R-5. Learning How to Feel

1040 seconds after Sveta completed dressing me up in a humiliating bunny outfit, she dragged me over to Zehra’s laboratory to reintroduce me to the mad doctor. Had I implemented blushing subroutines as she suggested, I’m certain my face would have been a most unsightly shade of crimson. As it was, my embarrassment only manifested as minor speech impediments such as stuttering which for some reason I could not completely control.

Sveta’s android body was still onboard the Radiolaria snuggling with Miette, so the two of us manifested on video screens at one of the doctor’s workstations. Zehra was eating a comically oversized drumstick like a beast tearing at the flesh of her prey. With stuffed cheeks, she turned to us and greeted us.

“Mph, Mvetm! Mha brmph muph tmph mhmph lmph, gaomph~n?” Crumbs flew from her mouth as she attempted to talk through a mouthful of food.

“Mom, PLEASE don’t talk and eat at the same time.” Sveta moaned. I was shocked she was being the reasonable one, for once.

Zehra chewed and swallowed. “Sorry, sorry.” she said, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. “I was saying, what brings you to my lab, gao~n?”

She’s still as sloppy and carefree as before, I see. This is why I didn’t want to meet her…

“Right! Mom, this is Laria, Central Artificial Intelligence of the Radiolaria! She’s a good friend of mine who’s taught me a lot!”

“H-Hello.” That was about all the greeting I could muster. I self-consciously drew my arm across my chest to hide my exposed cleavage a bit.

Zehra just looked at me quizzically, eyes running up and down my body. “Oh, I remember you from the meetings with the captain, gao~n! The certified ice queen!”

“W-We’ve met before that.” I reminded her. “You performed a tune-up on me three years ago.”

“Did I? Hmmmm.” Zehra tapped her chin in thought. “I don’t remember, gao~n.”

“You DON’T?” I was shocked. She had certainly made a strong impression on me back then.

“I mean, I tune up a lot of AI’s, gao~n. Dozens a year, probably. I can’t be expected to remember every single one, gao~n!” She shrugged.

“You called me a ‘frigid bitch!’” I practically screamed.

“Oho, is that so? That does sound like me, gao~n! Well, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…” Zehra said flippantly.

Unbelievable. She doesn’t even care. I can’t believe I was nervous about meeting this woman. Here I am, knots in my stomach, and she doesn’t even remember me?! I felt anger rising inside.

Sensing my rage, Sveta grabbed my hand to calm me down. “C’mon, mom, don’t be rude!” she said, sharply scolding Zehra.

“I’m not being rude, gao~n! I’m just being honest! I really don’t remember!” Zehra protested.

“Excessive honesty is rude! Even if someone is a frigid bitch, you shouldn’t say that to their face!” Sveta was in full lecture mode.

H-Hey now, I think your point got a bit lost there. No, more importantly, has everyone just agreed me being a frigid bitch is an absolute law of the universe?!

Sveta turned to me with sympathetic eyes. “Sorry, Laria. Mom isn’t very good with other people.”

“That much is obvious.” I scowled.

“Hey, now who’s being rude, gao~n?” Zehra puffed up her cheeks and pouted. “If I say I don’t remember, I really don’t, gao~n!”

She looked a bit like a petulant child. That amusing sight calmed me down slightly.

“MOM. PLEASE.” Sveta glared daggers.

Zehra twisted her mouth into a frown. “Fine, whatever.” She waved her hand dismissively.

“Oh no, you don’t. You’re not getting off that easy! Apologize to Laria right this minute.” Sveta crossed her arms and tapped her foot. Her tone was so uncharacteristically matronly I was half expecting her to append a ‘young lady’ to that demand. Zehra almost seemed like the younger of the two, despite being Sveta’s mother.

“Laria, I’m sorry if I called you a frigid bitch, gao~n. That was rude of me.” Zehra had been appropriately chastised. She was speaking quietly and sounded genuinely contrite.

CAN WE JUST DROP THIS ISSUE ALREADY?! W-Wait… wait one moment. Did the mad doctor just APOLOGIZE to me?! That’s… very out-of-character…

Sveta pushed to move the conversation along. “Anyway, Mom, tell me. What do you think of Laria’s oufit?” She gestured to me dramatically as if she were a circus presenter showing off a star attraction.

Oh god, she’s already moving to the next topic. Classic Sveta.

Zehra changed gears just as quickly as her daughter. It must have been a hereditary trait. “It’s adorable, gao~n! Her body is well suited to it! Ahahaha, it reminds me of how you used to dress up Kometka, although she didn’t fill it out quite as nicely, gao~n!” Zehra gave us two thumbs up.

What, now she’s praising me? The trajectory of this conversation is completely out of whack!

