Chapter 153: Motivation

Neither Seyari nor I were in a mood to talk about our wedding the next morning. I’d given serious thought to her points during the night: I did want guests, and some kind of ceremony. And I’d need a new dress.

And we’d need to decide if we wanted someone from the Church to marry us. It wasn’t necessary in Edath—not after the war—but a part of me wanted it. I was tired enough to sleep a little, and in one dream Yevon performed the ceremony.

That image was enough to get me up, and I had a fire stoked by morning.

I’d been happy for the sleep, and more than anything glad that I could still at least seem to need it. Joisse was the same, and my daughter even now slept peacefully. Outside the shuttered windows, a harsh wind was blowing, but this room in the castle was peaceful.

It was easy to forget what happened here. Thankfully, it wasn’t nearly the atrocity it could have been. I had no regrets with how I handled this—no serious ones at least. The only mistake I made was letting that other demon get the jump on me.

But I’d also only been doing this for a few years.

And now I’m thinking about my lack of mortality.

I tried to focus on making breakfast. I wasn’t a great cook, but experience is the best teacher, and I had plenty of that. The fact that I could also hold the pot directly in the fire with two arms, work with another two, and grab items I needed with my tail helped immensely.

When I can try smithing again, I can only imagine how jealous Bourick will be!

I smiled at the thought, peeling a potato with one claw. I’d come a long way from the time I cooked with Lilly in Sandmeadow. I’d come a long way period, in both mind as well as, physical distance.

I didn’t really want to keep chasing. Saving Lorelei was something I’d like to do, and killing Mordwell for Seyari would be nice, but the war…

Well I didn’t have a choice.

And I was pissed about that. For once, I had a very clear motivation to get stronger. I hadn’t needed it for Finley, and I’d never really been that interested in it. Even after Lockmoth, I’d only pursued gathering strength halfheartedly.

I finished slicing the potato (with my claws) and dropped it in the pot, leaning back to look up at the barely-hanging chandelier.

How can I do this?

I need to make sure Astrye and Linthel are safe. Then, I should hunt down as many wrath demons as I can—avarice and envy demons, too. I can either bring them to my side, contracting advantageously where I need to, or I can kill them and grow my own power.

From what Isidore told me, I would grow passively as a terrestrial demon, but passive wasn’t going to cut it. I’d rather make a bigger damn house than lose what I have now.

I realized I was crushing my handprints into the pot handles and relaxed. Maybe Sey and I can have a small ceremony here, send out letters, and have a bigger one later? I’m certain Lilly will help get the letters where they need to go securely.

And I’ll need a network like hers, too. Although wrath demons probably aren’t as good at that. What can we do besides be a terrifying horde?

Manual labor, for one. But I didn’t exactly want to make a mining operation. Perhaps skilled trades that required manual labor. Monster hunting?

I had a little time to figure it out, and a lot of things still to do. I was so deep in thought that I barely noticed when Seyari woke and crept over to me. She wrapped her arms around me from behind and kissed one of my pointed ears.

“Morning, Renna.”

“Morning, Sey. What do you think of a small ceremony here in Astrye in the next week or so, then sending out letters via Lilly? We can do a formal ceremony when it’s safe to.”

“It’s… fine, I guess. We’re not going to do better.”

I frowned. “Yeah, I wish things were easier.”

“Me too, but then we wouldn’t have met.”

“You’re making us sound like an old couple.” I tried not to look at her stump.

“We will be, someday.”

“Sey?” I turned to look at her.

She bent down to where I was sitting, a slight bend, and gave me a kiss on the lips. Tongues got involved, and I nearly spilled the stew.

“I’m sorry, Zarenna,” Seyari said. “For asking after Abigail so callously when we were going to the old fort. I’m sorry for not trusting you. After everyone wakes up… would you take me flying?”

I felt tears coming on, and I hugged my fiancée with my two free arms. I thought about what she said for a moment. “Apology accepted, and I’d love to! Maybe we can even see Mordwell from up high.”

Seyari kissed me again. “If we do, we’ll go kill him and be done with it.”

“Mhm,” I agreed. “Are you certain your hand and wings can’t be healed?”

Seyari bit her lower lip and her golden eyes drifted to our daughter. “I don’t know.”

I followed her gaze. Joisse’s demonic holy magic! “Do you think Joisse could help? Wouldn’t her magic just hurt you?”

