Chapter 211: Suffusive Warmth

“It’s over.” It was the first thing I’d said coming out of that hug, standing on the wall. Below, in the courtyard, anxious faces watched me with looks that ranged from relief to resentment. Nelys gave me a wave and a half smile, then bounded off to join them, and Taava moved further up the rubble toward the top of the wall. Leaving me alone with my sister.

Words I wanted to say bounced around my head but couldn’t find a way out. The Church is retreating! We killed Mordwell! That mattered to me, but to the tired faces below, they just wanted to be free of the nightmare I’d dragged them into.

Worse, Envy doubtless knew I was a bleeding heart. Even if I walked away, let them govern themselves like they’d damn well earned, Astrye would always be involved. Now, potentially with a war. Would King Carvalon be so crass as to request a draft from the ailing region?

The messes I’d dragged them through unwillingly were nearly as bad as the one good thing I’d done upon my arrival.

“Zarenna?” my sister asked.

I looked down at her, in severely damaged armor and sporting half-healed wounds. For a moment, the desire to tear apart whatever did that to her rose up, only to fizzle out under the weight of my exhaustion.

Despite this, there was determination in her eyes… and I recalled suddenly that she shouldn’t be here. She should be in Ardath. That she was here to help just felt right, but she shouldn’t have been here at all.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder, and I looked over, then down at Taava who was standing up on her toes and wearing a wide grin. “Chin up, boss. Ya did it. I know ya probably need a moment, so d’ya mind if the mayor ’n me handle things?”

I blinked, and thought about it. Thinking was difficult, foggy. Whatever power was building in me really wanted to be used, and I didn’t have nearly the mana to do it. “Sure,” I responded eventually, then looked back down at my sister.

She seemed to guess what I was thinking. “Figured you needed me here. Turns out I was right.”

“But—”

“Later. I’m not going anywhere. Not until we see this through.” Her smile was soft under hard eyes. She stuck out a hand and I took it. The moment I did, she pulled me into a hug.

“You look like hell, sis. In a bad way. Go get some rest—we can take care of this here.”

“But the people—”

Kartania shook her head and pointed. Up on the wall, Brazz stood next to Taava.

The lupael woman cupped her hands to her mouth and shouted, “They’re mounting a full retreat! We’ve won!”

I didn’t quite hear the rest of her or Taava’s words. Not just because of the cheers that erupted, but because I was lost in my own thoughts.

“How many did we lose?”

“I don’t know,” Kartania replied. “Not many—no more than twenty.”

“Twenty.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“If I weren’t here, then Envy wouldn’t have targeted this place.”

“If you weren’t here, they’d have all died to Mordwell’s cult.” She grabbed one of my hands in hers and shook it.

“He’s dead now.”

“Good.”

That’s it, huh? Yeah, that’s it. Mordwell was dead, life would move on.

“Would Astrye have been fine with him still alive?” Kartania pushed.

I thought of the eruption, the colossal reaver, and Envy’s sneak attack. If I had just left the city, would Mordwell have made the same choices? I didn’t know; it was too hard to think right now.

I covered half my face with a hand and shook my head. “I don’t know.”

“Now they don’t have to worry about it.”

I wanted to force my eyes closed and just sleep. “That doesn’t…”

“It does,” my sister insisted. “The Church may be a twisted, bloated, zealous mess, but there are good people caught up in it, and good tenets even if they’re not followed.” She paused, and I felt her squeeze my hand again. “Good people can die for bad reasons, Renna. Such is the price for true freedom from the gods’ meddling.”

“I know that!” I tried, but there wasn’t any real venom in my voice.

“I know. And it makes me wonder what the point of the Church is if Dhias cannot or will not intervene and… sorry. I shouldn’t bring this up now.”

“It’s okay,” I said without a second thought. “But you’re right. I don’t want to think about gods or churches or responsibilities right now. I just want to sleep.”

She pulled on my arm. “Let’s get you to a bed, then.”

I stumbled after her on unsteady feet, magic still throbbing alongside a mounting headache that thrummed up my horns from base to tip. We weaved through the busy-looking courtyard, under orders shouted in familiar voices. Before we made it inside, I was pretty sure I saw a few flashes of familiar crimson skin. My daughter, Sonia, or both. I might’ve waved. I might’ve just twitched an arm or two and mumbled.

I didn’t remember falling asleep. But I woke with a start sometime in the middle of the night. Outside, clouds had covered the moon, leaving my and Sey’s room in complete darkness. Which was no problem. My tongue was a bit dry, my mana still depleted, but I wasn’t particularly hungry either.

Nor was I tired. Down below me, the castle still buzzed with faraway activity. Right now, if I wanted to, I could march down there and help. Maybe let a few humans or lupael sleep who desperately needed it right now.

Instead, I stared up at the ceiling, at the massive wooden crossbeams that supported the roof, far above the height of flaming arrows and beyond all but the most determined of mages. Did Astrye really need me? Did I have any right to stay here after bringing them so much trouble?

