Chapter 3: Love Boat
---D-Day+112, Dherus 19th, Wednesday Morning---
---Jinshibo---
♫Love, exciting and new. Come aboard, we’re expecting you…1https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB7f26dGGzI♫
“Master?” Frankie?
Maybe I should toss the xianxia nonsense out the window and become Captain Stubing. Travel up and down the coast helping tv and b-movie actors and actresses find scripted romance.
♫And love, life’s sweetest reward. Let it flow, it floats back to you…♫
Though, considering how I’ve spent the last couple months? Maybe I should be Captain Stabbin instead.
“Jon?” Red?
Geesh. Trying to remember the lyrics here, people.
“Yes?”
Blue beats them both to the punch.
“What are you singing, darling?”
Eh?
Oh.
“Uh… Folk music?”
Strange sight, a column of eighteen women giving you the “what you talkin bout willis” look at the same time.
Well, seventeen. Hitomi, my now half japanese half dark-elf fourth wife, is covering her mouth and doing her best not to laugh out loud.
At least Lizzy, the British are coming, is here with the save.
“And that prancing only gran and grandad do?”
Curse you Lizzy!
“Uh… Folk dancing?”
“Pffft! Hahahaha!”
And down goes JK girl. Holding her stomach. Trying not to bust a gut from laughing so hard.
Not helping Hitomi!
What, none of these girls know the hustle2https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFzMs2SN--s? Sad. What blighted places their homelands must be.
Lili, all hail milf supremacy, glares at the guffawing Hitomi. Then turns to me, smiles, and says.
“I love anything you sing, my lord.”
Awe… She’s so sweet.
Ha! See that, ninja girl? At least somebody appreciates a man of culture.
Lili next does a curtsy bow thing that shows off as much of her e-cup cleavage as possible. She’s like a thick big tittied secretary from hanime. Desperately wanting mr manager to squeeze and rub every inch of her juicy body while she sucks and licks and…
Uh…
What were we talking about?
…
Oh, right, Love Boat.
After the japanese high schooler can stand again, which takes a while. Little Li, in blue daoist robes, guides the entourage, in an assortment of cleavage popping fantasy modern shirts with skirts or fantasy medieval dresses and gowns, to a staircase in the mini-palace and down a floor.
Jesus these support beams are thick.
We walk through tight hallways of bright yellow wood, on the Jinshibo’s starboard side, lit by wall lanterns and square portholes. The smells of seawater and lumber battle for supremacy. As the sounds of the ocean waves contend with flexing planks and beams.
See a number of yanese, some guards, with most being servants. Dressed in the jacket robe things instead of the vest and khaki type outfits I saw sailors wearing on that first day.
Each servant stops and bows until we pass them.
Walk by dozens of doors. The open ones mostly lead to cabins. Simple furnishings with beds that staff are cleaning. A couple communal bathrooms too. Odors of piss and shit assault the nostrils. So does some sort of incense which, mostly, masks the urine and feces.
Floor and ceiling both have evenly spaced grates in them. I figure to let natural light reach deeper parts of the ship. Otherwise they would be as useful as a screen door on a battleship.
Wondered for a minute why the girls kept going around instead of over the grates. Until, duh, realize they are wary of giving anyone below upskirt peeks.
Of course the naughty roleplaying knight chick, Maty, walks on the grates. Even puts a little extra swing in her hips each time.
Pervert.
And earns her a hissed whisper from the Ymi half of the dynamic duo.
“Dame Jouveral!”
Maty only replies with a lewd smile and an extra hip wiggle.
Isa, the other half of the dynamic duo, looks interested in joining knight-chick on the raunchy see thru catwalk but chickens out.
Sigh…
Have to start taming and training those three soon. Or they'll end up broken heroines in a dark ero doujinshi.
At least no one’s getting sea sick. Going to be on a ship for two months? Don’t want to spend it throwing up.
Another thing. What is up with all the plants? There are planters and hanging pots everywhere there is natural light. And even some places there isn’t.
Little Li notices my staring.
“Herbs, spices, vegetables, and fruit, xingan.” Sees my eyebrow go up. “On long voyages it is best to grow what you can.” But where do they get enough freshwater?
Well, at least it adds splashes of greens, reds, yellows, even purples, to the uniformly yellow-brown wood walls, floors, and ceilings.
“Oh, I see, thank you.”
Her cute oval face lights up, brown eyes sparkle, and there’s now an extra bounce in her step.
Huh.
Earlier, after my kung fu queen serenade, the sleepy harem finally started rousing themselves, and our room was immediately invaded by maids. [Super Senses] had noticed them hanging out in adjacent rooms. Just never thought they were waiting on us.
