Chapter 38: This Is War
---D-Day+85, Daroine 24th, Later Sunday Night---
---Lions Keep, Grand Suite---
“Haammmond!”
*wailing*
“Brother…”
*sobbing*
“Husband…”
*mourning*
Uh. Can this weekend, like, end please?
Way too much shit has gone down this weekend.
Mommy duke's surprise visit and weird conference. Val’s kidnapping and her daughters' murder. Convent catastrophe with ninja nuns and guns. Musket madness and Hitomi’s near banishment. Fuckathon with Blue’s mom. Fuckathon with the chinese princesses. Maybe becoming a daoist. And now…
Think it's still before midnight. After the harem found me enjoying a dirty nap with naked fantasy china princesses, I figured today was over.
Sure, would probably let me get next to no sleep, jealousy and orgasms, but that would be it. Well, would also have to shoot down mommy duke begging me to become her consort, hubby, whatever.
Am not going to get stuck with all the baggage she’s carrying. But her spiel gets interrupted, again. This time by an urgent message.
Hammond Chastel, Mel’s oldest son and heir to the Duchy of Trosseria, is dead.
Suddenly “taking ill,” he died peacefully in his sleep. Seriously, that’s what the message says. They actually had the balls to write that. So, what’s that really mean?
Survey says!
*ding*
Assassination.
Poor mommy duke. Tried so hard to save her family just to see every scheme fail. Every plan flop. According to Mel, Hammond’s “faction” came in a distant third compared to his brothers. However, with me and the implied involvement of House Lianlaf? It would have been enough to keep the balance.
Without Hammond?
There is nothing left to stop her other children from fighting over the duchy. A battle that may spread across Tourin as the king’s oldest son and daughter have a proxy war to decide who will take the throne after he dies.
Man, the geezer isn’t even dead yet and his kids are already fighting over the inheritance.
Not being a powerful warrior or sorcerer. Mel is pretty powerless in this shitty misogynistic world. So after her duke chose suicide-by-me and got his strongest retainers and vassals killed with him? And her younger children jumped into the pockets of rival houses?
All she could do was stall. Stall until her oldest could build a new faction. Stall until he could gather support. Stall until he strengthened his claim with a super baby and or well connected wife.
Dumbass didn’t get any of that done and now he’s dead.
Yep, this is bad. Down to a couple thousand undead and have not had a chance to even start figuring out golems yet. Wait, what even is war in isekai land?
We’ve gathered in the Grand Suite’s living room and the only source of light is the big ass fireplace.
Burning wood snaps and pops as it's heat spreads across the room. A woodsy scent fills the air.
Apart from the flames, the only sound is sadness and loss.
*wail* *sob* *moan*
I’m sitting in the middle of a couch. On my sides are Mel and Lula. Mel’s bawling her eyes out. Lula’s crying quietly. On my lap is Blue. Sniffling and mumbling her brother’s name as she weeps.
Yeah, the shirt I just put on is already soaked.
Rest of the harem is arrayed around us on chairs and couches. Big Ji and Little Li are here too and have quickly bonded with my ladies.
Their retinue was still stirring shit downstairs until the younger sister threatened to renounce her princesshood too unless the entourage fucked right off.
So they did.
Ugh. Gotta feeling that mess is nowhere near over though. Hey, it's not my fault. How was I supposed to know isekai vaginas come with car alarms.
Sigh.
Will have to deal with that crisis later. My 3rd wife just found out her brother was killed and the leading suspects? Are her other brothers.
“It's gonna be okay baby.”
Spread light kisses across the three and do my best to give supportive snuggles.
This raises some big questions though. So turn my peepers to the seniors of the harem. Red, Frankie, and Lili.
1st wife is wearing a fantasy modern style shirt and skirt that’s in fashion around Stormgarde. Though knight-wife also has an armored skirt, breastplate, greaves, and vambraces over the blue and white outfit.
