Vol II, Ch 60 – Yeah, show ‘em what you’re made of, Lilis! Wait, am I supposed to be reading this?

The sounds of the uncanny jungle began to fade, almost unnoticeably at first, until the usual chatter dropped into almost pure silence. I tensed, grabbing the makeshift spear in both hands. Most creatures were warded off by the excessively smoky fire at my back, but not all of them. As my nervousness got the better of me, I dropped the spear and instead closed my eyes to feel for the magic within the plants around me, finding the vines and young saplings that stood nearby.

Unfortunately, the spear’s shoddy blade was difficult to sharpen, not because it wasn’t malleable, but because the poor excuse for iron was so brittle that it didn’t want to hold an edge. Besides magic, it was all I really had though, and my magic was limited.

Just as my eyes reopened, a beast twice my height and even larger in length lunged out from between the trees. Its massive jaws stretched wide to devour me. Luckily, I didn’t panic as I had the first time, channeling my magic into the earth around me. The creature tripped as I dodged to the side, its jaws plowing into the dirt where I’d just stood. Then its momentum brought it further, right into the fire.

I could hear its strange screeches of pain and rage, but did my best to keep my focus. If the thing managed to distract me, I’d end up dead.

Then it charged for me again, and I was ready. Two saplings rose up, growing and twirling together from the ground. As the beast reached it, they entwined into a hardened, sharp point just in front of it. It lunged, as though to jump over them, and I forced more power through, causing an almost explosive growth that would surely kill the young trees.

They pierced into the monstrous animal, stabbing the thing right through the chest. It tumbled just a few feet from me, ripping and scratching at the small trees as I backed further away. The magic slipped from my grasp, leaving me dizzy and drained. Before me, the beast slumped further over, giving up on its assault. Several seconds later, the shaky rise of its chest fell still.

I sighed, hoping that it was over. At least for now. Of course, I still didn’t approach the thing. Better to wait a moment for at least a little of my magic to return. The large creature resembled a strange combination of reptile and predatory mammal in shape, with short green fur, caked in mud and dirt that turned it partially brown and black. Even laying on its side, it still came up above my waist, with a tail longer than I was tall. Four powerful legs as thick as I was twitched even in death, with claws that could have cleanly ripped me to pieces. And of course, its jaws reminded me of a malformed wolf’s, with pointed teeth longer than my fingers. It had a nose that curved into a spike and a thick horn pointing out from the top of its head.

This was my second time encountering whatever manner of creature it was, and I was thankful that they seemed to be solo hunters. Because not everything in this jungle was.

My spear laid near the remains of the fire, unbroken, but still just as crude looking as before. I was truthfully happy to have any weapon at all in this godsforsaken jungle, even if it didn’t prove very reliable. This wasn’t by any means the first fight I’d had since arriving here. Witchcraft wasn’t the best sort of magic for this kind of thing, and tended to be wasteful and draining. On the other hand, I wasn’t confident my elemental magic would do me any better, given my lack of knowledge and experience with it.

A pool of blood formed from where the spike of wood still pierced the creature. I needed to skin the thing and pack its meat in with the salt I’d found soon if I wanted to do so before some other monster arrived. But I was fine putting it off for at least a few minutes.

“Lilis, just what have you gotten yourself into?” I mumbled for not the first time.

And of course, I’d taken to talking to myself. Without anyone to speak to for several days, I was starting to feel as though I was going mad. I needed to hear someone speaking. Even if it was just myself. It helped, or at least I thought so.

“Yes, yes, poor little me, and all that.” My arm provided a dramatic wave.

I wasn’t made for this sort of thing. While I’d managed to survive thus far, admittedly quite well all things considered, I still felt like I was floundering.

Was it better to stay in place? Did I keep traveling, focusing on finding other people? Should my primary concern be defending myself from the many monsters infesting this jungle? Would I regret not putting together some sort of proper shelter?

I couldn’t help but second guess every choice I made, fearing that it was the wrong one. If Ruby were here with me, she would be charging forward. The girl probably even knew exactly what to do in a strange survival situation like this. Though she would undoubtedly overestimate our capabilities.

In fact, it would probably be an effort to just to temper her and hold her back from doing anything too reckless. The thought brought a small smile to my lips, only to immediately fade.

…I really hoped she was alright.

This forest was dangerous, to put it lightly. I couldn’t help but feel I was lucky to still be alive. Some of the monsters stood two or three times my height, and those were just the ones that I’d seen. I’d hid within the tangled roots of some tree the previous day when something shook the ground as it passed in the distance. And then there was the fog that would occasionally roll in. Being unable to see—with even the trees right around you invisible—was unbearably suffocating.

Ruby was potentially dead out there somewhere, and I couldn’t help but feel as though it was all my fault. Unlike me, she didn’t have access to magic to defend herself. And even I was running far too low on mana, despite doing my best to conserve it. My attempts at pulling up iron from the ground and then shaping it into something useful yielded mixed results. I’d made a blade of sorts, but I wasn’t sure it would hold up. Still, I needed something for when my magic ran dry. If only I was better at elemental magic instead of witchery, things might have gone better.

I didn’t want to imagine what Ruby was dealing with out there, assuming that she was even alive.

