Chapter 49: Friendly Visit

~~~

I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this.

My eyes darted around as I stepped into the room, trying to get a read on the space. It was...neat. Kind of like someone had done a clean sweep just before anyone arrived.

A folded blanket over the chair. A small desk with barely anything on it aside from a pen, a closed book, and a charging cable curled like a sleeping cat. There were a few old posters pinned haphazardly to the wall, bands I didn’t recognise, and a small plush bat stuck between a stack of books and a lamp. It felt slightly lacking in character.

So this was Kael’s room.

Somehow, I thought it’d be louder. Messier. She didn’t seem the type to have...restraint.

“This is it,” she announced behind me, a little too casually as she kicked off her shoes and tossed her bag near the corner. “Don’t expect any tour. You’re seeing the full experience.”

I stepped forward and promptly walked straight into the doorframe.

My shoulder caught the edge hard enough to make a thunk, and I stumbled back, one foot half-missing the rug beneath me, but before I fully lose balance, Kael’s hand shot out and grabbed my arm.

She paused, gawking at me for half a second. Then her lips twitched. A soft snicker escaped, and soon she was biting down a laugh, barely able to hold it in.

“Wow,” she said through a grin, “that was almost impressive. What’d the wall do to deserve that?”

“I misjudged the-” I began, rubbing my shoulder and trying to play it off, “-the angle.”

“Yeah. The angle of walking into a room.”

I shot her a glare, but she was all smiles, amused at my mistake.

Kael snorted, chortling her laughter. "You’re stiff as a board. What? Scared my room’s gonna bite you?"

“I’m not nervous,” I muttered, a little too defensively, as I straightened my shirt.

Kael’s grin only widened as she leaned in, eyes glinting with mischief. “Funny,” she said, looping an arm around me and tugging me in closer, “I don’t remember saying anything about you being nervous.”

Before I chance to respond, she clutched me tighter, pressing in, and shoved me gently through the doorway. “But at this rate, I’ll have to be your guide. Can’t have you spending the whole afternoon hovering at my doorframe like a lost puppy.”

I stumbled as she pushed me in, trying to regain some footing. “Okay, okay, let go already,” I grumbled, trying to shrug her off.

She just laughed, the sound light and far too pleased with herself. “Too late for that,” she said, and with a sudden shove, she sent me backwards, straight onto the bed.

I barely had time to brace before she tumbled in after me, landing right on top. My breath caught. Her weight pressed down, her chest squishing against mine, her thigh brushing close. My body went rigid, heat creeping up my neck as I stared at the ceiling like it might spare me the embarrassment.

She didn’t even seem fazed. With a lazy hum, she rolled off and sprawled out beside me like a cat that had claimed its favorite sunspot, arms thrown out dramatically. One of them flopped over, pressing right into my face.

I twitched but said nothing, just exhaled sharply through my nose.

“Loosen up,” she said, voice muffled by a pillow. “Think of this as your own home or something.”

I shook my head, glaring at the arm in my face. She didn’t move it.

“I know it’s your first time being at a friend’s place,” she added, casually. “But it’s really not that big of a deal, you know?”

I shoved her arm aside, sitting up with a sharp exhale. “Can you stop for a second? I wanted to talk about your memor-”

Whump.

A pillow slammed into my face, knocking me straight back onto the bed.

“Relax,” Kael said, snickering as she hugged another pillow close. “There’s no hurry. You’re acting like we’re on a timer or something.”

I blinked, stunned for a second… then turned my head toward her, deadpan.

“Oh, you wanna play like that?”

Her eyes widened, but it was too late for regrets. She should’ve known my wrath. Now there was no saving her; she’d be left to choke on her consequences.

“Wait no, Markus, don’t you da-!”

I lunged, fingers digging into her side.

She jolted with a squeal, immediately collapsing into laughter as she tried to wriggle away. “St-Stop-! I’m-hahaha-I’m serious-!!!”

“Nope,” I muttered, grinning now. “You started this.”

She thrashed like a fish out of water, her limbs flailing as she broke down in breathless, choking giggles, squirming against the tickling.

Every time she tried to form a word, it dissolved into more laughter, her voice wheezing and high-pitched as she tried to curl up and defend herself. I didn’t let up.

Not yet.

She thrashed harder beneath me, her laughter turning wild and breathless, almost wheezing, as I drove my fingers mercilessly into the soft spot just below her ribs.

“Markus-! You jerk-! Stop-!” she howled, kicking at the blanket in a hopeless attempt to escape. Tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes, her voice half-choked from the sheer force of her own laughter.

But I wasn’t done. I shifted higher on the bed, found a better angle, and pressed in, grinning. “This is what you get for attacking me with a pillow,” I said, mock-solemn. “You’ve declared war.”

“I’m-! I’m gonna murder you-!”

“You’re welcome to try.”

