironclad control. Blondie looks like one hell of a ride.
Hitomi mumbles behind me. “Sisters, I am not giving up my spot tonight.”
“Hvilken stamme er du?” Lizzy, the isekaied Brit in a Lustonian noble girl’s body, walks up and asks our guest something.
Can tell the platinum blonde is a little taller than my blue haired fellow isekai. Blondie gives the otome girl an unimpressed look. “Jernseilet, Lustonisk.”
“Ah, jeg forstar.” Elizabeth Carter turns to me. “She is of the Iron Sail tribe. They live nor’west of Lustonia.” Winks at me. “Chuffin’ a true varlskif would be the tits for her tribe.”
“Fine,” why not, “ but we’ve got a lot of stairs to climb. So let’s get moving.” Point. “Harembots, roll out!”
Hitomi giggles and Lizzy rolls her eyes.
So I get to bang a viking chick tonight. Nice change from all the cultivator chicks lately. Besides, what could go wrong?
*ding*
Was that a flag?
…
Later.
*blinkblink*
Yep, that was a flag.
Something’s wrong. Hard to move.
*sniff*
It's after midnight and another great reverse gangbang is in the books. Blondie held up pretty well until the fourth round. Then passed the fuck out. These early AM eight-hours are my only real sleep each day. So I prefer to enjoy them. But something has woken me up.
Quickly realize what's wrong. It's the smell. Not the smelly smell of bodily fluids. Of sex. But of incense. Not our typical scent either. This is a heavy thick fragrance. A drugged aroma? Sleeping gas? Can sense my thoughts are unusually lethargic.
Unfortunately, for the poisoner, my body isn’t entirely my own anymore.
*tremble*
Feel a tugging? With my left arm?
Focus my eyes to see that arm is raised. Left hand grasping miss viking idol’s right fist. And in it? A long runed dagger. Its tip, barely an inch above my heart. There is magic in the blade. A taint I recognize.
[Holy Curse Magic]
Mother. Fucker.
She's straddling me, naked. Struggling to push the knife into my chest. Both hands on its hilt as well as leaning her whole body weight down. Sadly, for Blondie, my left fingers are clenched around her right. So she can’t let go of the toxic blade nor change hands.
Deep thoughts time. ‘Guys? Hello? What the fuck is going on?’
Shadow dragon, Frazur, answers in my mind. ~Forgive us, archon. The dense light mana in the incense and blade is keeping us from manifesting.~ Frustration. ~Only through great effort are we able to control a piece of your form to delay the assassin.~
Well ain’t that just fucking peachy.
Bet its Metia again. Really looking forward to killing that goddess bitch.
“Problem?” I ask out loud.
Shock startles the skald as those blue eyes snap to mine. Stunned. There is some sort of furry mask covering the nose and mouth. Probably to keep her from being knocked out by the incense.
“Skitr! How are you awake?” Blondie isn’t happy. “How are you even moving?”
Looking through the shadows reveals my other seven bed partners are still breathing and not bleeding. Which is a relief. My muscles feel like thick molasses and it's very difficult to move.
“Sorry the sex wasn't good for you.” Manage to smirk. “But was it really this bad?”
Viking chick smirks right back. “You were not that good.”
“Oh thank god.” A relieved smile.
“What?” Blondie doubletakes, clearly not expecting me to say that.
Snicker. “Seriously, babe, I know I’ve got a magic dick.” Shake my head a little. “Was actually worried I'd been mind controlling all the pussy.” Wave my right hand at the other ladies. “Like some douchebags do with [Charm Magic].” Sigh. “But you got a few loads of baby batter and still want to kill me.” Nod. “That’s, uh, kind of reassuring?”
Sneers down at me. "You will still perish, varlskif."
“You know, for some reason, you remind me of my ex-wife.” Head tilt. “But I don’t know why.”
"Die, damn you. Die!" Jerks and tugs at the dagger.
“Ah.” Whoomp, there it is. “Now I know why.” My first wife back in the day wasn’t really a bad person. We were just really bad together. And without her I never would have met my second wife. Nor had the boys I’m fighting this world for. Oh well, fuck it. Give berzerker girl a wink. “Buh bye.”
*vnn* *chulch*
Tormentor races past, barely an inch above my face. Its tip pierces into Blondie’s bare left breast. Slipping between ribs and puncturing the heart. The black and red blade of the infernal longsword sinks deep into her chest. The heat of the demonic weapon’s fire aspect begins to singe and scorch the flesh around the tainted steel. A burnt smell begins to battle with the heavy incense.
*cough*
Scarlet fluid splashes my chest from viking idol’s bloody exhale. Dark liquid stands out against her pale face even in the gloom. Sapphire eyes bulge then dim as miss fantasy scandinavia fades. Blondie’s dying body flops down on top of me. The torso is kept propped up by the unholy broadsword. But her crotch meets mine.
