Chapter 22: Shopping Trip
---D-Day+171, Goridine 14th, Friday Afternoon---
---Chenghai---
[Time Skip]
Okay, so it's just to the afternoon. But I don’t want my tale to end up like those taking five hundred plus chapters to just cover two weeks.
*cough* Pure Love Insult Complex *cough*
Anyway… Those clans that wanted a powwow? Were the six that left their "pure" daughters to my horny mercies yesterday. Turns out they also each left a member or two to stay overnight in this super siheyuan’s guest pavilion by the front gate.
Why?
Well, they stayed to protect the young ladies' “honor” of course. Yeah, I don't get it either. From what the maids told me. They were happily drinking "rice wine" and playing "go" while I plowed their girls into the floorboards.
Appearances are everything to yanese nobles. Like everything everything. Big Ji says this way the clan elders can swear nothing happened to other clans. While giving each other high fives and fist bumps.
So my harem has six new mistresses.
Sigh.
Granted. I'm not poor. There’s dragon cash left as well as gold Lili got from selling some of what Barton Inc owned behind the scenes. Plenty of iou’s and cash. But, seriously, what the fuck. There are limits you know.
Better update the harem membership codes. Though they’re more what you call guidelines than actual rules. Still, should ensure the new girls contribute to the team. Pull their own weight. Make sure they can be trusted.
But, as we all know, humans cannot be trusted.
Hmm… Should I date robots instead? Maybe run those robots through a regimen of trust exercises. Creating a foundation of mutual respect, reinforced by the simulated bonds of artificial friendship.
Inspiring stuff.
Hehe. Six extra seconds of cooperation. Hehe.
Ahem.
Going to have to think about this.
Especially for the questionables, like Yu Zhi. Who is feeling guilty over betraying, drumroll please, her childhood friend. Who just so happens to be a crippled cultivator and their betrothal was canceled.
Son of a bitch. Am I, like, doomed to be the bad guy?
So we’ve got a dense hero and now, possibly, a comeback kid. How many more tropes is this shitty world gonna throw at me?
Ugh.
Also going to have to figure out the transportation issue.
What transportation issue, you ask?
How about the “nobody wants to stay behind” transportation issue. Yep, the newbies are clingy too. But I got shit to do. Need the locals to start looking for the allfather. And investigate summonings for other suspects.
…
What?
Are you crazy? Of course I don’t trust the demon guy who told me about that dungeon. Nor the now headless devil goddess bitch we found at the bottom of it.
Stormgarde turned into a shit show but ain’t no fucking way that's gonna stop me. Val and the thieves guild will keep looking for clues in Iagreth. While I get the wheels turning on this continent.
Meaning I need to visit the Biaoju and Gaibang.
Biaoju translates as something like Escort Agency or Swift Bureau. It's basically the Luyan version of the adventurer’s guild. Thousands of years ago they started off protecting caravans. But over the millennia have branched out into all sorts of adventurer type jobs. Like bandit hunting, monster killing, dungeon diving, etc, etc…
They know more about dungeons, shenjing, than anyone else on the continent. So if the allfather’s tomb is in one of them? They’ll know. Or at least have a good idea.
Now you might think of the Gaibang as the yanese thieves guild. Well, they are and they aren’t. While the thieves guild in Iagreth are mostly thieves. The Beggar’s Gang are mostly spies. Gathering and selling information. And supposedly most of their members are, you guessed it, beggars.
Ji and Li heard that all the information they’ve gathered over thousands of years is stored in hidden archives. Available to anyone, for the right price. So I can use them to research the summoning and suspects side.
But they’ll be a bit harder to find. The Biaoju has a branch in just about every town and city. But no beggar will admit to being part of the Gaibang unless you know their secret codes. And of course not every beggar is a member.
Unfortunately, have no clue what these secret codes are. And I sure as shit don’t trust the clans to do this for me. So was going to ask at the Biaoju and wander the markets.
But can you imagine wandering the markets and back alleys with twenty-five women in tow? And not just twenty-five chicks. Oh no. Gotta count the guards too. Plus the drivers and wagons.
The clans insist on sending escorts. Especially for their young ladies and the two yanese princesses. So turn that twenty-five into fifty-sixty plus.
What a headache.
And there’s more. While Auntie admitted to not knowing the beggar’s passwords. She knows someone that does who isn’t part of a sect or clan. Nope, it's not Ding Dong, thank god.
Its “Big Sister.” Stina Molung, the giant blonde hair blue eyed foreigner who is a member of the Biaoju and in Ding Dong’s harem. An expat from someplace by Lustonia, plus has quite the “checkered” past.
