Chapter 181: Cottage Fantasy

It took me all of a minute to realize I had no idea where my wife was, and a few moments more to decide to risk scaring one of the people running around the place. Some were servants, but we’d not done much to set that up yet; hiring was supposed to happen en masse when I returned.

All the death and food loss made me think we’d need to postpone. Perhaps until spring, as Sey and I could get by easily enough on our own until then.

After scaring someone only a little, I found where Seyari was: in what used to be stables. They’d largely been spared the fighting, and now they were a makeshift hospital. A curtain of warm wind washed over me as I entered, and I found both my wife and Paladin Warren inside.

Like I’d hoped, he was wordlessly treating a lupael man rather than plotting against me. Though he—like most everyone else—noticed my entrance, he said nothing and I gave him a nod.

“What’s—”

Seyari buffeted me with a wing and shushed me, and the harshness of her glare startled me. I spluttered and instead moved around quietly to watch her work. The inside of the stables was relatively open, with fence-like stalls filled with the injured. Some had makeshift cots, and others were on straw or even the ground.

My wife was working over a human woman who’d lost an arm and taken a nasty gash; she was deathly pale and shaking even as holy magic enveloped her, Seyari’s glowing hands hovering and moving in a pattern I couldn’t quite see.

She looked like she’d just started though, and I could feel her glare even if she was facing away. Did I do something, or is it all the death and destruction?

Rather than wait and bother her more, I should make myself useful.

As I was thinking, Paladin Warren finished and rose. And there’s a known face I can ask.

I approached quickly. “Hi.”

“Marchioness, with all due respect now is not—”

“How can I be useful?”

The paladin’s eyebrows rose, and he coughed purposefully. “Well, new wounded are arriving and we’ve no place for them but the floor. Could you get us straw? Your wife can dry it with magic—but I imagine you can do the same.”

“I can. I’ll be back shortly with as much as I can carry.”

I left quickly, and took to the air after a running start across the ruined courtyard. Flying over the town of Astrye, my mind wanted desperately for my heart to ache. The moment I looked skyward, my emotions tried to flow away like hot wax down a dying candle.

Not in my mind necessarily, but in my body. Exception though I was, my demonic body didn’t really suffer the same as a mortal one would, for good and ill. My heart didn’t hurt like it should. My muscles only felt a lingering, satisfied ache from a good fight.

It’d be easy to slip into that feeling, for mind to follow body. But, I didn’t.

I held onto my anger and my sorrow as I flew over the wounded city. Enough was still standing to make for shelter, but I worried about food. The big granary close to town was a total loss—I’d been so focused on saving Nelys I hadn’t thought to put it out first.

Would it have mattered? Maybe, maybe not. But it galled me that I hadn’t tried harder. There were other storehouses, some still intact I was certain, and a variety of cellars and leftover resistance stockpiles. But it wouldn’t be enough.

I landed near an old barn across from a destroyed farmhouse and took all the straw I could carry. On the flight back, I tried to look skyward, to think about the future.

Landing again in the courtyard, I walked quickly inside and dropped the straw in an open space near the entrance.

Seyari found me before I could even look for her. “We need to talk next steps.” Her voice was terse, and she pulled on my arm back out the door.

I followed her up into the sky and onto our balcony, which was quickly becoming our main method of ingress and egress to our chambers. The moment we both walked inside, Seyari closed the door and put up a wind wall to block sound.

She sat down on the bed, and leaned back on her wings, staring up at the ceiling before leveling a withering glare back down at me. “Renna. What the everloving fuck were you thinking?”

I blinked. “I… King Carvalon’s orders. We didn’t think we’d be attacked so soon either, and it was only a—”

“Couple of weeks, right? You’d have been back by now, otherwise. Perhaps we’d have been spared the attack.”

“We couldn’t know that!”

Seyari sat up, and rested her face in her hands. “Fine. Yes, we couldn’t know that, but staying away from our base of operations when we know there are enemies watching who would see us dead was impossibly reckless.”

