Chapter 207: Heavy Feet

Ann’s paws felt heavy. She wasn’t really, well, yeah, she was tired. They’d been walking for a while, and Kat still held her hand. She felt bad, like she was a burden. Rationally, she knew that wasn’t right, but her feelings were stupid and wouldn’t stop.

The worst part of all this, though, was that it gave her time to think. Kat was on lookout, Rosalyn and Lucia were done covering their tracks, so they had started to help out, and most of her stuff had been divided between the rest. It meant she had nothing to do. Nothing to do but walk and be with her own thoughts. She didn’t even feel like talking and trying to distract herself.

She’d killed people.

That thought was a constant. Over and over. Boring into her soul as it was further internalised. The struggle right now was figuring out how she felt about that.

Chiefly, she felt awful. Ann felt a bit of pride in being a good person, and now she was questioning all of that. When the chips were down, and her hand was called, was she really just going to kill her way out of a problem? Would she be doing this again? How often? Was she able to make the distinction between a threat she could just knock out of the way and one she had to put down? What was that line? Did it matter between Warped and people? Was it going to be like this every time? She felt her breath speeding up. Her chest felt tight.

Calm yourself, pup. Waheela started to radiate calm again. Ancient, patient, born from unknown years of existence. It helped, some.

I’m trying. I… I dunno. I just can’t figure all of this out so easy. All of them seem to have figured this out. Now I’m just bringing it all down.

They have lived in this world far longer than you. Would they not struggle should they arrive in your time? Not with killing, no, but the injustices of everyday life so blatantly shoved in their faces? Would Katlyn not baulk at the casual cruelty you saw day to day, desensitised over time?

Ann thought about that. It was a good point. Life wasn’t all sunshine and roses before she’d been shot. Homelessness, people just putting others down for no reason, bullying being so endemic at all levels of society. Kat would rage against that. Ann would have a hard time keeping her out of fights. Fights that were justified, but would get the woman in trouble.

You knew this was possible. You know your history better than most. Mankind has always been a violent species. Killing others for what they have has always been your kind’s way.

Yeah, but we, well, we didn’t get past that, I guess. Shit, I wanted to not be that.

You are human, are you not?

Yeah.

Then it is your nature, Waheela huffed. I see no issues with killing for your pack.

I killed other people’s packs, though. Sure, they were scumbags, but maybe some of them weren’t there because they were awful. Maybe they just got caught up in a bad group, or maybe they had families, and this was all they could do?

Do you know that?

No.

And what did these possibly not as bad people say they were going to do to you?

Kill us and dump us in the Seed. But…

Pup.

FUCK I know, Ann groaned, her grip tightening in Kat’s hand. Her girlfriend gave her a quizzical look and squeezed back.

I know. I had to do it. Them or us, like Lucia’s dad said. Just thought we’d be strong enough not to have to do something like this. Find a better way, you know?

You know as well as I that there will be times when there are no alternatives. When they are set on ending your existence on this world, they will not stop until you breathe your last. Rival mates, other packs, all can come to this conclusion. What then?

Yeah, yeah, the pacifist’s dilemma, I know some of my philosophy. In an inherently violent society, a pacifist is required to grapple with the fact that violent people support their peaceful way of life. If they’re truly pacifistic, can they acknowledge that violence is paradoxically required and still call themselves pacifists? No, I know that this isn’t that kind of society. Even Bren has indirectly gotten blood on his hands. Just… I don’t know. I can’t rationalise it. It just hurts something in me to even think about, let alone know I did it.

I do not understand this part of you, pup. Explain.

Compassion. It’s… caring for other people.

Like the pack?

Not even part of the pack. People in general. Just because they’re not part of my pack doesn’t mean I shouldn’t care. That’s how shit like this gets started in the first place.

I can… your memories support this. Feh. I want to help, but am unsure how. Still, I feel the need to steer you toward destruction. Part of me howls in victory that you have stained your hands red. The other part that would be part of your pack, though, whimpers in worry. The leader is shaken. Weakness is not good for the rest.

Well, glad to hear you’re worried, even if it’s kinda threatening. Ugh. I know I did what I had to. I’m not going to call it the right thing, because I really can’t right now. Maybe I will later. I’m probably worrying the others. I’ve been really quiet.

