[Vol. 2 pt. 22]
It was a new day which meant that it was time for the last-minute date I asked Thera out onto. Well, I called it a date. She called it a purely platonic rendezvous between two friends who lacked any and all feelings beyond friendship for one another and that, if somebody did have extra feelings going beyond simple friendship, it was entirely one-sided.
In other words, it was a date. She just felt like being extra sassy when I asked her out onto it.
Before the date, though, I spent some time with Lily. I passed on explaining the situation to Lily for the time being. I wanted to spend some nice time with her helping her level and doing quests, so I focused on having a good time with her instead of potentially ruining the mood by telling her about Akorya’s situation. Telling her could wait until later.
There was also the fact that I had no idea how Lily would react to the news of it. Given just how sweet and caring she was, I figured she would probably take it pretty hard. She was the kind of girl who emphasized with others to the point of tears every time there was something even slightly sad.
That was both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because she was extremely cute whenever she cried over little, non-serious things. It even happened during our time playing together. One of the quests we did involved bringing a lost puppy back to the quest giver who just so happened to be a little boy. The moment they were reunited, the puppy was all over the boy and the tears were all out of Lily. As for the bad thing, well… actually, I couldn’t really think of a bad thing. Was there something bad about crying easily? The only thing that I could imagine was if somebody started crying when they were trying to be serious. Or crying from nervousness during a presentation or something similar to that.
In the end, what mattered was that it made Lily even cuter and that I would tell her about Akorya later on.
Lily ended up proving herself even more perfect later on despite me previously thinking that it wasn’t possible for her to be any more perfect. When it came time for me to go on my date with Thera, Lily wasn’t ready to get off yet which made me feel a bit guilty. I wanted to spend more time with her, but I had to leave her for another woman. Even if it wasn’t actually a date and that I knew I shouldn’t feel guilty over going to hang out with a friend, I still felt a bit bad about it. I also just didn’t want to leave Lily all alone during her questing since she was getting into the harder zones now where being a solo healer was difficult.
“I will be fine, mon maître!” Lily said with a smile that was as bright as ever. Hanging around her neck now was a cosmetic necklace that she got from the quest where she brought the puppy back to the boy. The lore behind the necklace was that it was his mother’s which she gave to him on her deathbed. It was his most valuable, and only valuable, belonging, and that was why he gave it to everybody who completed his quest.
Personally, I would have liked an option where we turned down the reward to instead let the kid have his puppy and mother’s necklace, but that wasn’t an option. We were just all supposed to take the necklace and not say anything about it.
Oh, and receiving the necklace made Lily cry even harder.
Anyways, it was because of that meaning behind the necklace that I doubted Lily would be taking it off anytime soon.
“I made sure that my defeat option is set only to death!” Lily added on. That meant if a monster or other player decided to come and defeat her that they wouldn’t be able to rape her. They would only be able to spare or kill her. Most likely kill. “Now, mon maître! It is date with Thera time!”
“It’s not really a date,” I said. Even if it wasn’t really a date, that didn’t stop Lily from trying to ship us as hard as she possibly could. She wanted that ship to set sail and for Thera to join our relationship just as much as she wanted the same with Akorya.
“Do not be so modest, mon maître! Now, go! Shoo! I will be fine on my own!”
Normally, a girlfriend wouldn’t be excited about a man going out on a date with another woman.
But not Lily.
“Alright, I’ll go. Promise me that you’ll send me a message if you get into any trouble though, alright?” I asked.
Lily nodded and gave me a final hug. “I promise, mon maître!”
“I’ll help you level and quest some more tomorrow, alright?”
“Mon maître!”
“What?”
“Go! Do not keep her waiting!”
“I don’t know how to feel about my girlfriend being so pushy and pushing me onto other women.”
“You should feel fortunate!”
“That’s right. That’s absolutely right. Alright, I’m going now.” I kissed the top of her head. “Behave while I’m gone.”
Lily nodded and tried to look tough but failed horrendously at it. There was no toughness about her. Only cuteness.
And so, I left Lily on her own to go and meet up with Thera.
As for the meeting spot with Thera, I invited her to meet with me at the base of a mountain range where the ground was decorated with fallen leaves beginning to change colors.
Before going into detail regarding Akorya, I knew the perfect opening line for my date with Thera. I walked up to her before she realized I was there and said, “I came on a picture of Jesus once.”
Thera planted her face into her palm within five seconds of seeing me.
New record!
“Really, darling? That is the first thing – no… I must admit, I am curious how it happened,” Thera said. “I am sure I will regret this, but please do tell me what led to that happening.”