Sigh.
Stina agreed to helping me contact the Gaibang. But with two conditions. First? That everyone gets to go. Including Ding Dong.
Inner peace… inner peace…
Second? I'm buying. As in a shopping trip that includes an auction house. She's got her eye on something and wants me to pay for it.
May need to cash a couple of iou’s but shouldn't be an issue.
Unfortunately, the horny hero’s weiner has been healed. They actually got pills for that. But he's developed a bit of a, shall we say, trauma. Regarding me and my women.
Wants less than nothing to do with us. Which is honky fucking dory with me.
*clipclop* *clakclak*
Bringing us to the entertaining discussion I'm overhearing while riding with my wives in a wagon. Auntie, you see, has finally snapped. [Super Senses] lets me listen to the scolding going on in another carriage.
"Ding Dong! Behave or I will take you to the Huoshibang instead. No more sisters. No more aunties. Only brothers and uncles to rub your sore muscles!"
Spear guy's been pouting the whole time. Gone full manchild. Started before we even left the estate. Whining constantly about not wanting to go.
But now, through shadows, I can see a look of absolute horror on his face.
Like a man chained to a wall in front of a huge plasma screen TV. And the only thing playing is hallmark channel romance movie marathons. All day. Every day.
Forever.
"Auntie! Please, no! Ding will be good. I swear!"
Oh how the mighty have fallen. The dense protag’s desperate pleas are music to my ears.
Right now I'm in a convoy, yes convoy, heading through downtown Chenghai. Eight freaking carriages with mounted escorts wind their way down the city's crowded busy streets. My harem is dressed in their fantasy china best. Wearing silk outfits that would fit right into most wuxia or xianxia games.
First stop? Was a couple of merchant houses to cash in iou’s. The auction house only takes cash on hand or their own accounts. So I need to turn in a couple promissory notes.
Honestly? Thought I would have issues. Claiming they were forgeries or some other bullshit. Nope. Went smooth as silk. The very busy pavilions, reminding me of old stock exchanges with all the shouting and hand signs, had plenty of cash on hand.
But, uh, they didn't give me gold or silver.
"What is this?"
I got a rock.
Know how Charlie Brown felt. Except these are glowing rocks. Well, more like uncut gemstones. Yes, I know what they are. Mana stone-
"Lingshi." The oriental merchant guy says.
"Wha?"
Guess what. Luyan is so freaking rich that they have a currency above precious metals. Call them lingshi or qijing. Spirit stones or qi crystals.
Divided into several grades, each is worth a lot of gold. It's what the daoists use to trade. So anyone who wants to sell to cultivators? Accepts them too.
My iou’s were written for gold but redeemed with mana-er, spirit, stones. Elder Qiao was impressed. The tall swede was also happy with the bagfuls.
Piles of gold translated into handfuls of qi crystals. No complaints from the yanese haremites so figure they didn't screw me on the exchange rate.
Second stop? Auction house. There are a couple in town but they never hold auctions on the same day. We ended up at a short wide wood pagoda style building.
“Yuan Auction House welcomes the mighty young master!”
Having eight wagons pull up in front got the place's attention right quick. A portly looking yanese with a goatee came running outside with servants and praised me like I was the second coming of Christ. Machine gunning us with compliments.
Think he even applauded how masculine my shoes look while escorting us inside.
And that inside? Shakespearean. As in the theater.
A round open chamber with a raised stage on the far side. Four floors of box seating climb up the other three sides. The dirt floor in the middle is standing room only. Fantasy china woodwork everywhere in red, yellow, and gold.
Showing off my bags of qi crystals brought a sparkle to auction guy’s eyes and we were given the whole third floor. Our armsmen and daoist escorts from seven clans taking up positions along the walls and doors.
After settling and smooching my ladies. Walked around to the loge on the left end. That’s where I put Dong and his fetish girls. Dense protag refused to turn around but his sister glared at me with utter loathing. Elder sister, big sister, and little sister weren’t happy either. But they acted more frustrated than mad.
Auntie just looked, well, disappointed.
Planned to gloat but I let it go after seeing him. Spear hero looked so down that getting some kicks in seemed pointless. So I just handed the sitting ivory silk costumed Qiao Zhi one of the bags of spirit stones and turned to leave.
*grab*
Soft milky hands wrap around one of mine and stop me. Gently pulling to the back of her chair and rubbing a cheek into my palm.
Uh, did she just sniff me?
Ding Mei is upset.
“Auntie Qiao! How could you?” Points at me. “He hurt brother!”