At the same time, if I just left right now would that be any better? As Marchioness and Wrath both, my voice had quite the reach. Soft power and hard power both to give Astryans a chance to rebuild. Or to stay longer and have Envy sack the city the moment I left, a fearful thought warned. Not to mention I’d soon have to deal with whatever wrath demon this battle spawned, provided they showed up near Astrye. Because I had a deep, gut feeling something was going to come of the deaths of hundreds in such an iconoclastic battle.

The best solution, of course, would be acting on an honest answer of what the city wanted. After providing everyone with all the information about my nature as the Sovereign of Wrath, my demonic allies, and the threat Envy represented. And Avarice—Styrix—too, whatever he was up to of late.

In my mind, what I would personally want—besides a cabin somewhere up on the other, milder side of the mountains—would be to rebuild Astrye and set up self-governance for the region. With its isolation, Edath’s continued rule over it made no sense.

I rolled into my side so I could watch out the window. One arm on the bed-facing side I stuck under the pillow, the other I held up in front of me, looking outside from between my claws. What would have been pure darkness to a human was to me a swirling mass of mist and clouds. As much as I wanted Seyari to come barreling through it at any moment, she’d be gone for at least the next day.

My tail thumped the bed behind me, and I realized I was still wearing the conjured clothes I’d given myself. Thinking of a nightgown was easy enough, but making it with magic was more difficult. Did I really have to burn one to understand what was essentially a soft cotton tube with some frills?

It probably took half an hour to work one out, but I snuggled in deeper when I did. None of the other options would have four sleeves or cover my tail all the way down to the tip or have the little horn caps that didn’t do anything and I would absolutely never let anyone but Seyari see.

I pulled the blankets back over myself, all the way up to the shoulders, got the bed warm, and settled in to think until the dawn rose. Not just about the future of Astrye and my future, but about the other obligations I had and all the little things I’d need to do to make sure they were seen to.

The top of the list was getting Nelys home. Then seeing about helping Lilly and Aretan in Navanaea. Of course, I’d be assisting Sonia and Inva and Paula with their project here the whole way through, too. And then I’d need to make sure Joisse was comfortable enough with her friends to tell them what she was, unless she already had. Sey and I would try to make friends with their parents, even if that probably wasn’t going to happen with the difference in social and… mortal status. We’d cook for get-togethers and I’d heat up the fields for more varieties of crops and…

Flesh parted under my axe’s blade, blood spraying as I whirled on the next target.

The memory of just a scant few hours ago only intruded for just a moment, but it was enough to spoil the mood. I huddled lower into the blankets and pulled my knees a little closer. My lower arms reached for my tail and pulled it across me like another blanket, playing with the spade-like tip through the conjured nightgown’s fabric.

I’d made my choice, even for lack of an alternative. The castle held, most survived, and any who fought would have similar memories to contend with. But they probably didn’t have to sort through the pulse of adrenaline, the scent of cinders and the thrill of battle that came with. For all my mind recoiled, some baser part of my nature reveled in slaughter. Wanted to wade in the blood of my enemies and lay waste to the land.

Intrusive thoughts, nothing more.

Not that knowing this helped. I will protect, not destroy. Outside, the clouds didn’t acknowledge my silent declaration, and the still of night seemed to soak up my words. Fatigue crept in at the corners of my vision, darkening in a way shadows couldn’t. There was no Envy hiding amongst them, no army of pitiable zealots. Just a promise of sleep and a little time to mend.

Astrye would rebuild and grow, and if they’d have me I’d help. Call the place home someday too. Build that cottage and put some distance between me and the awful memories while holding the better ones close. More mana drained from me than I’d expect to keep the bed warm against the nighttime chill, and I closed my eyes to a faint crimson hue growing against the rolling clouds.

***

Kartania couldn’t sleep. And she wasn’t alone; Nelys, Taava, and Sonia were up with her, secreted away in a back room, far from the people slumbering in tents and bedrolls in the main halls. Inva, Sonia’s paladin friend-who-was-definitely-more-than-a-friend had drifted off first, sleeping fitfully in Sonia’s lap while the demon-blooded priestess stroked her hair. Their third, Paula, had gone off to bed with a blatantly false declaration that she was alright, but wouldn’t be persuaded otherwise. Sleep was good, after all.

Amongst a childlike fort of empty barrels and crates, they’d been playing cards. Or trying to, at least. It’d probably been a few hours and the second hand was only winding down. Kartania’s shoulder still burned and ached where she’d been hit. Just knowing how many more hits her sister had suffered, and the death she’d been forced to inflict back made it hard to not go running to her. Moreso that she was alone without her partner tonight. But she needed space at the same time, just like how Kartania needed company.

And to not think about her faith.

