Chapter 35: Office Space
---D-Day+85, Daroine 24th, Sunday Afternoon---
---Lions Keep, Grand Suite---
“Any response from the Rector?"
“Not yet, my lord.” New old seneschal replies.
In the northeastern corner of the Grand Suite is my, “office space.”
There are no internal walls in the Grand Suite. So to help define my managerial area. A few bookcases tall enough to substitute for them are used. Provides a sense of privacy for pencil pusher stuff.
When sitting at the desk, my back faces the eastern wall. And several chairs are in front of me. One big rug under it all. Past the chairs there is a door in the northern wall.
Further along the wall is a smaller desk. Two of them. One is Lili’s and the other is used by whoever is helping her at the time. Lately it's been Lula’s turf.
My desk is fancy but it's also a mess. Covered in reports and requests. Yes, secretary milf’s done an amazing job organizing and managing it. But it's still a hell of a lot of paperwork.
And, uh, since the petition… I no longer pester people about memos and tps reports. Or wander around the castle asking for my red stapler. Hehe. Had some squires searching everywhere for it a couple weeks ago.
Ha… Good times.
My desk chair is just as fancy schmancy as the desk. But it has no wheels. Weird how much I miss that. Though the deskjobs do make up for it.
What? You actually thought I would have a big ass desk like this and not let a lady under there to sharpen my number O pencil? No. Measure my ruler? Nah. Lick my label maker? Ugh. Suck on my sharpie?
Wow. I am downright bad at making up lewd innuendos. Should send someone a memo about this.
Sadly, the only feet under the desk this time are mine. Shocking, I know, but my balls are still feeling pretty light after “family therapy” with mother-in-law and sister-in-law this morning.
So sage mode hasn’t run out yet.
In front of me on this fine Sunday afternoon sit the three top dogs of Lions Keep. Seneschal Ortwin “new old seneschal” Mauger, Marshal Tomas “ex-patchy” Labrait, and Chamberlain Symond “chamber pot” Roshenauc.
Ortwin is the old guy who fell for Red’s ex-mentor’s scheme. Locked him up but then let him out again when his replacement proved to be even worse. As the seneschal, in this castle he is second only to me.
Marshal Tomas runs the military side of things in Lions Keep. He is also the captain of the local Blackhart’s detachment. House Lianlaf’s knights.
Lastly, the chamberlain, Symond, is responsible for the castle lord’s “chambers.” Though it really covers everything related to the lord and his “family.”
These three are the main guys in charge of my isekai house. I like to think of them as the three stooges.
Now, while its not unusual for me to summon these guys up here because I want fuck all to do with the goddamn stairs in this place. Today? Is special.
Why?
Because its national “Fuck You Up” day.
After painfully discovering that this sword and sorcery shithole has guns too? Some plans have changed.
First plan to change? The “let’s not fuck with the japanese heroes” project. Hitomi confirmed the firearms the Metian nuns and ninjas used at the convent trap came from Aquecia.
Before? Didn’t want to deal with them because I got enough problems. Yeah, they tried to kill me during the festival.
So?
At the time it seemed like their target was really Hitomi and I was just Duke Chastel’s plus one. Last night though made it pretty fucking clear they are gunning, hehe, for me too.
Don’t think I’m ready yet to face off against three overpowered japanese isekai nazis. Hitomi has stated multiple times that she is the weakest of the four mouseketeers. And I don’t think she’s that much weaker than me.
While she does feel I could beat any of them one on one. All three of them at once may be too much for me.
Especially since both Kojiro and Umeka’s divine powers are a good counter to my reliance on necromancy.
But they have fucked with me so its only fair I fuck with them. Even if there isn’t a whole lot I can do. What do I mean? Well, right now, Jon Barton is a very big fish in a small pond called northwestern Tourin.
If you look at Tourin lake? Still a big fish but not the biggest anymore. There are folks with the power and or resources to take me down. Possibly.
Like Mithral ranked adventurers or Dukes and Marquis.
That does not mean I can’t do anything. Fairly confident that the demons will soon know what the aquecians are planning. At least if I’m right about that whiff of brimstone [Super Senses] catches from time to time.
They’ll even have hardware to test.
But wait folks, that’s not all!
“Want a list of buyers on my desk by dinner tomorrow.”
“Yes, my lord.”
Was disappointed to hear that the dwarves in this world already have boomsticks. However, ex-patchy has used them and says our aquecian loot is a lot more sophisticated.
So, let’s have a limited time only ten per customer fire sale.
Going to send offers to all the big guys like the elves, dwarves, beastkin, fantasy swedes, fantasy chinese, adventurer’s guild, etc…
“If the Rector is too busy or shy then go directly to the local craftsmen and alchemists. Want to know what this shit’s made of and how to make our own.”
“Yes, Lord Barton.”
While I have a workshop? I’m more of a tinkerer and it’s really just for necromancy. My mana lets me cheat, a lot, so I can pretty much play with bones like legos
Still, I’m not an engineer. Not a chemist. Liked to tinker back home too but after the first couple of fires? My adventures with technology were banished to the garage.
The detached garage.
And though Stormgarde may not be the top school in Tourin? It is the most advanced.
Carrying on Sayo’s dream of a fantasy-modern university? Means the local craftsmen they work with are also advanced, techniques and technology wise.
Well, at least compared to the rest of this medieval mudball.
