Bad Habits Die Hard (1/2) (Partial Lewd)

Shoutout to CKLance, sebastin michaelis, Jasticus, and Failure Ninja for Patron and Subscribe Star support!!

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A/N: Imagine that, the first smut of the arc, and my dumbass thought it would be amazing to write a threesome with the two women who canonically hated each other at first sight (rarer than love at first sight) and might just shoot each other while cumming their brains out. It wasn’t a wise decision, but Black Lagoon is a series of bad judgments. And Nik has a charm for everything wrong. Let’s hope I do give the first scene some justice.

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The world isn’t ending. Yet. so it’s okay, Revy thinks. It WILL end, right? Moon’s practically busted. It might take centuries if those numbskulls with thick glasses calling themselves scientists are any believable, but Earth’s fucked, too. Hmm. They weren’t wearing glasses. But it’s easier to bunch nerds in their categories, like the one she’s pinning on the bed and kissing—talking about bones, human structure, and pulling a book from his ass to read while stranded on a dead island near Indo.

What a nerd.

But she can take her dues before the Earth ends, or she does already. She might have a bullet punched through her skull by the bitch intensely staring at their make-out session. It doesn’t matter. Revy hated the bitch’s face—acting high and mighty despite being no less a sewer rat. What a coward. Hmm. So she’s in a room with a nerd and a coward. Said nerd has one fine bone pressed against her crotch, and the coward’s getting off by seeing others do it.

She gasps, finding her bottom lip nibbled by him and a firm hand giving her ass a tight squeeze. Her hands try to fight it off. But it’s of no use. He’s getting as forceful as she is. If she gets to pin him, he gets to cop a feel. She would get angry at his audacity if not for his other hand still stroking her cheek as they tangoed with their tongues, swapping spit instead of curses. Maybe she can get his phone and delete the video of her dry-humping Eda. Don’t get her wrong. She doesn’t get her rocks off with women, but she was drunk, and Eda, the Slut, looked quite the sissy—good enough to get pegged if Revy brought a strap-on.

His lips snatch such thoughts, aware of the moments she loses focus. He doesn’t like getting ignored, the nerd he is. And he had to one-up her shitty story. She would love to have some hold on him, but her background isn’t it. He was right on that Island. It’s not the Shitty Backgrounds that get her. It’s the shitty background connected with the people she knows and possibly cares about.

Not that she cares for the ‘Dundies.’ Especially that skank Ray. Tonight is just vacation.

So, she gets to rub it in that Maid’s face about who’s the mistress in the room.

“Mmph.”

Unfortunately, with those skills that have Revy stifling her moans, the title of the ‘Mistress’ rests solely in the palm of Nik’s debauched hands.

She pulls back after a while, indifferent to the thread of saliva bridging their lips. Nik’s violet eyes match her brown ones as hesitation grips her heart again. She can’t bring those words up or even think of them. Try as she might, she cannot match the look he has in his eyes. He smiles, licking his lips while stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. “That’s some glare, Revy. Did you hate it that much?”

She didn’t. But she cannot say otherwise either. She’s stuck. But she wouldn’t let them stall here. She straightens her back and slips out of her tank top, freeing her bouncing tits to Nik’s eyes. He’s seen them before. But tonight, he takes the time to appreciate them with his gaze.

“If you make some comment about my ribcage, I’m going to—”

“Did you know?” He grins with the characteristic tone of dropping a fun fact at her. “You’re beautiful, Revy. Especially when you act like that.”

Her glare hardens as if staring at someone at the bottom of her gun’s barrel. On that note, where are her pistols? She might fill him with lead before letting him do the same with the weaponry below.

“Pfft? Beautiful?” And more angering is the quiet snort from behind.

“I heard that!” Revy snaps back at Roberta only to find the hand on her face firmly cupping her jaw and bringing her attention back to Nik.

“Revy,” he continues while sitting up, bringing his face close as those violet orbs of his stare into her. She expects some wholesome crap again, but he whispers into her ear while staring behind her, glancing at Roberta as he slowly speaks, “Just a fair warning. If we do it, I will do everything possible to get you.” There’s undeniable conviction in his voice, something the both of them want to deny. But it’s not the least bit ‘cute.’ He’s rather demanding for a moment while giving them a way out. Not that they want any.

Revy and Roberta frown, their minds syncing for a mere second.

‘Who does he think he’s talking to?’

They came here willingly, right? So, what was that all about?

It seems Nik understood their thought as he supplants with a smirk, “You didn’t take me for a meat bag for use, did you?” He pecks Revy’s ear while keeping his eyes on Roberta.

Revy jerks back, latching her hand around his neck with a snarl, “Asshole! Do you think you can say all that weird crap for free?”