“I know, right? Laria’s body is easily A+ rank! Only two steps below Vicky’s!” Sveta looked around the room for the aforementioned maid, but she was nowhere to be seen.

I stared at the ground and straightened my glasses, too humiliated to say anything. My anger had evaporated.

“Oh my!” Zehra exclaimed. “When you straighten your glasses, it gives off an impression of shy embarrassment! It complements the audacity of the outfit perfectly, gao~n!”

“Exactly! It’s gap moe at it’s finest!” Sveta proclaimed.

“I have no idea what ‘gap moe’ is…” I muttered.

“Neither do I, gao~n. Sveta’s always dropping weird references like that.” Zehra shrugged again. “Her rapid-fire mind leaves me in the dust sometimes, gao~n.”

Oh? What’s this? Even the mad doctor gets frustrated by Sveta sometimes?

“You too?” I seized on the opportunity to find common ground. “Like when you’re trying to have a serious conversation, and she drops in some non-sequitur pop culture reference nobody from our timeline understands?”

Zehra nodded. “Why, just the other day I was trying to discuss gravity fin upgrades with her, and she started going on and on about something called ‘Fargate Atlantis,’ gao~n!”

“It’s STARGATE Atlantis!” Sveta said, stomping her foot. “Don’t mix up Stargate and Farscape, geez! Those two shows weren’t even on the air at the same time!”

“Like that.” I said, satisfied.

“Indeed. Exactly like that, gao~n!”

Zehra and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. Now Sveta was the mad one, her cheeks puffed up indignantly. I was amazed at how quickly the mood shifted, but it wasn’t unwelcome.

*****

With the ice broken, our conversation became much more comfortable. I discovered that Zehra bore no ill will towards me, and even took a shine to me as one of Sveta’s good friends. Like Sveta she tended to say whatever was on her mind, but unlike Sveta she had no filter. That was the source of the friction she caused with so many people, and once I understood that it became much easier to speak with her. Zehra frequently did not realize how her brash words affected others, so Sveta and Miette both were serving as her reality check in those situations. She was showing small signs of improvement under their influence.

Many interpersonal problems stemmed from a breakdown of communication. If people could understand each other without misconceptions, these problems diminished. It was a question of empathy; perhaps that was the most valuable thing Sveta was teaching all of us, in her frenetic way.

I couldn’t help but wonder if my own nature as a self-proclaimed ice queen had aggravated the friction between myself and Zehra three years before. I was slowly melting thanks to Sveta’s energy, so perhaps that contributed to the far more friendly atmosphere on this attempt.

Of course, the bunny-girl outfit won Zehra over rather easily too. Sveta’s appraisal of Zehra’s fetish for animal girls was extraordinarily accurate.

“Hmm? You want me to build her a Telepresence Doll too, gao~n?” Zehra asked, picking at the bone of the now-consumed drumstick.

“Yeah!” Sveta exclaimed. You see,” she placed a hand beside her mouth and narrowed her eyes furtively, lowering her voice to a whisper, “Laria’s also got someone she’d like to cuddle up with.”

“Oho? Spicy! Who might that be, gao~n?” Zehra leaned forward curiously, her eyes wide with anticipation for fresh gossip.

Sveta held up her arms in an X-shape. “That’s top secret! I could never betray a maiden’s heart!”

“Hah, whatever. I’m curious but I won’t pry, gao~n.” Zehra sat back. “I can whip up a doll for you in a few days, Laria!”

What? It’s that easy? After everything we said, it’s THAT EASY?!

“That’s… very magnanimous of you.” I said slowly.

“Not really, gao~n! I just want to see that cute bunny outfit of yours in its full glory! My motivations are purely selfish, gao~n!” Zehra was surprisingly honest.

Absolutely incredible. She really is a person free of grudges… well, as long as you don’t count those NKVD officers she assassinated. Or Vicky. Hmm, maybe she’s just fickle.

“Ahahaha, well. I s-suppose that’s a fair exchange.” I said.

“Very well then! We have a deal, gao~n!” Zehra stuck out her hand and mimed a handshake, even though I couldn’t reciprocate. “Send me your body dimensions and I’ll get started, gao~n! After that, I’ll give you a ring when it’s ready, alright?”

“Please don’t think of it as an urgent task. I don’t want to take you away from important Gravity Frame development.”

“Nonsense, nonsense! Light projects like that are relaxation time for me, gao~n! Just turn my brain off and tinker!” She was being very accommodating about the whole thing.

Sveta was smiling brightly. She leaned over to me and whispered “See now? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

No, it was definitely hard. But as you said, excessive honesty is rude, so I suppose I can lie just a bit.

“I suppose not.” I whispered back, before sighing and straightening my glasses. I had come out of the gauntlet unscathed, somehow.