Your mates, they understand.

Yeah. I just need a bit more time to get my head back to… normal’s not really a thing anymore, huh?

Not as you knew it.

Hey, Waheela?

The old wolf rumbled, her voice questioning.

Thanks. Kat helped. So did Rosalyn. You just, well, you can see more of me than they can, even if I tell them everything. You had every opportunity to tear me apart here. Why didn’t you?

Like I said before, the old wolf huffed, I am trying something I did not see myself when our bonds were strengthened and my presence imprisoned. You hold the keys. Well, the Bitch does too, but let’s not think of Her. If I am to live and thrive, hunt with the wind in my fur once more, it must be through you.

I still haven’t taken that offer up.

You will, in time. I have existed for untold time. A little longer matters not.

And Lucia calls me a hag.

Wizened, if you would prefer.

Thanks, you old girl. I’m gonna try to talk to people.

Waheela retreated into her soul, but still radiated the calming presence.

“Ye doin’ alright?” Kat asked. “Looked more spaced out than ye ‘ave fer a few hours.”

“Kinda. It’s a lot, and I’ve been talking with Waheela.”

“That bitch fecks wit’ yer head about this, I’mma tear ‘er out meself.”

“No, no! She was surprisingly supportive, actually. Just, I have a lot to think about, and she’s stuck in there, so talking was going to happen.”

“If ye say so,” Kat said sceptically. “Better than me own.”

“Yeah.” Ann continued walking in silence for a bit. “Still, it helped. She’s got an unfair advantage, though, since she can see my mind. Lets her pick me apart easier.”

“So, ye’re figurin’ out how tae keep goin.”

“Can’t do much else,” Ann shrugged. “I’ve done what I did. It’s going to hurt for a long while. I don’t think I’ll forgive myself for it, either. Still, it’s how this life is. I… we knew this was going to happen sooner or later. You were preparing me for it even back in Korvas.”

“Was hopin’ ye’d forgotten about that. Ye dinnae how awful it felt tae talk ye through all o’ this.”

“Probably as bad as going through it.”

“Eh, wouldn’t go that far.”

“Yeaaah,” Ann sighed. “Ugh. My head just keeps going back to it over and over.”

“It’s going to. For a while, at least.” Rosalyn had caught up with them. “Time’ll make it easier to think about. For now, we can focus on the road and what we’re going to be doing next. How far off course did we get, Bren?”

“Judging by the sun and maps, we are a good bit east of our initial route. Due north would be most prudent at this time. This is fortuitous, actually. There is a town in our path from this direction. We can stop by and restock before the next leg of the journey. It is about two days away, however.”

“If they have beds, I’ll walk two days straight,” Rosalyn laughed.

“You and your comforts. I agree, however, I do enjoy time out on the road.”

“Only ‘cause you’re getting to see all the cool history stuff like Ann pulled out of that Seed.”

“Indeed! I have so many more theories. What happened to the Gods? Why did they leave? None of them are coherent yet, but hopefully… hopefully that journal… journal…”

“Bren?” Kat asked, head swivelling to focus on him.

“I… I do not know… I am rather… rather dizzy.” Bren fell to a knee.

“Shit, did he get hurt?”

“Am too,” Lucia said as she wobbled.

“Fuck, what’s happening?”

“Vision… fading…” Bren crumpled into the snow.

Lucia followed shortly after.

“Shit shit shit, what’s going on. They’re breathing, pulse seems fine, maybe a little elevated,” Ann ran through her limited first aid knowledge. “Oh son of a…”

“Their turn?” Rosalyn asked, reading her mind.

“Waheela, can you sense anything?”

A stirring. Weaker than when the lizard and the goat awoke. It is possible that the Gods are moving ahead of events yet to unfold.

“Yeah, they’re probably talking to the Gods right now,” Ann sighed. “Ok, at least they’re safe.”

“I’ll carry Lucia if ye can carry Bren,” Kat said, moving to grab her. “Let’s get out o’ the middle o’ this plane. Should be fine in the trees up there.”

“Rosalyn, can you take his pack?”

“Yeah, let me just… there. Alright!” Rosalyn said, wiggling the healer out of the loops on his pack.

