Chapter 34: Come to Jesus
---D-Day+85, Daroine 24th, Sunday Morning---
---Lions Keep, Grand Suite---
“Jon-kun. We need to talk.”
Standing inside the Grand Suite’s two story tall western window, I’m snuggling with Frankie and Lula. In front of me are Blue and her mother, Mel.
Mel was about to ask me to marry her. And I was about to shoot her down.
Only to be interrupted by Hitomi who has come in with her BFF’s, Milti and Lizzy.
The rest of the harem is up on the loft, snooping.
For those who don't remember, the Grand Suite is laid out like a huge open studio that's over two stories tall. Its “second” floor is a loft that stretches halfway across the room from the northern wall.
Flooring on the “first” floor is stone, marble, and mostly covered by several big rugs. The walls, roof, and loft are wood.
The western and eastern ends of the large room are dominated by huge two story tall windows. The western side has a balcony with a stunning view of Stormgarde, Pearlden, and the ocean beyond.
The eastern side opens up into a walled outdoor bath and garden. Complete with a tree in the center and an earth elemental spirit guardian.
Inside, the southern wall is divided by the main entrance. West of it is a big ass fireplace and living slash lounge area. East of the door is the dining slash kitchen space.
Along the northern wall is a small library reading section to the west and an office room to the east. There are toilets but they’re outdoors with the baths.
Yeah, it's an outhouse but at least I don’t have to use chamber pots here.
Nothing like shitting in a bowl in the middle of the night. Praying you don’t slip and knock it over. Plus you may not be the first to use it that night. So it just might be kind of full already.
Bet you don’t read that in those isekai books.
Five chapters on how to make curry in excruciating eye bleeding detail but not even one on how to balance and aim, in the dark, into a bowl that seems intentionally made way too fucking small.
You can almost hear the pooper potty potters cackling with glee as they picture the poor pissers who can’t hold it till morning.
Pretty sure I cried the first time I saw the Grand Suite’s outhouse.
Wasn’t my proudest moment.
Not really sure how it even works. It's not along the edge of the keep. And I don’t see water running through it. But I don’t care. It doesn’t stink and if I gotta go at night? Just a short walk down the stairs from the loft.
Oh, yeah, the loft. It's a sort of platform propped up by columns that takes up about half the space a proper second floor would. Along the east west windows there are a couple little tables and lounge chairs set up to relax and enjoy the view.
The rest?
A big freaking bedroom with a huge godemperor sized bed and lots of wardrobes and dressers. Enough for a whole harem of hotties to sleep, dress, and undress.
All that keeps “what’s going on” in that bed from being heard everywhere in the Grand Suite? Is a railing. Yeah, there are no internal walls. So not a whole lot of privacy.
Especially when the girls get, “noisy.”
All this on top of a six story tall stone keep, inside two ring walls, on top of a ridge hundreds of feet above Pearlden village.
Yeah, it ain’t no skyscraper but it still feels like one hell of a penthouse.
If only it didn’t take all those fucking stairs to get up here.
Sigh…
Hitomi has washed up a bit. Though she’s still wearing the torn up armor and clothes from last night. Plus there are fresh injuries too.
Yes I would know. After all, I'm the one who patched her up.
“I have to go.”
Eh?
Yeah, that was the last thing she said to me after I patched her up in Raelera. The convent still burning with holy fire in the background. And she just walked away.
Like, what the fuck.
You’re my japanese girlfriend. My harem plus one but, so long sucker? Was so shocked I didn’t even try to stop her.
Just like that? She was gone and I never saw her again.
…
Pffft.
Like I would let it end like that. As soon as I picked my jaw up off the floor, sent my heavy hitters to shadow her. Hehe. Shadowing living shadows.
Could see the smirk on her face through them too. Damn high schooler knew she had me twisting in the wind. Promised to punish her ass the next time I buried myself in it.
Would have gone after her but Val was still hurting badly, so had to focus on my littlest vampire. Plus the rest of my girls were not in great shape either.
Honestly? I also wasn’t doing so hot. My wounds were closed at least but there was still a lot of internal damage that the sun powder and holy curses were making hard to heal.
Losing Val’s daughters was weighing on me too. Yeah, I admit, didn’t know them that well.