“Good,” Nik narrows his eyes. “So, we’re all on the same page.” The duo is not like other women Nik met until this world since his new life. Debauched she might be, but Mitsuko is ‘normal.’ Katara and the rest aren’t anywhere near as crazy as Revy, and in Nik’s humble opinion, that includes Azula. But it would be a damn lie if he wasn’t attracted. He also needs a maid for his manor.

The grip around his neck loosens as Revy glances away.

“You know,” Nik smiles comfortingly. “Nobody’s forcing you, Revy. You can make up your mind while Roberta ‘rewards’ me.”

Others might confuse Nik as gaslighting others, but given his track record, he meant every word he said with utmost sincerity.

“Indeed. Mister Nik is wise. It’s getting quite late, and if you can’t decide, you better return to your room and leave adults to their world. We also need to sleep later.”

“What did you say, you glasses-wearing whore?!”

“Sleep?” Nik blinks, too. Did he say they could sleep?

If he’s going to spend his night away from his family, he has to make every moment count. He's not going to fuck for himself alone! He has to make his family proud.

Of course, his voice is drowned by Roberta’s louder response as she sneers, “I said it would ruin my night to see someone of character like Mister Nik screwing a kid like you.”

‘Wow.’ Nik feels his cheeks turn hotter. ‘Nobody ever said that about me. It’s usually about my dimensions.’

Revy grits her jaws before glaring at Nik and letting go of his neck. She came here for a rut to establish dominance on the maid, not—whatever this is! She must shoot someone. That’s the only reasonable response!

“I can rock a boner all night while you wait, but I’d prefer to use it,” Nik relaxes his shoulder. He could use the [Twilight’s Charm] to fuck her here and now, but what would be the point? She wouldn’t want that, and he didn’t either.

Instead, he leans forward.

“What are you doing?” She doesn’t move back and instead snorts.

“Helping you decide,” Nik whispers on her lips before pecking. He doesn’t linger and ducks his head down, peppering her neck with kisses and nibbles, allowing his hands to enjoy her soft breasts and kneading them to his desires.

She glances away, unwilling to look at Nik until she hears him speak again, “Before I put a finger down there, you were lying about a bullet shoved up inside you with my name on it, right?”

She recalls the words she spoke to him on that island. It was a joke.

She smirks, a little relieved as her shoulder relaxes. Her mood brightens to the point that Revy ignores Roberta’s scathing comment, “It might not be a bullet down there, Mister Nik. But I hear STDs are just as hurtful.”

“Only one way you’ll find out,” Revy snorts. As if she’ll walk around with some slob’s cock disease! She shot off their nuts when they tried pushing it anywhere near her!

Her hand grips Nik’s head, firmly tugging him away and pushing him back on the bed before unbuttoning her shorts and yanking down her panties. The dim room leaves things to Roberta’s imagination, but Nik sees it as plain as the day.

“Go on,” Revy adjusts herself atop Nik, her damp entrance mere centimeters from his face, allowing her to feel his hot breath. “Use that soiled tongue to find one bullet. Oh, and make sure you ‘reaaaallly’ try to dig it out. Big cocks aren’t worth jackshit if you don’t have a proper head, Boner Nerd.”

“Boner Nerd?” Nik chuckles. “I like it—hmpfh!” She seals his lips with her entrance, smirking, “Who cares if you like it? You asked for this. Let’s see how you’ll get me—”

Her breath catches in her throat, and her fingers around a fistful of his hair briefly loosen as he does what she demands. His unscrupulous tongue dives into her depths, finding the phantom bullet with such determination that it leaves Revy breathless, and arching her back ever so slightly to push further down on Nik and letting the warm exhales from his nostrils tickle her unruly clit. Nik senses that. Of course, he does. His hands plant themselves on Revy’s naked buttcheeks before pulling her further and eating her out in ways that will make his ‘Mother’ proud.

Roberta watches with bated breath as Revy’s form shudders. The brunette tosses her head back while biting on a finger. The maid wishes their house had enough resources to divert to repair the Guest Wing’s air-conditioning system, but the mine’s construction consumes more than necessary. So, it’s getting hot in Nik’s room. The open window and the wind fluttering through the curtains alongside ceiling fans only help so much as the moonlight glitters on Revy’s sweaty body and alights the throbbing erection between Roberta and Revy.

Old habits die hard as Roberta restrains the urge to twist and tear a cock on sight—a fantastic torture route. But she admits there are better routines than that.

‘Uh,’ she shakes her head, her dark-purple bangs bouncing, ‘I shouldn’t think of that. I’ll have more to pay if I injure Master’s guest.’

“Hnngh~!” Revy’s moans slip out from her loose mouth as Roberta snorts internally. She doesn’t want to undermine Nik’s possible technique, but ‘Rundy’ hit her as the type of slut to moan for a beggar on the streets. And with all the talk about bedding Nik before her, Revy rightly got on Roberta’s nerves. But that also gave her an idea.