*squich*
Ew. Well, thankfully, it's not considered necrophilia if they were alive when you started.
…
Yep. The fact I could even think that thought is not a good sign of mental health. Really need to find an isekaied therapist. Stat!
*crump* *boom*
Distant explosions.
“What now?” Mutter but I’m still having a hard time moving. Reach back in my brain for lessons from Frankie on air school spells.
“[Wind]”
Chant cast the one ring elemental spell. A spinning neon blue magic circle appears beneath me. Air begins blowing past my giant bed. Pushing the drug laden scent towards, around and through the double doors leading to the cave mansion’s balcony outside.
Feel my thoughts begin to clear.
*boom* *boom*
More explosions.
*SLAM*
Double doors leading further into my subterranean palace burst open.
*chang* *chang* *chang*
Unfamiliar shapes march into the room. They are man-size but move strangely. Entering in near lockstep. Two enter holding chinese lanterns. Fully revealing themselves.
Each is about six feet tall and completely covered in brass scale armor with a red cloak. Even their faces are hidden behind masks molded into angry expressions. Each has a large glaive in one hand plus a studded chinese sword breaker hanging from their hips. Wait, those hands only have three digits. And they’re not wearing the armor. It's carved into them!
Robots?
<bzzt… Sir?! Are you well?>
“Agrag?”
A bronze steampunk robot looking thinman with a glowing white mana stone in its chest and smooth LED faceplate enters behind the dozen fantasy china themed golems. Dots of light bounce inside the glass covering its face like a spectrum analyzer as an electronic sounding voice comes out of speakers under the chin.
<skyrk… Sir, this unit is relieved to see you remain functional.> One of the silent chinese golems pulls ex-viking idol off of me. <The residence has been secured but more hostile units are inbound.>
My Autonomous Golemancy Research Assistant Golem, Agrag, has been keeping a low profile. Working on his golems while waiting for me to make time to learn more golemancy.
“What’s going on?” Ask as my women begin groggily waking up.
<bzzt… Your abode was assaulted by fur and leather clad barbarians, sir. Using swords, axes and holy hand grenades.> Of Antioch? <Infused with light mana.>
Fuck.
Flex my arms and legs. Trying to get rid of the pins and needles feeling. “How bad is it?”
<Significant casualties among your material and skyrk… astral undead, sir.> Damn. <Light casualties among your imperial guard.>
Side eye the bots.
“So what’s up with these guys?”
<Apologies, bzzt… sir. With our elevated location I felt a lighter and more mobile golem would be appropriate.> Agrag explains. <As well as a more skyrk… ornate visual appearance to better fit in with the local culture.>
“Ah,” they do look pretty cool, “so why were these assassins after me?”
“They’re after the Lustonian bounty, John.” Red says as she uncomfortably waddles in with several other armed haremites. Knight-wife is wielding a wet blade. Her robes are torn and also bloody. Making me panic until [Super Senses] shows that none of it is hers. “That they put on your head after killing their rapist prince.”
Oh yeah… had almost forgotten about killing that douchebag after he hurt Lizzy and Milti.
*SLAM*
Another set of doors are flung open. These leading to the outside balcony. The too tall eunuch Grandmaster Alchemist Qinxin Methil Alre Heiris observes the scene and inquires with his too high mickey mouse voice.
“Apprentice? Are you dead?”
Ugh.
“Fuck off, lurch.”
The very muscle bound geezer, Grand Elder Tiang Zhi Ming, next to him then bellows.
“You thwarted this dishonorable attempt on your life!” Nods. “Well done, disciple!” Points. “Taiyi10Imperial Physician, imperial brother would be very unhappy if you die! So do your best to not to!” Poses with fists on hips and grins. “Nice equipment junior student!” Yes, my junk is still exposed. “The heavens favoring you with a numerous harem is certainly no mystery now!”
My ladies do their best to protect themselves from his scrutiny. While Red covers my privates with a sheet.
Another elder flies in and whispers something to the grand elder. Causing him to get a big old grin.
“Good!” Raises a fist. “Let them come!”
Okay… “Mind sharing with the class, fire guy?”
“Fire guy? Hahaha! Good one, disciple!” Guffaws. “One of the assassins has revealed that they are merely the tip of the spear!” Shakes his fist. “The main force of jernfolk has allied with demons and masses on the kingdom's northern border!” Eyes flame in the dim light. “Our battle will be glorious!”
Sigh.
“Great, swell, have fun.” Stare at them still just standing there in the doorway as the room gets colder and colder. “Can you, like, go away now?”
It finally dawns on them and the elders awkwardly say their goodbyes. Then sail back out into the early AM darkness. All except for one too tall dickless elf alchemist. Looking my way with his angular facial features.
Sigh.
“Yes?” I, still not able to move much besides turning my head, annoyedly ask.
“Badun Yuehan,” a grinny grin, “I have this pill-”
“FUCK OFF!”