[Vol. 3 pt. 17]

“Consider the following,” I told Cani. “Cowgirl milkshakes. I even have a friend who plays a minotaur girl who would probably happily volunteer some milk as long as we milk her for it.”

“That’s… that’s genius. How did I not consider that? Cowgirl milk can even be bought on the market board!” Cani said with stars in her eyes. “So many more ideas are coming to mind!”

“There are also other fluids you could use if your goal is to make food and drinks using sexual ingredients, but… I kind of feel like cum and milk is as legitimate as you can get in that regard without putting people off. You know, sure, there’s nothing wrong with drinking a bit when you’re going down on a girl, but I feel like it’s just not… really something that people want to eat or put in a meal somehow. Drinking a cup of cum or milk is one thing. Drinking a cup of, as the cool kids say, ‘pussy juice,’ isn’t something that as many people are going to be interested in.”

“I hope there aren’t any kids saying that.”

“Do you know what year it is? Kids have been saying that and worse for decades now. I remember when I was only ten years old, the school I went to was giving out condoms because kids were already having sex, and we had to have sex ed talks every few months.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t like the idea of kids that young doing anything and having condoms handed out to them, but the alternative is letting them do it without protection since it’s not like we’re going to be able to stop them.”

“Ugh. I guess. But it still feels gross and wrong.”

“I know, but better safe than sorry.”

Akorya tapped my feet under the table with her own to grab my attention and then said, “I’m kind of surprised it grosses you out. I thought you would be all for progressive stuff like that.”

“Hey, I’m all for consenting adults doing whatever they want. I don’t think anybody should be having sex until they’re at least eighteen. Once they are eighteen, if they want to be a part of a gangbang or act in porn or sleep with every single person they see on the street, then go for it. Below eighteen, I think they should be focusing on education and more innocent forms of fun, but I still support educating them and making sure they don’t make any mistakes. So, when it comes to kids, educate them and preferably try to distract them with other things to do instead. When it comes to adults, give them some condoms and throw them out into the world and let them do whatever they want with whoever they want.”

“Oooohh, that makes sense! That’s actually kind of a relief. I thought you were like one of those guys who didn’t really care about age.”

“What… what made you think that?”

“I dunno. I guess most people I’ve known who care about sex as much as you do don’t really care about age and encourage stuff like teens experimenting with each other.”

“Yeah, no. I mean, I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world if they experiment with each other, but I still think they should wait until they’re adults. Teenage years are for high school drama, playing video games instead of doing homework, hating school, and being stupid without having to worry about responsibilities. Once you start having sex, you risk having to worry about responsibilities.”

“That happened to a girl I knew,” Cani said. “She thought she was safe because she was on the pill and always made sure guys used protection, but she still got pregnant when she was only fifteen. Her social life pretty much ended right then and there. That’s why I haven’t done it in real life yet. I know it’s maybe a bit more traditional, but I don’t think people should be having sex until they’re ready for the risk of having kids. And if you’re not alright with potentially having a kid no matter what you try to prevent it, then you shouldn’t be having real sex. Just use games and toys instead. I mean, sex here is as real as the real thing from what everybody says, so I don’t see the point in doing it in real life. Even when my ex wanted to do it, I just made him do it with me in-game instead.”

“I think that might be a bit extreme, but it makes sense and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that approach. But I will say that, even if sex feels as good as the real thing, it doesn’t really have the same effect on people. Not the same social effects, anyways. If your only goal is to get laid and cum then it’s a perfect replacement. But if you want to deepen your relationship with somebody, grow more attached, be intimate, and all that, then virtual sex doesn’t come anywhere close to real sex. You don’t think a virtual hug is as meaningful as a real hug, right?”

“Hmm. I guess not. Even if they feel the same, I guess a hug in real life is just… better.”

“Right. That applies to pretty much all forms of skinship, both innocent and sexual. That being said, if both people in a relationship are fine with it, only having sex in games is probably enough to sustain a relationship. As long as you’re not just holding back all your sexual desires and letting it get pent up until you make a mistake you’ll regret, I don’t see a problem.”

“Hmm. Yeah, that makes sense.”

“But I can kind of agree that you shouldn’t be doing it unless you’re prepared for that risk. I mean, there are stories every few months about how somebody who in no way should have been able to get knocked up still gets knocked up. A woman could have her tubes tied, be on the pill, with a partner who has a vasectomy and is wearing a condom, and there will still be a chance. It might be an extremely small chance, but it’s still a chance. Like smoking or drinking. You just shouldn’t do those until you’re old enough to understand the risk associated with them.”

Akorya stuck out her tongue and went, “Blegh. Smoking. It looks so cool when people do it, but it smells so bad, and it’s so bad for you…”

“How… how does it look cool?” Cani asked.

“Because! It’s like, kind of romantic! Not like lovey-dovey romantic, but like… it makes me think of those old school movies of detectives with trench coats and fedoras who smoke in dark alleys while investigating a murder. Those guys are fine. Oh! Master! We should roleplay that! You can dress up like a detective and I’ll be your assistant at your office! You can be behind your desk pretending to smoke and then I’ll walk in, sit on the desk and show off some leg, and then we can talk like old timers! Like….” Akorya cleared her throat and then brought out her best attempt at sounding like a stereotypical woman from the 1950s, “How’s the case going, detective? Do you maybe need some… inspiration to help you out? It’s raining awfully hard outside. Might just be a better idea to spend the night in the office instead of trying to catch a cab.” She broke character immediately after that. “Okay, okay. So, I’ll admit that was horrible, but you get the point. We can even watch some old detective movies to study to make it even better. And—and can you imagine Lily roleplaying as the bad guy?! We can give her a monocle and a fake mustache! I—I’d probably be laughing too hard to be horny, but I have to see that now.”