Even though they could tolerate sunlight thanks to my blood? They prefered to stay nocturnal. Underground during the day, in the Sorcerer King’s tomb, and only moving around at night.
Like most vampires, according to Val, they were pretty territorial and spent a lot of time monitoring their turf. Only joining my undead patrols when goblins, bandits, or monsters were found.
Plus while Val likes to drink me face to face? Her daughters preferred the bottle. So we really didn’t see each other as much as my other ladies.
But they were still part of my harem. Still warmed, well cooled, my bed at times. All six had been peasant girls kidnapped by goblins during raids on villages or camps.
Got a second chance at life, well unlife, when Val found the cave. Gained power and regained dignity through my blood. Never forgot their roots though.
Kept a low profile as I had asked but helped the bottom of the social scale when and where they could. Worked with Frankie’s cult a lot too.
Their passing doesn’t leave Val “childless” either. Each daughter had a couple servants and minions of their own. So their turf will be inherited by their seconds.
That's all Val really said before she passed out. Not sure if she was trying to reassure me or herself.
Oops, sorry, rambled off there.
Uh…
Yes, Hitomi. My shadows got a front row seat to shinobi girl tearing Raelera a new asshole. Never realized her “Shades” had such a big crew working in the city.
Yes, I can see a lot through the shadows but I’m not omniscient. Especially when the snippets I see lack context.
While my shadows stepped in a couple of times. Breaking up ambushes and securing spots while she investigated and interrogated. They really didn’t need to do much.
What she found though? Was disturbing. There was an entire gun running operation going on right under my fucking nose.
Muskets and gunpowder come in by ship. Move, hidden among other goods, into warehouses. Smuggled to Metia friendly businesses. Who hid the weapons and ammo among regular deliveries to the convent.
Pretty goddamn impressive.
However, one thing quickly became clear.
Hitomi had no clue this was happening. Nada. The Shades, “her” spy agency, left her completely out of the loop.
Must have been one hell of a sucker punch to find out that her people. Some she had found and trained herself. Weren’t “hers” anymore.
During the Raeleran tour, a couple of names kept coming up over and over again. The “Witch” and, uh, “Owfrusten?” Which seemed to upset Hitomi even more. Yeah, I didn’t know what they were saying.
Remember, I only understand Tourinese. Know some Aquecian words and the language sounds latin-ish but I am in no way fluent.
After she got done disecting what her spies were up to in the city, she hauled ass back to Pearlden and had a long "discussion" with Milti’s dad. And did not like the answers he gave either.
Lizzy was with Milti at the time so Hitomi reunited with the brit at dad’s shop.
Wheelchair girl’s father is still alive, mostly, unlike a few folks in Raelera, so I guess his answers weren’t “that” bad. After hugging and crying with them for a while, the three musketeers headed in my direction.
Welcome to now, now.
What happened to then?
We passed it.
When?
Just now.
When will then be now?
Soon...
Hehe, great flick.
*ahem*
Shit, spaced out again. Come on! Focus man.
Got the whole gang here filling up the living room. Val has claimed my lap and I’m comforting her as best I can with kisses, pats, hugs, and rubs. She’s even taken a drink, of me, already.
Val’s doing so much better than last night but is still kind of pale. Well, paler than a vampire normally would be.
Opposite me, in the farthest chair, is Hitomi. Flanked by Milti and Lizzy who are both super nervous. My harem occupies the couches and chairs in between. Giving them “if looks could kill” looks.
Things could get really ugly here, really fast.
After all, the thief hero’s own spies helped the church kill Val’s daughters. Almost kill Val. Severely weaken my undead army. Injure most of my harem. And put some fuck you painful holes in me.
Even if she is a double agent? This is still a ginormous fuck up for her.
Can feel through my ring that all six of my wives want her gone, like, yesterday. You could also say that Hitomi’s campaign to usurp Frankie is now DOA, dead on arrival. She’s lost almost all credibility in the harem.
Only her running ahead to save Val kept her from being outright banished.
And, of course, ninja girl’s self proclaimed rival, Mila, has the biggest shit eating grin on her face right now. Now now.
Even I, who likes Hitomi, is not happy with her. I'm a lot less sure I can trust her now.
Did she really save Val? My loli vamp was out of it and there were no shadows to witness what happened. Hard to believe the church would play along but those injuries could have been planned.
