49 — For Research Purposes

Su Ah's POV:

Her legs carried her upstairs faster than her mind could catch up. She closed the door behind her, pressing her back against it as her breath came in shallow, uneven bursts.

Su Ah raised a hand to touch her lips, feeling them still warm from the brief moment they'd shared together. She looked at her hands, they were faintly trembling, as if her body was still processing the aftershocks. She closed her eyes, trying to steady her racing heart.

A deep inhale, an even deeper exhale.

A few more breaths followed and she sat on the edge of the bed. Her mind replayed the scene in slow motion, as if to capture and preserve every sensation. She gulped, wrenching her hand away from her lips for fear of wiping the kiss away.

Okay. She just had her first kiss.

With Jae-il. Her brother. No big deal, really.

It was a quick kiss, a small gesture. A small act. Just research. For writing.

Yeah, it was just for research. It was for the story. For the story. It didn't mean anything.

Damn. 'What did I do?' It wasn't until she finally had what she wanted that she realized the weight of her actions. Her whole face burned with embarrassment.

Maybe asking her brother for help, in a manner like that, was a little too much? No. It wasn't just that. It was the fact that she liked it, that the kiss had felt so unexpectedly nice that it scared her.

It had felt... warm and soft, but not in a gross, brotherly way. It felt nice, the kind of nice that she couldn't find words for, the kind of feeling that had made her lean in and prolong the kiss.

She should've pulled away sooner.

Still, it was no use crying over spilled milk now. Determination welled within her. Her eyes moved to the desk where her laptop sat, the screen still faintly glowing from earlier. She pushed herself up and sat in front of it, fingers hesitating over the keys before finally pressing down. She would write. She would channel everything she felt into her characters, into their story. If there was one thing she was certain of, it was that the scene she'd struggled with for so long, would flow out of her effortlessly.

And she wouldn't be ashamed. Because it was for her art.

Su Ah typed fast, almost clumsy at first, as if the details would slip away if she didn't catch them quickly enough. The closeness, the breath, the soft pressure. The hammering of her heart when their lips met and she couldn't think about anything else but him.

The words poured onto the screen with a new confidence, each sentence capturing the feelings and emotions that were still fresh in her mind and on her lips. She wrote it all down before her mind could second-guess.

The clatter of keys filled the room until her breathing steadied. When she stopped, she leaned back slightly, staring at the words on the screen.

With a sigh, Su Ah ran a hand through her hair, feeling a mix of relief and nerves.

It was done.

The scene she had been struggling with, was finally finished. And it felt real, like something that could happen to any couple in the world.

She saved her document, closed her laptop and stood up.

Okay, what now?

The research was done and over with. She had gotten what she wanted.

She lingered by the desk, unsure if standing up had been the right choice, but sitting wouldn't be of any help either. Sure, the satisfaction of getting over her writer's block might not have been worth crossing that line with Jae-il, but at least... her first kiss was with someone who she could trust.

Someone who wouldn't judge her.

Yeah...

It was not that bad.

Su Ah figured that maybe a kiss shared between two consenting siblings was fine. It wasn't like it was a kiss with... other intentions. No feelings were involved, no romantic or sexual undertones. They were both single, they were both inexperienced in the field, and it wasn't as if it would go any further. Or that it had been done with the purpose of doing... other stuff.

Yeah, it was totally fine.

She let herself free fall on the bed, sighing as she closed her eyes. She was a good writer now. That's what she needed, wasn't it? More knowledge on her own.

That's it.

This was just... a learning experience.

She wouldn't regret it.

And Jae-il wouldn't either. Probably.

…

When dinner came around, Su Ah wasn't hungry. She stayed cooped up in her room, wasting away on the bed. Neither fully awake nor asleep. Just there, eyes closed.

Knock knock—

She was tempted not to respond.

But the sound kept on coming back.

Su Ah groaned. "Yes...?"

The door opened. Su Ah rolled around with a scowl. "I don't remember giving you permission to enter."

Surprisingly, it wasn't Jae-il, who was usually the one that came checking in on her when she stayed for hours without eating. Su Ah's scowl faltered the moment Mia stepped in, closing the door gently behind her.

"What do you want?" Su Ah muttered, pulling the blanket halfway over her face.

Mia raised an eyebrow. "That's how you greet your sister? I came to see if you were alive. Mom's worried you're skipping dinner again."

"I'm fine." Su Ah said quickly, maybe too quickly. Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. "Just tired."

Mia didn't buy it. She sat at the edge of the bed. "Tired, huh? Then why's your face so red?"

Su Ah froze, pulling the light bedsheet higher until only her eyes peeked out.

"I-I'm warm! That's all. It's summer!"

Her older sister, stared, unconvinced. "You don't say..."

Su Ah narrowed her eyes. "Why do you even care, huh?"

"I don't. I just want you to eat dinner."

"Well, I'm not hungry. You can leave now."

Mia sighed, looking up at the ceiling. Then her eyes fell back on Su Ah's face, a sly smile on her lips. "Oh my God. You've just kissed, haven't you?"

