Chapter 149: The Dirty Details

“Wait! Before you start,” Rosalyn interrupted. “I need context. What was your tribe like? How did you live? What’s the whole Thrundol village like?”

“Rosalyn,” Kat groaned. “We were just gettin’ a story.”

“I know, but it needs proper shetup,” Rosalyn retorted, flicking a nugget of cheese at Kat, who caught it easily in her teeth.

“Is probably best,” Lucia said from her perch on the couch beside Kat. “Not something most know. Is… simple life? Not rich. Houses are wood, live in woods. Wood walls, some stone. All houses round, but rooms inside straight. Roofs are wood. Treated for weather, good for snow. Each house has pole. How to say. Large log out front? Generations carve family log. Is pieces stacked.”

“Oh, like a totem pole?” Ann asked.

“Don’t know word,” Lucia cocked her head. She’d taken off her ponytail and her black hair fell in curtains once more.

“It was a sort of recording method some of my ancestors practised. They’d make this huge art piece with carvings representing events, gods, people, all sorts of things. They were massive, and fascinating to see. Each had different styles unique to the tribe.”

“Totem fits,” Lucia nodded. “Call Pashtri. Is from old times, tusks were larger, words harder. Past Tree is translated.”

“Your tusks used to be bigger?” Rosalyn asked. “Wait, how much bigger? If they were in the way of speaking, how else did you all communicate and eat and was it a prob-mmmf!”

Ann cut off the Druid by stuffing a cracker in her mouth. “Stop, stop, you’re derailing all of this,” she chided. “Get the anatomy history later. For now, you were telling us a rather embarrassing story, Lucia?”

The green woman’s cheeks blushed as she was pushed back onto the tracks of her story. “Yes. Well. Was late in day. Had long hunt with group. Other boy helped bring down big game, Ghost Walker. Ann, uh, big creature. Legs almost trees. Camouflages because bark skin. Boy took final blow. Was wounded, lost shirt. Felt… think jealous at time. Wanted credit for kill. Problem: Boy never left brain. Very confused why. Days past, kept seeing boy. Never noticed as much. Was just another. Now? Go get water, see. Go get bread, see. Work on weapons, see. Everywhere I see.”

“Ah, ye got yer first crust,” Kat chuckled. “Boy caught yer eye and now ye can’t take those red peepers off o’ him.”

“Accurate,” Lucia nodded. “Was handsome. Straight tusks. Orange eyes. Bald.”

“Bald?” Ann interrupted.

“Yes. Strange?”

“No, I just appreciate a good head of hair. Figured most people that young had hair, too.”

“He didn’t. Started getting feeling. Was new feeling, tightness. Mind started talking. Imagining things. Kissing, mostly. Was scary. Exciting. Confusing. Breath short, no reason. Heart raced. Thought sick, but healer said fine. Then bumped, um, front? Between legs. Was new feeling. Ran to room, locked door. Was like possessed. Naked on bed, shaking hands. Touched there, and felt wet. Was confused. Touched again and felt good. Kept doing, exploring. Found good parts, parts that did nothing. Tried finger inside. Felt weird, but did it. Found spot that felt ok. Poked at it. Kept poking at it because good. Then body tensed. Muscles all locked up. Pulse in ears. Teeth clenched. Legs locked. Now know was orgasm. Didn’t know at time, was scared. Wet spot on bed. Had to hide with blanket. Did own laundry that day.”

“Ah, tale as old as time,” Rosalyn giggled. “Kinda shurprised it was sho normal. You’re pretty not normal on the surface, with all the talking and the really intense you being you. It’s funny to hear you swooning over a boy.”

“I think it’s cute,” Ann said, nudging Rosalyn’s horns playfully. “First crushes are always awkward. God knows mine was. That was a looong time ago, though.”

“Before we get tae her part,” Kat said. “Did ye ever go fer this boy? Make any moves? Get yer first kiss?”

Lucia blushed, turning her tusks away. “No. Did not have courage. Is still… difficult.”

“Ye’ve faced down a ten story tall ball o’ Warped hatred, and that is scary?” Kat scoffed. “Girl, ye’re a feckin’ warrior. Take that leap an’ try fer what ye want.”

