48 — Crossing a Line
Did Su Ah really just say what I think she just said? No, seriously, because I was having a hard time trying to believe that had actually come out of her mouth.
My brain stalled. A kiss? With Su Ah? My sister. Not a sister-like figure, but my actual sister. Same blood, same roof, same childhood.
I wasn't sure if I should laugh, cry, or book myself a therapy session in advance.
"You… can't be serious." I finally managed, my voice half a whisper.
No amount of boot camp could've ever prepared me for this.
Her cheeks burned red again, but she didn't back down. She crossed her arms like she was trying to keep herself from shaking. "I am serious. Don't make me repeat myself."
I blinked. Twice. My mind was screaming at me to play it off as a joke, but the way she avoided my eyes told me she wasn't kidding.
"Noona, that's—" I stopped mid-sentence. I didn't even know how to finish it. Weird? Wrong? Stupid? All of the above? None of them seemed right when she was looking at me like that, caught somewhere between embarrassment and determination.
She bit her lip again. "It's just research. Nothing more. We'd forget about it after. Like it never happened."
I leaned back, running a hand over my face. My heart was doing this erratic dance in my chest, like it had no idea what emotion to follow.
"Forget about it? Noona, if we do that, there's no way either of us is forgetting. That's… that's not how it works."
Silence hung heavy between us. She fidgeted, her fingers restless.
"I just don't want my writing to feel fake." She said softly, almost pleading.
And that was the problem. She wasn't joking. She wasn't playing around. She meant it. Su Ah? Pleading? God, the world was about to end.
I didn't answer right away. My thoughts twisted in a hundred different directions, none of them making sense.
Did I really want to cross that line, even just once?
Would she regret it?
Would I?
I swallowed hard, realizing I had about three seconds to decide whether to shut this down or let it spiral into something neither of us could take back.
"J-Just hear me out! We'd forget about it! No one needs to know. Not mom, not dad, not anyone. Just... a secret. A small, innocent secret. Just one kiss, and it'll be over, okay?" She added to the case. "I really want to get over this writing hurdle and... and I think that doing this might really help me."
I knew that look, the way she held her chin just so, the stubborn glint in her eyes that told me she'd made up her mind.
"Noona, I'm not sure if—" She cut me off before I could finish, her words tumbling out faster than I could think.
"Please, Jae-il." Her tone was almost begging. "If I can't visualize the kiss, then I won't be able to write it convincingly, and... it'll ruin the entire scene and then the entire story..."
I sighed.
She had that vulnerable, pleading expression that made it almost impossible to refuse her, as if I was some heartless monster for not wanting to do what she was asking of me, despite how insane and bizarre it was. It made my chest hurt. "Noona, this is a bad idea."
She looked at me, then looked away. Then back at me again. "I know it is. But…"
My jaw clenched and I forced myself to relax, to think past the immediate 'what the hell' of the situation.
"Just one time." Su Ah's voice dropped, holding one finger up. The blush on her face faded as the seriousness of her request was too much to let embarrassment take center stage. "It'll be quick, just a few seconds."
My head buzzed. A soft exhale. I couldn't take a strategic approach to this. No way to twist it, no way to soften it. We shared DNA. Photo albums. I could even see a bit of myself on her face. This was the kind of shit that happened in dramas, nightmares, and tabloid scandals.
And yet, here she was, sitting across from me, serious as death, asking for something that went against every grain of logic I had. She wasn't smirking or trying to embarrass me. She wasn't Mia. There was no subtle, thinly-veiled flirting, no deliberate stretches that pulled shirts a little too high or skirts a little too low. No casual 'accidents' that weren't accidents at all.
I thought about football, about how many times I'd stood on the field with the ball at my feet, the crowd holding its breath, the split second where hesitation meant failure. A high stakes penalty.
Sometimes you didn't have the luxury of choosing the perfect option—you just chose an option.
