Chapter 25: Lullaby
---D-Day+171, Goridine 14th, Friday Night---
---Chenghai---
Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god. You say, “YES!”1https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9Z4933yBaU
I think we all learned this valuable life lesson from the first, and best, Ghostbusters. Is a hot prehistoric bitch going to trick us? No siree! We know exactly how to handle that question.
Unfortunately, when I got asked that by a six tittied devil goddess, the answer didn’t seem to make any difference. Yes or no, I’m still an abomination that the powers that be want to use, destroy, or both.
And while the “allfather” is purportedly the guy who summoned me? I still need to find him and kill him, to protect my son. Probably.
Hey, I’m working with what I got here, alright?
Red’s excited voice interrupts my fourth wall parkour.
“Jon, the baby is kicking!”
Lean over and rest my hand on knight-wife’s pronounced baby belly.
*thump* *thump*
Yep, the future money sink is line dancing. Awe… You know, it's a good thing babies are born cute. Because they grow out of it, fast.
I smile and kiss Edelys's expanding bambino condo. Plus send thoughts to the rugrat to be.
'Wow, did you luck out in the baby lottery, kiddo. You got an awesome mom. She's even a knight. No one's going to be bossing her around at the PTA meetings. Sorry your dad's a bit of a douche though. And a pig. At least you'll have plenty of step-siblings to play with. So, silver linings right?'
*thump* *thump*
Hmm… That's either, "you da man, dad!" Or, "can you drop me off a couple blocks from school? I don't want my friends to know we're related."
Not that *sniff* that's ever happened *sob* to me! *WAAAAH!* Tito, get me a tissue.
*ahem*
First wife’s belly is getting bigger. She’s twenty eight-weeks into a supposedly thirty-two eight-week pregnancy. Which is shorter than an “earth” one. Maybe it's a mana thing? I don't know.
By the by, Lula is twelve eight-weeks into her prego arc and baby bump is coming along nicely. No kicking yet though and there's been hardly any morning sickness either.
The latter annoying Red to no end.
Frosty, on sabbatical in Granya, should now be thirteen eight-weeks along. While the sperm bank incident eight are around fifteen eight-weeks, I think.
Old math wise that's eleven kids on the way, good god. New math wise it's a lot of extra shifts at Isekaimart.
And no, this tummy touching is not happening on a dusty dirty street in the redlight district. We are back in the Lian clan’s super-siheyuan estate. On the hillier north side of Chenghai.
Atop a terraced hill, I count over a dozen square or rectangular shaped courtyards and gardens squeezed in next to each other. Divided up by curtain walls and buildings.
We've been moved to another “fang,” house. Like the others, it is painted colorfully and is mostly wood with wide overhanging tiled roofs. By and large the buildings in the complex are only one story tall. A few have a second story but just a couple include a third floor.
Our new pad is a two story with a mostly clear southern view over the busy port town. A lot of its second floor has been hurriedly converted into an oversized bedroom.
A bit rough looking but kudos to the staff for the quick work. Been a long day so the harem and I are lounging about on daybeds and chairs, relaxing before bedtime. Decompressing. Pillows everywhere. Chatting, fondling, snogging and looking over the beautiful garden below the balcony. Plus the partially lit up city beyond it.
Of course we’re already naked. Creating a feast for the eyes. Skin tones from milky white to chocolate brown. Breasts from A-cup to G-cup. Facial features reminiscent of Europeans, Asians, Africans, and even exotic Elfin. An intercontinental harem. A lewd paradise.
Naturally my spousal seven monopolizes the space around me. Mistresses can only sneak in a rub or tug here and there. Even Little Li has to compete. And she’s pretty pouty over it.
Got a strong suspicion that a certain yanese princess is going to be lobbying royal daddy to get us hitched. Though I bet there's about a snowball’s chance in hell of that happening.
Yes, I get that he wants my [Recovery Magic]. And I don’t mind sharing it. As long as the price is right. But, come on, she’s a freaking princess. Not just some uppity bitch who wants to be treated like one.
Yeah Frankie was too, but then ran away to the church. Same with Lula, before her family was overthrown and she was sold into slavery. Little Li, like Isa, is still on the royalty roster. However, unlike Isa, Li wasn't sold to me as a bribe to stay out of the siblings' upcoming war.
My yanese princess traded herself in exchange for saving her sister. But I doubt the Emperor of Yangxu will honor that purchase. Even if I kept the receipt.
Technically, Big Ji is still a princess. Though she was exiled and gave up any claim to it.
You know, now that I think about it. I fuck a lot of princesses. Huh. Must be an isekai thing.
But even with a popped cherry, Little Li’s bloodline is probably still super valuable on this crazy for mana planet. And I’ve already got Big Ji. True, Li’s older sister is trying to do the slave thing just like Frankie. But it's still the same bloodline. Even with her, rep wise, completely ruined status.
Ain’t politics grand.
It's easy money that daddy will want to marry the yanese princess off to some foreign bigwig while her older sister gets concubined to me. Still not sure how to deal with that.
Ugh.
How did I get here? Looking in xianxia land for a new training montage, collecting pussy like pokemon, while towing a two dozen plus harem behind me. And two of them, pregnant!
Sigh.
Maybe overcommitted to the whole "accept me accept you" plan. Though, to be honest, I need to get stronger and dual-cultivating does make me stronger. Can actually feel my body getting tougher. More powerful. Mana becoming denser.
