L-6. Crossing the Rubicon

When I awoke, the first thing I felt was pain.

Aching, intense pain, mostly in my abdomen. I tried to rub my belly with my arm, but it was restrained.

Ugh. Am I alive?

I cracked my eyes open. Bright light.

“Looks like my patient’s awake.” said a chipper voice.

I turned my head, seeing the silhouette of a woman against the light. “Yayoi?”

“Yup, that’s me! We really have to stop meeting like this, Lydia.”

Dr. Yayoi Vetrova was the chief medical officer aboard the Hypernova. If I was in her care, that meant…

I felt a hand holding mine, squeezing tightly. I turned my head the other way, and sure enough, Kometka was there. Her expression was a turbulent mix of worry and relief. I wrapped my own fingers around hers.

“Wh-What…” I paused, gritting my teeth to talk through the pain. “What happened? The battle?”

Kometka brought her face closer to mine; if she had lungs, I would have felt her breath on my cheek. “We won, but you were injured. We brought you back to Eros right away.”

Yayoi picked up a clipboard at the foot of my bed and scanned it. “You’ve been out for around six hours. I just completed surgery to treat moderate internal bleeding. Luckily, your squadmates got you to me in plenty of time. Overall, not the WORST shape I’ve seen you in.” She smiled as she made that last jab, her cheerful tone clashing with her flippant bedside manner.

“Urgh… it still hurts…” I groaned.

“You’ll be as good as new in a few weeks. Until then, I can prescribe some morphine, if you like.”

I shook my head. “Just ibuprofen will do.”

Yayoi rolled her eyes. “Stubborn as always. Well, you want to suffer, fine by me. As long as you’re alive and kicking, my job here is done.” She lightly punched me on the arm while grinning, and I managed a strained smile. “Now, I’ll leave you two alone. Ring me if you need anything.”

The moment the door hissed shut, Kometka flung herself across my chest and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. I winced.

“OW! OW OW OW! Kometka… that hurts…”

“Sorry.” she said, repositioning herself so she wasn’t putting pressure anywhere near my belly. “Just… let me stay like this for a while, okay?”

I nodded. Poor Kometka had probably been worried sick while I was convalescing. If my arms hadn’t been retrained, I would have petted her hair. As it was, I could only reassure her by letting her lie with me for a while. Not that I minded in the least.

*****

Kometka explained to me in detail what happened after I passed out: Moby’s gravity earthquake attack, Sveta’s abortive attempt to crash herself into the Belphegor, Sabina’s impromptu railgun. Sabina’s antics sounded particularly heroic; her quick thinking had prevented a total rout. I’d have to recommend her for commendation.

Moby’s retreat bought us the time we needed; Sveta Prime was back online, and all the X-23s were completed. Only Kometka’s still remained nonfunctional, as she had yet to transfer her AI into the new computer core, but with Miette, Maurice, Sabina and Genevi all piloting the new Frames, our tactical position was better than ever. Good news all around.

Still, one detail of the story bothered me. “Sveta was actually willing to ram herself into the Belphegor?”

Kometka’s expression soured. “Sabina stopped her in time, fortunately.”

“Still, the fact that she was eager to try… is concerning. There were still other options, but she jumped straight into a suicide attack.”

“Sveta… has two major flaws.” Kometka said in a strained tone. “The first is that she hates to see anyone else hurt. The second is that she’s willing to put herself in harm’s way to protect others she cares about.”

Those didn’t SOUND like character flaws, at least not at first. Sacrificing oneself for one’s comrades was the noblest thing a soldier could do. But some people took that ideal too far and developed a martyr mentality, looking for opportunities to seek death even when it wasn’t necessary. It seemed like Kometka was saying Sveta had that problem.

I spoke in a low, neutral tone. “You think she has a martyr complex?”

“Not exactly.” Kometka replied. “She has a very strong sense of self-preservation, to the point where she will do almost anything to avoid dying. But she also tends to be careless, and now that she’s copied herself among multiple instances, that carelessness is turning into recklessness.”

“So she’s willing to hurt herself in order to spare others pain.”

Kometka nodded. “This was also the case with her past self, Lisichka. Remember, she sacrificed her own memories to spare Zehra the torment of knowing she had been captured by the NKVD.”

I sighed. “I can see how recent events have exacerbated that. We’re placing an awful lot on her shoulders, both me and the Captain. She’s become the lynchpin of the entire war effort.”

“And she’s happy to take on that burden. Sveta is a flighty, carefree and impulsive person, but she will do anything to spare others from pain.”

“An idealist, in other words.”

“A paragon. It’s a source of great strength for her, but also great weakness.”

I frowned. It seemed Sveta's troublesome streak ran deeper than I anticipated. “I’ll have to keep a close eye on her, in that case.”

“I would appreciate it if you did.” Kometka said softly, squeezing my hand once more.

Maintaining the morale and mental well-being of soldiers was the duty of any competent commanding officer. I’d have to redouble that effort for Sveta, even though I was still getting to know her. Fortunately, I had Kometka by my side, and she understood her sister better than anyone.

Speaking of personnel problems… there was another outstanding issue I needed to address, and quickly.

“Kometka… I think I’d like to have that talk with the Captain now.”

Komekta shook her head firmly. “You need to rest.”

“I am resting. I just want to talk to her.” I pushed back.

“I’ve already scheduled a meeting with her… tomorrow. After you’ve slept some more.” Kometka’s manner was that of a nursing mother hen, firmly guiding her chicks away from danger.

For my part, I was surprised Kometka had taken that initiative. “You… what?”

“You heard me. Rest first, talk later. The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner tomorrow will come.” She made it clear any argument on my part would be pointless.

I let out an exaggerated sigh. “My. Aren’t you fussy today?”