“Speaking of,” Ann said. “That was your first time overall, but when was the first time for Bren?”

Ann swore in that moment that she’d never seen someone blush so hard. Lucia crumpled, curling up into her knees and turning the darkest shade of green yet. Her eyes screwed shut, and she whimpered slightly.

“Holy shit, sorry,” Ann said hurriedly. “I didn’t think it was that sensitive a thing.”

“Is,” Lucia squeaked, something else Ann was surprised by. She was normally so bassy!

“Oh, darlin’,” Kat sighed with remorse, putting an arm around Lucia’s shoulders. “How long ‘ave ye been holdin’ on tae that?”

“Since…”

“Since you met him?” Ann guessed.

Just a silent nod.

“Oh wow,” Rosalyn whispered. “He really hit you that hard? Was that why you insisted on the Life Debt?”

“No,” Lucia said, regaining a little strength in her voice. “Debt was for action. Life saved, life owed. Earned. This?” she gestured weakly at herself. “This secondary.”

“Doesn’t seem secondary to me,” Rosalyn said. “Sounds like you’re beating yourself up for all of this. Why not ask him?”

“He doesn’t want,” Lucia groaned into her knees, tusks poking out over them. It looked awkward, but it was the best she could do. “Has said. So many times, has said. No, no, no.”

“Did he ever say why?” Rosalyn asked.

“Is me. No, has to be. Made Debt. Made problem. Hates it. Hates me.”

“Feck,” Kat sighed, starting to rub Lucia’s back in gentle circles. “I’m sorry, love.”

They sat there for a few minutes in silence, Kat gently comforting Lucia while Ann and Rosalyn watched in concern.

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t think he hates ye,” Kat said.

“No? Can feel it. Bond tells me feelings. Can feel hate.”

“Does it tell ye what he hates?”

“No,” Lucia mumbled. “No intent.”

“Then ye’re guessin’,” Kat said, a small, sad smile on her lips. “Ye don’t know he hates ye.”

“Feel it when he looks at me,” Lucia groaned, hiding again. “Is so strong.”

“Lucia, did ye ever consider that maybe, just maybe, he just hates the Life Debt? Cause I know that’s a Gods confirmed fact.”

“No. Hates me,” Lucia said. “Made mistake. Made problem. Not good enough.”

“Cut that out,” Ann spoke up. “That’s going too far, and you’re getting into self hate there. Not a healthy thing, and in my opinion, completely unwarranted.”

“Is warranted. Trapped him. Forced him. My fault.”

“Well, we do make mistakes,” Kat offered. “All o’ us. Some more than others, but we all do it. I know Bren. Hells, I probably know him better than his own parents at this point. I think he just hates what ye’ve done tae yerself, rather than hatin’ ye. If anythin’, from Ann teasin’ him, and ‘is reactions tae it, I think he likes ye a good bit. He just refuses, cause he’s a bloody stubborn person, tae let himself feel it until ye’ve got yer autonomy back. Ye heard yerself how scared he is that he might accidentally take away yer will.”

“Have,” Lucia conceded.

“Can ye blame ‘im?”

Lucia paused, earnestly thinking it over. Her shoulders slumped. “No.”

“Then ye need tae talk to ‘im. Ye’re tearin’ yerself apart o’er this. If Ann teasin’ ye a little gets this?”

“Is drink,” Lucia mumbled.

“Only a little,” Kat shot the excuse down.

“Yeah, I’m pretty good at reading people,” Ann cut in. “Or at least I think I am. This isn’t all alcohol.”

Lucia sat there, making non-committal noises for a bit. “Fine.”

“Good,” Kat said, not pushing further. “It’ll eat ye alive if ye don’t face it.”

“Can wait? Not long, just, need time.”

“Better to rip that bandaid off, but the timing is up to you,” Ann said. “This is your choice. We can only give you our perspectives on it.”

“Yeah. I have no clue what a bandaid is, but that sounds right to me,” Rosalyn agreed. “Work your courage up, do what you need to do, then ask him. Bren’s a smart guy, and surprisingly emotionally so as well. I think you’d be surprised at what he says.”

“Still scared,” Lucia whimpered. “Of saying no. Coward.”