“It was no big deal,” I answered with a shrug. “Went to have sex with a girl. Apparently, every time her mom came over, she’d leave a portrait of Jesus on the nightstand next to her bed. She forgot to take it down before I came over, I pulled out because she wanted a facial, and I managed to throb at the perfect time to send a shot past her head onto the portrait. Seeing as how I came in his eye, I don’t think I’ll be allowed up in Heaven.”
“There are far more reasons for your denial than that, but among those reasons… that one does rise to the top.”
“That’s alright. You’re going to keep me company in Hell, won’t you?”
“Well, I have no plans as of yet for my afterlife. Actually, let’s make a deal. If it is the kind of Hell where we are suffering and burning for the rest of time, we can do so together. However, if it is the kind of Hell where I get to poke sinners with a spear all day long, then I will be enjoying that instead.”
“I can’t blame you for that, but couldn’t I join you in poking people so that we’re doing it together?”
“Fair point. It’s settled then. Our time together in Hell will be spent either suffering in unison or projecting suffering unto others together.”
“There’s nothing I’d love to do more than stab people in Hell for the rest of eternity with you, Thera.”
“You are as much of a charmer as always, darling.”
It was totally a date.
After we found a nice spot to sit atop a hill overlooking one of the game’s forest zones, which was full of autumnal trees painting the landscape warm shades of orange, yellow, and red, I figured that we could talk for a little bit longer before diving into the Akorya issue. I didn’t want it to seem like I only called her out for a meeting so that I could rely on her.
“Ready to make passionate love yet?” I asked.
Thera first replied with one of her fingers flicking the side of my head. “No matter how fancily you try to phrase that question, the answer will be the same.”
“So, a resounding, ‘yes, Damian, please take me now and fill me with your hot sausage?’”
“One, hot sausages are for food, not nicknames for reproductive organs. Two, please never refer to it as a hot sausage again. Three, you must not know me very well at all if that is what you think I would have said. Should I feel offended after how much time we’ve spent together?”
“Alright, no more hot sausages. And if I was being serious about what you’d say, then your answer would be something like,” I switched to a playful mocking voice, “‘I won’t let you do anything until you beat me in a battle.’”
“How cruel of you to imitate my voice with such disrespect. I’m going to cry now.” She definitely didn’t sound like somebody who was about to cry. She didn’t look like it, either, going by just how unimpressed she looked instead.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you joke about crying before.”
“They do say that there is a first for everything. Speaking of which, I have a request.”
“Yeah?”
“Today was… difficult, you see.”
“Alright?”
“In reality, my whole body is sore, I feel mentally exhausted, and I am incredibly close to murdering several people before killing myself.”
“Please don’t.”
“I won’t. However, what I will ask for is this.”
“Anything for you.”
Thera’s lips curled into a subtle smile. “Give me your lap.”
I tilted my head. Coming from Thera, I wasn’t sure what she meant. If it was Lily or Akorya saying that, though, then there was probably only one thing that they would have meant. “You want a lap pillow?”
“Right. That’s what they are called.”
I did a double take and blinked a few times.
Thera?
A lap pillow?
That was something I never would have expected to hear from her, but it was also something that I didn’t mind giving her at all. So, I got into position and patted the top of my lap once I was ready for her. “Your pillow is ready.”
Her smile wasn’t so subtle anymore as she lowered her body and got onto her side. It was a bit difficult for her given that her lower half was that of a giant spider, but she managed to position herself in such a way that allowed her to rest her head on my lap just like anybody else would be able to. “Thank you. I needed this.”
It was so a date. “Want to talk about what’s bothering you in real life?”
“I was framed.”
“For a murder?”
She lightly chuckled. “I would rather be framed for that than what really happened. Instead of something as exciting as a murder, I was framed at work for a rather major mistake. Or rather… calling it a framing may be too harsh. It would be more appropriate to say that somebody made a major mistake and then allowed me to take the fall for it since I was in the right place at the wrong time. For them, anyways. To me, it was the wrong place at the wrong time.”
I traced my fingers through her hair to give her scalp a gentle massage. “That sucks. What’s going to happen?”
“I have to fix the mistake that isn’t my problem in the first place. Worst case scenario, I lose my job. Best case scenario, I somehow manage to fix the mistake while also fulfilling my own responsibilities and will forever be regarded as somebody who made such a stupid mistake.”
“I don’t suppose that finding out the truth is an option?”
“I am fairly certain I know who the true culprit is but, if I’m right, she is the new hire and… rather disgustingly nice.”
“Not too disgustingly nice if she’s letting you take the fall.”