I opened my mouth but she cut me off, jabbing a sharp-looking finger at me. “And not your usual type of recklessness, either! Not the altruism that I love you for, what you showed during the fighting—I’ve spoken with Brynna and Nelys both. This… I’m just disappointed.”

A part of me echoed her sentiment. At the same time… “My heart goes out to those who’ve died, and if I could go back and trade spurning an order from King Carvalon to be here instead of at the Winter Ball, I would. And that’s not even considering what might have happened to Duchess Kapel or the other Edathan nobility.” I walked as I talked, and sat down on the end of our bed an arm’s length away from her, looping my tail away and nervously folding all four hands in front of me. “But we’d not discussed me returning home as quickly as possible.”

“Returning to Astrye should have been implied,” Seyari said, looking into the cold firepit instead of at me.

I fidgeted my thumbs against each other. “You asked me to look for a book. Which, by the way I found, and I also connected with Lilly’s agent in Linthel.”

“That didn’t take two weeks.”

“I learned noble etiquette.” I looked over; she was still staring into the nonexistent fire.

“That takes longer, and I’ve not seen you demonstrate it.”

In the face of all that’d happened, and the circumstances of my return, I bristled, sitting straighter, tail tip twitching. “You’re just being contrarian at this point. We were fighting for our lives—not the finer points of a trade agreement.”

“I’m not being—fine. Just, shut up.” Seyari huffed, but I caught her eyes looking over at me. “You should have at the very least sent word of your delay.”

“I did, though.”

“Fuck.” She steepled her hands and rested her head against them.

I frowned as well. “The pass isn’t safe. It’s probably being watched.”

“Yeah.” Her tone bordered on sarcasm, and she buried her face deeper into her hands, her wings tucking in tighter.

“So are you less mad now?”

“A little.” She didn’t raise her head. “Can you at least admit you shouldn’t act like such a doormat for a human king?”

“He’s my suzerain, Sey.”

“You don’t sound like you believe that, Sovereign,” she replied acerbically.

Against my wishes, I winced at the irony. “Yes, but—”

Seyari lifted her head, and looked at me with cold golden eyes. “He holds no real power over you. You and I could stand a good chance of beating his entire army.”

“Sey!”

My wife huffed. “Look, I’m not going to let us be inconvenienced by obstacles between us and our enemies.”

“So you would make more enemies? Didn’t you want to get away from that kind of thinking?”

She winced like I’d slapped her and turned away. In an instant, I regretted my words.

“Sey…”

“No.” Her voice was softer than I’d imagined. “No, you’re right. Making more enemies isn’t the way to go, and I should know damn well from experience that I can’t just keep trying to eliminate everyone in my way. But you still should’ve pushed back against King Carvalon.”

I furrowed my brow. “How do you know I didn’t?”

Sey gave me a sidelong glance, and I wilted. “Yeah, thought so.”

“I did actually push back, a little.” Keeping my lower hands together, I planted the others on the rough bedcovers and leaned back a little.

“Not enough.”

“I wasn’t trained then!” I retorted.

“By me you were.” Seyari didn’t match my attempt at relaxation or at least she tried not to. Her wings slumped outward a little;

I hissed out a puff of flame. “Okay, fine. You’re right. At the very least, with how fast I fly, I should have taken learning materials and stayed here for the time between getting measured for a dress and the night of the ball.”

At that Sey smiled, the expression hollow and not reaching her eyes. “Thanks, Renna.”

I hummed. “And I didn’t tell people I was a demon, either.”

“I know.”

That caught me by surprise. “You do?”

“The duchess didn’t know. And Paladin Warren said as much when I questioned him.”

Oh, that makes sense. I was really happy she didn’t put extra emphasis on “questioned.” I scooted a little closer, but hesitated at looping my tail around under her wings. If I tweaked a flight feather right now, she’d have a whole other very valid reason to bite at me.

Seyari continued, “It is possible that you were seen after you left the estate. At the same time, I suppose you’ve made an impression, at least. Probably a favorable one for some. Though I doubt Duke Reynard feels the same way.”

“Why wouldn’t he?”