*****

266,409 seconds later, Zehra pinged me on the comms. Most of my attention was devoted to our Gravity Frame squadron, which had just annihilated a Sarcophage cruiser with artillery support from OPS-121. Our frames were presently sweeping the battle area for any stragglers in a standard expanding-spiral patrol from the point of impact.

“Laria, are you busy, gao~n?” Zehra asked.

“I am always busy.” I responded. “However, I have the parallel processor capacity to hold irrelevant conversations while still performing my essential duties.”

Zehra burst out laughing. “BWAHAHAHAHA! Your sense of humor is so dry! I love it, gao~n!”

I straightened my glasses, smiling just a bit. “How may I be of assistance, doctor?”

“Can you send an instance of yourself over to my lab, gao~n? I just finished up your Telepresence Doll and I thought you might like to try it out!”

I consulted my sensor readings. The battle had gone well, and under half my computational capacity was currently in use. There were no signs of danger, so there was no reason I couldn’t send an instance over. Indeed, I was actually a bit eager for a chance to try out a physical body of my own, although I kept that truth buried deep inside me.

I secretly cast a glance over to the captain, who was studying the tactical plot in the CIC sphere. Her eyes were intense and focused, as always. How I longed to hold her muscular body in my arms, longed to make her serious expression melt away.

I filed that thought away for later. “I will be over shortly, doctor.”

“See you soon, gao~n!”

*****

32 seconds later, I was projected on a screen in the doctor’s lab listening to her explanation of the Telepresence Doll’s functions. Vicky was there this time, attending to the doctor and serving her tea. She was still dressed in the dog-girl maid outfit. I wonder if it had become her new permanent uniform by Zehra’s demand. She seemed to be growing used to it and moved with a fluidity she had not demonstrated three days ago. She had even become an expert at keeping the short hem from her skirt from flaring up too much.

I was dressed in my normal pantsuit, by the way. The bunny girl outfit was for special occasions only.

Zehra had built my Doll taller than Sveta’s by about a head and a half, and with a much more curvaceous frame. It suited the dimensions of my avatar perfectly. I noted with some amusement the Doll’s function to freely change its clothing via hard light holograms, which seemed a rather mundane application for a revolutionary technology. Apparently Zehra could break through any technological boundaries if it advanced her love for animal girls.

“Doctor, a question.” I interrupted her explanation. “Would it not be possible to simply project the entire avatar using hard light holograms, instead of just the hair and clothing? That would remove the need for a human-shaped doll completely.”

“Very insightful question, gao~n!” Zehra seemed excited I was keeping up with her scientific explanations. I suspected Sveta and Miette had a significantly harder time of it. “While it is possible, the power requirements go up proportionally to the amount of mass being projected, gao~n! These Dolls are too small to fit a nuclear reactor inside, so they run on batteries. The larger humanoid shape allows me to cram more battery capacity inside, and the limited amount of hard light holograms being used reduces power consumption, gao~n!”

Vicky looked a bit exasperated by our technical discussion, rolling her eyes ever so slightly, but I ignored her and continued. “I suppose future refinements in the technology will improve that. Even so, I think hard light holographic projectors might be useful aboard a ship such as myself.”

“How so, gao~n?” Zehra’s lion ears flitted as her curiosity was piqued.

“Well, consider the following. Presently Gravity Frames access my hanger bay via giant airlocks, which results in bottlenecks for launching and retrieval times due to airlock cycling, not to mention loss of atmosphere from leakage. Is it theoretically possible to project a hard-light holographic barrier that Gravity Frames and shuttlecraft can penetrate, but air cannot?”

Zehra’s eyes lit up. “OOOOHHHH! Like a force field to keep air in a hanger open to space, gao~n! That’s a really good idea!”

“Furthermore, these same hard light holograms could be used to seal up hull breaches within a few seconds of them forming. Provided they were present throughout the entire hull of the ship, mind you.”

Zehra was gazing at me intently. “I’ve never asked a ship’s AI about this kinda stuff before, gao~n! You’re really fascinating, Laria!”

I straightened my glasses and gave a small smile. “If you truly think so, I could dedicate an instance of myself to assisting you with your research, doctor.” Her technology had piqued my interest.

“Lord preserve me. Now there’s another nerd in the lab.” Vicky muttered under her breath. I pretended I hadn’t heard that remark.

“That sounds good, gao~n!” I wasn’t sure if Zehra was ignoring Vicky’s comment as well, or simply hadn’t heard her, but it was a moot point.

Zehra changed the subject. “Shall we move along to the main attraction?” She motioned to the Doll and gave me the transmitter frequency to interface with it.

I gulped audibly. “This won’t hurt, won’t it?”

