Chapter 37: Error Orgasm Not Found
---D-Day+85, Daroine 24th, Sunday Night---
---Lions Keep, Grand Suite---
*loud snore*
“This is our own fault.”
Uh… Wha… Frankie?
*cute snoring*
“We knew better than to leave his lordship alone.”
Who… How… Lili?
*cuter snoring*
“Fufu. Onii-chan got it on.”
F-frosty?
“Jon-kun…”
Hitomi? What the…
*blink* *blink*
Uh… Smells earthy. W-why is there a tree above my bed? Oh, I’m outside. Huh, it's dark. Temp is nice though.
*stretch*
Oh, there are lady parts on me.
Good.
Attached to naked ladies.
Better.
Naked sexy asian ladies.
Best!
But there’s also a dozen not naked ladies.
Not best.
With their hands on their hips or arms crossed.
Not better.
Staring at me.
Bail out?
Frowning.
Mayday! Mayday!
“...H-hi? How was the, uh, spa?” Quick, look innocent! Maximum puppy eye power!
“Awe…”
“Sister Edel, stop it. We agreed he would be in trouble this time.”
“Ushi… But husband is so cute. Maybe it was an accident.” Yeah, you tell her, Red.
You never know which way the prego hormones are going to go. But when they go your way? You could axe murder someone in front of her and she would still want to snuggle afterwards.
“Husband, are you thinking something naughty?” Quick, shake my head. No, other head.
Sigh. Damn rings.
The wedding rings I made have a love-hate relationship. Love how they help us connect emotionally. Hate how they give my wives the [See Thru Husbands Antics] cheat.
Thank god filtering my horniness out of our link has become second nature to me. If not? Everytime I fucked? My wives might turn into sloppy messes.
Which is a lot of fun when we are orgying together. Not so much when they are teaching class, balancing the budget, learning a new spell, etc…
Though there was that time while Blue was in Aether I. Never imagined Red could get that naughty in public. Totally ruined mage-wife’s undies.
Course Blue hunted us down immediately after class. Yeah, left that closet a complete mess and we were late to the next class but, so worth it.
Ahem.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. At the moment I'm sprawled out under the earth elemental’s tree in the walled garden of the Grand Suite on top of Lions Keep.
Dirty, sweaty, and butt naked.
Big Ji and Little Li are laying on me. Also sans apparel. And, damn, I really need a bath.
Well, after hours of “research,” I’ve learned a lot about, uh… Shuanxiu? Shwangxi? Wang Chung? Fuck it, “dual-cultivating.”
First of all, you don’t get squat unless she cums. Which, right there, sets the bar pretty high for most of us fellas. Am I right, guys? Haha!
*awkward silence*
Uh, no, not me of course. I don’t have that problem. Huh? She said what? That bitch! Well, she’s lying. Besides, uh, it was cold that day. And I just got out of the pool. And was sick. And, and, she’s a bitch. With big feet. Yeah, that’s it.
You? No, dude, totally not talking about you, [whisper]minute man[/whisper].
Have a, uh, friend who has that problem. Yeah, a friend. Who? Uh, it's your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.
Yep, definitely not talking about me or you.
*subtle finger pointing*
So! Dual-cultivating. Yes. Let’s see… First, again, you don’t get nothing unless she squirts and she doesn’t get nothing unless you spurt. Hehe, at least you can tell when she’s faking it.
Now, Ji said there is some evil version where the guy or girl steals the other’s qi but she didn’t go into details and I would rather not know. Sounded scary.
Shit you not. Have had the weirdest pillow talk since getting isekaied.
Second, what you get is some very, very, rich mana. How much depends on the size of your reservoir, the “quality” of your qi, and how you get it.
Get squat if there is no physical contact. At least got to be in the splash zone. Yep, the good stuff is in the “fluid.” And the best absorption rate, by far, is through each other’s “reproductive” gear.