All these china girls dress simply in jacket robe skirt looking combos. Light colored fabric, like pinks and greens, with contrasting floral patterns sewn in. Some jackets tie down the front. Others have the left side go over the right and tie down the side.
Sleeves balloon a little but are fairly snug. Not one of them is trying to show any booby canyons either. Huge difference from tourinese fashion, where cleavage is king.
The oriental maidettes quickly set up an assembly line. First, coax a sleepy beauty out of the huge bed. Second, remove any remaining clothing. Routing the, uh, soiled apparel to another room. Where I can hear and smell them being washed and, uh, repaired.
Now naked hotties go through different stages of cleaning. Even get their ears scraped. Then feeding. Twisted pastry and thick porridge in porcelain bowls. Chunks of fruit and jerky mixed into it.
Midway through is toilet time and bathtub rub a dub. The tub drained and refilled with water several times. Some sort of coal burning stove keeps the water steaming. No bucket brigade needed as there is exposed plumbing. The pipes disappear into the ceiling.
After being soaped and shampooed and scrubbed and combed. The assembly line moves into makeup and hair styling and dressing. Even getting their finger and toe nails trimmed and painted.
Still naked, I come back in from the balcony and plop down onto a rosewood horseshoe backed chair. Playing some random cords on Cheri while I enjoy the surreal show. Get a lot of blushes out of the harem and maids plus quite a few nipples go perky, but I don’t mind.
Notice my reflection in one of the tall mirrors the servants hauled in.
…
Nice.
Little flex. Check out these guns!
Yep, pretty happy with this body.
Ha! Ain’t that a fucking weird way to think. Like it's just a shirt I can change.
Well, shouldn’t be surprised my view has skewed.
My first isekai physique looked all Schwarzenegger. Or maybe the Mountain from GoT. Over six feet. Silver white hair. Steel grey eyes. Beige skin. A chin you could break rocks with. Kept wanting to say “I’ll be back,” all the time.
Then, thanks to a fucking church nuke during that dungeon ambush. Bye bye bod.
Thank god for [Recovery Magic] and [Necromancy]!
Couldn’t restore everything though. There was too much damage and I was barely holding on while healing Red, Frankie, and me, enough to just survive.
So dropped down to less than six feet. Now with fair skin and black hair. Looking downright average. Goodbye chin. Sad face. At least I was able to keep the grey eyes.
Couple months of about daily training later? And I’m in shape again. Not swole, like I was, but at least jacked.
Mana’s passives have been at work too. Looks getting better. Chin getting stronger. Even feel taller. Muy machismo. Or maybe it's because of all the dual-cultivation? You know, that whole body refining realm thing.
Face? Hmm… Maybe, uh, Cavill-ish now instead of Schwarzenegger-ish?
Well, not like I ever really cared about my looks. Or like any of these girls are actually with me for my visage. No mere veneer of vanity.
Just wish I had body hair again instead of this damn peach fuzz. Really miss my beard. Shouldn’t be much longer though. This body is, what, sixteenish? Seventeenish?
Soon, my precious whiskers. Soon.
While I’m admiring myself a little too much. A couple of maids head my way with blushing faces and dripping… pastries. Until a shout about physically blasts into them.
“Buxu!”
Whoa, Little Li put some mana-er, qi, into that. Wow! That is a “if looks could kill” glare. But why does her killing intent seem so adorable to me?
The servant girls, hoping to service me, beat a hasty retreat while almost everyone else gives the princess, who's getting her hair put up, concerned looks.
Big Ji, in the tub, just shakes her wet soapy head and sighs.
“Like a tigress protecting her cub.”
Huh? Wait, is my little china girl going yandere?
Of course with all these yanese chicks hovering around my ladies. Something downright terrifying becomes clear.
…
Where’s the beef-er, I mean, tits. Yeah, that’s it. Where’s the tits!?!
Dun-dun-dunnnn!
Every one of these servant girls is almost breastless. All A-cups. Shit, the last girl I did with A-cups was Frosty. Check [Super Senses] and, yep, they’re all actually chicks. No dudes, girly boys, transtesticals, or even eunuchs.
Suddenly I feel kind of sad for chinese, I mean, yanese guys.
So does that mean Big Ji’s D-cups are actually really big? For Luyan? Damn, over half my harem is her size or bigger.
Uhoh.
Their jugs may end up too tempting. Guess I’ll have to step up on the protection side of things. Should be especially brutal with an example or two too.
Nails done and hair did, Li insisted on feeding me herself. Earning lots of dirty looks from other girls. Wanted to dress me also but that’s where first wife Red drew the line.
So after a very handsy, wives only, scrub, tug, and snug? Find myself in black and gold daoist robes I’ve never seen before. And one pouty yanese princess is leading this platoon down into the bowels of the ship.