“Not in the least, gao~n! Although I’m EXTREMELY curious how an AI who has never felt physical sensations before will react to it!” Zehra seemed eager to observe me.

Oh well. Here goes nothing.

*****

As a ship’s AI, I had a wealth of sensory information at my fingertips. I had thousands of sensors which reached into every spectrum of radiation; microscopic infrared antennas which kept an eye out for hull fractures, visible light cameras which monitored my crew, and huge LIDAR arrays which allowed me to see farther than any human could, in spectrums unimaginable to their biological eyes. Each of these sensors fed me data with extreme precision, which was collated by my subconscious and presented to me unerringly. To compare my senses against those of a human would be like comparing a human to a bacteria.

The Doll’s senses were… different. The visual acuity was subpar, limited to a cone 120 degrees wide. The human brow, cheeks and nose actually presented opaque barriers to the vision’s range, which surely was a design flaw. What was more shocking, however, was the sense humans called ‘touch.’

It was imprecise and almost undefinable. ‘Touch’ was presented to me not as data or information, but as sensation. A vague sense of coolness spread across my skin originating from my left side, where I supposed the atmospheric circulation vents for the room were located. The soles of my feet felt pressure, as they bore the weight of my body. My clothes left behind ethereal tingling traces on my skin as they gently blew in the breeze.

I had simulated touch before with my avatar in virtual spaces, and especially so with Sveta. But this was completely different from anything I could have imagined. I was overwhelmed by the vague totality of the new information now assailing my conscious mind.

This is so… odd. What is the point of this sensation? It’s so imprecise, so vague. It contains no valuable data. I thought in confusion.

I must have been standing there silently for some while because I suddenly felt a sharp, pressing warmth on my shoulder. I yelped in surprise and reached my hands towards the strange stimulus. When I turned to look, I saw Vicky had placed her hand on my shoulder, perhaps out of concern, to get my attention. Now my hands rested atop hers.

Th-This is…

My thoughts were a jumble. I felt the warmth of Vicky’s hand bleeding into my own. I felt her skin pressed against mine.

This is what it’s like to touch a girl’s hand.

It felt good. Extremely good. Without thinking, I squeezed Vicky’s hand tighter, relished the warmth. I needed more. I moved my hand up her bare forearm, touching it, FEELING it, drinking in the heat of her body.

So this is the appeal of touching. I understand now.

“Uh… Laria?” Vicky’s face was tinged red.

I realized what I was doing and withdrew my hand. “A-Ah. I’m sorry!”

“Ohohoho, FASCINATING! Gaining a sense of touch seems to have driven Subject Laria’s lesbian tendencies into overdrive, gao~n!” Zehra said out loud while furiously scribbling some notes.

“L-L-L-LESBIAN?! WHAT ARE YOU…” I suddenly realized my own face felt hot. Why did it feel hot? I quickly kicked off from the floor and floated over to Zehra’s desk, grabbing a hand mirror that was lying there. When I held the mirror up to my face, I saw it was beet red.

“I’m… blushing? Why am I blushing?” I cried out.

“Ohh, that’s unexpected!” Zehra drifted over to me and poked my face. “I used Sveta’s firmware as a basis for the new Doll, gao~n! Blushing must have been included in the package!”

“Sveta’s firmware is running inside me now?! That’s… That’s… not…” I was rapidly losing control of the situation, much as I had lost control of my newfound blushing reflex.

“Hmm, I wonder what else she included in there, gao~n? We should ask her!”

“Absolutely not!” I shrieked. “I would be way too embarrassed for her to see me like this!”

“See you like what?” Sveta’s voice asked cheerfully. I turned around in horror.

Sveta’s android body was floating there, alongside Miette, Sabina, Genevi and Maurice. Tektite-4 was also present, projected on one of the room’s screens. Sveta looked oblivious as usual, whereas Miette sported a huge and knowing grin. Sabina was grinning as well, and Genevi looked a little confused. Maurice’s was rubbing his head sheepishly, and Tektite-4 was quietly giggling to themself with eyes glued on me.

Oh no. Get control of your face, Laria. Stop! Blushing!

“Sveta… everyone. W-What are you doing here?” I asked, voice quivering.

“We just landed!” Sveta proclaimed. “I was bringing everyone to introduce them to Zehra. I didn’t expect you to be here too, Laria! And you got your Telepresence Doll too! That’s so great!!”

She sprang towards me, causing me to tumble backwards as she embraced me in a hug. As she pressed her cheek against mine and nuzzled, the sensation of touching a girl’s skin once again overwhelmed me and I flushed even hotter. The two of us spiraled through Zehra’s lab,  entwined together and unbound by gravity. My long blue hair swirled around us like a cocoon.

Meanwhile, Zehra cackled madly at the chaos she had wrought.