Chapter 101: He who holds the horn. (6)

Abigail’s gaze lingered on the door that Alice had shut behind as she left, her pupils trembling while her outstretched hand quivered. Her breath was caught in her throat for more than a handful of moments, clogging her throat with a burning sensation that crawled up the back of her head.

Huff.

Eventually, a breath that was many years overdue escaped her lungs, scattering several of the papers that still lingered on her desk. Her outstretched hand was pulled back so that she could rub her face and then brush it through her hair, sweeping back the few stray hairs that had started to pop out as she spoke with Alice.

She pushed back her chair and rose from her seat, striding over to the basin filled with water that was always kept close to her bed. She dipped her hands in the cool water and splashed it on her face, allowing the cold drops to clear her mind before she left the room.

“Prepare an express courier, I need to send a message to the Woodime estate.”

She gave an order to the maid waiting outside the door, wasting no time. An express courier, despite the name, didn’t actually have to travel like a normal courier would. They were mages with one of the natural elemental affinities that had specialized in sending long-distance messages. You generally couldn’t send very long messages through them, but they were still perfect for those who wanted to quickly contact someone who wasn’t connected to one of their magical items.

“If I may, Crown Princess. Young Master Woodime is waiting in the annex, would it perhaps be faster to contact him first?”

But in this instance, it seemed that there was no need to use one of their express couriers. Abigail couldn’t help but stop up for a moment, her momentum faltering momentarily as she questioned.

“Caine is in the annex? What did he come for?”

As a Crown Princess, Abigail naturally had a palace that was for her own use. The annex was a smaller mansion located on the same estate, generally reserved as a waiting room for higher-ranking guests that came to visit for non-urgent reasons. It was fully furnished and staffed so that they could stay there for weeks on end should it end up being necessary.

“He arrived shortly after milady returned from the Investiture, he proclaimed that he was worried about you and requested that we tell you of his presence after you had gotten a few days of rest.”

The maid didn’t say it, but shortly was a bit of an exaggeration in this case. Caine Woodime had shown up at their gates less than a handful of minutes after their lady returned. He took over the annex and ordered them to not say anything to Abigail before she got the chance to get at least a few days rest, and being the inheritor of the eastern lands, the servants couldn’t really go against his orders.

“I’ll head on over, tell the servants to vacate the premises.”

Abigail swept her hair back again as she gave the order, nibbling slightly on her thumb as she made her way through the halls. The Crown Princess had given an order so the servants naturally had to respond quickly, the servants within the annex hurriedly stepping away, leaving the entire manor completely empty, save for Abigail and Caine.

Abigail looked at the closed door in front of her, one thumb practically glued to her lips as she chewed on it. She was nervous. Of course she was. There was a massive difference between having a secret spilled and revealing it yourself, it was always hard to make the choice to do it yourself. But she built up her courage and pulled her thumb from her lip, wiping it on the back of her dress before she pushed open the door.

Caine was indeed sitting in the room beyond the door, resting on a couch as he went through a stack of papers. Judging by the insignia at the bottom, they were official documents of the Woodime family, probably brought along so that he could do his work here. And judging by the size of the stack, or rather stacks, he had brought enough to last him at least a month or more.

“Abigail? Have you gott…”

“Please keep sitting.”

Caine tried to stand up the moment he saw Abigail, almost tipping over the table as he did so, but she raised her hand to stop him. Probably sensing something in her tone of voice, Caine sat down again and pushed aside all the papers.

Abigail sat down on the opposite couch, resting her hands in her waist as she looked at Caine. She seemed to be chewing on her words, carefully thinking about what to say and how to say it.

The words wouldn’t come out. The truth… It was a painful one, for both of them. One loved a fake, while the other was a fake that was loved, it was a relationship built without a grain of truth to it. And she had to be the one that broke it, with her own mouth, with her own words. So it was painful.

She looked at Caine, studied him. He was slightly lurched forward, his elbows resting on his legs to support him. He had small bags under his eyes and the veins in his eyes had become noticeably redder. Clearly, he too hadn’t slept very well, if at all. But even so, he was looking straight at her, his eyes unmoving.

“I… Am not Abigail.”

She faltered under his gaze, his warm eyes made her crumble. The more she looked at them, the more she couldn’t bear to keep lying to them.

“My soul… It’s not from this world. It’s never been.”

Her chest felt tight as the truth spilled from her lips. It was hard to start, to force the words out from between her lips. But once she started, it fell from her like pouring rain, she wouldn’t be able to stop talking even if she tried.