Then she moved. A sudden, sharp twist. A powerful jerk of her hips and shoulder that caught me off guard. I felt the center of gravity lurch, bed sheets twisted, her elbow knocked into my side, and before I could react we were rolling down.

Thud.

The floor greeted us, hard and unwelcoming. I let out a grunt, dazed, blinking up at the ceiling. The wind had been knocked out of me. I lay there for a second, stunned, trying to get my bearings.

Then I noticed the softness. Something… warm. Something… something tangling into my tongue.

I froze.

My eyes flew open, and were instantly met with hers. Wide. Violet. And far, far too close.

Kael was staring back at me.

Our lips… they were touching. My heart seized. And then I realised it wasn’t merely the lips.

Our tongues were touching as well.

My body locked up. I tried to pull back, but her arm was still looped over me from the fall. My tongue instinctively jerked, but in doing so, it… brushed against hers again with a soft slide. Then she did the same, twice, perhaps thrice…

Enough to send a jolt through my entire system.

Kael’s pupils dilated slightly. I watched the flicker of realisation flash across her expression, a delayed gasp catching in her throat. Her cheeks turned a slow, vivid red.

Every second stretched into something surreal. Her lips were still pressed to mine. Slightly parted. Still warm. Still soft.

Another twitch, was that me? No. Her tongue shifted again this time. It slid along mine, burrowing further inside.

Her fingers were still clutching my shirt from the tumble. Her body pressed in further, snug and molding in all spaces she could cover.

My chest rose too fast. I needed to breathe. I needed to-

Let go.

Move.

Do something.

Something struck my brain like a bolt of lightning.

Pleasure. A raw cascade of pleasure, rushing through my skull like liquid fire. My nerves lit up all at once, tingling, desperate. It wasn’t just her lips. It was the taste, the warmth, the slippery connection where our tongues had met. My body screamed for more. My thoughts tried to catch up, but they were dragged under by a flooding desire, begging for more.

It was like a drug. Like a damn drug.

My tongue twitched again before I could stop it, greedy, chasing that contact. My mouth burned to kiss her deeper, to sink into that moist closeness again. My hands clenched in the fabric of her shirt.

And then, just barely, she pulled back.

Only an inch.

Her eyes were glazed, dazed, as if her mind had been elsewhere- no, it still was. Her breath came in soft puffs, brushing against my face. For a second, neither of us said anything.

Then her hands shot up, grabbing my shirt tight.

She gasped sharply, her face shifting, surprise first, then joy, a sudden clarity brightening her gaze. Her mouth curved into a wide, wild smile. “I… I remember,” she whispered, like the thought had shocked her. “I remember!” Her grip on me tightened. “Markus, I can feel it. It’s coming back. I can finally remember!”

I didn’t move. Rather, I couldn’t.

Her words echoed in my ears, but they barely registered. I was still stuck on what had just happened. That I’d kissed her. That I’d wanted to. That something in me had hungered for it, like an addict desperate for another hit.

Kael’s breathing quickened, her body still pressing into mine. Her fingers curled tighter into the fabric of my shirt, knuckles pale.

“I need to kiss you again,” she said, her voice low, trembling, but certain. “If I do, I think… I think I’ll remember even more. Just a little more, I can feel it.” Her eyes were wide, desperate.

Her hand slammed down beside my head, sudden and firm. The sound rang sharp in the air.

She leaned forward, pushing her hair behind one ear, brushing it back like she was clearing the way, for another kiss. Her lips were already parting. Her eyes locked with mine, something almost feverish behind them.

My hand shot up, fast, pressing against her mouth.

I turned my head slightly, heartbeat pounding in my ears. “Wait,” I muttered. “Just… wait a second.”

She froze.

Her eyes didn’t move, didn’t blink. I could feel her breath against my palm.

“Why?” she asked softly.

I looked up at her, unsure if I was speaking for her sake or mine. “It-it’s too much… I need a moment…”

Her lips trembled under my hand. Then she nodded, slowly. Her voice cracked when she spoke. “R-right. S-sorry. I got ahead of myself.”

But she didn’t pull back.

“I just-” Her voice was thinner now, trying to keep herself together. “I need it. It’s the key. It’s the key to everything in my head. That missing piece, I can feel it slipping back, just from that-”

Her breath hitched. Her tone shifted. “You-you need money, right? That’s why you took that stupid job.” She let out a shaky laugh, brittle and sharp. “I’ll p-pay you. I’ll pay for the kiss. Just let me… I can help. P-please, Markus-”

She leaned in again, slower this time, almost pleading.

Again, I raised my hand and gently stopped her. I swallowed hard. My hand pressed gently to her lips, my heart racing.

“This isn’t right,” I said quietly. “I… I can’t do this.”

Kael’s eyes dimmed with each passing word. The hopeful shimmer drained out of them like water swirling down a sink. Her fingers, once so tight against my shirt, began to tremble.