Just as her performance afterwards could have been fake. I don’t speak the language they were using and suspect it was in code anyway.
Or the church fight could have been real but everything else might have been an act.
…
Fuck!
While I try to stay cool, the ringwives aren’t fooled and Frankie reaches over. Squeezing my hand.
Sigh. Thank you honey. I needed that.
Guess seeing how shit out of luck she is, Hitomi finally chooses to speak.
“I messed up. Please, I’m sorry Jon-kun.”
The noises in reply from the girls are not supportive.
“Hitomi… You really need to explain everything.” Hold up my finger, interrupting her response. “And I strongly suggest my JK girl comes clean.”
Her shoulders sag in defeat from my words. Which surprises me a bit.
What, did you seriously think I would turn my back on all the other women who have put their lives on the line for me? Are you fucking high?
“J-Jon-kun I…” A sigh. “After Morioka-san was kidnapped. We didn’t know what to do. The condition the Saint-san was in…” Shakes her head at the memory. “This world stopped being a god game with no rules. No limits. No… morality.”
Yeah, could tell from examining her body, after our first night together. That the shit she’d been up to would probably make the hardest core snuff porn fan throw up.
And that’s just what she was doing to herself.
Shinobi girl continues. “Witch-san suggested a plan to protect ourselves, and each other. She called it, Aufrustung.” German? “Armament. Ide-san’s a Germanophile and made convincing comparisons of Aquecia and Germany, between the world wars.”
Oh yeah, recall reading that lots of japanese get stiffies over german stuff. That’s why german words show up in lots of anime and manga.
“Kojiro-kun he… We were, are, scared. So the things we did in our little palaces with our little cults we started doing to the entire empire. And there was no one strong enough to stop us.” She’s still keeping her head down. “Our cults became a private army, our own SS, and we ruthlessly hunted any opposition.” Can see her evil smile though. “And there was a lot of opposition, at first.”
Aquecia is supposedly fucking huge. Tens of millions of people. Damn. How many did they kill before the survivors learned to shut the fuck up?
“It was so easy to keep them from uniting against us. A kiss here. A suck there. A fuck somewhere else.” So that’s what loathing yourself looks like. “All those rich and powerful men were putty in my mouths. And by the time they realized it was just their turn?” Twitching angry lips. “It was always too late.”
Should I be bothered that I’m not seeing disgusted or disbelieving looks from any of the women here? Christ, a couple of them are even nodding. Does this planet not have any sweet, innocent, naive, next door girls?
Whoops, she’s still monologuing. “Once the emperor and senate were neutered? The legati quickly fell in line.” Dismissive laugh. “Only took a month, and the biggest nation on this continent had bent the knee.” Another sigh. “But that was just the beginning.”
That’s nice, thanks for the lore. But what about the shit that was shooting me!
“While we united the legions and drove back the demons. Ide-san was moving forward with Aufrustung. She pushed the courts aside and created her own secret police. Convicted the best smiths in the empire of crimes, real or fake didn’t matter, and enslaved them.”
Now we’re talking, hopefully.
“She moved the smiths to isolated complexes built close to strategic resources, like coal. Creating the arsenals. Where the future would be designed and built.” She finally looks me in the eye. “A steampunk world.”
Huh. Uh… So?
Frankie chips in. “Steampunk?”
“It’s a make believe world where steam power from the external combustion engine is taken to the extreme. Instead of being replaced by oil and the internal combustion engine.”
…
Okay, that was a waste of a paragraph. Let’s try again.
“Machine magic.”
Yeah, they still don’t really get it but some heads are nodding now at least.
Hitomi snickers. “Fufu. Jon-kun, we never thought of calling it that. Fufu. Maki would be so jealous.”
“Good. I’ll send her a card. Now what about the bang bangs.”
“Bang bangs?” Oh no you don’t JK girl. Don’t even think of acting confused now.
Put mana into my voice. “The guns! The shit putting holes in me and making mincemeat of the army I put a fuckton of work into!” Yep, my patience has run out.
Fuck. Can hear the windows rattling. Shit. Hope they don’t break. Many of the girls have gone pale too. Even ovaries of steel mommy duke.
Sigh… Goddamnit.
My possibly ex-japanese girlfriend is trembling too. But I get the feeling it's from anger instead of fear. She speaks through gritting teeth.