It IS free and open to another person. And Roberta IS in her see-through teddy that would reveal everything if she wasn’t wearing any panties. Maybe she can fill in the gaps—metaphorically. No, literally. There are gaps in need of filling tonight. The maid tiptoes behind Revy, which catches the latter’s attention instantly.

“S-Stay back!” Revy snaps with a flushed look, eyes barely focused. Revy’s expression shifts between bliss and helplessness as she exhales loudly, almost breathlessly, as if the sudden shift in attention was all it took for her to let go of her former control and cum. Roberta knew the look at once.

“Why would I stay back? What you and I do have nothing in common,” Roberta sneers, straddling Nik’s waist as Revy grits her jaw through her drool.

“Again?” Revy yelps as she feels his tongue moving without any prompts. She could go again, but she also didn’t expect to cum so quickly. She intended to get her motors running since she realized ‘Very’ early that dicks don’t get her down as fast as foreplay.

“Oh, my.”

Revy hears a gasp from behind and knows the reason the second later.

“It’s rather large. Forgive me for not accepting it all at once, Mister Nik. I will need some time.”

The corner of Revy’s eyes threatens to peel over to her guns hanging from the bed’s frame if not for her Boner Nerd focusing on her despite a slut on his willy. At least he has priorities in order. But the idea of someone riding Nik in her presence isn’t entertaining for Revy as she growls, “Get o-off him!”

“Make me.”

Nik doesn’t know how to describe his emotions about what happened next.

Revy moved from his face and lunged at Roberta. She would have done some severe damage to Roberta’s snatch and his cock if not for the fact Roberta never got penetrated and instead predicted such an outcome, waiting to throw hands.

Nik sits up, finding Revy and Roberta wrestling on the floor. He wishes he could say it was the same as Jin getting frisky with June over little things or the Ty Sisters practicing their choreographed Chi-Blocking.

It wasn’t.

Nik cleans his dripping chin as he watches Roberta’s and Revy’s fists plunging into their noses, leaving bleeding nostrils!

“You two should stop,” Nik urges when the duo snaps their gazes in his direction, yelling.

—“Stay out of it!”—

They turn to attack each other like rabid animals when a firm grip grasps their heads at once, tearing them away from each other with ridiculous power. They turn to face Nik with shocked looks, only to find his smile gone and his expression downright cruel.

“Excuse me,” Nik begins slowly. “Care to repeat what you two just said?” The look in his eyes was all the duo needed to understand the question was rhetorical. But aside from lust, something else brewed in the two women far longer—annoyance.

“I said, back off, Boner Nerd!” Revy snarls.

“Mister Nik,” Roberta licks the blood flowing down her nostrils. “Unhand me. I would hate myself if I injured you while teaching a slut the Lovelace Family’s code of conduct.”

They find him sighing softly with a defeated expression. “You two,” a helpless smile stretches over his lips as he shakes his head. “I’ve never had two partners breaking each other’s noses in my career.” His grip around their hair tightens as he forces them upon their knees, not far from the erection betwixt his spread thighs. “I’m going to heal your noses. And you two are going to make nice for the night.”

They frown. Revy has another snarky reply ready at hand as he utters, “Of course, I’m not going to force any of you. You two can leave, too. But pull that shit again, and I will spread the video of you humping Eda throughout Roanapur. Oh, and Roberta, put a hand on Revy another time, and you’ll find this—” he frees her hair to clench his fist before opening them. The red tattoo on his left arm glows, shocking the duo, as a rather sizeable stick appears on Nik’s hand. “—up your ass.”

He sets the stick aside, narrowing his eyes. “So? Are we going to fuck or fight? You’ve almost ruined my night, so those are the only options. And yes, I will fight if you two are up for it. And yes, choosing any of the options will cause you the inability to walk in the morning.”

He lets go of Revy before resting his hands on his thighs.

A quiet knock disrupts the heavy mood as a calm voice slips from the other side of the door. “Ehm, Nik? Are you alright? I heard some shouts. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but the hallways echo at night, and I needed to use the restroom, so I couldn’t help but hear them.”

It’s Diego.

A look of panic appears on Roberta’s face as she wipes the blood away. Revy sneers at that, opening her mouth to speak something before stopping as she finds Nik glancing in her direction.

“We were just—”

“M-Master,” Roberta interjects, “Those weren’t shouts. I was merely helping Mister Nik and Rundy settle for the night. I h-hope it’s alright.”

“Ah, sorry,” Diego coughs and clears his throat. “You kids carry on.”

Roberta’s face flushes as Nik and Revy stare at her.

“So, it’s decided,” he nods.

“Hmph,” Revy snorts. “It’s Revy.”

“Rundy, not now,” Nik frowns.