Grunting, Ann stood and followed Kat.

Bren Hedera

Well, this certainly was not what he had expected. Bren’s vision swam as he transitioned to his soul’s plane. Odd that he was aware of the shift. From what the girls had described, they almost did not notice they were somewhere else. He, however, was clearly aware of not only where he was, but when he was. Two years ago, inside the royal library, reading over historical texts while taking a break from his magical studies.

The library was massive. Almost as large as the Qu’Sella temple’s, but far more pointed in its contents. Histories of the kingdom, the land, economic changes, and the people who inhabited the land before. It was a veritable trove for one such as Bren, and he spent whatever free time he had between his studies and Kat’s shenanigans here. Rich, well-polished wood was everywhere. That alone was an indication of how wealthy the Farraghers and their predecessors were, when most of the city was stone. Ghostly figures flitted here and there. He tried to focus on them, but none coalesced into a recognisable form.

“Hello?” Bren called. “I assume this is a meeting between myself and the Warped spirit yet to reside within my soul. If it is, I would appreciate the courtesy of not playing games so we might have a proper discussion.”

“Oh, they’re not quite ready for that,” an elderly voice chuckled. “That kitten has a bit longer before they’re ready to break out of their cage.”

Bren’s head spun. One of the shades had materialised into an older woman. She was sitting, leaning back in a chair with a heavy tome floating before her. Large spectacles adorned her wizened face and prominent nose as she gave Bren a wink. She was dressed in loose robes full of stars. Bren’s vision swam as he tried to make sense of the texture. When he tried, he felt as if he were staring into the very cosmos itself. Unlike her depictions, she had long white hair tied back in a simple ponytail and had a youthful energy despite her elderly appearance.

“I do not mean to presume, but are you?”

“Qu? Bren, I thought you were smarter than that,” the Goddess laughed. “Of course it’s me. Who else would be poking around in your soul? Magic calls to magic, and yours called to us. So here we are, and you got yourself out of that Seed at just the right time. Had to delay this intervention a bit to let you deal with the bandits, but fortunately, the Warped seems more curious than aggressive.”

“Ah, I… see?”

“You will,” the voice changed. As it did, Qu shimmered and was replaced by an incredibly attractive man. He was rugged and muscular, wearing simple pants, shoes, and a shirt buttoned up the front. A square jaw set the frame for a handsome face with twinkling blue eyes and a swoop of perfectly messy dark hair. The absolute opposite of what Bren expected.

“Quit gawping. Now, for today’s lesson,” Sella began. “What do we know about Warped transformations? Walk me through this, Bren.”

“Well, first come… I’m sorry, that’s what you look like?”

“Appearance is important. I quite like this form. Feels like I can get out into the field and dig into mysteries myself. Now, do not be distracted from the lesson; continue.”

“Apologies. First is the mental degradation. Mental decline in sectors dealing with memory, social connections, and the senses. Patients become confused, aggressive, and see things that are not there. From there, if not caught and put down, the physical mutations begin. There is no rhyme or reason as to what traits or where they start. What we do know is that the process is immensely painful and furthers the psychosis of the individual. Once that process is complete, the person they once were fades over the next couple of days, leaving a ravening monster.”

“Good. Top marks, as expected,” Sella clapped. As he did, his form shimmered, and Qu took his place.

“Always teaching a lesson,” she sighed. “From there, we get to the preventatives. Blessings from the Gods which ward the soul against corruption. Usually, we bestow these through our priests for any warriors seeking to venture into our lost Seeds, but some fools forget or do not know. Thus, more Warped. So how in the Hells did this little thing worm its way through our wards?”

Qu reached down below the table and lifted a cage without touching it. It was big enough for Bren to fit inside and was made of a glowing wire. Qu clunked it down onto the table with a flick of her wrist.

Inside was a creature. Not one Bren was familiar with. Its body was that of a tawny cat with far too many legs and a thorned tail. Bren tried to count the legs, but could not focus on them. It was like the information he was seeing was not quite finished. Were it larger, the body would have been a fearsome thing indeed. There, however, the body changed from a monster to a hybrid. Its form was that of a golden-skinned… human from the waist up. Completely nude, it seemed to shift between male and female constantly. Black hair hung down from its head to just below its ears, and two perky feline ears poked up from the scalp. Odd that it had two sets. Silver eyes turned to fix upon Bren. He felt the creature begin to prod at him through means he could not see.