Sorry pervs. For you latex bodysuit fetish types? Gotta let the fun bits actually mingle. While you mascot costume loving furries? Gonna have to take the pants off.
Or at least cut holes in them.
Third, you don’t get to use that qi right away. Need to “digest” it first. And depending on how much and how rich it is? Can take a while.
Oh, and the richness depends on their “level.” Old Ji has a higher cultivation level than Young Li. So I got richer mana from the older sister.
Well, except for Li’s “first” time.
Yep, she was a virgin. Super freaking rich qi. Everytime after though? Less than I got from Ji.
“Xingan…” *cuter snoring* “more….”
Both sisters are still out but it was an amazing fuck and with sex machine mode? Pretty much mind melting. Absolutely teaching this to the harem.
But the side effects? Concerning. Maybe.
Mentioned before how, compared to my reservoir, Ji and Li’s “dantians” are very defined. Wondered whether it was hereditary or trained?
Well guess who has a dantian now, sort of.
Yep. Which is completely fucking confusing. Maybe it's viral? Some sort of weird daoist STD?
Noticed as the hours, and orgasms, went by that my astral body began to change. Or maybe shift is a better word. Almost like it was being poured into a mold and slowly taking its shape.
Beginning to think that developing meridians and dantians are “built in” somehow to “daoist” techniques.
So many questions.
“Wow, you girls look fucking beautiful.”
And I’m not just sucking up. In front of me stands my harem in all its annoyed glory. Though since I have not slept with Milti, Lizzy, or Clari yet I guess it would be harem and guests.
All look fucking gorgeous. Skin practically glowing. Nails, hair, makeup, exquisite. Were bragging about the spa’s magical mineral water baths before they left and clearly weren’t lying.
And, no, their skin isn’t glowing from “that.” Way too paranoid to not check if any of them were getting “full service” massages and the like.
Yeah, I know it's sexist or whatever but I don’t share my women. You’re either mine, or you’re not. And if a girl wants out? Door’s right over there.
Life’s too damn short to put up with bullshit from ho’s.
Now, while I’m being stunned by their sexyness. Milti looks up at Lili, oh, got two Lili’s now. Hmm… Milti faces Milf Lili and asks.
“Does th-this happen a lot?”
Her eyes keep slipping to check my package. Oh yeah, think this is Milti’s first time seeing my pocket rocket. Which is ready for liftoff, ugh, again. Mana be some crazy shit dude.
Secretary-wife rests her hand on wheelchair girl’s shoulder and answers motherly.
“Sometimes, dear.”
Really want to argue that but, yeah. Three months. Just three insane months and I’m already up to six wives. Well, three wives and three concubines but it's the same thing to my mind.
Probably a good dozen or two more mistresses. Sex friends. Whatever you want to call them. And good god! Don’t get me started on the cult’s kum and go’s.
Knight in shining armor? Ha! More like pervo in a dirty speedo.
“Does explain the scene downstairs.”
Eh? What you talkin bout Blue?
Lili picked up on my confused expression and sighed as she replied.
“My lord.” Politely indicates the passed out princesses. “Their entourage is very… upset.
Hehe, true, been hours since I started manhandling their ladies’ imperial heinies. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what we’ve been doing.
“How upset?” Can’t be that bad, right?
“They have been… restrained.” Secretary-wife waves a hand. “The damage to the audience hall though, is significant.”
Shit, thought my “international incident” days were done after the army.
“Not-sebastian?!”
Not sure if I’m more pissed it happened or more pissed I missed it. Have to check the shadows' memories later. Maybe make some popcorn first.
[Butler magic]
“Yes? My Lord Barton?”
My dignified, impeccably dressed butler manages to appear from nowhere, as usual. Somehow uncomfortably close and respectfully distant at the same time.
“Don’t give me that My Lord crap. What the hell happened?”
This refined gentleman pauses before replying, giving meaningful glances towards my harem. That I, of course, completely miss the point of.