I tried to meet her gaze, to ground her, my own voice faltering, but I forced the words through. “Kael… I get that this means something to you. I can feel it too, but I-I feel strange. We can’t rush into this. Not when something feels so wrong here.”

I sat up a little straighter, gently pushing her back by the shoulders, trying to breathe evenly. “Let’s just sit. Let’s figure this out, properly, together. Whatever this is-”

But Kael was already shaking her head.

Her lip trembled again, then she snapped.

“You think I haven’t tried!?” Her voice heightened, thick with grief. “You think I haven’t sat and thought and waited and wished?! You think I can pretend I wasn’t this close to getting my memories, forcing myself to act normal again?!”

Tears spilled over her lashes, fast, hot. “Every morning I wake up and there’s a hole in my head. A void I can’t explain. I see scenes I don’t recall doing. I say things I don’t remember learning. I feel things for people I’m supposed to know, but I don’t.”

Her voice grew more frantic, more ragged. “Every day, I look in the mirror and wonder who the hell is staring back. I know there’s something missing. I feel it in my skin. In my bones. And no one, not even you, can tell me what it is!”

She grabbed my hands now, holding them tightly between hers, pressing them against her chest like a desperate prayer.

“Don’t take this from me,” she whispered, barely audible. “Please, Markus. Don’t take this from me too.”

She was trembling all over.

“I want to remember. I want to remember you. Us. Whatever we were. Whatever I am.” Her voice cracked again, this time lower, more broken. “Please… let me have this. Let me have you. Just for a second.”

I watched her, unable to look away. Her hands trembled around mine, her whole frame shaking like a leaf in a storm. And her eyes, red, swollen, desperate, bore into me like I was the last hope left holding her together.

And something inside me broke.

Like a slow, horrible collapse. Like a dam starting to break, to give in.

It didn’t feel noble to refuse her anymore. It felt cruel. It felt like I was dangling salvation just out of her reach, watching her drown, and pretending I was doing it out of kindness.

Then came the whisper.

Something darker, slicker. A voice curled up inside the folds of my mind like it’d always been there.

Asking me to kiss her. To end it. End her crying. End this guilt. To let her have this. To let myself feel that rush again. That I wanted it. That I wanted her.

"...Fine," I said.

My voice came out, reluctant but wanting.

She froze. Looked up at me through the wet strands of her hair, blinking fast like she wasn’t sure she’d heard right.

“R-Really?” she whispered.

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t.

I didn’t nod. Didn’t look away. I just… sat there, frozen, as she leaned in.

Slow, tentative.

Her breath fanned my cheek, and I could feel the trembling in her fingers as they slid up behind my neck. Her eyes glistening, streaked with tears and mascara that had begun to melt down her skin.

I didn’t stop her. And then she kissed me.

Her lips met mine with a soft desperation. I froze. My thoughts yelled at me to resist its pull. To not falter, but my body didn’t move.

She pressed in deeper, and I felt myself slipping. It was like being pulled into something thick and warm and dizzying.

My heartbeat was in my throat, in my ears, in her mouth. She kissed me like she needed it to breathe.

She pressed closer, her tongue slipping past my lips, bold and invasive, like a worm burrowing into the warm depths of my mouth. Beginning to map every corner, every inch, every space it could fill.

I felt myself unravelling, drawn into something slimy, hot, and disorienting, that just wanted to take, take and take.

And I… let her. I let her pull me under. Let her mouth claim mine again. Let her drink in everything she thought she’d lost.

Her body pressed closer, restless, her thighs clamping around my hips as she straddled me, her fingers clawing into my back. Tightening, refusing to let me slip away, her frame vibrating with a need that feels like it’s holding her together.

I felt like I was falling through a quagmire, trapped, ready to be violated by whatever means by the victor. I didn’t know if I was comforting her, hurting her, or just indulging some part of myself I didn’t understand.

But I knew one thing.

I was making a mistake.

And it was too late to go back.

~~~

In a quiet, dimly lit room, a girl sat alone, her desk lamp casting a soft golden circle over the pages of an old diary. The air was still, heavy with the kind of silence that seemed to listen. She held her pen delicately, almost reverently, as it moved across the paper in looping cursive, the only sound the faint scratch of ink meeting paper.

Her list began with sweet, harmless hopes, “Hold hands more often”, “Cook breakfast for him”, “Fall asleep on his shoulder.” Tiny tokens of affection, the kind every girl might dream of.

But the lines that followed grew heavier, ink pressed harder into the page. “Make him mine,” “Find a place to confine him,” “Make him need only me,” “Have his children,” “Keep him, forever.”

Then, without warning, her hand froze.

A beat passed.

And then she struck a firm line across one of the sentences.

“To kiss him.”