Red insisting on armor all the time is going to get more and more uncomfortable for her. Bet that breastplate is the first to go since the titty fairy has come to town. Those swelling d-cups be gettin, “sensitive.”
Going to get a lot worse after the baby belly delivery too. Probably still got a month to go for that though since she’s still in the first trimester.
The, uh, fuck it's hot, robe, sort of, that 2nd wife wears? Really shows off her, uh, assets. Purple fabric with gold edging has a front and back loosely hanging down to her feet. Which split and cross over her huge g-cups. Showing drool inducing amounts of cleavage and side boob.
Finally wrapping and tying around her neck. Looks like one tug on that tie, and all that cloth will end up in a pile around her ankles.
Oh, and the sides? Open and holy shit bare. Showing leg all the way up whenever she moves.
Frankie’s got bling too. Gold bracelets, anklets, earrings, belt and a necklace. Somehow, it all makes priest-wife look, well, holy. Like a saintess of lewd. Sleeveless, shoulderless, legless, braless, and pantieless. If porn had a religion? She would be its goddess.
And while Red has leather knee high boots? My dark skinned oppai wears golden open toed strappy sandals. With heels! Pushing those bountiful boobs out even further.
Compared to my knight and priestess? 1st concubine is much more reserved. Lili’s simple embroidered green and red dress exposes lots of her e-cup cleavage but that’s it. The rest of her body is covered. Even her shoulders. It’s what I see most married noblewomen wearing.
Now that’s not to say it's boring. The top half is pretty tight. Showing off her tits from all angles. Sleeves look a bit loose but comfy. The bottom half puffs out a little and almost skirts the floor. Only revealing secretary-wife’s black leather shoes and bare ankles when she walks.
She’s got bling too but it's also more conservative. Just a silver necklace and earrings. Like Red and Frankie, there is only one ring on any of her fingers.
Mine.
These three gorgeous women will have the answers I need. Knowing what’s coming, the three stand and line up in the middle of the lounge. Facing me.
“What happens now?”
Frankie goes first.
“Master. Any who pledged themselves to Lord Hammond will turn to Lord Geffroi or Heimer for survival.”
Lili’s next.
“My Lord. Her Grace, Melicent, and Lady Luliene, will be recalled or compelled to return to Trosseria.”
Red closes.
“Husband. Lord Geffroi and Heimer will raise banners and muster their troops.”
“How many?”
“Husband?” Tilts her head to the side.
“How many troops?”
Knight-wife knows that, despite being the “first wife,” second wife Frankie is the true Queen of this harem. And she’s accepted it, mostly. In compensation, Red insists on being something my priest-wife can’t be. The General of this harem. It's Lady Commander. Femme Field Marshal.
Edel has worked very hard on this. Studying numerous volumes of military history and strategy. Plus learning the trade from veterans like Rowl, Alex, and Ex-patchy.
Time to put those skills to use.
“Oh, yes, uh, given the size of the duchy? Including mercenaries and recalled detachments? Hmm…” Red’s thinkering face is so cute. “Husband, lords Heimer and Geffroi should both field around fifty thousand men.”
Five and four zeros? Shit. Okay, so taking them head on with just a couple thousand skeletons is out.
Or is it?
“Red, tell me about war.”
“Husband?” Confused knight-wife is confused.
“What is war like in this world?” Give Blue, still on my lap, a squeeze. “We’ve fought dragons and an orc horde. The scale here is different. Bigger. So tell me about war here.”
“Uh, yes Jon.” Gathering her thoughts. “War in Tourin is about the pike and lance. Men with pikes try to push through and break the enemy’s lines. Horsemen with lances try to break the enemy’s cavalry. Then flank the infantry.”
Okay…
“So where does magic come in?”
“Everywhere, husband.” Gives me an isn’t it obvious look. “Nobles use magic to kill the enemy. Those with battle magic bombard the enemy and counter their battlemage-.”
Interrupt her.
“Battle magic?”
Frankie speaks.
