C-1. A Star to Steer Her By

Captain Savitskaya’s Personal LogNovember 29, 2055

We had an all-hands meeting today. Everyone of note was there: Doctor Zehra, Telesthesia, Viktorya, Laria, Miette and of course Sveta. It was an astonishing meeting for a great many reasons, the least of which was Viktorya’s unusual attire. I shall refrain from a detailed summary of the conversation; that can be found in my official log. Here, I merely wish to record a few personal observations.

Sveta had obtained an android body, one which using holographic projection appeared to be human. This was remarkable in itself, and I was initially unsure why she had done so. In my experience, AIs tend to be disconnected from human beings to such a degree they have no desire to indulge in the limited scope of our biological experiences. Laria has certainly never discussed the possibility of obtaining a small, frail body for herself. Whether this is a benefit or weakness of AI nature is a topic for philosophers, not simple soldiers such as myself.

Imagine my shock when Sveta revealed, with the backing of the good doctor, that she was indeed a human reincarnated from another world as she had been claiming all along. She had been pulled from her original world at the moment of her death via reincarnation experiments conducted by the doctor. What’s more, she wasn’t the only one; another girl was pulled from yet another timeline, and the two of them had become close to the point of surrogate sisterhood before they lost their memories. Consequently, with the suspect backing of the NKVD, we have now made the recovery of Sveta’s wayward sister one of our missions.

What an outstandingly unbelievable science fiction plot we have become mired in. And yet it also explains so much about Sveta’s unique temperament and behavior, her otherworldly perspective, and why she wanted an android body closer to that of her former self.

There seemed to be ulterior motives on Sveta’s part, however. She was practically attached to Miette’s arm, and the latter was petting her hair and cat ears with absentminded fondness. Far be it from me to assume wholly selfish motives on Sveta’s part, but the physical contact she was engaging in with her pilot indicated more than simply a passing fancy. If this intimate contact was her true motive, Doctor Zehra is exactly the kind of wild person to indulge her.

I have heard tales of AIs who fell in love with humans before, although it seems to be rare. In Sveta’s case, her nature as an ex-human means her old urges are still present and dominant in her personality. It must be extraordinarily frustrating for an AI to fall in love a being with whom they can have no physical contact; Zehra’s android bodies could be revolutionary in this regard. Perhaps when humanity knows peace once more, there will be a renaissance of computer intelligence inhabiting androids and sharing affection with their mother species.

That flight of fancy is yet another fantastical science fiction plot. Still, given what I learned today, nothing seems impossible.

Ah well, I won’t overly concern myself with the relationship between Sveta and Miette. I will offer them congratulations should it blossom into anything significant. If they get married, I would be happy to officiate their wedding, as I have for many crewmembers over the course of my long career.

I will close by observing that finding joy in small things despite the present dour state of the world is to be applauded. Sveta excels of that. I am glad my initial judgement of her was not in error.

December 1, 2055

Based on recent events, I had thought myself immune to surprises. Imagine my expression when Laria, the AI of my ship and my good friend of five years, presented herself to me in an android body of her own.

Once again, this body was provided by Doctor Zehra. I understood Sveta’s motives for obtaining a body, as she was once human. But to think Laria, a being of pure spartan professionalism, would follow suit? It boggles my mind.

I have been observing changes in her lately. In our prior meeting, she had described herself as a ‘certified ice queen,’ which was an uncharacteristically honest self-evaluation on her part. What’s more, she’s been smiling and engaging the crew in casual conversation. I had thought myself the only one who had that level of friendship with her; the two of us have always gotten along well because of our similar temperaments and outlooks on life. But recently it seems she’s thawed out quite a bit and become a happier person, a development that has secretly brought me great joy.

I chalk this up to Sveta’s influence, and I had thought it a positive trend. I did not expect her to go so far as to obtain an android body of her own. Why, the Laria of a few months ago would chastise her for such a selfish personal decision which offers nothing in the way of tactical advantage in the war effort. Have the changes to her personality been more extensive than I anticipated? Or was this the true Laria finally coming out into the sunlight?