Plus, since I can only squeeze so much qi out of a girl before she needs a couple days to recharge? The more ladies in the rotation, the better.
Hmm…
So with the Moon Peach Petal art I can get three to seven squirts in around half an eight-hour. Most run dry of yin qi after five orgasms. Give myself a couple hours to sleep and I can spend about four eight-hours a day dual-cultivating.
Eight girls a day. Around forty shots. Keep it conservative and say three days between each lady’s turn. Equals twenty-four regulars.
Of course, women have different speeds on regenerating yin qi. So to make sure all are fresh I could go with a longer rotation. Like four or five days. Four giving me thirty-two girls, and five making forty.
Now that's just the regulars. During the day I usually shoot once or twice too. In fact, that would be the perfect time to pop cherries. Would need a reliable supply though. Is there a rental center for virgins? Probably not, since they could only lease each one once.
That would push me up to at least fifty squirts of yin qi a day. Two of them with primal yin.
Even better, how about I trade in my whole harem? For gilfs! Since you get more yin from those with more qi. Cougar hunting in the sects would definitely raise my honey harvest. Could treat it like a safari. Wear that silly helmet while using my "elephant gun."
Jolly good blow.
And with the whole cultivating age defying thing, most of them will look like milfs anyway. No matter how many centuries old they actually are.
Jesus. Imagine the primal yin tidal wave I would be drowned in from bagging a virgin shimu.
And that's just from my dual-cultivation art. What if I can find dual-martial arts too? Like Fisting Fury, the Silent Spank, or even Whips of Putang!
"Hiyah!" *sploosh*
That way I could skip practicing those other arts everyday. Pumping my OpD, orgasms per day, even higher!
Hmm… going to need more females though. Since that would raise the four hours to eight. Raising my harem goals to somewhere between forty-eight and eighty.
And why stop at dual-martial arts. How about a dual-movement art like the Humpty Hump?2https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msrq0HjwJUM
*baby fist pump meme*
Of course cougars have different needs. So I better stock up on vaseline, metamucil-
"Jon-kun?" Eh? "Are you thinking something weird?"
A japanese dark-elf's question snaps me back to the present. Where all seven of my spouses are eying me suspiciously.
Shit, forgot about their rings and the [STHA], see through husband's antics, cheat. Quick! Act natural.
"Wha? Me? Course not, Hitomi." Just smile and wave boys. Smile and wave. "I'm daydreaming about all the kids we'll have."
Thoughts of being pregnant with my child gets the ladies blushing and daydreaming too.
"Jon-kun…" "Darling…" "Master…" "Sensei…"
Ha! Baby gambit for the save!
The girls crowd in for hugs and luvs. While I subtly eye the room. Mentally plotting out its dimensions.
Mmhm, mmhm. Gonna need a bigger bed.
…
Huh? What happened to Ding Dong? Well, I chose not to answer his question and they split. Comeback kid woke up and, with village girl’s help, hauled his unconscious Wu clan brother back into the best little brothel in Chenghai. While the dazed and confused mighty moron got half dragged half pushed back into the front carriage by his harem.
Couple apologies from Elder Qiao plus the evil eye from not so simple sister Ding Mei, and they left right away. Hell, by the time we got back to the xianxia palace? Captain Lian Pi was waiting to inform us that the hero and his harem had already left. Packed up, stocked up, thanked him for the clan’s hospitality and vamoosed.
Said something about wanting to get to the sect early.
Muscle mountain with the incest fetish not being around my women anymore? That’s honky fucking dory with me.
Little Li wants us to leave too but after the fiascos we’ve had so far? Demon pirates, city bureaucrats and even clan elders trying to kidnap her? I’m going to wait for my skellies and golems. Which should get here in a week or two.
Want to make sure I have maximum firepower on hand in case anyone else decides to fuck with us. Yes, necromancers are not popular in Luyan either. Downright feared it seems. But at least they're not persecuted like in Tourin.
First wife derails my brain again.
“Husband, sing for our child." Puppy eyes attack! "Please?”
Uh oh, she pushed my El Macho button. Raise my hand and the harem crowd surfs Cheri over.
Damn, having a magic electric guitar fucking rocks.
Hmm… Late at night. My ladies are getting groggy. So what’s the perfect thing to play to help a baby and mommy sleep? Well duh, it's George Thurougood and the Destroyers of course!
♫I walked forty-seven miles of barbed wire. I got a cobra snake for a necktie. A brand new house on the roadside, and it's made out of rattlesnake hide.3https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYu5YbdRKL0♫
*thump* *thump*
Second wife, with a hand on Red’s belly, chimes in while girls clap.
“Master, I believe the child likes it.”
Reply with a smirk.
“Of course he does. It's my kid. Naturally he’ll have good taste in music.”
Okay okay, had my fun. Let's slow things down.
♫I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the lord. But you don’t really care for music do ya.4https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt2FWAbXinY♫
Now they’re feeling extra snuggly. Almost time for their night caps. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
How about some bebop?
♫Reading the paper in Ray’s cafe. The old guy next to me is loud as day. Ramble and ramble while eating his pie. He dropped his wallet, now it's mine…5https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJMcl8SGfLU♫
Whoops, better include a lullaby too.
♫I spy something beginning with s…6https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pP5wRXkrgQ♫
Finish to see I’m getting odd looks again. Wife number four comments.
“Uh… Jon-kun? That may not be the best bedtime song for a baby.”
“Really?”
Lots of nods from the harem.
“Hai, really.”
Huh, who da thunk it?
*shrug*