“When the loop first started… When Abigail made a deal with Kaisel and the other gods to get another shot at stopping Azuras, she had to sacrifice her soul to form the base of the loop. …They needed someone to take over the role of Abigail, so they sought me out in my world and offered me a deal, a wish for a wish.”

The truth rushed out of her, but her chest only got tighter. With each word that escaped her, another breath was caught in her lungs. She had let that long overdue breath escape her earlier, but now a new one was starting to form within her, clogging her throat with that same burning sensation.

“I’ve been inhabiting this body since time was wound back the first time, ever since we started our second attempt. I… I’ve never been your Abigail…”

Little by little, the truth crept out. And little by little, the burning sensation in her throat crept up the back of her head. But just as she opened her mouth to suck in another breath that would get caught in her lungs, a familiar scent and warmth enveloped her.

“I know.”

Caine’s voice came from right by her ear. She didn’t know when he had moved, too focused on spilling the truth, but he had left his seat and sat down next to her. His arms were wrapped around her as he pushed his head into her chest, stroking her hair with an oh-so gentle touch.

“I tried, Caine, I really did. I constantly lied to you, but I really tried to be a proper Abigail, for you, for the citizens, for the world.”

Sure, during her first year or two as Abigail, she may not have tried that hard. But the longer she was here, the more she fell in love with this place. This was a good place, a good people, they deserved to live in peace. So she tried her hardest for a good 30 years, but she failed in the end and lost to Azuras. But they could try again, they could always try again. And she would always try again, until the people of this world got the peace they deserved.

“I know. You’ve always tried your hardest.”

Caine didn’t sound angry at the lies, didn’t sound saddened by the betrayal. He just kept stroking her gently, holding her tight so that she could hide her face in his chest. He didn’t even urge her to keep talking, allowing her to take her time as the words kept falling like tears.

“But I was always just lying. No matter how much I tried, it was always a lie. I wanted to, but I couldn’t be the Abigail that you wanted, I would never be the Abigail that you loved.”

She was never Abigail. She bore the name, she bore the face, she bore the weight, but the fact that she would never be Abigail always weighed down on her. The fonder she grew of this place and its people, the heavier that sensation got, the tighter the noose around her throat got. She was never Abigail, and she would never be. And yet…

“But I wanted to be… So I kept lying. To you, and to everyone.”

Yes, that was the painful truth that she had to bear, why she kept trying, kept lying. Even if she had left her brother behind in her original world, even if she would never be more than a replacement, even if she was just a fake lying to everyone she held dear, even if she had to suffer through several lifetimes while bearing that lie. She wanted to be Abigail, she wanted to be the one receiving all that love. She wanted to be worthy of it.

“In the first life, the first time I came to this world, I fought alongside Abigail for a bit over 20 years, from my 18th birthday to the day I died at 39. I was her general, closer to her than anyone else.”

While she was pressed against his chest, Caine’s voice reached her. He spoke of the first life, the life where she hadn’t been the one in this body, the life of the true Abigail. She had gotten to see it as part of the deal, but she couldn’t recall a single moment that Caine had ever actually spoken about it ever since she took over. She had spoken till her chest hurt, and now it seemed that it was his time to talk.

“Veronica Vargas, I knew Abigail De Earhart was gone from the very first time I laid my eyes on you.”

Veronica Vargas. Her heart practically stopped when that name fell from his lips. It was a name she hadn’t heard in many a years. In truth, she had spent longer as Abigail than she had Veronica so it would only be normal to forget it. But she couldn’t. That name was the last of her ties to the other world, it was all that remained of her relationship with the little brother that she left behind. He was left in that world and she was here, both of them fighting their own battles, separated in such a way that they would never meet again. But she could not abandon that tie, that bond.

“I cannot tell you how much I know or how I know it, but let me tell you this. There was never any love between me and Abigail De Earhart, we were just emperor and general, both of us failures that couldn’t protect our home.”

Caine kept talking. She had built up the courage to reveal the truth with her own mouth, so how could he not do the same? His hands were tied thanks to the deal he made with Azuras to get back to this point, but that didn’t mean that he was entirely out of options. His lovely lady was oh-so clever and smart, if he gave her just enough information to not trigger the oath then he was sure that she would figure out the rest. But first, he had to ease her weary heart, he could not stand to see her in such a state.

“This land has no relation to you, it held no significance. But you still chose to come here to protect it, you agreed to throw yourself into an uncertain loop in a foreign world to protect it.”