“The imperial princess Tang Li Zexi’s retinue suddenly became very agitated.” Head nods towards my women now. “Demanded entry to the Grand Suite and when refused?” Coughs into his hand. “Attempted to force their way upstairs.”
Poor not-sebastian. Must be coming down with a cold. Though it's weird how some of his coughs sound like “vir” and others like “gin.”
Are there isekai cough drops? Sword and sorcery throat lozenges?
While I may be of average intelligence, some say I’m even slightly below, my harem is not. Mommy duke starts massaging the bridge of her nose.
“Beloved? Did either of those, ladies, have a tattoo?” Places a hand between her crotch and abdomen. “Around here?”
See? Smart.
“How did you know? Was kind of weird too.” Roll Little Li over. “You can see it- hey, where did it go?” Swear it was just there. Looked like something out of those fantasy hentai toons.
Frankie actually face palms and then looks at not-sebastian.
“Mister Harrin, was that a…”
“Purity seal? Yes, Lady Ushinua.”
Half the harem groans and looks exasperated while the other half looks dazed and confused. Mila is the first to ask.
“What is a purity seal?”
That not-sebastian fields.
“Lady Miyula, a purity seal is a ward intended to protect a maiden’s chastity.” Stately and regal. “It provides an additional barrier and sends an alert if broken.”
Really? Huh. Didn’t even notice. Was pretty horny though.
Mommy duke sighs and chuckles.
“As well as being ludicrously expensive. Though, I wager, something the imperial family of yangxu can afford.” Hands on her hips. “Oh Jon, how do you think her family will react?”
“Uh… Happy she got some?”
*BOOM*
A long time ago, like a couple hours, in a garden far, far away.
Sunlight shines on water and plants enclosed by a white wall. Pavilions, ponds, flowers, trees, paths, statues, and bridges decorate the space. Sectioning it. Creating several small intimate tranquil scenes.
The scent of blooming flowers lingers in the air. A space of peace and serenity.
Or, at least, it was.
At the end of a roofed stone footbridge. A small pavilion surrounded by water and lotuses. Guards line the bridge. Each equipped with the finest armor and halberds.
Many are crouching, covering their heads, from the debris raining down after the blast. Others rushing forward to secure the pavilion and their charges.
A structure which now has a sizable hole in its roof.
Within the open building is a table built from the finest woods. Carved and inlaid with metal and jewels. A piece of furniture centuries old and lovingly maintained by the garden’s staff.
A quarter of it is now gone. Reduced to splinters. As is the masterpiece of a chair its recent occupant was using.
The remaining three chairs, however, are still occupied.
One by a golden robed young man who looks to be in his twenties. Another by a green robed older man who appears to be in his fifties. The last by an elderly wrinkled soul in red robes. His long red hair seems to move and float with a will of its own.
All three watch the white robed figure in the sky shrink into the distance.
Gold robes speaks.
“Father? Should we stop him?”
The red robed elder laughs.
“Haha! That old coot? Even I would have trouble with him this riled up.”
A cowering kowtowing shivering shape at the pavilion’s entrance screams.
“Please forgive this useless one divine chosen of the heavens! A lowly bug such as I would never dare offend your magnificence!”
The green robed regal man waves a hand and the barrier that saved the servant from the lethal shrapnel pops like a bubble. His other hand raises a closed fan and scratches his chin with it.
The youth looks at the servant. “Go, tell no one of what you said and saw here.”
Bowing and scraping his forehead on the floor, the attendant backs out of the pavilion. Still on his hands and knees.
Red robes faces the majestic being in green.
“Are we really going to do nothing?”
Jade eyes flash and a deep voice seemingly as old as time rolls out as he sadly looks at the shattered tea set on the table’s remains. He really liked that tea set.
“We will not intervene. She is, after all, his favorite niece.”
The furious figure in the distant sky... disappears.