Vol II, Ch 77 – I’m not panicking! Y-you’re panicking!!!

The setting sun glared down at me as we trudged through yet another area of gardens. Its blinding bright light only made my head throb all the more, my once minor headache now swelling into one of unbearable annoyance.

Instead of glaring back at the offending sky or looking around at the garden, I stared down into the glass container full of blood. Even after holding it in hand for several minutes, it was far colder to the touch than it should have been. The work of some kind of enchantment or magical material, I assumed. Unlike me, Seni had already greedily chugged hers down.

I swirled the oddly-shaped bottle and gave the dark liquid inside a dubious sniff. It smelled different than what I’d grown used to. Sharper, perhaps. Though, I was admittedly familiar with human blood, not the blood of demons.

“I assume this is the ‘mixed blood’ that was mentioned?” I queried. “If something like this is available here, why bother with entertaining ‘guests’ and all this bonding nonsense?”

It was my second attempt at questioning the high priestess about this, and I was hoping for a proper response this time. She’d completely side-stepped giving an answer before, shoving it all on Seni’s lap.

Hetkala hummed and curled her brown wings around herself as she slowed her pace. I eyed her from the side, not bothering to watch my step along the meandering garden path covered in moss and decaying leaves.

“A rather complicated question, I’ll admit, with a few different answers,” she responded. “The simplest is that the amount of blood we get in donation is not nearly enough to feed all the vyxa we have here. Those of the Inner Sanctum—which is a more private area of our sanctuary for the vyxa that stay here permanently—consume most of what we get.”

After staring down into the strange glass bottle, I finally brought it to my lips for a sip. The blood tasted bland and was exceptionally cold, with another quality to it that I didn’t quite know how to describe. Though at least I couldn’t detect anything wrong with it. In fact, it was far better than the flasks of blood I’d gotten from the healer back at the academy.

“On top of that,” Hetkala continued, “the blood is quite difficult to store for any amount of time unless it’s kept in special containers like these. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, forming bonds is a perfectly normal and a fundamental aspect of being a vyxa. Or at least it is for most,” she said, glancing at Seni. “It would be beyond negligent of us to ignore it, especially given that part of our purpose here is to help vyxa bond with those who will actually love and take care of them. Far too often your kind are pushed into unhappy, or even abusive bonds and relationships.”

Her words made me scoff.

“And what if I don’t need anyone to take care of me?” I countered with a threatening edge to my voice. “What if I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself?”

She shook her head and came to a stop. “I do not mean to disparage you, but I cannot imagine where you get your confidence from. Surely you must realize the dangers that exist for you out on the streets alone. Is it your high magical potency that makes you so self-assured? Because that would make you more of a target, if anything.”

On seeing my confused expression, she continued, “You don’t know what I’m talking about do you?” Then she turned to Seni. “I’m assuming you didn’t speak to her about magic then?” The nervous vyxa shook her head, and Hetkala turned back to me. “Most vyxa aren’t born able to use magic. The channels in your body that you would use to cast are blocked. I’m unsure what you may have done to unseal your mana veins. Something reckless, I would imagine. But that is the reason you can now more easily learn to cast magic and why your hair is white.”

I looked at Seni, who confirmed Hetkala’s words with a small nod. My gaze shifted up to the small bit of white bangs Seni had in her otherwise dark hair.

“So that was why I couldn’t cast?”

Had I tried even once to cast something since I’d found myself in this realm?

“Most certainly, yes,” Hetkala confirmed. “Though, unsealing your mana is merely the first step in using it, and having a high potency doesn’t necessarily make you actually good at casting, contrary to what some might claim. In fact, it can make things more difficult in the beginning.”

Hetkala took in a breath of air, as she tilted her head back to stare up at the sunset. “We can discuss all of that later, however. My point was more to say that you do need someone to take care of you.”

I glared at her, the expression somehow making my headache worse. Or perhaps it was simply the continual feedback I got through the stupid flower in my ear whenever I spoke. Regardless of the reason, the unceasing throb of pain was only souring my mood further.

Hetkala sighed. “Perhaps you believe that you are different from the others, much like Seni. Most vyxa, however, are perfectly content to find someone to bond with here. Bonding is in your nature. As a sanctuary, it would be negligent of us if we didn’t help your kind find others to connect with.”

“That’s—that’s not what I meant,” I hissed. “I’m asking why I should have to take part in all of this. I’m asking you what’s preventing me from simply leaving this place and handling my problems on my own.”

Especially if I could now do magic again. Only the fear of failing stopped me from testing it immediately. Any difficulties I had would only serve to prove her point—at least in her eyes.

The large moth turned to me with a wide, incredulous gaze. “Aqua, you were out on the streets.”

“I was doing perfectly fine! And even were I not, I don’t see how that should be any of your business.”

Hetkala raised one of her thin brows. “Please, little one. You had no place to live and were stealing from merchants. You cannot tell me that constitutes being ‘fine.’ And your circumstances are our business, because the wellbeing of all vyxa in the capital as well as much of the rest of the Queendom is our business.”

In other words, their word was the law. Perhaps even Hetkala’s words specifically.