Caine… Hadn’t come here by choice. He was sucked into a World Fissure, torn from his own world and thrown here. At first, he had no way of going back, so he naturally had no choice but to stay here, to live here. But she was different, she had made the choice to come here. She didn’t need to, but she chose to, she chose to fight. With such a magnificent woman in front of him, how could Caine possibly make any other choice?

“You had no reason to, no need to. You could have even dealt with your father on your own if you just waited a few more years. But you chose to protect your brother as quickly as you could, just as you chose to protect this place. You chose this world. And I, I chose you. I did back then, I did this time, and I will again. I made the same choice for over a thousand years, and would make it for a thousand more.”

The second life, the third, the tenth, the fiftieth, he made the same choice in every life, and would make the same no matter how many more there were. Their time together went back a lot further than just a few measly years, and would go on forward for many more, and he’d make the same choice every time.

“So don’t cry, because there was never a day where we were built on a lie.”

He cupped her cheeks and raised her face as he spoke, an assuring smile on his face. She didn’t even know when she started crying, but the finger Caine wiped across her face was completely drenched. His face lowered, but instead of kissing her, he rested his forehead on hers, his breath hitting her face.

“I chose you. So whether you choose to be Veronica or Abigail, whether you choose to stay here or go back some day, I will always choose you, and I will always love you.”

The more he spoke, the wetter Abigail felt her face become. The tightness in her chest seemed to fade with each tear that stained her, the searing sensation that had crept up the back of her head receding with each passing second.

Ah… Why couldn’t she just have been honest from the start?

———

The stench of blood filled the room. Bellona and Edith were lurched over the mangled corpse of Kaden Sorin, weakly grasping the weapons that they couldn’t even lift properly. Their breaths came out as ragged rattles, tears and snot staining their faces.

“Wha… Wha… What now?”

Bellona barely managed to squeeze out the words between labored breaths. She did her best to raise her head, but her body ached so much after using so much strength that she couldn’t even look at Gabriel’s face.

“Now…”

But she could still hear his voice. He seemed to throw something over the mangled body, the source of their misfortune, the misery he had allowed them to cut away. For a moment, she felt like she saw a shadow move in her blurred vision, swarming into the ruined body. But just as she felt like it was starting to twitch, Gabriel sat down in front of it with crossed legs, blocking her vision.

“Both of you come here, sit down.”

Their eyes were still blurry, wet with tears, so they couldn’t make out his face. But he beckoned them over so they moved, dragging the swords with them. They were just about to sit down on the blood-stained ground when Gabriel caught them. Their bodies, as well as the swords that were oh-so heavy to them, were easily lifted by him as he placed them down on his thighs, one for each of them.

“Ne… next?”

“An… And now?”

The two spoke through ragged breaths, their chests heating up almost painfully. The tears and snot that ran down their faces seemed to continue without end, they tried to stop them but their bodies didn’t seem to listen.

The blood from Kaden had splashed over them and had mixed with their fallen tears and snot, staining a good portion of their body. They were filthy, probably dirty beyond recognition… maybe in more ways than one. But Gabriel did not remove them from his lap.

“Now you just need to breathe. A deep breath in, a slow breath out. One by one, connect breath with breath and just keep doing that.”

His voice was calm, slightly slow, and felt oh-so comforting. His hand was just resting on their backs, not comforting them, just quietly supporting them as they sat there.

As he said, they slowly drew in breath after breath. The stench of blood coiled around them like chains, lingering on their bodies like an indelible stain. The more they breathed, the worse the pain in their chests got. The stench got worse and worse, the adrenaline that kept them going started to recede as pain set in, their every muscle aching.

“…Urp!”

Bellona was the first, lurching forward as she retched and the contents of her stomach flew out. Bit by bit, the sensations came back. The feeling in her hand as the blade cut flesh, the sensation of life leaving Kaden’s body, his pained eyes slowly becoming hollow. As they cut, they only saw him as sorrow and misfortune, the core of their misery and cursed lives. But now, reality was slowly starting to set in, their tears growing in intensity.

Gabriel did not push them away, even as Edith started to vomit. The blood on them, their tears, their snot, their vomit, it stained him as he supported them, but his hand never left their back.

It was easy to say that you wanted to kill someone, it was easy to take up the blade when you were driven by adrenaline. But sooner or later, reality would catch up with you. Gabriel had seen plenty of fresh-faced recruits falter after their first kill, when they realized that the thing they had just destroyed was another human.