“Battle magic is how larger spells are termed, master.” Her hands start mimicking incantations. “Fire spells that explode, killing dozens. Water spells which wash away a pike line. Lightning shattering a knight charge.”
Well, fuck. This may be a lot harder than I thought.
Lili pipes in.
“Those with enough mana to cast such spells are commonly called battlemages.”
Hmm…
“So how would my undead do?”
Red acts like she’s been waiting for this question and answers confidently.
“Quite well, husband. Your undead do not require rest nor sleep. So they can move faster on and off the battlefield.” Seems downright proud of herself. “Your astral and hybrid undead can ignore pike lines and attack the enemy from within their ranks. While your material undead can tie down their lines.”
Frankie feels the need to add her two cents.
“Master. There are problems too.” Knight-wife looks like she wants to argue, but doesn’t. “It is common for the church to send priests with any significant force. Providing healing and preventing undeath.” Red grudgingly nods. “With enough present? They will interfere with your undead and may even cast [Metia’s Executioner].”
Double shit.
Remember my bigger undead.
“How are large units like trolls handled?”
Red steps up again.
“The larger the enemy? The more spells it attracts. So they are often held in reserve until needed to save or break the line.” Gets a disgusted look. “Smaller enemies, like goblins, can work their way under a pike line. Which is why there are always some swordsmen and halberdiers mixed in to counter them.”
Damn.
“What about bows and such?”
“Crossbowmen and longbowmen occupy the center of the pike square, husband.” Is it weird I feel really proud of my knight-wife right now? “They often coordinate with the battlemages.”
“Pike square?”
Man, Red’s knowledge is getting a workout today.
“Yes husband. The pike square is the preferred formation. It will normally have a thousand or more men in it. Mostly pikemen but with some swordsmen or halberdiers, crossbowmen or longbowmen, and a battlemage or three.”
“How are armies organized?”
“When a muster is called, the nobles bring their troops and mercenaries are hired. They meet and are combined into units of the correct size." Counts with her fingers. "First around ten men. Next about one hundred. Then roughly a thousand. Finally ten thousand."
"What about over ten thousand?"
"Ad hoc and formed as needed, husband."
Huh.
"And sieges?"
Red's ready again.
"Besieging castles and towns will be rare. Where pikers and lancers set aside their weapon of choice and pick up maces, axes, and swords."
Hitomi looks to disagree so throws her hat into the ring.
"Edelys-sama, forgive me but are sieges not the most commo-"
Red interrupts my japanese high schooler with a tone, and volume, that makes her greatly lowered opinion of the Aquecian thief-hero crystal clear.
"This is not Aquecia, Lady Chigusa!" Hitomi flinches, hard. "Nor is this one of your Metia damned crusades!"
Shit.
"Red…"
Fortunately, knight-wife registers my warning and brings her temper under control.
"Hmph. Sigh… I apologize husband, Lady Chigusa." Bows and musters her cool again. "This is Tourin and this is a war by proxy." Ah, that's right. "Every town burned is lost revenue. Nobles will not want to foul their own fields."
Hitomi knows she’s at the bottom of the barrel, harem wise, but shows the guts to speak again. Huh. Wonder what happened?
"Thank you, Edelys-sama, I place myself in your care." Eh? "So there will be no sieges?"
Really need to spend time comforting Hitomi too. She just found out that at least one of her "friends" is trying to kill her. Probably. Just have really had no time too.
If we even are a couple anymore, that is. She's triggered my "trust issues," and not in a good way.
Red switches to womensplaining mode.
"There will be a few sieges. Keeps the nobles honest. However, this is a proxy war between Houses Airnett and Baramont. While their troops will not be in the field? Their gold will be." Knight-wife smirks. "The sooner it ends? The cheaper it will be."
*sniffle*
Blue leans back from my chest and looks at her girlfriend through puffy teary eyes.
"Metia bless you, Edy. (sniff) So what will my pit crawling brothers do?"
On my side, Mel jerks up and stares at her daughter.
"Ali…"
Mommy duke whimpers as this mother embraces her heartbroken child.