She narrowed her eyes. “I’m always fussy when you’re injured like this.”

“True, true.” I laid my head back on my pillow, stewing in my troubles for a moment while breathing deeply to relax myself. Then, suddenly, I lifted my head back up and delivered Kometka a quick peck on the lips.

“Wh-“ Now it was her turn to be surprised. Her entire face flushed red.

“Thanks for always looking out for me, Kometka. I’m so glad you’re here beside me.”

Kometka’s face was practically glowing, and her voice was uncharacteristically enthusiastic. “I’ll always be here for you! Because… because…”

I finished her thought. “I know. I love you too.”

She brought her lips to mine for another kiss; longer and deeper this time. And then, with her pressed against my chest, I fell into a deep sleep.

*****

The next day, Captain Savitskaya and Laria stopped by. I was well enough at that point I was able to sit up in bed.

“I’m glad to see you’re doing well.” the Captain said gently. Laria nodded her assent.

“Thank you. For me, an injury like this isn’t that serious.” I replied, tinging my thanks with just a bit of braggadocio.

“I’m sure.” the Captain replied. “I pray for your speedy recovery. Now, Kometka said you wished to discuss something?”

I nodded. “You’ve read the reports of the battle, I take it?”

“I have.”

“Then you know about the conversation Sabina had with Moby, and what I said to her afterwards.”

There was a long silence. The Captain’s expression was calm, but I noticed the slightest twitch in her cheek. She was clearly thinking long and hard about something.

Finally, she spoke. “I… have my reasons for doing what I did.”

I rolled my eyes involuntarily. “Captain, if I may speak freely. You don’t have to beat around the bush with me. I’m familiar with the Extreme Protocols.”

The Captain’s eyes widened. There was a silent question on her lips, one she dared not vocalize. Even discussing this was treading in dangerous territory, but I pushed ahead regardless.

“I obtained command-level security clearance during my most recent tour with the GRU. Kometka has the same clearance.” I explained.

“Yuri never mentioned that.” the Captain said, her expression darkening. “Is that typical?”

“It isn’t. But given my special relationship with Moby, and the highly sensitive nature of my missions over the past two years, they determined I was a special case.” I grit my teeth and gathered my courage, looking the Captain directly in her steely eyes. “In other words, I know everything. About the betrayal at Mars, about the Carthage Contingency, and yes, about the first contact roadmap.”

Some small part of me felt a smug satisfaction at the Captain’s shocked expression. In our previous encounters, she always had me against the ropes. This time, the advantage was mine. Privately, I relished the feeling. It was inexcusably petty on my part, but I didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty.

The Captain interrupted my inner celebration, regaining her professional composure. “I… see. In that case, you understand my actions.”

“I do. But the important thing is, Sabina and the rest of Maid Squadron don’t. And considering we’re treading first contact territory here, I think that’s a critical gap in their operational knowledge.”

The Captain leaned in close and lowered her voice, as if that mattered when the only other person present was a robot with perfect hearing. “Think very carefully about what you’re saying, Lydia. Both of us could be executed for even talking about this.”

I kept my expression neutral, even though my stomach was awash in butterflies; the sensation did not synergize well with my lingering pain. “I know it’s a risk. But the bigger risk is asking my pilots to carry out your plans without all the knowledge they need.” Sabina had bumbled into something out of her depth, and I needed to protect her and the others going forward. A repeat of that mistake would have dire consequences.

The Captain drew back, standing ramrod-straight. Then, unexpectedly, she burst out laughing. It was no faint titter, either; it was a deep belly laugh. I looked at Kometka in confusion, and she just shrugged her shoulders.

The Captain wiped a tear from her eye. “Damn, soldier. You really do have nerves of steel. I knew I made the right choice in promoting you.”

The compliment caught me completely off guard. “Uh… thank you?”

“Laria.” the Captain said. The screen on the wall flickered to life, and the bespectacled AI appeared. “Yes, Captain?”

“You’ve been listening, I take it?”

“Affirmative.”

“Good. Transmit Proposal 32-17A to the Politburo immediately.”

Laria nodded, and her eyes unfocused for a moment. “It’s done.”

“Good.” The Captain turned back to me. “Well, now we’re in the shit together. I might as well share everything with you.”

“Huh? Everything?”

“You have about eighty percent of the full story at this point, but there’s one critical piece of information you’re missing. Prepare yourself, Lydia. There’s no unlearning what I’m about to tell you. You may wish you had never broached this subject with me, for your own peace of mind.”

Despite myself, I gulped.

“Laria, show us the Sarcophage Attack Frequency Correlation Report for the past three months. Full data for the entire Absolute Line, please.”

A long set of facts and figures appeared on the right side of the screen, raw data concerning recent trends in Sarcophage attacks across the whole front of the war. To the left were a series of graphs which summarized the data. One graph in particular caught my attention, and I felt my stomach sink.

My voice was filled with dread. “This pattern…”

“You recognize it?” the Captain asked, half-smiling.

I nodded grimly. “Of course I do. There isn’t a soldier who wouldn’t.” That one little graph was a potent symbol of death, one that we all dreaded.

The Captain folded her arms. “If we go through with this, I want to tell Maid Squadron everything. Including this.”

“I see.” I realized that, in my haste to protect my pilots, I might have just traded their mental well-being for their safety. Wincing, I looked at Kometka. “I don’t suppose Yayoi would let me get piss-ass drunk right now, would she?”

“I highly doubt it.” Kometka replied disapprovingly. “And even if she said yes, I certainly wouldn’t.”

“Pity.” After what the Captain just showed me, there was nothing I wanted more than to plunge headfirst into a bottle of shitty vodka. “Well, whatever. Guess I have to go into this sober.”

The Captain laughed dryly. The sound echoed hollowly against the sterile metal walls of the room.