43: Rapprochement

Kana felt as if she were in a daze.

A pleasant warmth, a glow of satisfaction from before still stimulated her body, yet her mind was ever foggy with worries and emotions. Her body felt better than ever after eating those delicious pastries, but her mind was anything but satiated. Instead it craved understanding.

The dichotomy was not unfamiliar, reminding the girl of her past struggles. And so she could relax, but not entirely.

Sensing the mood, Kaoru ended up excusing herself after all, promising to return soon. The pretext being a need for various preparations, something about further investigating Fuzō's condition. Something which caused the older woman to frown contemplatively.

Kaoru also reminded Kana to send word if she were in need of anything, several times even, perhaps because Kana was struggling to pay attention.

Or perhaps it was because Kana had a look of visible disbelief in her eyes. It was again difficult for her to fathom the idea that she had reached a destination, that she no longer had to be on the move. It was finally starting to sink in that she could stay here... indefinitely? A welcome extended for as long as she wished...

Fascinating how that simple thought could stir around lingering feelings.

Regardless, in the meantime it was left to Kana to watch over Fuzō. Prepared to do so for quite a while, Kana had carried one of the more comfortable upholstered armchairs and placed it by Fuzō's side.

Immediately after, she took her seat and resumed channeling her chakra into the wounded woman once again, firmly holding her uninjured hand.

Fuzō, who lay asleep on the examination bed, had noticeably improved with the care she'd evidently received. Some color had return to her complexion and her breathing was less shallow. Sometime during Kana's conversation with Kaoru, a nurse must have finished cleaning and replacing Fuzō's bandages as well.

Some of Fuzō's less severe burn wounds around her neck and shoulder had healed over by now, leaving only reddish scars behind on the woman's skin. Those places were left bare, only treated with some kind of restorative agent.

From the angle at which Kana sat, those scars looked to be flames themselves, the shape and outline of a blaze captured in a single moment of time.

Each blotch of reddened skin a story of pain and suffering etched permanently onto Fuzō's visage.

It was morbidly captivating the way such scars wound around, alternating in color and intensity all along her leg and torso, peeking out from the bandages still wrapping the woman's abdomen and climbing up her side like the flames themselves were still trying to consume her.

If one possessed eyes, one could not help but trace the pathway of the scars, empathizing with the agony their bearer must have endured to survive them.

If Kana had not fallen into her peculiar dazed mindset, her first glimpse of them would alone have moved her to shed tears once again. It had all surely healed better than most could hope for, probably due to her mysterious vitality, but still the marks remained.

Fuzō had endured indeed. The scars on her skin representing not but a fraction of the torment she must have suffered.

Those scars were still undeniable testament of her strength. Those flames, even as they appeared frozen into an eternal climb up to the left side of her neck, had not reached Fuzō's face. They could not consume her. No flames had marred the peaceful look on the slumbering woman's face, and the contrast of such a scene was striking.

Rather instead, the burns along Fuzō's neck seemed to blend in with long red hair where it draped down over her shoulder, the combination framing her face and producing a powerful image, a striking appearance indeed.

It was the appearance of one who had survived, against all odds. The image of a survivor.

Kana felt a profound sense of affinity from these thoughts, a profound sense of affinity with Fuzō. Endless respect poured from her heart for the woman who prayed for death to end her suffering, yet lived on anew despite it all. Kana understood it.It carried Kana's gaze, attention, and imagination into wandering thoughts of all that had happened. Of all the new information she had learned.

It was as if a sense of clarity lay before her, a sense of introspection that bore rare insight.

It accompanied the thought that, just maybe, she had survived enough to reach a better place. That her objective, her objective to survive so a future for herself was even possible, might have passed beyond the most difficult stages. That she would be able to... let go of some of this perpetual tension.

Her need for answers, her need to learn, her need to hide... these had provided such driving forces in her life that she was losing sight of why she even felt and sought out these things at all.

"I have to... do better. I always, always... have to do better." she remonstrated herself, exhaling with affirmed resolve through her gritted teeth.

Kana was no stranger to the sentiment, but it was somewhat different now, what it meant to do better.