Can see Red wants to hug Blue too and is totally jealous that my lap is where her lover's tight buns squish, but knight-wife really wants to stay professional right now.
"Sister Aliote, there will be a few smaller battles and then a final engagement." Shrugs her shoulders. "The nobles will spend weeks, even months, drilling their diverse units."
Wait.
"Months?"
There's that isn't it obvious look again.
"Yes, husband. There will be a few small sieges and skirmishes as the lords test their forces. Yet the major battles are likely two months or more away."
…
You mangy scot git! Got me all worked up! About soiled my armor. Ugh. It really is the rabbit.
Sigh.
Gotta stop thinking in my world’s terms. This isn't driving to Baghdad.
Guess my brainstorm leaked as the wives all give me concerned looks.
"Master?" "Husband?" "Darling?"
Wave it away and give Blue headpats.
"Sorry, girls, daddy's being dumb again." Huh? Why are you all suddenly blushing? "If we've got months? Then I can definitely work with this."
Lula looks up at me.
"My prince?"
Reach my arms around both Lula and Mel. Pull them in tighter.
"Lula? Mel? Welcome to the harem." Mommy duke looks confused but my chocolate angel's eyes sparkle. "You are both now mine for as long as you want to be."
Lula’s arms wrap around me as she peppers my neck with kisses.
"Yes! Please, my prince. Keep me forever."
Serious look time.
"Oh, and you're free. There is only one slave in my harem." Glare at Frankie who completely ignores me. "And that's only because she refuses to not be. So… Lula?"
Face the mocha momma-to-be to see she's crying again. But this time there is a big smile too.
"Yes, my prince." She tearfully nods. "Free or slave, (sniff) I am yours."
Buries her face in my shoulder as I turn to Mel.
"Jon, I can't ask this of you. There is nothing, now. I am nothing, now. I will ret-"
Blue has had enough and cuts her off.
"Mother! Hammy is lost and you want to go too?" Blue’s pissed. "I will not lose you too! Darling will pro-protect you…?" She realizes what she's assuming and shyly looks up at me. "D-darling? P-pl-please?"
Move my right hand up to give Mel’s tits a big squeeze. Which draws an embarrassing moan out of her.
"Blue? Can I count on you to teach your new sisters? You know how I like my women, right?"
Mage-wife sprouts a big smile and eagerly nods her head.
"Y-yes darling." Leans back into me and hugs, deep. "Thank you…"
Mel tries to protest.
"Viscount Barton, it's war now. You risk bringing that war here. I cannot-”
"Shush."
"But-"
"Zip it."
"Wha-"
"When a problem comes along. You must zip it."
Mommy duke's mouth hangs open. Clearly not having a fucking clue about what I'm saying. Shame, have a few more I remember.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Ex zip it A.
She finally manages a "Jon…"
“Do you like me?”
“Jon?”
“Do. You. Like. Me?”
Blue’s mother springs a huge blush, cutely nods, and then buries her face in my other shoulder just as deeply as Lula.
Well, guess we can mark that down as a, "yes."
*ahem*
Turn back to see Red staring at Blue’s buns until she notices me staring at her staring. Loses her composure for a few and cheeks go crimson before she collects herself.
“Umm… Uh. Husband? House Chastel may retaliate when they realize you’ve (drool) conquered their most… beautiful women.” Shakes her head to clear it. “How sh-should we answer their d-demands?”
Damn, Red’s becoming quite the horny lesbo.
“With two words.”
Frankie's eyes shine even more than Lula’s and she shivers with anticipation. Lili sees her two sisters are a bit too distracted to continue so takes it upon herself to ask.
“What two words, my lord?”
Show them my most despicable me grin.
“Bring it.”
Thought I had days but find out I’ve got weeks? Fuck. An evil bastard like me can do a whole lot of damage with, “weeks.”
I’ll introduce those medieval shits to another pair of my favorite words.
…
Shock and awe, bitches.
Shock and awe.