“That should not have happened. Cannot have happened. Kojiro-kun would never…”
Mila coming out of left field!
“What, kill you?” Wow, now that’s a flinch Hitomi. “Dame hero. What were you just saying about men?” Ouch, panther girl.
Hitomi probably didn’t even realize she stood up. “Kojiro would never do that to me!”
The feeling freshly betrayed Lula uncharacteristically throws two pennies in.
“Why, because he said he loves you? Because you said you love him? You told my prince the same thing! How many men have you told that too?” Damn girl. “Your words are worth nothing!” And now she’s standing too. “So why would his be?!”
Ninja girl turns to my chocolate angel, points her finger, and opens her mouth to scream a reply but… Nothing comes out. Come to Jesus moments can be pretty fucking uncomfortable.
And it looks like my japanese high schooler is having one, right now.
Slowly her finger lowers back down while a look of shock, and maybe fear, spreads across her face.
“Hitomi?” She jumps, startled, and looks at me. “Sit down.”
“Hai…” Is softly said and she slowly sinks back into the seat.
Milti and Lizzy both look at their friend with concern and gently place hands on her arms. Hitomi turns from one to the other with a lost and confused expression on her face.
“Hitomi?” Another jump and her eyes lock onto mine. As if she’s desperate for a rope to cling too. “Tell me about the muskets.”
Mana up my eyes to try and connect. Gotta calm her ass down. [Super Senses] tells me she’s crashing. Heart rate, blood pressure, aura, mana, all of it, is all over the place. Her brain’s lighting up like a christmas tree. Too many bad shocks in the last twenty-four.
“Hai…” Softly said again. “Ide-san wants to mechanize the legions but going to take many years to create panzer divisions so… She’s starting with gunpowder first.” Her body starts settling. “We rapidly advanced to muskets but got stuck.”
“Stuck?” Frankie asks.
Hitomi nods. “The gunpowder. Can’t get the mix right. Ide-san thinks the arsenals are failing on purpose so there have been… punishments.” Seriously? “It's not burning as well as it should. Barrels are fouling too quickly. Making them very dangerous to fire until they are taken apart and cleaned.”
Yeah, would kind of defeat the point if your own weapons kill more of you than the enemy.
“Also need to use larger balls. Regular musket balls are too small to put down larger or tougher monsters like orcs with one shot. Have had to move up to inch balls.” Shrugs her shoulders. “But that means more powder and that fouls the barrels faster.”
Man, wonder what the kick of those is like?
“Range is a problem too. Using a smaller ball drops accuracy and lethality.” Lifts her hands palms up. “Witch-san wants at least a hundred meters.” Uh, three hundred feet? “To get that with an orc and many demonkin? Need a ball at least an inch across.”
“What solution did you find?” Wants to be my general wife, Red, is curious.
“Pike and shot.” Can tell I don’t understand. “Formations mixing pikemen and musketeers. Pikemen keep the enemy from coming too close but close enough for the musketeers to be accurate. Tests on slaves went well.” Slaves? “Just have to be careful against goblins with how short they are.”
Can see Red’s knight mind start to work the problem.
A thought occurs to me.
“Why not make gunpowder with mana stuff from the dungeons?”
Hitomi shakes her head.
“Ide-san tried. Burns hotter and cleaner than normal gunpowder but very unstable. Even walking can set off.” Marks a boom motion with her hands.
Frankie rubs her chin. “So the campaign stopping at the Arsinus River was not just to give the Saintess time to have her baby.”
Hai.” JK girl nods. “A new army is being built using slave soldiers. Like the Ottoman Janissaries. All housed, equipped, and trained at the arsenals. Loyal only to us…” Hitomi remembers she may not be one of those “us” anymore.
Shinobi girl looks spent. And not in the good post fuckathon way. More the her very soul has gone through the wringer way.
Everybody seems to be waiting for me to say something. What the hell. They’ve earned it.
“Not-sebastian?”
With almost a “poof” the super dignified looking butler steps out from behind me. Mel’s the only one who gets startled. Everyone else is used to [Butler Magic] by now.
“My Lord Barton?”
“Does this world have spas?”
“Spas, my lord?”
“Like baths but only cater to women. Where they can go to get primped and pampered. Hair done. Nails did. Massagies. That sort of stuff.”