As for those who reality caught up with in the midst of battle… Gabriel had only ever seen two people survive that. It was easy when you were broken, it was hard when you were a normal person. It was good that Bellona and Edith could cry this miserably after doing the deed, it meant that they were still mostly normal despite their terrible lives.

He would teach them to kill, but as long as they maintained a bit of normalcy in them like this then they could avoid ending up like the past him. And honestly, with him serving as the teacher, that was the best he could hope for.

He remained seated there as Bellona and Edith cried out their years of misfortune, as they vomited out their misery and pain. Once they were empty, they could start taking in new things, then they could use that to form stairs they could use to move forward. Gabriel wasn’t the best person to provide them with new things to fill them, but it had been their wish, so he would honor that.

Bellona and Edith emptied out everything that had gathered over the years, they poured it all onto Gabriel as he sat there. By the time they were empty, the mixture of pain and exhaustion causing them to fall asleep, the corpse of Kaden had vanished. Nergal would take care of it, using his tendrils to fill its insides and control it like a puppet. He’d get to run a bit wild, and the guards trying to defend the city would naturally strike to kill after Nergal went wild enough. It would be an oh-so tragic end for someone who managed to escape the cells of the Amber Inquisitors.

“You look good when you take care of kids.”

Alice’s voice reached him as he stood up, leaning the two sleeping children against his shoulder. He leaned them against his shoulder, but they were clutching his clothes in their sleep so it was rather unlikely that they would fall.

Alice was sitting in one of the seats scattered around the training grounds, smiling widely as she looked at Gabriel. He was naturally rather dirty right now, but it only made him that much more charming to her eyes.

“You’re back faster than expected.”

When Alice visited Abigail, she was generally gone the entire day so he hadn’t expected her to return so swiftly. Naturally, he had no plans of complaining.

“I only went to Abigail to confirm a few things.”

Alice smiled somewhat mysteriously as she strode towards him, the two meeting just outside the training grounds. She stretched out her arms towards the two children, beckoning with her hands.

“Let me hold them.”

It took a little bit of effort to do it carefully, but he managed to loosen their grip on his clothes and hand them over to Alice, who in turn became stained with the dirt that covered them. She held them close as she looked down at them, a short and somewhat affectionate laugh escaping her.

“You have to train them well, Gabriel. They’ve had hard lives, they deserve to have the strength to make their own choices.”

The two walked as she talked, slowly making their way out of the training grounds. There was a short moment of silence as they moved up the stairs that led back to the mansion. She looked at him for a short moment, studying his features before she spoke.

“Abigail is probably your sister. Well, I say probably, but it’s almost certain.”

She didn’t mince her words or beat around the bush, hopping straight to the main point. As expected, even Gabriel wasn’t above stiffening abruptly at the news she just dropped. That was why Alice had taken over the kids, she couldn’t have Gabriel drop them in surprise.

“The one who went out on a mission and never returned, she didn’t die there. She made a deal with the original Abigail and the god of time, if she agreed to come over here and save this world then they would fulfill her wish. She agreed and wished that they would kill your father, which they did. They gave her a few years to prepare, giving her a medium that she could use to view this world. That’s what she showed you, she wanted you to at least see where she would end up.”

She told him what she had learned while talking with Abigail, still wearing that mysterious smile of hers. She could see Gabriel, his normally stoic pupils trembling quietly. Was it disbelief that rocked him? Or was it hope, a thought of a time long past?

“She still thinks of you, even to this day.”

Alice knew that the feeling was mutual. If Gabriel did not care for his sister, would he have kept watching a show she recommended even after she passed? Would he have kept thinking about her for all that time? To the Gabriel of the past, perhaps his sister fulfilled the same role that the current Gabriel is currently fulfilling to these two children. Thinking about it, Alice couldn’t help but smile widely.

“I’m glad, Gabriel. You were loved even before I started to love you.”

He wasn’t all alone, he wasn’t entirely abandoned. Even when his life was at its darkest, even when he was painted entirely black, there had been someone out there who still loved him. She wanted to say that it was an immense shame that that love never managed to reach him, but if it had then she may never have gotten the chance to meet him so she was conflicted.

“…”

Gabriel was silent. Of course he was, who wouldn’t be when faced with information like this? He didn’t seem to doubt her, she could see the complete trust and belief in his eyes. No, he was silent precisely because he believed her.

“I didn’t tell her about you. I cannot, and will not, make the choice for you. Whether to tell her, whether to accept her, whether to ignore her and leave it all behind. The choice is yours, I will simply accept and support whatever choice you make in the matter.”