“Rejection sucks,” Ann sympathised. “Holy shit does it suck. It’s part of life, though. Alright, let me tell you about the first time I asked out a crush. Maybe that’ll help?”

Lucia just shrugged.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Ann chuckled softly, then leaned back on the couch. Rosalyn snuggled up, listening attentively. “I was, what, ten I think? Little, scrawny, glasses. Reminder, I was totally human at this point. So I was going to school and doing the normal geeky little girl thing, head stuck in a book, watching cartoons, all of that.”

“Cartoons?” Rosalyn asked.

“Moving drawings. Do you have books where you flip the pages and the pictures look like they’re moving?”

“Not that I’ve seen,” Rosalyn said.

“We’ve got ‘em, aye. I’ll show ye later, Rosalyn,” Kat said.

“Cool, but yeah, I wasn’t all big and athletic, and I sure wasn’t tall. I was actually pretty short and hadn’t hit my growth spurt yet, which only made the teasing from the other kids worse. So, one girl in my class hit puberty, and I remember feeling really jealous of her. Her boobs got bigger, her hips filled out, and she was getting a lot taller. It was everything little frumpy me wanted to happen. So, the days and months go on, and I was still just me. I didn’t hit puberty that year, or the next, and I was really down in the dumps. Mom and Dad were both worried and kept trying to cheer me up, but I just hated what I looked like. My weak chin, curly brown hair? Ugh, those never went away.

“Anyway, I did eventually hit puberty at thirteen, and had the worst time of it imaginable. Growing pains were debilitating, my period hit me like a freight train covered in barbed wire, and I was just miserable. The thing that kept me going, though, was the hope I’d look like that girl. Well, with all the hormones from growing up came the urges and insanely confusing desires of a human body. You put it pretty well, Lucia, calling it confusing and terrifying. Well, this was also the time my friends started figuring out they liked boys. They’d talk about them being cute, silly, handsome, whatever. I felt absolutely none of that. I thought something was wrong with me for the longest time, because I just couldn’t look at a boy and think, ‘I wanna kiss him’ like the rest.

“Now, we’re getting into my teens. I think I was fifteen? Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Kat. It took me that long.”

“I wasn’t sayin’ anythin’,” Kat chuckled, raising the hand that wasn’t comforting Lucia in defence.

Ann raised an eyebrow. She could hear Kat’s internal laughter. Big goofball. “It was one of those days. A sucky one. I was late to school, did bad on a test, and my friends were all busy with other people. Felt like shit. I was walking down the hallway, it was crowded during passing periods, and some jerk bumped my shoulder and made me drop my books and stuff all over the floor. Kat!”

“Sorry! Sorry! It’s so Godsdamned typical,” Kat laughed.

“Maybe because it actually happens!” Ann retorted.

“Still! I bet I know where this is goin’.”

“Want me to finish the story, or do you want to do it for me?”

“Nae, nae, ye finish it. I’ll be good. I promise.”

“Please. Finish,” Lucia prompted, red eyes peeking out over her knees.

“It was a boy that helped me pick my shit up,” Ann said, glaring at Kat, who was still barely containing giggles. “He wasn’t too memorable, honestly. I think I talked to him a few more times in passing later. What was memorable was the girl. Same girl I’d thought I’d been jealous of for all those years. She charged up to the guy who knocked me over, grabbed his shoulder. When he turned around, she socked him in the nose so hard it broke. This stereotypically pretty girl! I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t hear what the guy’s friends were yelling at her, or the screaming she was doing back. All I could think about was how pretty she’d been throwing that punch. How beautiful she looked when she was angry like that. It’s the weirdest way I can think of for an awakening, but that was mine.

“I found out later her name was Tabitha, and she got suspended for a couple weeks after that. I was an anxious mess for days after that. Couldn’t think straight, couldn’t focus on work, started having problems at home. Finally, my parents just asked me what was wrong, and I laid it all out for them. I remember that look they got, and they asked me for Tabitha’s name. They made a couple calls, then told me they’d talked to her parents, and they’d said it’d be fine for me to come over.