Laria told me she had obtained a body in order to “better understand the human condition,” an explanation I found to be utter nonsense as an expert judge of her personality. I noticed she was blushing slightly as she told me this. Imagine it! Laria, the unchanging and stoic Laria I have known for five years, BLUSHING! I nearly fainted from shock.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

If Sveta’s motive in obtaining an android body was to engage in physical contact with a significant other, I wonder if Laria’s is the same. I wonder who might have caught her eye. Certainly, she has had many interactions with the crew to which I am not party. It is entirely possible she has fostered a romance with someone beyond my knowledge. A week ago I would have considered such speculation unthinkable, but now I realize how much she has changed.

If I may indulge in a bit of selfishness, the thought of Laria indulging in romantic relations with someone makes me a bit upset. The two of us have been good friends for so long, and I have come to see her as a sexless creature of duty much like myself. There has long been a kinship between us because we’re both married to our work. If she pairs off with someone, I feel I will lose a comrade. She is one of the few people in this world who understands me.

I suppose that’s the reason I keep this journal; it allows me to air out petty grievances in complete privacy so they do not affect my work life. Whatever the outcome of Laria’s actions, I wish her only the best.

December 4, 2055

I had a revelation today. It came in the form of a shoulder massage.

Laria (in her android body) and I were alone in my quarters, poring over some obscure report or another concerning the imminent arrival of the Telesthesia II. Laria noticed I had been rubbing my temples with increasing frequency, a telltale sign that I was experiencing another stress headache. Wordlessly, she fetched me a cold glass of water and some aspirin, then directed me to lay down and placed a cold wet towel over my forehead and eyes. She did not permit objection on my part.

When my headache had subsided, Laria continued to inquire after my condition with great concern. She had always been attendant to my health, but now with a physical body she was determined to ensure I was properly looked after. It was during this moment she offered me a shoulder massage to further alleviate my tension.

I hadn’t had a shoulder massage in over a decade. Back when I was serving as a senior lieutenant on the Primigenius, another member of the command crew gave them to me in exchange for ration tickets. I haven’t had that sort of casual relationship with another human since I made captain, an unfortunate disadvantage of my rank.

I saw no harm in accepting Laria’s offer. After all, we’ve been good friends for so long.

The massage was, in a word, heavenly. Perhaps Laria’s nature as an android gave her the strength and precision to manipulate my shoulder tendons and muscles with extraordinary grace; whatever the case, I found myself melting. It felt so good to have all that tension worked out. I may have made a few noises that would be considered undignified, but it was just the two of us so it was of no concern to me.

As I lay on my bed in a state of total relaxation, I glanced over to Laria. She was looking at me with tender eyes, wearing a huge smile, and her face flushed a bright shade of red. That’s when the revelation struck me.

Looking back on our friendship, there had always been hints. Her concern for my health, the way she spoke to me tenderly, the gentle side of her personality that she showed only to me. There were a thousand little interactions that suddenly took on new meaning. The sheer magnitude of this realization stunned me.

I had suspected Laria had wanted an android body because she was in love with someone. I never expected that someone to be me.

We exchanged a few words afterwards. Laria promised to finish reviewing the reports and encouraged me to rest. She offered to give me another massage anytime I wanted, and I accepted. Then she left me alone with my thoughts.

What are my thoughts? Chaos. Anticipation. Longing. Apprehension. Fear and hope jumbled together in a mixture that I cannot parse.

I have always been married to my work. I have never had time for relationships, for sex or love. But in a sense, Laria is my work. She is the ship which I captain. She is the everything I have poured myself into. The universe must have a sense of irony because this couldn’t be more perfect.

I have no intention of rejecting whatever advances she may make, but I will not make my own. If she asks, I will gladly reciprocate. But my position as captain, the authority I wield, gives me power that can easily be misused in a romantic context. Regulations prohibit relationships between a captain and her subordinates for just that reason; abuse of power cannot be tolerated.

That regulation is seldom enforced, but these are the boundaries I will set for myself. I have seen captains who use their authority to elicit emotional or sexual favors from those under their command; it is utterly reprehensible behavior. That is why I will make no moves of my own; the ball is entirely in her court, so to speak.

I do hope she chooses to pursue this, though. The thought excites me. Here I am, a woman rapidly nearing her fifties, and my heart has been set aflutter as if I were in the academy once more. What an exciting, unforeseen development this is. I confess, in my heart of hearts, I have never felt happier.

A captain in love with her ship is an old cliché. But a ship in love with her captain… now that is remarkable.