Su Ah's face paled. How did she find out?! Was it really so obvious? Had Jae-il snitched?!

Mia chuckled. "So I'm right, then. Did you finally confess your feelings to your boyfriend or what?" She teased. Su Ah groaned inwardly. Why was she being like this? Why was she so nosy? Couldn't she just go and mind her own business?

Mia's grin widened, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Look, I know I'm nosy, but you have that look on your face, the look that says, 'I just had my first kiss'."

Did something like that even exist?! Su Ah was appalled.

Mia paused dramatically, leaning closer, and whispered. "Was it a good kiss? Did he kiss you back?"

Su Ah could almost hear her ears sizzling, and feel her brain melting inside her skull. The urge to curl up into a ball and hide under the covers was overwhelming. "I'm not telling you anything."

"Oh come on. You don't have to—"

"I'm not telling you anything." Su Ah hid under the pillow. "Leave, please." Her voice was muffled.

Mia rolled her eyes, and got up. "Okay, fine, fine. Don't tell your sister the juicy deets of your first kiss. Whatever." She left.

The moment she did, Su Ah breathed out. Mia had no way of knowing the truth. Not that she would ever suspect that the boy Su Ah kissed had been their brother. Still, the fact that she noticed something was amiss was quite worrying. She couldn't let her find out. Not that she had done anything bad. She just... couldn't let her know.

She laid there for a few minutes, her mind racing, her thoughts scattered, until eventually she decided to get up and go down to eat. Not because she was hungry, but shutting herself in her room would only be cause for more concern. She figured the best way to forget and move, was exactly that. Behave, pretend, that nothing had happened.

Su Ah nodded to herself, heading downstairs, a determined frown on her face, ready to brave her family.

"Good evening..." She mumbled, walking into the dining room.

Her mom turned, a relieved smile on her face. "Oh, you're here! Just in time!"

Mia had a surprised look on her face, clearly not expecting that stubborn, vampire-looking sister of hers would show up. Su Ah gulped as her line of sight completely skipped Jae-il. She sat across from him, though, which made it a lot harder to ignore him.

Eun Ha started serving the dishes. "So how was everyone's day?" Her voice cut through the silence.

Mia was quick to reply, giving a detailed summary of her mundane day, which, frankly, nobody asked for.

"And Jae-il?" Her mom turned to the quietest one of her children.

"I went out for a run. Went grocery shopping. Then came back home and did homework. It was... okay, I guess." He shrugged. "Boring. Nothing interesting."

Su Ah's grip tightened on the chopsticks, a small huff leaving her mouth. She tried to ignore the fact that she had been the most 'interesting' part of his day, even though he made it out to seem as if that wasn't the case at all.

She felt her face heating up again.

Eun Ha turned to her, then. "And what about you?"

Su Ah froze for a split second. "Um, same as Jae-il." Her heart raced as she lied, her eyes flicking to her brother's, then away again. "Nothing much happened."

Eun Ha smiled warmly, not noticing the slight quiver in her voice. She placed a dish of noodles on the table.

"What about you, mother?"

Jae-il asked, and Eun Ha blinked in surprise. Clearly, nobody had ever bothered to ask her how her day had gone.

She looked a bit shy, and a bit flustered, but a smile bloomed on her face. "Oh, it was the usual. Boring, mostly. I did the chores and... that's it."

"That's all you do." Jae-il remarked with a sigh. "Doesn't father take you out? Does he do anything with you, at all?"

Eun Ha looked down, an embarrassed expression crossing her face, but she quickly hid it away. "Not really, but that's okay! It's fine, really..."

He held his chin in one hand, elbow propping it up. Su Ah found his purple eyes mesmerizing, like the sky right after the sun sets, where the blue meets the black. "You know what? We should go somewhere. Just us." Jae-il said, looking at their mother, his voice calm but firm.

Eun Ha blinked at him, clearly caught off guard. "Huh? Oh, no, you don't need to worry about me. You kids already have enough to do—"

"All the more reason." Jae-il interrupted softly. "You deserve more than just chores and waiting for father to come home."

The table fell quiet. Even Mia, who always had something to add, stayed silent, her gaze flicking between him and their mother.

Su Ah stared at him, her chopsticks frozen mid-air. She wasn't sure why his words hit her the way they did. Maybe it was the rare gentleness in his tone, or maybe it was the way he could look someone in the eye and make them feel seen.

Eun Ha laughed nervously, brushing it off. "You're a sweet boy, Jae-il. But really, I'm fine."

Still, her smile lingered longer than usual, softer this time.

"I'm not taking 'no' for an answer. It's decided." Jae-il said with a tone of finality. "Let me get some stuff sorted out and I'll take you somewhere nice."

"Ah, you..."

An uncharacteristic pout formed on her mother's face, but she quickly gave up and nodded, giving him a small smile. It was the first time either of them had seen such... a juvenile form of expression on Eun Ha's face. The kind of gentle smile that, perhaps, had father been there at that moment, he'd have been reminded of her younger days.

Su Ah lowered her eyes back to her bowl.

She couldn't help but feel that, in a way, her little brother was a better child to their mom than she and Mia combined.