“““Ha!””” “Shou!” “““Hiyah!””” “Jiao!” “““Ha!”””
Lots of yelling from around a corner up ahead.
We’ve finally worked our way over to the port side aft of the sterncastle and stroll into a, “Gym?”
The wood floor continues but is now covered in bamboo looking mats. While the walls open up to a bigger square space. Sprinkled across it are various things you would expect to see in a martial arts movie. Blue banners decorate the walls with the symbol of Yangxu and that whatchamacallit sect they want me to join.
Even got those pole things with the sticks sticking out of them.
No mirrors though.
Uh… Does this mean I can finally do a Kung Fu Panda training montage?
Sweet!
Skadoosh.
My tenders…
Fifty plus people are in here doing kung fu stuff. Practicing, sparring, lecturing, etc… Only a few I recognize from last night’s dinner. And very few of them look yanese.
The yelling is coming from a dozen kicking and punching with an instructor. Everyone is dressed in the same style blue robes Li is wearing. Except most are just blue. No edging or collars or designs in different colors.
Just simple blue daoist outfits.
While I was “punishing” her now sore ass for acting sneaky without permission. The yanese princess got downright talkative about the sect she really, really, wants me to join.
The North Jade Dragon Palace, Beyulongong, is the largest sect in Yangxu. With over five thousand members. Uniform is blue daoist robes and you can tell their ranks by the colors of their collars, edging, and belt/sash.
Core disciples have yellow collars and edging. Inner disciples have red. Outer disciples, green. Qianzai, potential, disciples are just blue.
Elders use the same colors for core, inner, and outer but have a black background. Plus their blue daoist robes are more complex and have black parts too.
Superwoman and the twins have the gold or silver because they’ve won major tournaments. Though kung fu queen’s was supposedly a long, long, time ago.
Didn’t pay attention yesterday but notice old guy has blue and black with red collars and edging. Meaning he’s an Inner Elder. According to Li, superwoman is a Core Elder. And the twins are Core Disciples.
See two more elder dudes, core and inner, no awards on them either. Like Baiyu, each elder seems to have two disciples with them.
Do not see any outer disciples or elders.
“Junfei Barton! Over here!”
Elder Baiyu is waving from across the room, by doors to the balcony. Each senior has taken a quarter of the room. Meaning her quadrant with just her, the twins, and fox girl?
Pretty empty.
Well, it was. Eighteen ladies immediately turn her corner into the busiest one. As does their hotness make it the center of attention.
Can about hear all the other wieners switch on their targeting computers. And you don’t have to use the force to figure out which thermal exhaust port they're aiming for.
Guess I’ll be killing dumbfucks today, but first?
“Li? What does junfei mean?”
My little china girl starts getting fidgety.
“Xingan… well… you see… it sort… well… there is…”
Big Ji, stepping in to save her flustered sister, bows and says.
“Dashi, fei can mean consort.” Little Li’s face goes full tomato. “The husband or wife of a reigning ruler. Jun may mean a gentleman or lord.” Li’s looking for a hole to crawl into. “Elder Baiyu is saying you are my sister’s monarchal husband.” Ji shakes her head. “A bit of a contradiction in terms, you might say.”
So she’s my boss and I’m her boss? Huh. That actually sounds kind of okay to me. Sort of.
“Jiji…”
Poor Li, though, is completely mortified.
“““Xixixi.”””
Superwoman and the twins, on the other hand, are loving it. Snickers galore.
“Hexin Lao Baiyu Jingi?”
Queue douchebag number one.
Don’t even turn, through shadows I see it's the second inner elder. Old dirty bastard is practically drooling. And the two female “potential” disciples in his group? Look angry, but also relieved, that mr molestor’s eye has been pulled away.
“Neimen Lao Xien Qiu, you are interrupting my instruction.”
Creepy guy doesn’t even break his roll.
“My deepest apologies, esteemed elder. I could not help but see how many superb disciples you had gathered and merely sought to offer my aid. Publicly or even privately to help, cultivate them.”
Just the words make me want to vomit. And I can tell through our empathic wedding rings and [Super Senses]? That I am not the only one.
“Your offer is valued but unneeded, wise Lao Xien. All of these beauties are with Zhangmen Tiang’s invited guest.”
That revelation caught the sex offender with his pants down and viagra bottle empty. But he’s not ready to give up yet.
“A personal invitation from Sect Leader Tiang?” What kung fu queen said, hasn’t fully sunk in yet. “And which one of these fairy hopefuls has it?”
Guy’s brain is lost in humpytown fantasyland.
Little Li, whose face has finally cooled from its chernobyl meltdown, stands up and turns to the lecher.