Nelys dealt the next card and Kartania didn’t bother to look down at her own. Even with a faraway stare, she couldn’t quite tell how the demonic cecaelia was cheating. But she was, if Taava’s halfhearted hiss was any indication.

“Fine, take it,” the kazzel said with a yawn, leaning back against a crate and closing her eyes.

“Kartania?” Nelys asked.

“Hm?” She looked first at Sonia. The young woman’s cards were folded already, and her eyes were stuck fast on the slow rise and fall of Inva’s chest.

“I’m out,” Kartania said, shivering as she pulled the blanket tighter around her. Somewhere else, Gareth and Joisse were still up healing people through the night. The latter was probably watching the wall or patrolling, just in case. They were probably cold too.

Nelys frowned and stared at the cards in the center. “I think I’m done.”

“With cards?” Kartania asked.

They nodded, but their eyes were far away. “Yeah… I’m gonna tell Renna soon I think. Just… need to go home, need to make sure what I need to say doesn’t get left unsaid. Don’t want to be too late.”

Oh. “What’s your home like?”

“Warm,” they chuckled, pulling their own blanket tighter.

For a while, the two of them just stared down at the cards in silence. Sonia slumped over onto Inva, and soon Taava’s light snoring joined the couple’s calm breathing. Nelys flipped their hand to show nothing more than a bluff.

“It’s small,” they whispered. “Not literally, there’s an entire… kingdom I suppose would be the right word. Queendom, maybe. And the ocean is huge, even the shallow stretches between islands where the light is bright and there are plenty of colorful fish.

“But it’s still small. Dunno the right words. Just, not big. There’s us, and then… nothing—no people anyway. At least so far as I knew. But I grew up there, my family’s there. I wanted to see the world and now I have.”

Kartania got the feeling there was more to the story when they paused unexpectedly. But she didn’t pry.

“I can’t wait until this war’s done,” Nelys continued with a strained voice. “Maybe this spring, maybe tomorrow—I don’t know. Renna will understand, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” Kartania looked up from the cards into wet black eyes. “She’ll fly you there too, I’d bet.”

“What if Astrye gets attacked again?”

“They’ll have me. They will also have Seyari, Joisse, Gareth, and a few other demons and perfectly capable humans and lupael besides.”

Nelys nodded. “Not tomorrow. Too soon. But soon I’ll ask—I’m not scared.”

Kartania wanted to pull them into a hug, but she hesitated. She wasn’t her sister; she wasn’t someone people would turn to for comfort. But the sight of Nelys crying softly into their blanket tipped her over the edge. She scooted across the frigid floor, scattering cards, and pulled Nelys into her blanket with her. For a long time she just held her friend, until they dozed off, and until the room seemed to warm with a familiar, comforting magic. Finally, dreaming of an unburned life with a sister who was truly herself, Kartania drifted off to sleep.

***

“Sister, you should sleep.”

Razz looked up from the stack of papers in front of her. Her younger sister still stood by the room’s only door, but her eyes were cast down into the glowing coals of the fireplace. Her horns gleamed.

Has she polished them? No—what am I thinking?

“I just need to finish this.” Razz’s throat felt like ash, and her tongue was dry like sandpaper.

Brynna’s eyes snapped over to her, familiar and comforting. “You can finish it in the morning.”

“You won’t sleep, will you?”

“I… don’t need it tonight.”

“Liar.”

Brynna huffed. “Someone must protect the Mayor of Astrye.”

“You don’t trust that they cleared the castle, do you? Or that the prisoners are secure.”

That Brynna looked away said it all.

Razz sighed and stood up. “I’m going for a walk then, clear my head.” She hastily covered the paper she’d been idly doodling on with another, completed missive. Truthfully, she hadn’t been able to focus the past few hours. Or sleep.

The attack from Envy was worse, more destruction and more deaths. But this… their attackers hadn’t been reviled foes of humanity. They’d been supposed allies. Already, more than a few were questioning their decision to throw their lot in with a demon.

Even if she did save them.

And it was getting harder and harder to argue against that sentiment given how obvious it was that the worst could, and probably would keep happening. She knew Renna would want to step down, but she also knew that it wouldn’t save them. They needed a sign, some kind of assurance.

And they needed it fast.

“You’re staring at the door,” Brynna said.

“Thinking.”

“What about the walk?”

Is that a smirk? Razz took a step, the floor feeling wobbly under her. “Working on it.”

She stumbled and her younger sister caught her. She’s gotten so strong, and not from any contract.

“Where to?” Brynna asked, opening the door.

Razz shivered at the cold wind that came in, then looked back at the battered desk strewn with half-completed work. Paper would be needed soon, too, wouldn’t it?

“Let’s…” She braced herself as they stepped into the hallway, Brynna first. Instead of cold air, a surge of warmth greeted them, familiar like the glow of a growing fire, and Razz yawned, shaking off the chill with a full-body shiver. “Let’s go find a place to sleep, actually.”

Brynna smiled and helped her exhausted older sister down the hallway.