Perhaps, more than just being better at surviving, she needed to be better at... taking care of herself. Taking care of her needs, improving the outlook of her future. The way she'd been acting, the way she'd been feeling. It was clear that she was not meeting her own needs, putting herself in danger by remaining ignorant of important changes within herself. This is why she had meditated so much in the past, too.

This world was full of many dangers after all, and losing sight of your own heart was a sure way to enter onto a path of mistakes.

A grimace accompanied that idea. It felt as if she instinctively knew how such paths would turn out, and a rare sense of wisdom arose from the depths of her soul. With it came a realization that her development was slowing, maybe even stagnating.

Kana hated to feel ignorant or unprepared, especially about such important matters.She hated not understanding. She hated feeling overwhelmed.

But it was clear she would need to understand more and more, be able to withstand even more distraction, in order to... grow.

In order to grow up, grow up to be someone with a life filled with happiness.

More than just survival, more than just stagnation, she needed to grow. Only then could she reach greater heights, a better version of herself.

"For this... I have to try even harder."

Her eyes gently closed, jaw unclenching as her mind calmly worked over and over, pondering her goals and priorities anew. Thoughts slowed and slowed as a sense of peace mixed with the satisfying warmth left over from her meal. Before she knew it her head came to lean, and then rest, upon Fuzō's side.

Kana's head jerked slightly and her eyes snapped open and at the sound of a door sliding open. Her hair was somewhat disarrayed, bangs loosened and draping halfway over her face where she lay against Fuzō's side.

A brief and deeply unsettling sensation tingled on the back of her neck. Had she... had she fallen asleep? Naturally, without intending to? She didn't feel tired, but at peace?

A glance out the wide windows overlooking the courtyard revealed the same evening light from when she last remembered looking. If she had indeed fallen asleep, it couldn't have been for more than around five to ten minutes.

Kaoru soon appeared carrying a wooden box from behind the medical partitions and interrupted Kana's bewilderment. However when Kana turned to face the approaching woman, Kaoru stopped mid-step with a startled look on her face.

Following the returning woman's gaze, Kana tilted her head to look behind. Her violet eyes found the dark grey of Fuzō's, who had finally reawakened.

"Fuzō-san" said Kana with a wistful gaze.

"Kana-chan, thank you once again. Thanks to you, I've gotten some much needed rest." Fuzō spoke hoarsely, emphasizing her words with a little lift of the hand which Kana still tightly grasped.

Fuzō's eyes next flitted towards Kaoru, closing gently as she bowed her head in a sort of salute. It was a similar posture to that which Fumio had taken towards Fuzō herself back with the Yuka convoy.

"Mistress of Yamakuni, though I may no longer be the young lady of the house, I thank thee greatly for the refuge." She cleared her throat and her tone shifted to one of painfully stiff formality. Or so it seemed, for Kana detected a mirthful sarcasm to Fuzō's words.

Regardless, it seemed Fuzō had her wits about her. Kana was glad to see her calm and coherent. Perhaps this meant her mind was healing as her body was?

Kaoru on the other hand, looked both stung and apologetic at her daughter's attitude. Setting the mysterious box on the countertop, Kaoru looked aside and bowed her head. With grave and mournful words, she spoke again,

"Fuzō... all that time ago. I'm so sorry, I never imagined things would turn out this way."

Ah, that's right. These two had a difficult relationship.Kana had almost forgotten with the way Kaoru had been speaking of Fuzō.

"Perhaps then," Fuzō replied, ending her bow and staring over at Kaoru, "I would never have left if you'd realized how I felt. How alienated and untrusted I felt. If you understand now, I'll just leave it. But you don't ever have to apologize to me."

She sighed, tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling, "I guess I understand how you felt now, too. You just wanted to keep me safe. I knew when I built a family of my own. Or didn't Fumio ever tell you? You stuck him to me like glue, after all."