Me and Cani simply listened and blinked every now and then as Akorya went on about a fantasy I never would have expected from her. That being said, the idea of Lily playing a villain while wearing a monocle and fake mustache sounded amazing. “We’ll have to get her a hairless cat to sit on her lap while she monologues at us, too,” I said.

“Yes! Exactly! Oh man… that would be so fun. Wait. Wait, wait wait. Master. I just got. The best. Idea. Ever.” Akorya’s tail didn’t always act like a dog’s tail, but it was definitely trying to imitate one as it excitedly wagged behind her.

“What is it?”

Akorya stood up with her hands down against the table as she leaned over it. “Murder mystery nights! We could have murder mystery nights here in the dungeon! Wouldn’t that be awesome?! We they could be themed! Like, one night could be a murder mystery featuring a bunch of nobles in a mansion during a party! Or maybe one is during a train ride in the wild west! Or on a cruise ship! Or a witch trial! Or on a spaceship where there’s an imposter among us and we have to find out who it is before they kill all of us!”

“I have to admit, my immediate reaction was that there’s no way that would be appropriate for a sex dungeon. Then I remembered I want to include an entire gambling area. So, I don’t see why we couldn’t have some party game nights with a bunch of fellow degenerates. I figure there are probably people who have always wanted to do that stuff but never had the chance to before, and they might feel comfortable doing it here where they know they won’t be judged for their interests.”

“Exactly! Oh! And Cani! You can help! You could make themed food!”

“Trust me,” Cani said, “I was already convinced. Murder mystery games are basically PvP, and PvP is the most important—err. I mean… baking is the most important thing to do in games?”

Neither me nor Akorya were buying the sudden change in word choice, but neither of us cared to call it out. “So, we’ll have murder mystery nights,” I said. “You can help plot them and Cani can make food for them. All we need then is maybe somebody who can make costumes for them, or we could request players to come in their own appropriate costumes.”

“Oh! I have another idea!” Akorya shouted. “Escape room nights! Since you can edit the dungeon’s layout and stuff and customize the rooms… oh, maybe it wouldn’t really work. Or can it? Can you make puzzle rooms? It’s a dungeon, so…”

“Actually, I can. I can make puzzles, but I have to use the game’s preset puzzles. All I can do is customize them a bit. Like, say I decide to make a puzzle room that makes people choose the right symbols to go to the next room. I can choose what symbols they need, make it random, whatever. Pretty easy to figure it out, but I could do it.”

“Ooh… then with a bit of creativity to spice things up… we could totally make escape rooms!”

“I’ve never done an escape room or murder mystery, so I’ll be depending on you if you want us to set those up.”

“I’ll help! I love games like that! I’ve—I’ve always wanted to try them in real life, but… I never had anybody to do them with, so I’ve watched lots of videos of other people doing them!”

“Anything else you want to do?”

Akorya was quick to nod her head. “Tabletop roleplaying! Like with dice and character sheets! That looks so much fun! There’s this one series of some famous people playing and they did like, over a hundred episodes, and each one is like hours long, and I’ve watched every single one! It even got really emotional sometimes and made me cry… but I still want to try it out!”

“I bet you like board games in general, too.”

“I do! I used to play them a lot with my parents while growing up… but then that kind of stopped because of a bunch of different reasons.”

I reached out to pet Akorya’s head. “We’ll play tons of games together, alright? The devs have licensed a bunch of different board games to be available, so I can buy some and bring them over here. I think they even licensed a few different tabletop roleplaying games. So, all of that can be done within the dungeon… wait, why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

Akorya sniffled and wiped her arm over her eyes. “I’m just—I’m really happy. I’ve always wanted somebody to play games with but never had anybody, and now you’re offering to play everything with me…”

“Well, of course I am. We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends do things for each other. You suck my dick, I play any board games you want. Sounds like a good deal to me.”

“I’m down for them, too,” Cani said. “If… if you’ll have me.”

Akorya nodded her head so quickly that I was afraid she was going to hurt her neck. Good thing it was just a virtual neck. “Sure! Anybody can play! The more people, the more fun it’ll be! And—and we can invite Lily and Thera! And anybody else who wants to play!”

I was originally worried about her crying but, as soon as she explained it was because of how happy she was, I found it incredibly endearing. I wanted to make her cry from happiness even more.

Maybe that would even be a good way for her and Syl to get back in touch. I had no idea if Syl was interested in those kinds of games, but I knew she was interested in making up with Akorya.

But before any of that could happen, we had to deal with her bully situation, and I received a message from Thera just as I was thinking about that.

>Thera: Darling, I… may have made a mistake in my plan.

If Thera of all people was saying that she made a mistake, something had to have been seriously wrong.

Cani, looking like she was reading a message of her own, looked at us and said, “I’ll be right back. Thera just… ordered me to get on my main and come over here.” She disappeared the next moment, instantly logging out.

That left me, Akorya, and another message from Thera.

>Thera: I suggest inviting as many of your friends over to the dungeon as possible. And quickly. There may or may not be a rather sizable legion of desperate men led by their queen on their way over here. And by that, I mean those ‘simps’ led by Akorya’s bully are on the way over. I will be there in a moment and explain what happened.

I couldn’t help but to gulp when I read that.

“Akorya,” I said, “I think we’re about to get into a big fight.”