Earning her a stern look from the sect elder.
“Mei’er, no, he did not.” Sniffs my thumb before looking at her again. “Again, Dong’er did something unforgivable. Yet this time, the heavens answered.”
Dong flinches as Mei sputters.
“El-elder Qi-qiao! H-how c-cou-”
The daoist interrupts her. Raising a hand.
“Enough, Mei’er, the lake is not bottomless. Nor is my patience.” Sighs. “This teacher is not without fault. I too have done… things with junior Dong that no Shimu should do.” Shakes her head slowly. “Lost much face.”
Protag has a kicked puppy look as he begs.
“Au-auntie, please do not abandon this Ding. I… I will do better.” How does a guy that big manage to act that small and weak? “Be a good boy.”
See Qiao Zhi’s eyes turn soft for a few seconds, then become sharp again. She snorts.
“Sneaky child. So much talent. A mighty tree. Tall and strong.” Dong perks up. “But your roots are shallow. Weak.” And he deflates again. “Letting a mighty storm, like Yue’er, swiftly topple you.”
Yue’er? Who’s that? Wait, is she talking about me?
Ding Dong stays seated but I see his fists clench. Nods like he’s resolving himself.
“Y-yes aunti-er, Shimu. Th-this student will improve.”
A piercing stare from the milf daoist.
“Harvest is almost upon you, Dong’er. Restrain yourself. Walk the immortal way. Or be found wanting and left in the field.” Spear guy keeps his head down but nods again. Zhi looks at me over her shoulder and shakes the little bag full of rocks. “A gift for this used up old woman?”
I smile and finger some errant hair back over her ear.
“Why go to an auction if you can’t bid?” But wait. "Aren’t you rich?"
The white robed milf laughs.
"Junfei Badun, the sect provides for me. Any wealth I once had was squandered on cures that did not cure." A light smile as lips kiss my palm. “At last the heavens have rewarded me.”
Starts kissing my fingers while Dong’s sister gives me the stink eye.
Don’t worry, you little shit. Already shot Qiao Zhi down. Want no part of whatever fucked up mess this is. Doesn’t mean I’ll kick her out of my bed every time she jumps in it though.
Place a kiss on top of the wuxia milf’s head and I give her shoulder a squeeze. Which gets Dong’s fists clenching again.
“Well I’m heading back to my seat.” Point at the bag. “And I don’t want any of that back. You can even get him stuff if you want to.”
My second try at bailing out gets interrupted as viking girl stands up and bows, cupping her hands together.
“Elder Qiao, I will go with Junfei Badun to make sure he purchases the right… item.”
Huh, kind of a pause at the end there. Hmm…
Sect lady just waves her hand.
“Of course. Yue’er? She will be in your care. Please take care of her.”
So instead of John or Jon I'm, what, just Joe?
Wave back as I leave. Thank god I’m out. Seriously awkward fucking atmosphere in there.
[Super Senses] hears sister, elder sister, and little sister consoling their manchild. Giving them a bag of rocks was spur of the moment but a good idea. Probably. So I stop at each of my skyboxes again for more snogging and fondling before leaving a bag at each.
Yeah, I only have a few bags left now but from what the yanese girls say? It's still a shitload of money for a minor offday auction like this. Ask Stina a couple times about what I’m supposed to be bidding for but she gets evasive each time.
Hmm… Really hope this isn’t some xianxia nonsense super duper overpowered sword or root or some shit that causes every young master within a hundred miles to declare I’m “courting death.”
We’re pretty early so maid looking girls bring us food and drinks while we wait. Never been much of a tea guy but it's not bad. A few more wander in but seems clear that this place isn’t going to fill up. Making me wonder again about what the swede is after.
My seven wives and concubines are in the same box with me. We’re chatting about this and that. While ladies in other boxes wave and blow kisses at me. Acting silly and flirty.
Oh, yeah, there’s no glass or one way mirrors. They’re open and you can see who is in other boxes. Easy to tell who bids.
Of course the PDA's mortify some of the locals but I don't care. Despite protag and company harshing my buzz? It's a pretty good day to be the king.
But, uh, starting to get bored here. Hmm… What should I do? Got it, let's break out some tunes.
Seeing me swing Cheri around, Stina asks.
"Is that a magic pipa?"
"Yeah, something like that."
The cherry red Yamaha electric six string has become as permanent a feature for me as the two super swords. Feels, sort of, good to have it near me. Yeah, it's "will" has shown up in my mindscape.
Let's rock.
