Chapter 197: Not Ruthless Enough

When I got back to our shared room, Seyari had come down from her supposed-to-be-secret perch on the roof and was standing out on the balcony. Already, afternoon was turning to evening, though all the colors of the sky were hidden behind white clouds and whiter mountains. Closing the door softly, I walked over to my wife.

She spoke when I got close. “I think I might go into the city tonight.”

Caught off guard, it took me a second to respond. “…Why?”

She shrugged. “Try to find some people to spend time with, I guess.”

“Spend time with…?”

“You have Nelys and Taava and Brynna. And now those other three: the paladin from Lockmoth, Salvador’s daughter, and the merc who apparently decided she doesn’t hate you anymore.” She heaved a sigh and leaned more heavily against the railing, pulling her crimson wings in close. “Not to mention a duchess and a paladin who actually knows a thing or two about suturing.”

I reached out, but stopped myself. I don’t know if that’s what she needs right now. Really, I should be telling her we finally have a solid lead on Mordwell, and that we should be leaving tonight.

But now wasn’t the time for that. Couldn’t be.

Too often I go with the flow, roll with the punches, and just take everything with a smile, caring little for my own opinion. Hero complex, Paula’s words rang around my skull hard enough to make my horns vibrate.

But, right now with Seyari letting her have this was the right thing. I felt it in my bones. “What about Joisse?”

Seyari barked a single, mirthless laugh. “She’s our daughter, and a teenager in quite a few ways. She’s not someone I can be friends with in the sort of way I need, you know?”

She… well she honestly had a pretty good point.

“You have your sister, too,” Sey continued. “Even if she’s not around, you can write to her, which you really ought to.”

I can probably squeeze in a letter before I go, right? “I should yeah—I’ll write her something today in fact.”

“Going to tell her about your newest friend club recruits?”

I furrowed my brow. “Sey.”

She ran a hand through her hair. “Sorry. And I really mean that—sorry. I’m just… well, I’m a pretty crappy wife, aren’t I?”

“Huh? Of course not!” Behind me, my tail lashed. Even if Sey was the one insulting Sey, it was like an instinctual reaction.

“Renna…”

“But you’re not, you—”

“Don’t. Just don’t. Look, I… I’m not really sure I can face all this right now. Not sure I can do what I need to do, or stop doing what I don’t. And there are definitely some things I need to keep doing so you don’t—I’m getting off track.” She took a deep breath, while I floundered. She’s never flustered like this. “I need a social circle that can get me out of my head and help me talk and think things through.”

“What about—”

“Taava?”

“I was going to say Nelys, but…”

She shook her head. “No. I don’t get along well with Taava. For all our sordid pasts we have in common, she just views the world in a different way. Nelys, well I think you know they’re homesick, and I’m not going to burden them any more than maybe joining in on cards sometimes.

“Brynna I don’t even really know, and the same goes for the trio of new arrivals. More than that, they’re all so… young. Heavens, you are too, in a way. I could be your fucking grandmother.”

“My hot grandmother. No, wait, uhhh, forget that.”

Like a long-suffering autumn sun, a smile broke across Seyari’s features. “I’m not going anywhere you big lump. I’m just going to go find some folks in town or maybe back in Linthel that I can get to know better. Friends of my own.”

Almost out of nowhere, I remembered the books I’d given to Quiraxa to read. “What about… a writing group? I think I remember you telling me you wanted to write.”

“I—that’s actually a good idea. Not sure I’ll find anyone with any actual shred of useful lived experience, but… Well, it can’t hurt to try, right?”

“Right!”

“Thanks, Renna.” She pulled me into a half hug, wrapping her wings loosely around us.

“For what?”

“For being so damn understanding.” She reached up and poked me on the nose. “You should be mad, but I’m honestly relieved you’re not.”

My cheeks warmed. “If this is about what I think it is, all the hardening my heart stuff and leaning on me a lot, I guess I am kinda mad? B-but not in a serious sort of way—I just want both of us to be happy.”

Seyari hummed. “Me too. I don’t say things like this enough, but you’ve made me a nicer person—somehow.”

“Hey! You were always a—actually, I’ll take that one.”

“You’d damn well better!” She pulled away and looked out over the city. “Anyway, the day isn’t over yet and there might be someone with enough elf or dwarf or demon or angel in them to be old enough to relate to out there.”

For a moment, I wondered if I should let her go as she tensed, wings out and ready to take flight. But, I couldn’t let her go without telling her and it hurt to take her wrist in a firm grip.

“Renna?” she asked, whipping her head back around with wide, surprised eyes.

“I’ve got a lead on Mordwell,” I said evenly, ripping the wound dressing right off. “He’s being a nuisance in the Sovereign of Conceit’s territory to the south, and there’s a representative here that can guide us to him. I told her we could leave today.”

Seyari froze. In seconds, I saw a range of emotions run across her face. It settled on anger mismatched with an almost sad look. She swept down next to me and leaned against the railing, fixing me with a golden-eyed stare. As a gesture of comfort, I took just a little of her anger, and she relaxed more than I’d expected.