“I don’t know. This sort of thing has been talked about before, but I don’t even remember an instance of magic like Joisse’s from my days with the Inquisition. I assume my wings are gone, but I wonder about my hand.”

“Why would your wings be different from your hand?”

Seyari’s lips twitched, and she stayed silent, pulling away from our embrace and sitting down next to me to stare into the crackling fire. “Are you burning a chair?”

“Don’t change the subject. And yes I am, it broke on me last night and this is revenge.”

Seyari snorted. “Vindictive against chairs. A truly monstrous demon of wrath you are.”

“The chair started it.”

This time Seyari had to cover her mouth with her hand to avoid laughing. She socked me with her bad arm, and we both froze when the stump hit.

“I’ll find a solution, Sey, I promise.”

She shook her head. “No, I’ll find one and—”

“We’ll find one.”

My fiancée sighed. “Fine, you win. We’ll find one.”

I nodded approvingly, then tilted my head. “What’s keeping you from asking Joisse? She’d be thrilled to bits if it works.”

“And she’d be crushed if it doesn’t.”

My heart fell. “You’re right. But… she’s a big girl.”

“You say that like you’ve been her parent for years.”

I looked over at Joisse, sleeping peacefully in her demon form, tail sticking out from a pile of blankets and bedrolls. “I guess that’s a little strange, but I do mean it. She’s matured a lot lately. And I think her form and her magic were influenced by both of us.”

Seyari stayed silent.

“Sey. You’re the one who knows these things, so if you’re silent, I worry.”

Seyari sighed. “Yes, she does seem like we had an influence. We might be closer to her blood parents than any of us realize. And… I don’t know. I’m worried. I’m attached. I don’t want to lose any of this and I feel like I’m being selfish or maybe this is all a dream and—”

I cut her off with a kiss, wrapping her jittering tongue with my own.

When I pulled away Seyari pouted. “That’s not fair.”

“I let you get me back in bed all the time.”

Seyari punched me with her good hand this time.

I stuck my long tongue out at her. “Really, though. If you’re interested, why don’t we ask Joisse? She should be the one to decide.”

“You’re only saying that because you know she’ll say yes.”

“I’d say the same regardless, though.”

“…You would, wouldn’t you.”

I nodded enthusiastically.

“Do your arms get tired holding that pot up?”

“Sey…”

“Fine. I’ll ask her when she gets up. If she’s okay with it, we’ll try it once things are settled down.”

“We’ll try it immediately!”

“Renna! We can’t, it’s not—"

“Safe?” I finished for her. “Nothing is safe right now and you know it. The risk is worth it—nothing is trying to kill us right now.”

Seyari pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “I wish we had someone with healing magic we could trust with Joisse’s secret.”

I bit my lip. “I… I feel like I’ve been pressuring you.”

“You have.”

“I’m sorry then, I shouldn’t—I couldn’t stand if it went wrong.”

“Thanks, but… I want this. Even if it makes me a little less angel and a little more demon. I’ve not been a good angel anyway.”

I wrapped my tail around Sey and pulled her next to me. She jolted, but snuggled up. “We’ve been over this, Sey. The past is the past, and you’re a wonderful person now. Plus, this whole ‘angels are good and demons are bad’ thing has more holes in it than a colander.”

Seyari didn’t respond immediately, so I nervously checked the stew. Still needs a lot of time.

“I think I’m ready. She said eventually. I thought about how others might see me. How I could get recognized as Yothariel. But… I’d rather be back at my full strength. I want to fly with you. Under my own power.

“Plus…” she continued, voice dropping low. “I’m safe with you around. I trust you Zarenna. You’re strong, and you can protect me and damn this is not easy to admit.”

I used my free lower arm on one side to wrap around her. Next to me, curled up tight, she looked small. “Thanks, Sey. I trust you too, you know.”

“…I know.”

“Then there’s nothing to be sad about!” I gave her a shake and she jolted.

“But…”

“I will not allow you to feel bad about how you took so long to trust me after you’ve spent eighty years being burned by people you tried trusting.” Seyari’s anger flared a little at being called out. I ate it swiftly and without remorse. “And I won’t let you feel angry about it either.”

Seyari tried to summon more anger, then gave up and leaned into me. “You’re unfair, Zarenna. But… thanks.”

“I’m hoping to get a lot more unfair soon, though.”

“Hmm?”