♫Well outside my window there's a, whole lot of trouble coming. The cartoon killers and the rank of a goat…1https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pkpsxEyi-k♫
Hearing classic Skid Row rip through the place freaks the locals out. Some even cover their ears. Philistines. But once they figure out it's coming from my box? “Crazy cultivators,” is the prevailing opinion and they do their best to ignore it.
Ha! Like I’ll let them off that easy.
♫You got me forced to crack my lids in two, I'm still stuck inside this rubber room. I gotta punch the clock that leads the blind, I'm just another gear in the assembly line. Oh no… 2https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3nycoZ-zzw♫
Step back with a Blue October classic.
♫White kitchen walls with a thousand windows. You turn on Winston in the den. I’m still asleep but I can hear the piano. When you make breakfast after ten…3https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr8lVT63Ano♫
Now that hit the spot.
*shudder*
Oohhh, do it again.
Mufasa.
*shudder*
Oohhh…
Mufa- huh?
The swedish chick is gaping at me like I’m some kind of alien. Well, that’s rude.
“What?”
She quickly turns away. Blushing?
“N-no-nothing.”
Guess Eddie Murphy is still right. Just sing.
A beautiful Japanese accent floats into my ear.
"Skid Row? Jon-kun, how old are yo-"
"Not helping, Hitomi." I growl back.
Laughter that somehow smells of sakura tickles my nose. While slightly reproachful words come in from another direction.
"You are too forgiving, husband."
How can I possibly argue with my taller than me pregnant knight-wife.
"Yes I am, Red, my sexy spouse."
A mumbled flushed "not fair" answers as a royal lilt adds to the back and forth.
"Master is master. His blessings are ordained by his divinity."
Why, every time Frankie says something, do I expect the isekai FBI and ATF to come storming in?
I’m about to answer my priest-wife when harem time gets interrupted.
"Ah? Junfei Badun Yuehan? What a pleasant surprise meeting you here!"
It's one of the pimp clans. Yu, I think? He's got that same young master with him again but a couple new people too. In a box up on the fourth floor and is looking my way.
Fuck, is that another young lady? Seriously?
Surprise my ass. Come on, be nice, be polite. You might be fucking his actual daughter. I holler back.
"Hello, good to meet you again! How are you?"
Yes, I suck at small talk. Sue me.
The elder speaks again.
"Forgive me, Junfei, but Xiao Xi begged to see her sister again." He looks contrite but I ain't fooled. "Would you mind if they visit?"
"Well I suppose that's fin-"
Before I can finish, a cloud of dust appears where the girl was sitting humbly just a moment prior. In fact, the atmospheric phenomena occurs in several boxes. And the vanishing ladies reappear in the box with Li, Ji, and the six newbies. Followed by a deluge of giggling and whispering.
Okay, maybe they didn’t move that fast. But it was still pretty fast.
Further interruptions are stopped by the portly goteed auctioneer finally coming on stage.
“Welcome to the Yuan Auction-” blah blah yadda yadda. Something about honor. Stuff about treasures. Some rules I completely ignore. And oh my god, shut up and get on with it. Let me buy whatever the hell it is viking girl wants so I can leave. “-and now the criminal slaves.”
…
Eh?
Xianxia merchant continues. “Esteemed customers. Please remember that the opening price includes their total debt.” Exaggeratedly winks. “And the contract length will meet imperial guidelines.” Several chuckles from the audience. “Unless they, unfortunately, add more to it.” Actual laughing now.
I'm drawn, like a magnet, to Lula in another box. My pregnant african mocha skinned sex goddess. Isa and Ymi are next to her. They're hugging. Trying to comfort the former slave who had been sold to a brothel.
Then bought by Blue's brother. Becoming that obsessed boy's slave-wife. Our eyes meet and I see courage in them. I see trust. But I also see trauma. Fear.
The fat fucker keeps talking.
“The first prize today is a barbarian girl from the east. Caught stealing from her employer. Not everything has been recovered and so has been added to her debt. Pricey, but youthful and with a good figure”
From backstage a young too thin woman is guided on stage by a servant holding a leash. Butt naked. Stumbling a bit as her arms try to cover privates but not succeeding nearly as much as she desperately wants them too. Visible bruises mar pale skin.
Her features are foreign to Luyan and I flashback to another place and time. A tourinese trade city. Only weeks into this world and seeing my first slave market. The reek of sweat and urine. The despair of the poor. The greed of the rich.
My rage.
“The debt is large so sadly the bidding starts at five gol-”
Stina springs to her feet and shouts.
"Ten spirit stones!"
Uh…
What the fuck?