Chapter 203: Penitent Soul
“And that was how I knew she was still my sister,” Kartania finished.
Gareth stared into the campfire for a long time before responding. “What does this all mean?”
Kartania tilted her head to look at his distant-eyed face. “What does what all mean? Were you even listening?”
The other paladin put his hands to the side of his head and shook it, rising up from a slouch to meet her eyes. “No, I didn’t mean… I was listening, Miss Miller. A-and I believe you—matches up with my own experiences to a fault. I guess what I’m trying to get at is… well…” He trailed off, frowning.
“What does this mean about how we’ve always thought of demons?” Kartania smirked. “Is that it?”
“...Yeah. How wrong are we?”
Kartania shrugged. “Very, but also not quite so much. It’s more like we were completely wrong on the theory, but more or less right when you work out all the details. My sister’s not like most demons—literally. It’s more than a state of mind thing, but that’s part of it. You’ll have to ask her yourself.”
“I intend to.”
Kartania chuckled. “Well you’ll need to—Church isn’t going to take you back for siding with a traitor like myself.” Her voice pitched down at the end. Even with all the certainty her heart held, it still hurt to know what her mentor felt and that enough people were clinging onto dogma to spoil the pot—to properly mix metaphors.
“Right. I suppose I’ve just not taken the time to think about such things. We’ve hardly stopped moving, after all.”
“If we push, we should get into the city tomorrow night. Don’t want to risk another night camping.”
“You’d have done this alone without me,” Gareth reminded.
“Yes, but I’d have ridden overnight and risked my horse to do it.”
Gareth sighed. “I can believe that. You want first or second watch?”
“Second. We’ll leave early.”
“You should sleep.”
Kartania snorted. “Will you be able to, knowing there might be demons with malicious intentions lurking about? No, I’ll get what I can and we’ll get going before the sun’s all the way up.”
“You weren’t afraid enough for a campfire.”
“I suppose that’s true. Risking a fight feels better than freezing tonight.”
“You mentioned you had ice magic; doesn’t that help against the cold?”
“A little. I’m not my sister who can stick her hand in a furnace and poke at molten metal.”
Gareth looked up at the stars and closed his eyes, hissing air out through his nose. “Mind telling me a little about her?”
“I just did.”
“No, I mean, well you did but…” When Kartania didn’t speak up, Gareth continued, “You told me how you knew it was her—the memories she knew, her mannerisms, but I guess… Well, it’s probably unfair to ask.”
Kartania followed his eyes up to the stars. “She’s… I guess I didn’t really get to know her until this last year. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but she was different as a human—didn’t open herself up, didn’t take charge. Didn’t really ever seem happy or to want to do something for herself. She just followed Abigail around like a lost puppy.”
“Abigail?”
“Childhood friend. Was like a big sister to me. Irresponsible, happy-go-lucky, and I’m not sure she was ever really good for Za—Renna.”
If Gareth caught her slip-up on the name, he didn’t bring it up. “Was?”
“The Great Fire.”
“I see.”
“Thanks for not apologizing.”
Gareth shrugged. “I know it doesn’t help, and you don’t strike me like the kind of person who wants platitudes.”
Kartania hummed a response. “You’re right, I don’t. ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t really cover ‘everyone you loved and knew died and your sister disappeared for a decade.’” Her voice was more than a little bitter. “How can people think they can empathize with that? They think words will… never mind. My sister, right?”
“...Right, but if you want to, we can stop.”
“Thanks.”
Silence stretched on for a while, but neither moved from staring at the fire.
“What about you, Paladin Warren?” Kartania asked. “If you’re alright with that.”
He shrugged. “Not much of a tale there. Dad was a miner, Mom stays at home. Back when my siblings were kids, she had a lot of work to take care of the four of us, but once I left home, she was alone.
“Dad stopped mining a little while later after an injury and they opened up a food stand for the miners so they could work together. Last time I visited, they were still doing that, but getting on in years.
“As for me, I had the right magic—found out when my sister hurt her ankle. Church scooped me up and that was that. I guess I should probably send a letter to my folks saying I won’t be sending money home anymore. They always sent it back anyway.” He chuckled. “How’s that, huh?”
Kartania blinked, annoyed that she found her eyes wet. “That sounds nice, honestly.”
He shrugged. “It is, well was. I got to go do half of what we all dreamed of as kids as a Paladin. Helping people, slaying monsters that I just learned might not have been monsters. But the thing is, I didn’t really get it. Not for a long time.
“I didn’t see the bad in the world. Sure, the mine my dad worked in was dangerous, but it was bountiful and remote and the taxes were fair. Duke Ludwig Reynard was a distant, mystical figure. When the war happened, some people got drafted, but no one in my family did, and the town’s mine was needed for the war, so…
“You didn’t get perspective,” Kartania finished. “But now you have?”
Paladin Warren nodded. “Yes. Not just your sister, there… Well, there was another demon right when I started. I… Dhias, I think I made a terrible mistake, but I just don’t want to think about it.” He leaned forward and laid his head in his hands.
To that, Kartania didn’t know what to say. Instead of staying silent as she normally would, she found herself speaking up. “Will you be alright?”
“I…” Gareth looked up. “That’s… I will be, I suppose.”
Kartania nodded curtly.
At that, Gareth snorted a laugh mid sob, the noise catching in his throat.
“What?”
“Nothing!”
Kartania narrowed her eyes and harrumphed. “Well as long as you’re feeling better.”
“I suppose I am. Thanks?”
“Did you intend to inflect that as a question?”
“No?” Gareth gulped and continued quickly. “How about we change the subject? How are you holding up? I know I said I wouldn’t ask anymore, but—”
“It’s fine.” Kartania grimaced.
“Are you certain?”
“Yes!” she snapped.
For a moment, the only sound was the crackling of the logs in the fire. Into that silence, Kartania started speaking, her voice soft and low.
“I’m… worried about a lot of things. I know Renna is my sister. But while I see the sister I knew in her, Renna is different. And I worry whether she’s different because she got to finally be her own person, or if there’s something more sinister going on.” Absent-mindedly, she ran her hand over her armor, where the necklace her sister had given her on the night she’d died lay.
“Immediately, I want to think it’s demonic influence. But I also know Renna’s daughter, and she’s such a sweetheart, especially for a teenager. So then I wonder what sort of pressure my sister’s under as the Sovereign of Wrath and it just loops back on itself as I wonder if her title is causing any sort of changes on its own and…”
Kartania took a deep breath. “Dhias, I’m a mess. I’m not even certain about my faith anymore, Gareth.”
Gareth took a moment as if to think before he spoke. “I think… I know that Dhias would not condemn a penitent soul. If there are demons out there who are struggling, just as a struggling human deserves aid towards redemption, so ought a penitent demon. And to my knowledge, the only crimes your sister is guilty of are borne of self-defense and a kind soul.”
“You really think that?”
“I do.”
“Renna’s changed then. Maybe for the better—she never had the sort of conviction to change someone’s mind like that before. Or if she did, she never got to express it. I… thank you, Gareth.”
Gareth picked up a stick and poked the fire. “You’re welcome, Kartania. Remind me to ask what you mean by ‘Sovereign of Wrath’ another time. It’s late and you should get some rest if we want to leave before true dawn.”
As if in response, Kartania yawned. Rather than respond, she simply nodded and stood up. Her bedroll was just warm enough from the fire that—despite the necessary pains of sleeping in her armor—she fell asleep the moment she slipped inside.