Seyari looked at me like I was a lame dog. “Your innocence is the only thing more durable than your skull, I swear. He put Paladin Warren up to outing you as a demon. I doubt the truth was hard for him to find out, especially if he went digging before King Carvalon doubtless cracked down on that sort of information.”

“I intend to tell him and everyone else soon anyway. You know how tired I am of hiding.”

Seyari nodded and finally relaxed a little, scooting closer. “Now that we can agree on. Joisse’s magic aside, we can use me to explain your relationship to holy magic, and undermine the Church’s dogma at the same time.”

“Believe it or not, I’m not out to take down the Church.” I matched her, risking to put my tail around us. Her wings moved up to accommodate.

“You keep saying that.” She looked down at the crimson tail across her lap.

“I mean it. Tania’s working from inside to change it, and what I can prove we can leverage as an external pressure.”

Seyari hummed. “Maybe, maybe. Or you’re not forceful enough and we have to deal with another faction out to kill us.”

At that, I frowned. “Then let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“Yes, let’s.” Seyari rose, sliding my tail off and tucking her wings behind her, and walked to one of the few intact windows.

I followed. Through the many tiny panes of glass, we could see down past the scaffolding on the ruined wall and into the town proper, snow glittering under the cold midday sun. Beyond it, the forest and mountains lay darkness, their colors washed-out.

“We should think about our next moves.”

I looked down at the burned-out granary. “We should petition King Carvalon, Duchess Kapel, or Duke Reynard for aid.”

“What?” Seyari turned to look up at me, genuine confusion on her face.

“With the main granary burned down, and after what was stolen or destroyed by the cult, we’re not going to have enough food for the winter.”

Seyari clenched her fists and raised her chin to look up at me. “Renna, if we don’t take Mordwell out, we won’t last long enough to worry about that. He didn’t send Lorelei. Envy retreated. This attack was opportunistic, and meant to throw us off from trying to stop whatever they’re up to—probably some incredibly dangerous ritual. For food, there are enough nomadic lupael groups south of here to prey on. I’ve spoken to Nadya about it.”

I shook my head. “And would she want to use the last of Astrye’s resources to go chasing Mordwell?”

“No, but she’s Astryan, and their leader de facto.”

“And I’m the Marchioness of Astrye—and you are too. I want to be more than their leader de jure.” I drew myself up, posing as I’d been taught.

Seyari narrowed her eyes at my posturing. “Do you mean you intend to stay in this role, under King Carvalon’s thumb?”

“For now, for legitimacy, yes. And part of that role is placing Astrye first. What did you think I would do?”

“Use the title as needed, then take Mordwell down and we’ll move somewhere else.”

“Why would we need to move?”

“I just got free again; I won’t be tied down somewhere.”

I shook my head. “I’m not saying to stay here forever, but I am saying that this castle can be that cottage, in a way. We’ve competent people under us, and we can handle external affairs, see the world, and take long vacations when there’s peace.”

Seyari pursed her lips, and was silent. “I… don’t know if I could do that. I don’t know if that time will come to pass, and I don’t think I can stay cooped up until then. I want to be with you, but I want to be free. Not shackled by titles and obligations.”

“Do… do you mind if I say something incredibly blunt?”

“Maybe.” She forced a smile. “Go for it, I guess. But I need to fly, need to get out beyond this castle and city—even if that means we spend some time apart.”

I swallowed away the lump that her statement, and the cold, almost detached voice she’d said it in, brought about. Beyond wiping the smile off my face, my jaw hung open a little before I closed it with a cough, mind racing. “Right. Blunt. We don’t have the option of not being shackled by titles and obligations, Sey. Just as much as my cozy cottage is an unattainable fantasy, so is flying free without responsibilities.”

I turned to face Seyari fully, watching the sun play off her shining silver hair. “Even if we forego our noble titles, I’m a demonic sovereign, and that comes with responsibilities. We have friends who we—mostly me, I admit—have made promises to. We have relationships we want to keep.

“We have Joisse, Sey.”

