Chapter 22: Slipping Further (1)

That night we settled back onto the bed, the conversation still lingering in our minds. Nora shifted behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist as she pulled me against her.

The warmth of her body seeped into mine, and slowly, I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

Her hand slid up under my shirt, her palm warm against my stomach as her thumb dug into my stomach. "You don’t need to go," she whispered, her voice low and steady. "I’m here. You don’t need anything else."

I closed my eyes, trying to let her words soothe me, but the knot in my chest refused to loosen. "It’s not just that," I murmured, swallowing against the tightness in my throat. "I… I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this… I feel miserable. Doing nothing… worrying about mother and you. I don’t know how much longer I can handle it."

Her arms tightened slightly around me. "You’re still doing something," she insisted softly. "You’re here for me. You help me want to keep going each day, to keep working towards our future. You know that, don’t you?"

I wanted to just believe her. I wanted to let those words be enough, to be satisfied with them. But I couldn’t, when every day felt like I was slipping further and further into a lake I couldn’t crawl out of.

“I can’t keep living like this," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "Every day feels like I’m sinking deeper. Mom’s in a hospital bed, Dorian’s gone, and I-" My throat tightened, cutting the words off. "I don’t know how to hold it all together. I don’t know how much longer I can sit here doing nothing."

Nora shifted behind me, her body tense as she pressed closer. Her breath was grazing warmly against my neck, but it couldn’t reach the cold sitting heavy inside me.

For a while, she didn’t say anything, just held me there. Then, slowly, she guided me onto my back, leaning over me.

Her eyes met mine, searching. Like she was peeling me apart piece by piece. "Why are you thinking about this now?"

Her fingers twitched against my side, but she didn’t pull away. "You have me," she said, quieter this time, but there was a tremor to her voice, one she couldn’t quite hide. "Isn’t that enough?"

"I don’t know," I choked out, the weight of the confession stealing the air from my lungs. "I want it to be. I wish it was. But it’s not, Nora." I squeezed my eyes shut, hating how weak I sounded. "I need to do something. I can’t stay… rotting like this. Otherwise…"

I didn’t finish. I couldn’t.

For a long, stretched moment, there was nothing but silence between us. Then I felt her fingers glide through my hair, slow and careful, as if I might break apart at any second.

"You won’t lose me," she promised, her voice soft but fierce. "I’ll always be here. No matter what happens."

"What if that’s not enough?" The question trembled in the air between us.

Her hand stilled, her gaze locked on mine. And for a moment, I thought she might answer, but she didn’t. She just looked at me, as if trying to understand something I couldn’t put into words.

"You’re everything I have," she whispered, and for the first time, her voice cracked. "If you go out there, if something happens, I can’t…" She broke off, swallowing the rest of the words like she couldn’t bear to say them.

I turned in her arms, facing her fully. My heart pounded harder at the sight of her. Eyes wide and glassy, her lips trembling even though she tried to keep herself calm.

I hated seeing her like this. Hated that I was the one making her feel this way.

"I’m not leaving you," I said softly, brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I swear, Nora. I just… I need to be better. I need to be someone who can protect you, protect us. And if going to school is the only way I can do that…"

Her lips parted as if she wanted to argue. But she didn’t. She just stared at me, something fragile, her usual confidence faltering for a second.

Instead, she leaned in closer, resting her forehead against mine. For a moment, we just breathed, our warmth tangled together.

"I don’t like it," she finally murmured, her voice small in the dark. "But… I don’t want you to break, either. I lov- I consider you important, brother."

I could still feel her shaking, could still hear the strain in her voice. And part of me hated myself for pushing this far. For making her hurt like this.

"I’ll still be here," I promised again, softer this time. "I’m not going anywhere. No matter what happens."

For a long, stretched moment, she didn’t respond. The tremble in her breath was still there, her expression struggled, but something else crept in, something sharper, more certain. Her grip tightened, and before I could process it, she shoved me back, hard enough that my shoulders hit the frame of the bed.

"Nora? Wh-" I started, my voice rough, but she didn’t let me finish. She closed the distance again, her body pressing into mine, pinning me there. Her forehead was still warm against mine, her antennas drooping over me like a mistletoe, as her lips hovered too close

"You don’t get it, do you, Markus?" she whispered, her voice low and edged with something I couldn’t name, anger, maybe, or desperation.

Her hands slid higher, one tangling in my hair, tugging just enough to make me flinch. "You think you can keep promising me things, keep saying you’ll stay, like that fixes everything.

"I didn’t mean-" I tried, but she cut me off again, her fingers tightening in my hair, pulling my head back so I had to look at her. Her eyes were dark, glinting in the dim light, and that fragility I’d seen earlier was gone, replaced by something fierce, something that pinned me as much as her body did.

"Stop talking," she said, her tone soft but commanding, like she knew exactly how it’d hit me.

She leaned in closer, her lips brushing the corner of my mouth, not a kiss, not yet, just a tease that sent a jolt through me. "You don’t get to decide what I feel. Not after everything. But you are going to make this right."

"Nora, what the hell-" I growled, shoving back against her, trying to break her hold. But she was stronger than I expected, her grip unyielding as she twisted her wrists free and pressed herself closer, pinning me with her body.

Her forehead crashed against mine again, harder this time, and I felt the heat of her breath spilling over my face, too close, too much.

"Don’t," she snapped, her voice low and fierce, cutting through my protest. Her hands gripped my shirt, yanking me toward her even as I tried to pull away, my shoulders straining against the bed. "You don’t get to walk away from this, Markus. Not after what you did."

"I’m not-" I started, pushing against her ample chest with both hands, trying to create space. She stumbled back slightly, but then surged forward again, her strength catching me off guard.

One hand clamped around my throat, not choking, just holding me there and the other tangled in my hair, wrenching my head back so I had to meet her eyes. They were dark, burning, and I saw the fragility I’d glimpsed earlier swallowed by something raw and commanding.

"Stop fighting me," she hissed, her fingers tightening in my hair until I winced. Her body pressed harder against mine, her hips locking me in place, and I felt how genuinely she meant this.

My hands grabbed at her arms again, trying to pry her off, but she leaned in closer, her lips brushing my cheek, her breath hot and unsteady. "You think you can just promise me you’ll stay and that’s enough? After you broke me?"

My hands twitched at my sides, unsure whether to push her back or pull her closer. "Nora, I don’t-"

"You do," she murmured, her voice dipping into something almost tender, but laced with a thread of control. Her free hand slid down my chest, lingering at my waist, her touch light but forceful, like she was testing me. "You’ve always known how to fix things, Markus. You just don’t want to admit it."

Her fingers dipped lower, brushing against me in a way that made my breath catch. As her antennas shimmered, shedding their dust into my face as I felt my resolve start to fray but not fully.

"This isn’t-" I tried again, weaker this time, my voice cracking as her hand pressed harder, more insistent. My body betrayed me, responding even as my mind screamed that this was wrong.

"Shh," she hushed me, her lips finally grazing mine, soft but unyielding. "You said you’re not going anywhere, right? Prove it."