Things weren’t supposed to turn out like this, in so many senses. After all, I was originally supposed to just spy on her. I’d never meant to develop actual feelings between us. It all happened so fast as well. And then what was I supposed to do, confess that I’d been actually sent to spy on her this whole time at the behest of some unknown figure? Part of me still felt as though it would have been better if she’d never have found out. But given the spectacle her father made of everything, I wasn’t sure that that was ever truly on the table.

He rubbed it all in her face, every supposed “failure” that she’d committed. He wanted to hurt her, and I was just a convenient tool for doing that.

Telling her was obviously the right move, but hindsight was always like that. I’d planned to give her the truth eventually, going so far as to even tell her that there was something we needed to talk about. But as the days went on, it just became harder and harder.

The last few, after we found out about Melkar’s new summoning, were the worst of them. Ruby became distracted, drawing runes during classes and around our room. She felt… distant. Part of me knew she was up to something, despite her promise otherwise. Yet I never confronted her. How could I when my own failure to admit the truth continued to eat me up on the inside? And had I confronted her or finally told her about my own secrets, would that have just made things even worse? Would it have really fixed things?

I would never know, now.

I wasn’t even sure if avoiding him was the best choice or if she’d been right about bringing the fight to Melkar. I’d been certain at the time that it was better to avoid a confrontation, but even then I couldn’t deny that Ruby had a point. If we had worked together—if I’d brought in the help of Evara and the others, things might have gone differently.

But I wasn’t like Ruby. I was a coward.

I couldn’t charge forward into the unknown like she always did. Playing carefully and hiding away from Melkar’s reach was the simpler option. The easier option. And while I’d argued that it was the more sensible plan, perhaps it was more accurate to say it was the plan for the timid. Much as I’d been too much of a coward to break off from spying for her father. Even before I knew who he was, it was clear that he had no plans of letting me go. Like a snake, he’d whispered in my ear and offered me protection from others at the academy, and like a fool, I’d agreed. Once I was under his thumb, I wasn’t sure how to slip out from it without receiving his ire—something I feared I’d be unable to survive. Even now, here in this horrendous jungle, I still waited for the other foot to fall.

Despite all that, I still could have tried to confide in Ruby. I could have tried explaining it all to her, my shame and fears included. Yet I didn’t, coward that I am.

Instead, Ruby brewed on of her usual schemes, taking on Melkar and his demon by herself. Not that I blamed her. I’d let her down, ultimately. If she was alive out there, she surely hated me, deservingly so. Now apart, I was realizing just how thoroughly attached I’d grown to the frustrating succubus. I wasn’t sure if I would have called it love, exactly, but it had to be something close, didn’t it?

Not that it mattered. She knew everything I’d been keeping from her now. A betrayal of trust one couldn’t really come back from.

My eyes stared up into the dense canopy, listening for a moment to the chatter of birds and other creatures I’d never seen or heard before.

“Really though, just where in the Under are we?” I asked, as though Ruby was there to answer.

It was meant to be a figurative question, but of course, I’d long realized there was a good chance that I was no longer in the same realm as before. I could very well be in the Under, the realm of demons. It wasn’t just the monstrous beasts and strange plant life—the magic in the air was different here in a way that was difficult to put my finger on. It felt wrong. And more than that, I hadn’t a clue as to where that portal came from.

Had Ruby somehow created it? It made little sense, but really, none of this did. If it wasn’t her, then who? And why? I couldn’t help but fret that it was made by the same demon that Ruby had snuck out to fight. But then, why would she go through it?

I just couldn’t make heads or tails of it all. Any frustration and anger over it all faded on the first day. Even though she’d lied and gone behind my back to challenge Melkar, she wasn’t truly at fault for everything that came as a result. Especially the stuff involving her father.

Another bolt of shame hit me, like a nail driving into my stomach. For perhaps the hundredth time that day, the same question haunted my mind. Would things have turned out differently if I’d just told her the truth?

I finally moved to my feet, knowing that sitting and lamenting for so long would ultimately get me nowhere. It was impossible to know what could have been, and if I wanted to keep living I had to keep going.

With that thought in mind, I threw sand on the glowing embers that remained from my most recent fire and then walked up to the nearest large tree. Using my attunement with plants, and ignoring my growing headache, I made my way up. The climb was marginally easier since I’d gone up the same tree the previous evening. It still took far longer than I’d prefer and left me exhausted. Eventually, I was able to climb up above most of the towering canopy. My gaze scanned the horizon of towering treetops, hoping to spot anything that might give me a sense of what direction to go in.

Then, just as I was about to give up, I saw what looked like a small trail of smoke far in the distance. It was possible that I was imagining it, or that it was simple wisps of fog trailing up from the treetops. But even the possibility of another campfire had me scrambling back down the tree, almost slipping in what would have likely been a deadly fall, in order to start making my way toward it as fast as I could.

There was no telling just who or what I’d find when I got there. It could always be just another dangerous monster instead of actual people—or even what I dared not hope for, Ruby herself. I still rushed to gather my meager belongings, pulling the makeshift backpack full of overly salted meats across my shoulder. If there was someone there, I just hoped I’d be able to find them.

Frenzied, I resumed my journey through the harsh jungle. My thoughts drifted, as they always did, back to Ruby.