Figure spreading the heroes' tech is the best way to screw with their plot. And, yeah, Hitomi might not like it. But she’s kind of on my shit list right now. So she can just deal.
“What about my other request?”
“My lord, a number of Stormgarde’s staff are still in Raelera at the Convent of Metia the Merciful conducting their investigation. It is highly probable that we will not get a response for a day or two.”
Hmm…
Which brings me to change number two. Necromancy. Or too many eggs and too few baskets. Similar to my swordmage issue. There really are no teachers nor What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Zombie books to refer too. No support groups. No unholy abomination of the month club.
The material I can find is… questionable. And there are no necromancer tutors advertising in the paper. Fuck. Really wish Ushalen was here.
Sigh.
Same with swordmageryning. There hasn’t been a swordmage in generations. Though there is more documentation on them. It's also not very useful. So I’m kind of blindly figuring it out as I go.
Need to expand my magic options. Yeah, I’ve learned bits of this and that from the girls. Going to have to put a lot more effort into those bits though.
And while necromancy filled the requirement for servants with almost no chance of betrayal or sabotage? It's weak against this holy curse magic shit.
Thought I could just zerg it like I did on game day but the convent trap was different. The magic in those bullets was, well, denser than expected.
None of the game day weapons could really one shot one kill. These absolutely could and did. So I need to find a replacement or supplement for my undead hordes.
From the history channel shows I can remember? Castle builders handled the evolution of guns with more angled and thicker walls.
What else is thick and hard?
…
Okay, I was going to say “golems” but… Sure, dildos could be another way to answer that question. Can’t really picture legions of dildos conquering the world though. Unless it's won’t cheat kingdom on planet horny housewives.
*ahem*
“Golemancy” is a thing on this world and is considered part of the [Earth School]. It's another of those “dying” arts though. Mana expensive and uses some pretty freaking intense looking magic circles.
Especially for the more impressive stuff.
However, the big plus for me is that there is a hell of a lot more useful material to reference compared to necromancy and swordmagery. Stormgarde even has a “golemancer” who maintains the academy’s automatons.
Professor Bremm Pebblechin Norakhelg. A very old dwarf who is popular with earth magic students but prefers to experiment with his creations.
There is no golemancy class. Like other subjects, you start off with the basics and move into more specialized classes. There just isn’t enough demand for golemancy to have one.
In fact, according to Frosty, golemancers are very rare outside dwarven settlements and pretty uncommon within them.
Far cheaper to build a machine with moving parts fueled my muscle or water power than mana. Still, for my loyal soldier needs? With bullet resistance? Golems might be just what I’m looking for.
“If I decide to change my classes I need to do it soon. Don’t want to get too far behind.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“What about the expansion?”
Change number three? Gonna need a bigger penthouse.
Okay, I admit it. Did not think this harem thing would last. Still don’t, actually. And, yeah, it really hasn’t been very long but I get the feeling the harem headcount is just going to rise.
And if it is? Even my god-emperor size bed ain’t gonna cut it. The girls will need their own rooms. But I don’t want to lose my penthouse view.
Solution?
Make the room bigger. This is very doable because the studio takes up less than a quarter of the keep’s “roof.” As long as I stick to wood to keep the weight down? Should be able to quadruple the size of my pad.
Once the architects check things out we might even be able to use stone too. This is just preliminary brainstorming.
The goal is for my shag pad to look like those roman houses with an inner courtyard garden and rooms surrounding it.
We’ll see how it goes.
“I have sent a messenger to the architect guild in Raelera.” Chamber pot speaks. This is chamber pot’s turf after all. “A representative should arrive in a few days.”
“How long will construction take?”
He shrugs. “A few months, my lord. No one is building right now with the invasion, uprisings and tensions. Given your status as well? Would not be surprised if the guildmaster himself appears.”
I’m doubtful. Remember this is medievalville.
“Just a few months?”
“Yes, Lord Barton. Raneya county has a couple of quarries and lumber mills. All will leap at this opportunity.” Lifts his hands. “And the refugees have flooded the market with cheap labor.”
Ex-patchy leans back and crosses his arms. “Who will flood Pearlden unless a labor camp is set up first. Lord Barton, the mayor should be notified as soon as possible.”
“My lord?” New old seneschal looks at me. “Allow me to meet with Saulkolm and begin making plans for the camp.”
Nod my head his way.
Chamber pot turns to new old seneschal. “Tell Saul to expect hundreds. Maybe more. As soon as word spreads every hungry mouth in the county and beyond will head this way.”
Oh, that reminds me.
“How is the resettlement program doing?”
“Quite well, my lord. There are quite a few abandoned villages out there. Becoming a land owning peasant with two years of tax exemptions is far more attractive than slums and slavers or tents and bandits.”
Ex-patchy harrumphs.
“Lord Barton, thank you for your permission to expand the garrison but we are going to need even more troops. While your servants are formidable, they are also terrifying. The peasants need-”
*knock* *knock*
Look past the three to see mini-me, not-sebastian’s grandson, at the “entrance” to my office space.
“Yes?”
“My Lord Barton. Her Celestial Highnesses Tiang Ji Ping and Tiang Li Zexi of the Empire of Yangxu request an audience.”
Eh?
“I’ll be right there.”
Ugh.
Shipped all my women off to Raelera for a drama free day and what do I get?
More women.
Sigh.
What now…