Several girls perk up and look at me expectantly.
“Why yes, my lord. There is a famous ‘spa’ in the noble district of Raelera in fact. Caters to noblewomen. Owned by a renowned adventuress.”
“And this isn’t some bondage sex slave mind break torture chamber, right?”
Seriously, with the way my life’s been going lately. Better make sure.
“No, my lord.”
“Or anything similar to that, even vaguely?”
“No, my lord. I know the proprietress personally. She would never allow such a thing.”
Give not-sebastian a good squint before finally nodding.
“Okay then. Send a messenger, gold, use my name, buy the place if you have too. My women need a spa day and today’s going to be that day.”
The women who were ready to tar and feather Hitomi are now dreaming of… Whatever weird shit they do at spas in isekai land. Ugh. Hope its not hentai with tentacles and slimes but I'm already committed.
“Go.”
Is all it takes to start most of the ladies running to get ready for a spa day. Pat loli vamp's rump.
“Stop pretending to be asleep. You’re going too. You may be dead but you’re not that dead yet. Go live a little.”
*woosh*
Feel just the barest peck on my lips before a blur flies up the stairs to join the girls getting dressed.
“Not-sebastian?”
“Yes, lord?”
“This place is really famous isn’t it.”
Yes, lord.”
“Stupid expensive too, isn’t it.”
“Ridiculously, my lord.”
Sigh…
Turn my attention to the three still opposite me.
“I’m counting you three too.” If even Lizzy’s, from another country, eyes light up? Bet it's extra stupid expensive. “Hitomi?” Hesitantly meets my eyes. “Thank you for saving Val. But I don’t know where we stand right now.”
“Jon-k-”
Interrupt with a finger.
“Last night was bad. And it could have been a lot worse.” JK girl shudders. “I don’t know if your feelings for me are genuine. And even if they are?” Shrug. “I don’t know where your loyalties truly lie.”
“J-Jo-”
“No, Hitomi. It's my turn to speak.” She hesitates then nods. “But? I’m going to give you the chance to show me. One way or the other. Now, we all need a break. So go get ready with the girls and enjoy your spa day.”
My japanese girlfriend nods again and slowly stands. Takes one more look at me before hugging it out with Milti and Lizzy then going to get cleaned up and dressed.
“Not-sebastian?”
He walks out of the shadow on my other side. Making me realize I didn’t even notice him leave.
“My Lord Barton?”
Give him a good stare.
“Prepare appropriate maids and escorts for my women.” A bow. “And if even a hair on their heads is harmed? If their honor, or mine, is damaged in even the slightest way?” Pregnant pause. “A whole bunch of shit is gonna burn and a whole lot of assholes are gonna die. Understand?”
“Completely, my lord.”
Less than an eight-hour later…
Watch from the balcony as the convoy of knights, maids, and my women, rolls out in several richly appointed wagons surrounded by horses. The women talking excitedly and waving at me as they go. Lots of blown kisses go flying about.
Hitomi looks better and the ringwives aren’t letting her stew in self-pity. They got the message that even if I’m not sure anymore? Even if they now hate her guts? We owe her for saving Val.
Some begged me to go but “need some me time to think” was enough to convince them.
*sip* *puff*
Take a swig of whiskey and a drag of cigar. Of course I’m not really alone. Several maids are busily about so if I want a snack, a wash, or a toss? They’re willing. That’s not what I’m thinking of though.
“Not-sebastian?”
[Butler Magic]
“My Lord Barton?”
“You know. I’ve never been the best at math. Thought I counted 150 muskets but wouldn’t be surprised if it was really 140 instead. Do you think my count could have been off?”
For the first since we met, I think, the distinguished butler seems lost for words.
“I… Your humble human manservant would agree the… 140 count sounds more accurate.”
Nod my head and take another puff.
“Same for the gunpowder and balls. Was it 100 pounds of powder and shot or 90?"
Now he's catching on.
"I do believe it was 90, my lord."
"Then I can count on you to update the inventory?"
"I would be honored to, my lord."
"Good, get it done."
And of course he's gone before I realize it.
Yeah, the demons tried to kill me once. But the "heroes" have tried to kill me twice now. The church? Three times.
You wanna fuck me, Miss "Maki?"
Fine.
Then I'm gonna fuck you too.