And maybe this was like that. Not perfect, maybe even wrong. But it mattered to her.
I wanted to walk away, and the rational angel on my shoulder nodded in agreement.
But the little demon on the other shoulder had his elbow resting on the rational angel's head, and he was telling me to do it anyway. He was saying that, even though she was my sister, it wasn't as if it were incest. Neither of us meant it that way.
This was a purely academic exercise. A simple kiss wouldn't certainly kill anyone.
She didn't have ulterior motives like Mia. Nor would she enjoy this.
It was a terrible idea, but I'd done a lot of things I shouldn't have in my life. Murdering someone certainly didn't rank low on the list.
What's one, small, tiny kiss, right? Compared to that, this was barely an issue.
"Okay."
The word escaped before I could rethink it.
She looked stunned, her lips parted in surprise. "Really? You'll do it?"
"Do I need to say it twice?" I arched a brow.
A beat, then her expression softened into something like gratitude, mixed with relief and no small amount of hesitation.
She sighed. "Gosh, now that I think about it, you'll be my first kiss."
The hesitation on her face, now that I agreed to it, had become more apparent. I wished she'd been the one to change her mind.
"I'm not sure how to feel about that." I admitted. It didn't sound right, not even in my own ears.
She smiled, a nervous laugh escaping her. "Me too." She shook her head, trying to shake off whatever she was feeling. "Well then, should we just get it over with?" She asked, awkward and nervous, yet eager and curious, too.
"I guess..."
Needless to say, I didn't share her enthusiasm.
But I'd already agreed to it.
I'd just have to get this over and done with, and hope that the whole thing wouldn't come back to haunt me later.
"So..." Su Ah fidgeted, quickly looking around to see if anyone would stumble upon them in true cliché fashion. "How do we do this?"
"......" I stared at her, and she stared back, her cheeks turning pink, a mix of curiosity and shyness. "How about... you come here and... lean in?" Because I couldn't trust myself to back out of it at the last second. I'd rather stay immobile like a mannequin and wait for it to end.
Su Ah thought about it for a second, then nodded. She scooted closer, until our knees touched, and then looked up at me expectantly.
She leaned forward, her hands resting on my chest as she brought her face closer.
I could see every detail of her face, the soft curve of her jaw, the way her skin flushed a gentle pink. She smelled of shampoo and body wash and the faint vanilla of her hand cream.
I wondered if she'd close her eyes or keep them open. I didn't care; I'd close mine.
The soft puff of her minty breath washed over my face and I knew that was it.
When our lips finally met, it wasn't how I'd imagined kissing my sister would be, mostly because I'd never let my mind go there. But if I'd had to imagine it, I'd probably have gone with something awkward, uncomfortable, or even slightly repulsive.
It wasn't that, at all.
It was soft, tentative. Su Ah was clearly nervous and inexperienced, and I couldn't tell if it made the whole thing better or worse.
Her lips moved against mine with a cautious exploration. I felt her hand press lightly against my chest as she adjusted the angle. The touch was so gentle, so hesitant, that I wondered if she'd changed her mind, or if she was waiting for me to push her away.
Wasn't it supposed to last a few seconds? Her mouth dragged slightly downward, catching my bottom lip in a soft, wet embrace.
"Wait..." She breathed against me. "Let me just..."
Her lips moved up again and she kissed me with slightly more pressure, as if committing the sensation to memory, the soft give of skin against skin, the gentle puff of her breath, the warmth that spread across our joined mouths. A moan—definitely involuntary—escaped her.
I opened my mouth to speak, and she opened hers in tandem, almost as if to deepen the kiss into something... more... more of a real kiss...
And then she pulled back, a blush spreading across her cheeks.
I stared at her, not sure what to say or how to react. Su Ah was just as quiet, her expression a mix of wonder, confusion, and—
She suddenly got up and ran off upstairs.
"......"
Yeah…
I think I might go to church this sunday.