Yes, that was why Alice hadn’t told Abigail a single thing about Gabriel. She could choose Gabriel as much as she wanted, but she could not make his choices for him. What if he, after all these years, did not want to meet his sister again? What if he decided that they were both perfectly happy as they were and decided to just walk by her without revealing the truth? If that was his choice, then she would support it.

“…I’ll be back before long.”

But she knew Gabriel. The man she gave the name of an angel, that sad and broken man she had just barely managed to piece back together. Thus, she saw him of with a smile while holding the children.

“Have a safe trip. I’ll be waiting.”

——

After Gabriel left in a hurry, Alice cleaned the children as best she could and then brought them to bed so that they could sleep more comfortably. She then slowly walked through the mansion, making a bit of food that she snacked on as she walked. After a while, as she lazily waited for Gabriel to return, the bell signifying that someone was at the gate rang.

She moved to one of the higher windows and used it as a vantage point, spying on the people waiting outside the gate. Four people, two dressed as knights and two dressed as maids. A decadent carriage waited behind them, the insignia of the imperial family emblazoned on their uniforms.

Her head tilted for a moment, the corners of her lips curving up with a mixture of curiosity and mischievousness. Naturally, she left the mansion and made her way to the gates, there were no servants here to guide them in.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?”

She greeted the four people, who bowed deeply when she approached the gate. They stepped aside with very natural movements, gesturing politely and respectfully to the carriage.

“Our master, Crown Princess Abigail has declared that she wishes to indulge in sweets and refreshments with you and has selected a most suitable locale in the city. She is greatly saddened by the fact that you haven’t been able to chat properly after you were formally awarded your title and wishes to catch up now that the chaos is setting down.”

The one who spoke was one of the knights, unfurling a scroll that he read from. He handed the scroll to Alice, the flowing and delicate writing on it conveying exactly what he had said. At the end of the parchment was Abigail’s signature as well as the insignia of the royal family.

Alice read over the scroll for a moment, the small smile on her face deepening as she glanced at the four people. She eventually rolled up the scroll, striding past the four servants.

“Ah, well we can’t keep her waiting then, can we? It’s been too long since we last caught up, I can’t wait to meet her again.”

She entered the carriage, closing the door behind her as she took her seat. The four servants quickly got onto the carriage and the accompanying horses, swiftly spurring them into motion. Alice calmly sat within the carriage, alone, humming a little tune to herself.

The carriage did indeed move further into the city, navigating the streets until it reached the richer districts. It entered Rosemary Avenue, famous for its pastry shops and cafe’s, a street extremely popular among noble ladies. It stopped in front of Crowning Delight, famous as the best shop even on this street, a carpet already laid out as the knight opened the door.

“Please, Countess Vritara. The Crown Princess will be here shortly, so enjoy a cup of tea while you wait.”

Even if Abigail was the one who invited Alice here, it wouldn’t be strange if Abigail ended up arriving after Alice. Abigail had the higher rank, so arriving late was something of a subtle way to show off that point, signifying that even a Countess would have to wait for her. Well, that was how it usually was in high-society at least.

“Ah, I see, then please guide me in.”

Alice did not say anything strange as she stepped out of the carriage, she simply looked at the servants with that smile of hers. They guided her into the shop, which had been vacated, as was the norm when someone of the imperial family came to visit.

She was brought to the VIP lounge, where a table and two chairs had been set up with a view of the garden and its pond. Some small sweets were already prepared on the table, and as Alice sat down a waiter came over and gracefully placed a cup of tea in front of her.

“This is La Fraise Exquise, it is our most prized tea, made from the flowers of freshly bloomed strawberries. Please enjoy.”

The servant stepped back so that Alice could be alone, curiously looking at the cup with a smile. She raised it and took a deep breath of its scent, the delightful scent of strawberries tickling her nose. The tea truly smelled like something that this establishment could be proud of. Holding the cup carefully with both hands, Alice still maintained her smile, a quiet mutter slipping out as she brought it to her lips.

“Ah… It’ll really be fun to see.”

She sipped the tea, but the taste couldn’t compare to the teas Gabriel made for her so she was left somewhat disappointed. But oh well, what came next would have to make up for it.

——

Time continued to flow as usual outside of the store, the sun slowly moving towards the horizon as day approached night. But just as the sun vanished beyond the horizon, a particularly disconcerting piece of news reached some of the people in the city. Alice De Vritara had disappeared.