“Getting to that door, I don’t think I’ve ever been so sick with nerves. Knocking took every bit of willpower I had, and more, because I was shy. Tabitha’s mom answered the door and invited me in. It was a big house, lots of glass and open space, that I was very unused to compared to my house. She was up in her room, and her mom said she was expecting me. I get to the door and almost melt down in panic trying to knock on the door. Thank god that choice was taken away from me, because I’d probably still be there. Tabitha walked down the hallway instead. We locked eyes, and I found I couldn’t talk. I tried, but my tongue just wouldn’t work, and my mouth just worked uselessly.

“Then she giggled! That beautiful girl giggled and walked up to me, saying hi. I was able to stammer a hi back. Tabitha brought me into her room and sat me down on a chair. It was a nice room, with a ton of pink in it. Her bed was pink, her walls, lots of drapery, and her desk. Despite this, she had a gi hung up on her mirror with a pair of padded gloves. Conversation was weird to start. I kept trying to thank her for what she’d done, and she kept blowing it off. Well, I was blushing furiously because being so close to her, chilling out in her room, was a bit too much for my little unconfirmed gay brain.

“I didn’t work up the courage there. It was way too quick, and I couldn’t figure myself out. Instead, Tabitha’s mom got us snacks, we sat and talked about shows we were watching, normal stuff. By the time the hour was over, I was absolutely smitten. My mom said I talked her ear off the entire way home. That was the day they knew, but I was still kinda confused.

“Anyway, a couple weeks later, I’d decided that I’d liked Tabitha enough to ask her out. It was an innocent kind of “date” question, where I just wanted to hang out, but she was more mature than I was at that point. It was after school, waiting for the bus. We were talking, and in the back of my head I was screaming at myself to just ask. Being me, I made this the most awkward thing possible, going, “Hey, so uuuuh, do you wanna do something this weekend?” She looked at me and said Sure, but there was a question in her voice. It wasn’t too unusual to hang out, so me being nervous might have set her off. I dunno. I faltered, and had a few false starts, before asking her out to lunch. God, the look in her eyes. That shit’s seared into my memory. Her eyes went wide, her eyebrows flew up, then she looked all sad. Looking back, that’s when she put the pieces of the puzzle together. She asked me why, and I told her I liked her. That look only got worse. Tabitha grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the other kids.

“She asked me there if I was gay. Huzzah, hallelujah, eureka, that part of my head started to work. I denied it, then told her maybe as my brain scrambled to answer the question. Did I like girls like that? I liked her plenty, but did I want to kiss her? That was the limit of what my brain was thinking about, kissing.”

“So cute,” Rosalyn crooned from Ann’s lap.

Ann rolled her eyes, smiling, and continued. “I must have looked like my brain short-circuited because she started laughing. Not a mean laugh, just when your friend looks like an idiot and you can’t help it. Well, she told me that if I was trying to get after her like that, she’d have to say no, because she liked boys. If we just wanted to grab lunch and talk, then sure. My heart felt like it was in my feet, but I agreed. We didn’t talk much for the rest of the day, but my mind was racing trying to figure out questions way bigger than it was ready to handle. Don’t think I slept that night either. Eventually, we had that lunch and a real heart to heart that helped me figure out my shit. I couldn’t shake the crush because she was so damn cool, but we stayed friends until she moved away. Something about her dad’s job moving to a different province. And that was that, really. Kinda meh, but that’s how it happened.”

Lucia sat there for a moment, then heaved a deep sigh, uncurling herself. When Kat made to pull her hand away, she caught a glare, and went back to the rubbing motion. “Was… interesting. Good to know not only one. Was strange to be gay?”

“For my time? Yeah. Things got better and worse over my life, but being gay was always a bit strange, and got looks. Something I made sure I worked out, got into martial arts, and could handle myself because of.”

Lucia yawned, then took another drink. “Thank you. Feel better.”

“No worries,” Ann said. “And sorry again for freaking you out over Bren. I really do think you two’d make a cute couple, but if you’re not ready for it, then you can take your time.”

“I know. Talk about something else?” Lucia asked.

“Honestly, I’m getting tired. It’s really late,” Rosalyn yawned. “We went to a full party, then this party, and then we danced, and ate, and drank even more, and it’s been a lot.”

“Ye ‘ave no endurance,” Kat chuckled. “Sure, let’s get home. I’ll go call a ride.”

Lucia looked slightly upset her back rub was interrupted, but didn’t comment as the princess walked downstairs.