“A representative…” Her voice was soft. “That’d be the demon then. Honestly, I’d assumed it was one of Lillith’s, or something related to you or our daughter. So, when’re we leaving?”

“I told her tonight.” I leaned on the railing next to her and wrapped my tail around her legs.

She placed a hand on it, pushed a little, then settled for moving her fingers up and down my spine. “You trust her?”

“I trust her to be self-serving and to embody excessive pride.” I sighed, but it came out more like a growl. “I hate that I can’t know if this is a trap, but I don’t think it is. Although the timing is suspect.”

Seyari hummed in response. “What’s the plan for defenses here?”

“I’ve told Shyll to get who she can over here as soon as possible. We have Joisse, Nelys, Taava, Brynna, Razz, Keran, and I’m certain Sonia and her friends will help even if they really shouldn’t.”

“How many of those can fight off a greater demon?” She pulled her hand back and I missed it immediately.

“That’s the issue, yeah. Joisse can, and Nelys and I’d bet Shyll too, but that’s it.”

“How long will we be gone?”

“A week, maybe two.”

“Flying there?”

I nodded. “Got Quiraxa to agree to let me carry her.”

Seyari hummed again. “She made it to our castle without a flare from a tower warning us. We’ll be in big trouble if we get another attack.”

“We will.”

“But at the same time, we’re sitting here vulnerable, waiting for something to happen while our enemies do whatever they damn well please.” She looked over and up at me, eyes searching. They widened when they met mine.

“I was thinking the same.” A lick of flame came out just past my lips. “We’re not going to get stronger quickly, and Envy’s not the only thing that’ll be moving against us. The Church probably, and whoever sent those mercs.”

Seyari smiled, but it wasn’t a kind smile: it showed off her new sharp teeth a little too well, and the glow behind her eyes sharpened. When she spoke, she did nothing to hide the uncanny timbre of her voice. “I like this side of you. You know what I want to do, and I’m satisfied with the decision if you are.”

“I’m sorry for pulling you away from—”

She pulled me down into a kiss, biting my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. “Don’t be. I need this and you know it.” She licked her lips, then frowned. “And it is you deciding this, right? You’re not making this decision because you feel like I’d disapprove otherwise, or some bullshit about not being hard enough as a person?”

I shook my head. “No. This is a risk, but so is doing nothing, and if this eliminates an impending threat looming over us like a headsman’s axe, then it’ll save lives. Right now, if we move quickly, we should be able to do this before Astrye suffers again, or even intercept the next offensive.”

“Good.” Seyari purred. “Now let’s go meet our demon ‘ally’ and get in the air. Time’s burning; I have people to slay and writing groups to find.”

Before I could argue, she grabbed my wrist and kicked up into the sky, strong enough to take me with her as her wings snapped the air hard enough to scatter loose mortar. I tumbled, my own wings of fire flaring out a moment later, and took off after her.

She landed solidly, making Paula look up from her place over by the training dummy. I flashed the merc a smile, and she returned a suitably wicked looking one as I followed Sey inside.

“Do you hate stairs?” I asked my wife. “I did want to change first.”

“This place is full of narrow staircases that cramp my wings and take too long. So yes.” Her tone was terse, but bright. She’s excited; why does that scare me? “And just find a closet.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but she did have a point. “Quiraxa’s in the only sitting room with furniture. Don’t be mad that I lent her some of your books to read.”

Sey’s anger flared a little. “I’ll be less mad.”

“Maybe she might like them too?”

“And?” She quirked an eyebrow.

“Well, then, you know—”

Seyari scoffed. “I am not making friends with a conceit demon.”

I shrugged. “Hey, I’m just trying to help.”

Sey huffed and stomped away while I looked for a place to change from mortal clothing into magic armor that’d make me look like the main antagonist of one of Sey’s novels. It didn’t take long, and I heard raised voices as I walked back to the sitting room.

Nothing was on fire, and no walls were broken, but I still hastened my step until I could make out what was being said.

“…the superior option,” Quiraxa’s haughty voice said with a sneer so obvious I felt like I’d been slapped by it. “But I suppose an angel wouldn’t understand that kind of depth.”

“An angel of wrath!” Seyari shot back. “See these teeth, these claws, these blood-red wings? Do you really think she should end up with some soft-handed, two-timing backstabber who can’t even handle her own bodyguards in an even fight?”

“That’s why she employs them!”

“Oh yeah?” I could picture Sey’s smug smile. “What about in volume two when—”

“I’m not there yet!”

“Oh… well, when you get there, you’ll see just how wrong you are!”

I pulled up short outside the door, as Seyari and Quiraxa continued to argue about which romance option was best. Taava was there too, panting a little like she’d run some ways and—no, like she was trying to hold in laughter. Tears were beading at the corners of her eyes and her tail lashed behind her like a possessed whip.

She saw me and got out a “B-boss” before shoving a hand over her mouth to stop the snickering.

I reached for the handle and stopped short. Inside the sitting room, Sey and Quiraxa’s voices were coming back down, and they started talking about how useless the villain was because the author clearly didn’t understand true ruthlessness. Just like a couple of incredibly sinister gossiping schoolgirls.

Oh Dhias, have I erred?