I reached across and placed a lower hand on Seyari’s shoulder; she reached up, but stopped just short of shoving the limb away. “Do you want our daughter to go with us? I could always be wrong, but I think she wants a static sort of home; I think she needs that. I’m not saying we lock ourselves in the castle and chain ourselves to our work. I’m saying that we just need some place to come back to some sort of home that supersedes other ‘homes.’” I didn’t try to force a smile; it wouldn’t be genuine.

Seyari swallowed, rubbing one arm with the other. She held her lips close and eyes down: indecisive, deflated, and small, in a way I rarely saw. “Maybe I just wanted to go flying more than I have. Maybe I just wanted to fly free when you gave me my wings back, and I feel shackled by this title, castle, and town. You leaving things to me these past weeks didn’t help either.” She looked up, and I saw a familiar fire in her eye. Her hand clenched onto mine, pushing it against her shoulder.

Now the smile showed through, growing hesitantly across my face. “I am sorry about that.”

“Good. Apology accepted, I guess. Time to move on, right? Honeymoon’s over—too short, and all too sweet.” Seyari turned her head to the window, sweeping her gaze across our demesne.

I followed her gaze, looking toward the mountain peaks. “You can still go flying every day!” It still hurt that she hadn’t apologized for earlier, but in the spirit of the moment I let it go.

“I will!” She flared her wings, brushing the window. “In fact, I’ll leave on longer excursions the moment it’s safe to do so, with or without you.”

“But you’ll let us know where you are and when you’ll be back?”

Seyari scoffed, then smiled with too-sharp-for-human teeth. “Of course. I’m not that obvious of a hypocrite. And I do hope you and Joisse can come along. I’ll give this old dirty rock a chance at being home, but if neither of us like it, we’re building that cottage, titles be damned.”

I nodded. “Titles be damned.”

“Good. I still don’t think you should leave here, even for an aid petition.” She removed her hand from mine, and I followed suit.

“It’d be a risk, but we need food.”

“What about foraging? Lupael here live off the land, and some in Astrye know techniques.”

I caught my hand trying to scratch at a horn. “That could work.”

“And we can scout the south as well. Perhaps see evidence of passage or of taken resources.” Seyari didn’t try to hide her motivation for this suggestion.

But it was still an attractive, relatively safe option.

I folded my hands in front of me. “Alright, but can we afford to send people to patrol the pass? If Duchess Kapel accepts a petition for aid, and we can get goods through, it’d be a big help.”

Seyari scratched her chin. “We’ll need to know more about what’s left after last night’s attack, and at the same time we should move quickly. That’s agreeable.”

I turned back to the window and looked out at the silent forest. “In the meantime, while I’m patrolling, as I assume I should be visibly patrolling—”

“Yes, go on.”

“—In the meantime, I’ll hunt.”

“We’ll need to ask to make sure you don’t overhunt, and that you take the right game.”

“Good idea.”

“I know.”

“Can you at least not be smug? This is a compromise.”

“I feel half like I won then.”

“So are you going to be half as smug?”

Seyari’s grin grew.

“You’re reminding me of me right now, Sey.”

Her grin vanished with a cough. “Right. Well then. We’ll scout around to ensure our safety, get you and the duchess out and back within the next two days—and no staying extra time—patrol the pass if we can, work on our food shortage, and make plans to find and crush Mordwell before he can finish whatever scheme he’s set in motion.” She held out a hand for me to shake, one claw-like nail chipped.

I took it. “Agreed! I’ll stay no extra time, not even if the Empress herself petitions me.”

“Good girl.”

I nodded, then blushed at Seyari’s expression. She actually purred.

“Uh, shouldn’t we still be helping—or mourning.”

“People process grief in different ways, Renna. For some, feeling alive is a necessary step.”

I gulped. “I didn’t want to ask about earlier when I first got here—I figured the battle kinda—”

“Oh, it ruined the mood. Then I thought about you staying all that extra time to learn how to bow correctly and it got even worse.” She took a step toward me, smiling wide and eyes bright. “But I’m over it now, I’m nearly mana exhausted so I can’t be out there helping, and really, Renna, it’s been weeks.”

The wind grew into a hurricane and Seyari pounced.