“What? Et Tu?”

“Huh?” Nik blinks. What’s that? But he explains, “What did you think was going to happen? You get to cum and fight while I get to nanny after you?”

“Mister—”

“I’m naked,” Nik groans. “You can drop the pretense, Roberta.”

“Right,” Roberta glances at his erection that persists through so much shit before glancing at his left arm. “That was no magic trick, was it?”

“It was no trick,” Nik corrects her. “This isn’t either.”

The two feel the blood on their faces warming up and shimmering slightly before healing their blackening eyes and other minor injuries.

He sighs, not bothering with more explanations. “You destroyed the mood, so you set it again. Light the candles, make out with each other, or whatever you’d like. But I’ll throw you two out of the window in your current state if you fight again without proper sparring rules.”

“No guns,” Revy looks at Roberta, almost confident that Roberta will pick fighting over a fuck. Or so she wishes. She could beat Roberta and have him for herself later.

“You’re on your own,” Roberta narrows her eyes. “I apologize, Nik. And here I am, given yet another chance in a place I did not expect. I-” she glances at him with sorrow in her eyes. “But I can’t help it.”

“Bitch, what’s with the sentiment?” Revy stands from her position, planting her hands on her hips without bothering to cover her naked body. “You can’t help doing things your way? Just because an asshole like Nik said so?”

“Excuse me for having some boundaries. No killing and nothing up my ass—is that so much to ask?” Nik snorts, lying comfortably with his hands under his head.

“Shut up,” Revy frowns. “And I’m done hiding things for you if you’re going to show it off to a random skank!”

Nik snorts in amusement, “And who asked you to cover for me? Ah, could it be? You worry for me?”

“Shut up!”

Roberta watches the duo before whispering, “Nik, what if you squander your second chance?”

“Huh? Are you still on about that?” Revy snorts.

“Simple,” Nik glances at her with a smirk. “As long as you’re alive, every new day is a chance. Doesn’t mean whatever wrong you did is gone, but doesn’t mean the end of the world either.”

Roberta stares at him before glancing at his full mast.

‘So,’ she reasons, ‘I can still be Master Diego’s humble maid, Roberta, every day even if I become Rosarita at night?’

She stands from her position before smiling widely and crookedly. Her blue eyes maliciously shimmer as she whispers, “Nik, what if I said I have a bullet down there with your name written on it?”

Nik returns the smirk, “Then find it yourself, Bitch. I just said you can’t get away with shit even if you get more chances. Work for it.”

Roberta and Revy blink, finally realizing they will be the ones getting blue-balled if they don’t right their wrongs.

[Smexy-succu-succu: I found the twins!]

[Nut-Cracking-Messiah: Congratulations. At least one of us is being productive tonight.]

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Alternate Title: Revy Calls Others a Nerd and a Coward *Also Revy: Intensely Nerdy About Guns and Unable To Face Proper Emotions*; Earth Is Ending Probably, Might As Well Fuck—‘Two Hands’ Revy; The Make Out; Boner Alert; Nik is Simply Passionate About Bones *Insert Brook Memes*; A Healthy Warning; Boner Nerd; Helping Decide; Digging The Bullet, Finding a Lake; Damn, Rosarita’s a Master Baiter *Meanwhile Roberta’s a Masturbater*; Sudden Violence; Lust and Blood; Nik Tries To Be Calm *Fails*; Also Nik—Blackmail And Abuse; Eating Cunny In Ways To Make Momma Proud; The Collected Filth In One Room; Finding Ways To Bring The Worst Out of Each Other; The Prophecized Stick Up Roberta’s Bum; It Aint’s a Trick But It’s Still Magic; Rundy’s Angry; Deigo’s Interruption; About To Get Blue-Balled; At Least Ray is Happy; There Are Infinite Chances—Monkey D. Luffy; Roberta By Day, Nik’s By Night; Roberta When She Sees a Cock: I Can Probably Tear It *Perfect For The Nut Cracking Messiah*; Nik’s Thoughts: Revy’s Hot, and I Also Need a Maid. I Bet Roberta’s Even Hotter When She Cleans My Room.

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Ps: As I started writing, I realized that making the threesome right off the bat will be in bad taste. Rundy and Rosarita have some serious hate boner for each other and they would do anything to vent it. So, I couldn’t get down to smut directly to keep some part of their characteristic intact. I could easily write cum sluts, but we already have Azula and the Souma Family. And the major part about Roberta’s character, if I got it write after rereading Roberta’s second arc in the manga, is her battles against her past due to the kindness showed to her during the present that blows wide open when something happens to those who she cares for. And I somehow believe she is one of the more wholesome characters of Black Lagoon with Revy when you compare them to others except for her devil’s tongue with Garcia by the end of it (Don’t wanna spoil more).

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