Sensing my hostility, she continued, “My aim is to help you, Aqua, not hinder you. While your unlawful behavior may have helped to land you here, that does not mean being here is a punishment. No matter how stubborn you wish to be, even you have to concede that by this point.”

I most certainly did not. But there was clearly no point in arguing it with her. Still, I couldn’t help but spit back, “I  may have been facing difficult times, but I was taking care of myself, nonetheless. I’d even started making money at the arena.” Hetkala’s expression made it clear how dubious she found that. “Believe what you will, but I will insist that I would have been perfectly fine without you interfering. Even in the worst of circumstances, I can handle myself. I certainly don’t need you or anyone else to ‘take care of me.’ And I especially have no interest in being owned.”

Seni shifted from foot to foot, fidgeting in place from several feet away. She opened her mouth, only to close it without a word. Our argument was clearly making her nervous, but that wasn’t enough to make me give in. Something like this was far too important to just cede.

“Were you fine by yourself?” the high priestess asked in a low voice. “Were you truly? I must wonder if you fully realize just what sort of situation you were in. There are many lovely people in this city. But the unfortunate truth is that not everyone is kind toward vyxa. In fact, not even all of the major clans are. You survived out on the streets for a handful of days, yes. But without anyone protecting you and with more people noticing your presence? Your luck would have run dry, Ruby.”

I flinched as I realized she’d used my real name rather than the fake. She already knew who I was, of course. Hetkala had questioned me on it merely a few minutes into us meeting each other. And while I’d denied it, my language troubles made it quite obvious.

Up till now, however, she’d gone along with the fantasy I’d constructed of being someone else.

“Maybe you were strong as a human,” Hetkala continued. “But here? You are exceptionally vulnerable, as are all vyxa. I’m not sure what details Seni may have given you, but it truly isn’t safe out there for you. And it’s far worse outside the walls, with the many dangerous beasts and spirits out there.

“Vyxa need others to care for them. Not just because of your need for blood or for protection from the dangers that exist out in the world. It is in your very nature. It’s the reason your kind bonds with others in the first place.

“Even if I was allowed to let you simply walk out back onto the streets, I would refuse. Without question.”

Hetkala’s words hung in the air as she stared me down. Her fierce gaze dared me to argue, to even try and contradict her.

My thoughts spun as the confidence I’d been so desperately holding onto finally shattered. What if she was right? What if I’d merely been lucky and the only reason that I hadn’t been snatched off the streets and turned into someone’s plaything was that they simply hadn’t found or caught me yet?

“You’re insane,” I muttered out, my voice surprisingly calm.

Yet on the inside, I was panicking. The few potentially dangerous demons that I’d had the misfortune of encountering since coming here I’d either escaped or fought off, but I knew that wouldn’t stay true indefinitely. The large ogre that Melkar had summoned made that pointedly clear. Even with days of planning and a series of traps that would have either injured or killed many skilled mages, the bastard demon had beaten me easily. He’d simply shrugged off everything I threw at him. It was only through my father’s intervention that I’d been able to escape the ogre’s clutches.

If what Hetkala said was true, or rather, if what Hetkala and Seni had both said was true, then the ogre would have wanted to force me into some kind of bond. And worse, he would be merely one of many in this realm that wanted as much. I really had been lucky to last so long without some other demon even half as strong as him coming to grab me.

I didn’t want to be owned. I didn’t want to be someone’s—someone’s toy.

“Ruby—” Hetkala began, taking a step toward me as one of her wings lifted open.

“No!” I yelled out, smacking her hand away as my mind conjured the image of the large ogre grinning down at me and the vyxa going down on someone in the lounge. “No. I will not become some pet or plaything. For you or anyone else. I refuse!”

My feet stumbled back into a bush, making me almost lash out toward it as well. Hetkala’s gaze shifted to Seni, who took the cue to slowly approach me, her hands raised as though to calm me.

“You don’t have to.” Her voice was soft and consoling. “I promise you, Aqua, or umm, Ruby? You really don’t.” As she moved in front of me, our eyes met. “It’s okay. Can you take a deep breath with me?”

I shook my head, taking another step back and only vaguely hearing her words. “No. No. I won’t.”

I couldn’t put up with this. I wouldn’t. I was a Zelian for fucks sake!

Or at least I used to be.

My hand shook as I lifted it up in front of me. Mana seemed to broil just beneath my skin as my heart tried to thump out of my chest. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But I had to know.

I pushed at the mana inside me, trying to force it to flow up my arm. Much like last time, it was slow and thick, resisting me. And then something different happened.

I found what could only be described as some kind of channel, and the mana shot up through my arm and into my hand faster than it ever had when I was human. My breath caught.

Hope swelled inside me as I focused on a simple spark spell to conjure a small flame. Only for my elation to be quenched as my mana spilled out, forming into absolutely nothing.

For a moment, I just stared.

Then Seni stepped forward once more, and I allowed her to grab my hand in hers.

“Deep breaths?” she asked, her voice sounding almost underwater beneath the thumping of my heart.

I nodded and breathed in with her. Tears began to form at the edges of my eyes, and I found it difficult to stop them.

“Why don’t you show her the way to the bedchambers,” Hetkala suggested. “We can go over her lessons tomorrow.”