“I need to get stronger.” I looked down at one of my hands, and at the soft glow of my sternal symbol. “Envy toyed with me. And an average greater demon was able to challenge me. I’m strong now, but this distance between myself and my enemies might just be greater than the distance between myself and a mundane human.”

“I’ll train you however I can,” Sey responded simply.

“You’re going to encourage this?”

“You’re right, so why wouldn’t I? You know, Zarenna, for someone with such a great deal of empathy and emotional insight, you’re denser than a boulder.”

“…sometimes?” I tried to add.

“No, always. But that’s changing, too. You’ll need that when you’re in charge of Astrye.”

“But—”

“They need you as a protector and a leader both. No one is going to want a title with no prestige when what little prestige it could have is held by a random citizen who could burn their whole castle down with a flick of her wrist.”

“When you put it like that…”

Seyari wriggled her one good hand out from our embrace and flicked me on the nose. “When I put it like that, I’m right.”

“But what if they don’t accept a demon?”

“You saved their town when no one else was going to, and you’re not asking for anything in return. A reluctant ruler is usually the best ruler. Plus, King Carvalon wants you to take this title and he has methods to force that.”

“Do you really think he would?”

Seyari flicked my forehead. “Dense.” She flicked one horn. “As.” She flicked the other. “A.” She flicked my nose again, hard. “Boulder.”

“Oh.”

“Now finish that stew. I’m hungry.”

“Could I get a please?”

“Okay, please finish that stew, and thank you for making it and taking the night watch. Actually, did you sleep at all?”

I checked the stew again. Lots more time—probably a reason this isn’t a breakfast food. “I did.”

Eventually, the others woke up one by one. Joisse stayed in her blanket pile until a sleepy Taava took enough of them to force a grumbling demon out into the room. The smell of stew brought her over, even if she insisted that she didn’t really need to eat. It wasn’t until Nelys agreed to take her portion that my daughter filled her own bowl.

Mid-way through our morning meal, we were interrupted by the return of my sister. Kartania Miller strode into the room in full armor, and palmed her forehead when she saw the lot of us, barely dressed, talking and playing cards over half-finished bowls of stew.

“We have a problem,” she said. “And I need all of you dressed now.”

“The cult?” I asked, eager to get up from my losing hand.

“No. The Church. And they’re not taking kindly to the reports that a demon saved the city and is still in it.”

“Didn’t Yevon do something about that?” Seyari asked.

“He did, but High Priest Aleric Grants is with this group, and he’s not the type to listen.”

Seyari blinked. “High Priest Aleric. Really? How did that sycophant with a whole training sword up his ass make it to High Priest?”

“I think ya just answered yer own question!” Taava answered.

“Taava is unfortunately right. But that doesn’t mean we should underestimate him. And we can’t let a fight break out. It’ll be our word versus his for whatever lie gets told, and even with the truth, there’d be problems. And if the Church forces don’t return, it’ll be even worse. Yevon won’t be inclined to risk his position to help us fight a losing battle.”

I bit back a swear. “After all this, and I’m going to have to debase myself to try to get them to see reason.” I reached for my pack where my Gelles Company uniform was folded. “I’ll let you lead, Tania, but I’m not going to give them my pride.”

“Sister, you may have to.”

“I will not do anything unreasonable.”

“I… I understand. I pray it does not come to that.”

“Will you help us if it does?” Seyari asked.

Tania took a long time to think of a response. “…I don’t think so.”

Her response hurt, but I shoved it down for now. “I can’t make you. Joisse, stay here with Taava and Nelys. Seyari, you should come with.”

“He’ll recognize me.”

“We can use that.”

“Or it’ll blow up in our faces.”

“Did you not want to come?”

Seyari swallowed heavily. “I do. Let’s go.”

“Good.” Kartania said stiffly. “I’ll wait outside the door, and I can’t wait long. You have two minutes to get ready, and we’ll need to run.”

“That’s unreasonable.”

Kartania paused by the door. “It is.”

I gritted my teeth together. “High Priest Grants had better have a damn good reason for making us rush.”

My sister closed the door, and I saw the flash of a smirk on her lips. Does Tania want me to give a high priest a verbal smackdown? I dressed angrily—I’d give him one.

As we were leaving, Joisse tugged at one of my hands. “Be safe, Mom Renna. You too, Mom Sey.”

My anger relaxed, and I took a deep breath. “Thanks, Joisse. We will.”