“Esteemed Elder Xien. You misunderstand. The invitation was a royal one, not from the sect.”
ODB turns a bit pale as Big Ji whispers in my ear.
“While royal father rules Yangxu and leads Beyulongong, dashi? The former position is considered far more dangerous than the later.” Hot breath steams my ear. “Though a patriarch expects some dissension. Some disobedience?” Soft words gain a steel edge. “An emperor accepts none.”
Ah. I see.
Huh.
Maybe I won’t need to kill anyone today?
And why the fuck does that make me sad?
Really need to find an isekai shrink.
While Ji has been getting lewd with my ear lobe. Chester the molester spit out some quick apologies, excuses, and retreated back to his “hopefuls” as quickly as possible.
Bringing a sort of relief to his two girl disciples’ expressions. And one of the guy’s?
Baiyu notices my “what the fuck” look and speaks quietly enough so only our corner hears.
“Cultivation is difficult, junfei, and expensive. Requiring vast amounts of time, focus and qi to progress.” Green eyes turn sad. “Most daoists expire from age before surpassing the Foundation Establishment realm.”
One of the twins working with fox girl, stops to chime in.
“Most breakthrough the Body Refining realm. Even though it takes a decade or two.” Turns to me with one arm bent in front and one bent behind. “The complexity of the Qi Gathering realm may cost several decades, even for those taking shortcuts or using pills and elixirs.”
Little Li nods and continues.
“And for those with the talent and resources to reach Peak Foundation Establishment? They face the first Tianjie.” See’s my confusion. “Uh, heavenly tribulation. The immortal way is opposed by the Tianyi, uh, will of heaven.”
Okay…
“And what is this heavenly tribulation?”
Superwoman answers.
“The form the heavenly tribulation takes varies. Though, often, its form is the storm. Attacking the daoist during his breakthrough with lightning.” Green lips tremble. “It is not rare for one to even die. Or survive but with crippling injuries.”
Notice the yanese sisters, Ji and Li, look very sad all of a sudden.
Wait a minute, you want me to go through that? Give Little Li a Spock eyebrow.
Which pulls her out of the dumps and gets her fidgety again.
“Xingan… R-royal father knows of your po-potential. You w-will have the f-finest medicines and arrays.” She’s getting more confident. “Anyone who can breakthrough to Juqi, uh, qi gathering in just a mo-”
“Xiao Li!”
Baiyu’s shout interrupts and startles my yanese princess. Who starts panicking until her older sister puts a hand on my little china girl’s shoulder. Big Ji gives me a small smile.
“Forgive her please, dashi. Details of one’s cultivation are considered private matters. Not appropriate for public discussion.” Catches her sister’s eye. “No matter how unusual they might be.”
Little Li nods while I notice kung fu queen and fox girl share a conspiring look.
Sigh…
Bet I’m going to have fur in my shorts again soon. Not that I mind, too much, but you’re left with that itchy prickly feeling. You know, when the barber forgets to wipe off your neck and shoulders after a trim?
*shake*
Yeah, like that. Except it's your whole body. Even your crotch.
Now, I’ve blasted through Qi Gathering. Opening all twelve of the “primary meridians.” So, according to Ji, I’m already Dianfeng Juqi. Peak Qi Gathering. Now I’m working on the eight “auxiliary meridians” and opening acupoints.
And there are a fuck ton of acupoints.
No wonder it takes folks forever to get through this realm. So do I need performance enhancing drugs? Xianxia levitra? Wuxia steroids?
“Where do I get these pills?”
One of the twins again.
“Jingji, tournaments.”
The other twin continues.
“Elixirs and pills are expensive. Meaning most disciples cannot afford them.” Touches her collar. “Tournaments include medicine as rewards for their winners.”
Superwoman gets a bitter look as she grumbles.
“And if you who cannot win tournaments? Junfei? Or have a wealthy clan to buy medicines?” Bitter beer face. “Well, trading your body for the resources an elder or young master can provide? Not a difficult choice for most young women.” Snorts. “Or even some young men.”
Eww…
About to change the subject when another voice intrudes.
“Junfei? Both master and servant? Interesting word play, Elder Baiyu.” Yep, it's the other core elder. “Though I’m guessing that was your creation. Our Xiao Li would never be so bold.”
Turn to see another old guy incoming. Except this one’s an elf. Though he’s looking at me instead of my girls. Uhoh. How do you say “oh, hell no” in yanese?
Notice a woman next to him. Not dressed up like the sect folks. Strange, didn’t realize she was here when we came in.
Wait, I know you…
Luo, Ganyue (female, human, yanese)
Luo, Xinyue (female, human, yanese)
Xien, Qiu (male, human, yanese)