“I can easily imagine her being too caught up in the situation and panicking. The girl doesn’t have a single assertive bone anywhere in her body. Nice to a fault, honestly. Even so… I can’t bring myself to get her in trouble. Especially because she will be immediately fired given how new she still is with zero chance of being able to fix her mistake.”
“A senpai watching out for her kouhai, huh?”
“In English, preferably.”
“A senior watching out for her junior.”
“I suppose that is one way of putting it. Also, this is nice. Please continue whatever you are doing with your fingers.”
I was happy to oblige her. “Anything else you want to do to maybe vent some stress?”
“I want to kill.”
“In-game, preferably.”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“That ‘unfortunately’ part worries me.”
“Fear not, darling. You are nowhere near the top of my list of murders I would love to commit.”
“That – that implies I’m somewhere on the list though, doesn’t it?”
“Everybody I know is. The moment I know somebody beyond seeing their face on the street as I walk by them, they are on the list. Even those random people who I walk by may end up on the list if they have any memorable features. I walked by a boy with the left side of his bangs dyed purple before. If it were not for those bangs, he would have been spared from my list.”
“I don’t know if you’re more hot or scary right now.”
“Why not both?”
“Fair.” I stretched out before returning to her scalp. Though, looking her over, I came up with another idea. “I know something that might make you feel even better.”
Thera immediately looked suspicious of me. “Yes?”
I reached my free hand down toward her own nearest hand, slipping mine underneath hers so that we could interlock fingers. “Handholding.”
“How lewd. You did not even ask me for consent first, you shameless brute.”
“You can pull away whenever you want.”
“Ah, but if I do, you may revoke the head rubbing.”
“That’s right. It’s a tough position for you to be in.”
“I will have to get you back for this one day. For now… given that I would rather not risk what your obedient hand is up to, I shall tolerate the disobedience of the other.”
“This is totally a date.”
“That is something I am not able to deny out of fear for the previously mentioned revoking.”
In other words, she was happy to not decline it. “Also, when it comes to killing people – well, we could probably move onto why I wanted to meet up with you so suddenly.”
“Ah, is now when you reveal the grand intent behind inviting me out here? Is this when you reveal that all these sweet affections were to only get my assistance?”
“Not at all. I—”
“Do not worry, darling. I am simply teasing you. I know that you are not such a cruel man. You simply have to work on your timing.”
“Yeah, I guess that you’ve got a point there.”
After explaining the entire Akorya situation to Thera while still petting her head and holding her hand, she went silent for a few moments. I had no idea what was going through her head during that silence. It felt pretty awkward, though.
Though, when she did finally break the silence, she did something that surprised me.
She laughed. Loudly.
I waited for her to calm down a little before asking, “What’s so funny?”
Thera broke our handholding off to wipe at her eyes before returning her hand right to its previous spot as if she fully expected me to resume holding it, which I obviously did. “You… could not have picked a better time for this. Of all days to ask me to return to my roots, this is what you have come to me for?”
“Yeah… is that a problem?”
“Not in the slightest. If anything, I am already excited and feel far better now. That woman you described sounds especially insufferable, and those of us from the Divine Brigade always did love taking down women like her. It is even better that she apparently has a crush of sorts on you. Ah… this is amazing. I may have been in the wrong place at the wrong time earlier, but everything is lining up properly now. Now, on a scale from one to ten, how much would you like her to suffer?”
“What was a ten by Divine Brigade standards?”
“Relentless, organized griefing until the person at question quit the game. This often involved things like subverting their own group’s ranks, growing trusted, and then betraying and destroying them from within. Often took months of work.”
“And a one?”
“Camping them for a few hours or until they log out.”
“Let’s… go with a seven then.”
“Are you capable of spy work at all?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then let’s take it down to a six. A six still involves you but does not require you to join her group. How do you feel about pretending to date her?”
“No can do.”
Thera sighed. “A five then. A six was going to feature you pretending to become her boyfriend and constantly making her jealous by having Lily, Akorya, and myself hang around you and flirt with you. Wait until she goes mad with jealousy and blows up for us to record and post online.”
“Yeah, that’s a bit too fucked up for me.”
“Shame.”
“If that was a six, I’m scared of knowing what your even worse plans were.”
“Well, one of them risked potential jailtime if that says anything.”
“Maybe… maybe take this down to a four.”
“A four? That seems appropriate for you. What if I tell you that a single, passionate kiss—not with her—is what will be the ultimate climax of the plan?”
“Sounds like a fun plan to me. Though, if it’s not with her, I’m curious who it’ll be with.”
Thera rolled over onto her back and looked up at me with all of her eyes. “Akorya, of course.”