“Stop that,” Qu grumbled, smacking the cage.

The Warped startled and hissed, taking a swipe at the Goddess with a human hand and a cat foreleg.

“Alright, mostly non-aggressive unless you annoy it. Still, this is yours. I expect it to grow significantly in the next week. Feed it. Take it for walks. Play time is important for little things like it. Only give it treats when its being good.”

“How large?” Bren asked.

“Well, huge, frankly. Fifteen feet tall. Sound about right?”

She shifted to Sella.

“At my best calculation.”

Back to Qu.

“Do… wait, I am sorry,” Bren said. “You two know all the rest the other does, why swap like that?”

“Because it helps compartmentalise a ridiculous amount of magical theory and knowledge against hard sciences and theories of the physical world. They’re interconnected, but with how our domain works, it’s easier to have a personality for each. Thus, we are Qu’Sella.” Qu spread her hands wide, a cocky grin on her face, as an illusion of Sella rose behind her with the same pose. “Really, we could show you both, but this is also more fun.”

“I did not expect you to be the fun-loving type,” Bren sighed.

“Hey, magic is incredibly fun!”

“So is learning!” Sella boomed. “Just have to find the field you’re most passionate about and follow your dreams!”

“Oh, look!” Qu cooed. “Little thing’s gotten bigger just while we’ve been talking.”

Sure enough, the cat-human hybrid had grown. Before, it was comfortable in its cage, but now it seemed slightly cramped, its head forced to bow when it stood.

“Well, let me see about this. Cage can only get so big without messing up this library. You, kid, have great tastes,” Qu laughed. Her laugh was harsh, but full of energy; almost a cackle. Weaving her hands through the air, runes formed in glowing blue light. Ten, fifteen, thirty, a hundred, too many to count. They filled the air around them.

Bren whirled. This kind of magic was something spoken of in legends. As he watched, the Goddess wove intricate spells that he had no way of knowing the function of. It left him breathless. Magic. Primal, unbound magic guided by the Goddess it stemmed from.

Sella swapped in, making his own adjustments to the innumerable formulae. His magic was red, surprisingly, and wove through Qu’s perfectly. Each complemented the other and reinforced the layers of text twice, then thrice over. As they worked, the two swapped multiple times, as if reviewing and editing their own work. By the time Bren’s vision was filled with only red and blue runes, Qu clapped, and the insane spellwork collapsed into a collar. A simple, brown, leather collar with a bell.

“Perfection,” Sella sighed, picking it up. “Come here, little thing. I won’t bite. You’ll learn to appreciate this, I promise.”

Sella unlocked the cage and deftly caught the Warped by her neck. Gently and with what seemed like incredible amounts of practice, the God flipped the creature on his back, and pinned her.

Bren shook his head. Until the creature decided on a gender, he would go with it.

Sella flicked the collar out and snapped it around the Warped’s neck, clicking the fastener into place.

“Good. That’ll keep you contained and from causing too much trouble. No eating his soul. That’s already linked to someone else, and I don’t want you messing that up. Bryltia’d have my ass. There’s a place to go to the bathroom outside, and be nice. Or, well, try to. We all know you’re not going to, but it’s worth a try. The collar will grow with the creature, so no worries about needing a replacement. Now, off to the real world with you. It has been an absolute pleasure.” Sella bowed, then was replaced by Qu.

“Tell that Rosalyn girl she’s doing a good job with her magic. Don’t let her beat you, though. There are things your spells can do that you’re not using them for. Get creative, have fun.”

“Thank you,” Bren smiled. “I appreciate both your help and encouragement. I hope to do you both proud.”

“Just keep learning. Annita’s still got a lot she can tell you. Don’t let her worm out of too many conversations,” Sella winked at him.

“Alright, kiddo. Library’s closed.”

Bren gasped as he sat up. Lucia was next to him, her eyes wide and her face covered in sweat. They shared a look, and through their bond, he felt that she’d gone through the same thing he had, but vastly different at the same time.