Kaoru looked up and bit her lip in response, near enough to draw blood,

"I'd heard. That is why I will always apologize. For your safety I trusted our contacts with the Yuka. I knew you'd started a new life, was happy that you found a purpose different than ours here, but when you came back alone... I knew Fumio failed more miserably then I could ever-"

"Aye, he failed!", Fuzō interrupted loudly, a palm to her forehead and a grimace on her face.

But then she softened her voice down again, "That life I had built, that love I had found, that path I had chosen leading far from here... ended in disaster. It... it's all dead. The Fuzō from my past was killed along with the family she chose."

At Kaoru's horrified expression, a pained laughter escaped Fuzō lips once more, the kind that held no merriment. Kana frowned hearing it, sitting up and clenching Fuzō's hand tighter. The subtext of this byplay pieced more context clues together in Kana's mind.

These two had fallen out with each other long ago, but still they cared. From her sideline perspective, Kana saw how that care had turned into a wedge between them. Was this why their 'family' felt so odd? Because they... couldn't communicate well?

Kana grew very pensive at that thought. There were lessons to be learned here too, if Kana ever found something of her own to call 'family'.

"And yet I find myself, somehow, still alive? After it all, I still survive?" Fuzō's eyes hardened with a fierce gleam, and she slowly pulled the distracted Kana closer to her chest, guiding the young girl by the hand she held,

"But I did not come back alone. That is why I need you to understand now our circumstances." her wounded arm traced the scars on her neck and side as she looked between Kana and Kaoru, a silence lingering between them all as they waited for Fuzō to gather her thoughts.

"The tree of my life was burnt to ash, now only my roots remain." she began slowly, "And so I have returned to those roots, not for myself, but for this girl. As far as I am concerned, I live because of her alone. The life I lived before, it is all in the past now. The void of what I have lost, she replaced for me! This child's actions saved me both from death and a fate of insanity worse than death. That I still draw breath is eternal reminder of what she's done for me! And now she is in need of the help you can provide-!" The wounded woman's lungs heaved with the vehemence of her words. But before she could continue, Kaoru held up a placating hand,

"I know. I already know how special Kana-sama is. I have already pledged all the help we of the Yamakuni Sanctuary can provide."

By now, Fuzō had drawn Kana so close that their shoulders were touching, but she turned to look between Kana and Kaoru at this.

"Wha-? Kana... -sama?" a bemused look creased her eyebrows. The fervor in her voice and the passionate case she'd plead on Kana's behalf stopped in its tracks,

"Kana-chan, what did-? And how did you... already, talk so much with my mother? I thought-" thought what?

Thoughts of her first encounter with Fuzō's parents crossed Kana's mind at once, and she winced at the memory,

"Fuzō-san, ah, I'm sorry. I kind of lost my patience.... and yelled... at your parents?"

"Eh?" Fuzō did not appear even the slightest bit less confused. In fact, quite the opposite, "Eh?!"

In the palpable silence, Kaoru shook her head wryly, opening the box she'd brought and laying out various items next to the supplies already set out from before.

With a chuckle and a quirk at the corner of her mouth, Kaoru spoke once more,

"If you're wondering how Kana-sama earned such respect from a cantankerous old woman like myself, then I'll tell you: the barrier recognized her authenticity. And her rank and authority here is higher even than mine. Now isn't that a mystery?"

Turning around, she held aloft two scrolls and a paper tag, each with intricate fūinjutsu formulas written on them.

"But that is a matter for a little bit later. Now that you've awoken, please, we must see about the condition affecting you. Your health is the highest priority for all of us at the moment."

Fuzō still looked highly confused, looking towards Kana with barely controlled curiosity. Kana nodded in agreement with Kaoru's words,

"We'll talk all about it all soon. I still have a lot to ask, myself. But I... want to be sure you're okay first."

Chakra flooding her hands and into the fūinjutsu formulas, Kaoru approached Fuzō and knelt by her side. As the formulas swirled and undulated, a brilliant whitish-green chakra complemented that which was already encasing Kaoru's palms.

Expression calm and eyes focused, Kaoru turned to meet Fuzō 's gaze directly for the first time,

"Now I'm going to use all of my skill to find out what is really afflicting you. I can't stand to see you suffer like this either."