Chapter 84. Horny and Broke
Succubi Chapter 84. Horny and Broke
Sera’s healing glyph pulsed above my chest like a softly humming halo. Warm. Tingling. And—thank every infernal power in the underworld—fast.
The open slashes along my ribs? Gone.
The nasty puncture in my shoulder from that Siren water lance? Sealed.
The throbbing pain in my leg where I skidded across stone like a half-dead pizza? Fading.
Her magic wasn’t like mine. Where my Dark Healing wrapped shadows around my wounds, sealing them with a cold snap of corruption, hers was light and liquid, like sunlight filtered through a lazy afternoon nap. Blue-green energy flowed into my skin, stitching me together like I’d been made of spilled watercolor.
Seconds passed.
My HP bar snapped back to full.
Just like that.
The pain?
A distant echo now.
I sat up slowly, blinked at my own hands, then let out a breathless laugh. “Sera,” I said, grinning like an idiot, “that was so cool.”
She raised an eyebrow, completely unimpressed. “You’re welcome. Now—” she folded her arms, “—tell me what the hell happened in there.”
I pointed sideways—at Evelyn, who was still standing behind her, arms crossed, wings furled, face mostly unreadable now that the adrenaline was gone.
“You can ask Evelyn,” I said casually, dragging myself fully upright and brushing my hair back like I hadn’t just been a bloodied sack of problems five seconds ago.
Then, without hesitation, I stepped over to Evelyn, cupped her cheek, and kissed her.
Full. On. The. Lips.
I didn’t wait for permission. Didn’t ask. Just leaned in and gave her a kiss filled with blood, adrenaline, gratitude, and the kind of desperate reckless affection you only give someone who literally saved your life while cutting through sea-witches like a hot knife through salted butter.
Her breath caught. Her shoulders stiffened.
But she didn’t pull away.
Not immediately, at least.
When I pulled back, I met her stunned eyes and murmured, “You saved me. I owe you.”
Then I pivoted, turned on my heel, and limped dramatically toward the exit like a wounded hero in a cheap action movie who just couldn’t afford to process the feelings.
Behind me, Sera blinked. “Where are you going now?”
“The test room!” I called over my shoulder. “I need to know my result!”
“What? Are you—you’re still thinking about the exam?!”
“I need the money!!”
I didn’t wait.
I bolted.
Okay, “bolted” was a generous word. I limped with flair, but I made it out of the recovery room and through the hall at a pace I hoped looked determined and not dumb.
My footsteps echoed as I pushed through the sliding doors of the simulation monitoring room.
And yeah—
Every single staff member froze when they saw me.
One guy dropped his clipboard. Another choked on his coffee. A lady in a headset turned toward me like I’d just appeared out of thin air.
Which, I guess, from their perspective?
I had.
Because I was no longer in the simulation room.
And I definitely shouldn’t be standing in front of them—bleeding, burned clothes, shirt slashed halfway open like I’d just walked off a boss fight stage.
Leon was already there. Standing with his arms crossed, head tilted.
He looked at me like I was an interesting bug.
I raised a hand. “Hey. Sorry for the mess.”
Leon blinked. “Huh? You’re… from the outside?”
“Uh.” My brain stuttered. “Yeah.”
He frowned. “Didn’t you—inside the simulation room?”
I rubbed the back of my neck and gave a sheepish grin. “I… went to pee. Right after I got the announcement that I passed my test. Rank B, right? I can access Rank B missions now, right?” I was begging. Silently. Internally.
One of the technicians narrowed his eyes. “Wait. You just… walked out of the simulation? How?”
“I really had to pee,” I said, as seriously as I could. “Like… really. The kind of pee that makes your soul leave your body. I couldn’t leak in the simulation room. That’d be so embarrassing.”
Another staff member wrinkled his nose. “You do know you were actually in a sealed room, right?”
“I mean metaphorically.” I gestured vaguely. “Emotionally. Peeing your pants during combat is never cool.”
A third technician stepped forward, squinting at my clothes. “You’re covered in blood.”
I waved my hands. “I’m fine. It’s not—” I paused. My brain short-circuited.
Because what I’d almost said was.
“It’s not my blood.”
Which… yeah. That would not help my case.
After all, this was a simulation.
All the enemies were holograms, constructs. Even if they looked real, they weren’t.
There shouldn’t be blood.
And even if there was, it should’ve disappeared with the end of the simulation.
But here I was. Real clothes. Real blood.
Crap.
“...It’s not important,” I said quickly. “Point is—I’m fine. I have Healing skills, remember? Super useful. I’m basically a walking band-aid.”
“Still,” said the lady in the headset, typing into her terminal, “you’re flagged for post-test medical review. That’s protocol.”
“Sure,” I said, trying to smile. “Just… uh. Can you check my test result first?”
She raised an eyebrow. “You really care more about that than your condition?”
“My condition is ‘horny and broke.’ One of those needs fixing immediately,” I said flatly. “I’m okay with horny, just not broke.”
She snorted despite herself and tapped a few keys.
A large screen on the wall lit up.
[Simulation Exam: COMPLETED]
[Score: 94/100]
[Performance Rank: B+]
[Status: Eligible for Tier B Missions]
[Bonus XP Awarded for Creative Strategy and Survival]
[Note: Manual override logged – System breach detected during simulation]
My heart soared.
I grinned. “See? I knew I passed.”
“Wait,” Leon said slowly, pointing at the last line. “System breach? What was that?”
I straightened. “Probably… lag?”
Someone off-screen muttered, “You’re bleeding from your face.”
“I have dramatic blood,” I said. “It just appears when I’m emotionally intense.”
The staff exchanged glances. One guy said something about submitting a report. Another was trying to compare my vitals to the system logs. Everything was descending into that classic post-boss chaos: the what just happened period.
And me?
I stood there.
Grinning.
Exhausted.
Victorious.
My body still ached, but not in that about-to-die way. More like post-gym soreness with a side of ‘I kissed a girl and leveled up.’
I tucked my hands in my pockets, eyes drifting to the window where Evelyn and Sera were watching me from across the hall.
Sera was leaning on the glass, pouty as hell.
Evelyn… was still wide-eyed.
Both of them looked like they had things to say.
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