Chapter 151: Two Moms

I looked at the two lupaels in the doorway a little closer. The woman resembled Brynna strongly enough that she had to be family, and I wondered if they were here because I punched the castle’s wall down or because they’d met up with the others.

“Road’s clear between here and the city, and the city’s cleared out too,” the Brynna lookalike said.

“Zarenna!” a familiar voice shouted.

“Seyari!” I shouted back, scaring more than a few people by bounding toward the door.

The two lupaels stepped aside to let my fiancée through. Seyari, unharmed and beaming, ran up to me, and I pulled her off the ground into a four-armed hug. Uncaring of the looks I’d get, I leaned down and pecked her on the cheek. She flushed red, but didn’t say anything.

“We’re all okay,” she said. “the others are going through the rest of the castle looking for stragglers, and the resistance has the city and farms secured.”

I set her down and looked at the two lupaels. “You’re resistance then?”

They nodded.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” the woman asked.

“For risking everything to push back against this cult.”

The woman tilted her head at me, expression unreadable. “I guess Rynna was right. I’m Razz, but it looks like now’s not a good time for introductions.”

“You’re not holding everyone here, are you?” the man looked at me, particularly at the bloodstains on my dress, most of which were from Finley’s heart.

I must have looked quite the sight: a tall demon lady in a somewhat risqué dress standing shoeless in the doorway of a chapel, half the town standing nervously behind her, was a lot. That I my dress also had blotchy crimson stains and bits of shredded muscle stuck to it right around where the neckline plunged between my breasts definitely didn’t help, and I imagined the soft crimson glow ringed with green from my gemstone didn’t do much to make me look less scary either.

Without any idea of how to remedy my appearance other than the obvious, I brushed the heart bits off my front and shook my head. “No. I was about to head out and check if the castle was secure myself, but it’s a relief that it’s being taken care of. “

“Yep!” Razz said. She forced her gaze past me to look over the crowd, including the two I’d been speaking with earlier, and then took one of my hands to shake. “Your friends were a huge help, Zarenna!”

I hadn’t expected an enthusiastic thanks, but no way was I going to turn it down. “I’m glad! I wish we could’ve gotten here sooner.” I beamed a smile Razz’s way and she flinched a little.

“Me too,” Razz said solemnly, after taking a moment to regain her composure, which earned her a reproachful look from the middle-aged lupael man next to her.

“Did you really do all that outside yourself?” he asked, staying vague on purpose no doubt. “And is Finley dead?”

“I did, yes. And he is.”

“What are you going to do now then?” The lupael man’s voice sounded more tired than angry.

“Don’t mind Keran,” Razz interjected. “But he does have a point.”

I inclined my head toward the two I was speaking with earlier. “I was already talking about that. We didn’t catch the biggest fish so to speak, and I’ll both need a place to stay while we search after him and Astrye will need someone to protect it from him just coming back. I assume he’ll not be easy to catch.”

“I knew it!” someone shouted.

I couldn’t help my gaze snapping to the exact individual in the crowd and they shrank away.

I shook my head. “Sorry. Still on edge. Look, I’m asking to stay here, nothing more.” I thought about Carvalon’s offer. No way, right?

“We can’t say ‘no’ to that, can we?” Razz asked.

The crowd set to mumbling.

“We’ll talk about things,” Keran said, walking past me into the room. I noticed that he, particularly his tail, shook, even if he kept his ears perked up. “Decide if you can stay.”

He’s afraid. Except Razz, they all are—and that’s probably only because Razz trusts Brynna who must trust me.

“I think I’ll leave you four to talk things out, then,” I agreed. “This isn’t my city, after all.” I turned to follow Seyari out the doors to the chapel.

“Thank you,” the older woman I’d spoken to earlier said. “Regardless of anything else, you’ve saved a lot of lives today—more than those you ended.”

I smiled ruefully and strode out of the room. Once outside, I released a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Without the press of bodies, the hall felt cooler, and I could breathe more easily.

Seyari rubbed a hand into the small of my back as we walked. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “If it makes any sense, I’m only not okay because of just how okay I am. Knowing what the cult did, all that killing felt great.”

Our footsteps echoed in the hallway, growing more pronounced as the chaos of conversation in the chapel faded rapidly.

Seyari’s voice was quiet when she spoke. “If you’re worried about becoming a monster, then it means you won’t. If that makes any sense. I think you said something like that to me once.”

I stopped and looked down at her. My angelic fiancée smiled up at me, and I had the errant thought that short hair looked good on her—but long hair did too.

“Do you mean to say that when I stop worrying is when I’ll lose myself?”

“Yeah, but now that I think about it, I don’t think that’s really true for you. I think, to the contrary, you’ve finally found yourself. You can go rip apart an army of evil and return home to hug your daughter the same day and that’s fine.”

I looked down at my claws and clenched them into fists. “Envy was here—killed Finley right in front of me.”

Seyari shivered like a shock passed through her. “Fuck. Where?”

“Gone, I think. After wherever Mordwell went.”

“Shit. Did Envy really just taunt you and leave?”

I nodded. “…Sorta. I don’t know why they would and the whole thing makes me uneasy. We should talk to the others about it soon. For now though—where’s Joisse?”

“She’s waiting in a sitting room. Said the smell of blood was too enticing and she was worried she’d lose control.”

I felt a pang in my heart at Seyari’s words. “We should go talk to her, then.”

“We?”

“You’re her mom, too. Or you will be soon.”

“You really mean to get married before we go after Mordwell? What about revenge—didn’t Envy killing Finley hurt?”

“A little, but only in a base sort of sense. Really, I’m just relieved that he’s dead. He can’t hurt anyone else now.”

Seyari hummed a response, and I got the distinct feeling she was more unsatisfied than I was. Nevertheless, she guided me without comment around the main hall, and I could see the corpse of the demon I killed by the doors I’d kicked in. There was a gap in the clouds, and the sun shone off their discarded halberd.

“Think Finley will become a demon?” my fiancée asked.

“I don’t know,” I growled. “If he does, then I’ll kill him again—and if he’s a wrath demon I’ll eat his soul, too.”

Seyari looked up at my serious face, then blushed and looked away.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing!” Seyari replied. “We should… talk about something more wholesome. Make the mood nicer because Joisse should be through this next door.”

I blinked at Seyari a few times, but did as she asked, and the pair of us were talking about tonight’s dinner when we entered the sitting room. Or, what was left of it.

Joisse clearly wasn’t the culprit, but she sat alone on half a broken lounge, and was staring up at a painting with a single great rip across its center. The scene was an idyllic field, golden wheat ready for harvest under a bright blue sky. A quaint farmhouse slouched right of center. My daughter was in her demon form, and she glanced from the painting to her claws and back again.

“I didn’t—” she started.

“I know.” I swept the floor with my tail and sat down next to her, wrapping her in a hug with my two right arms. I beckoned Seyari with another hand, and she closed the door, moving to sit down next to us.

“But…” Joisse scrunched her eyes as if she was trying not to cry. “I’m worried that I will. Not to, like, a painting, but to an actual life like that. Wreck it, that is. Sure, I’m basically an adult and there’s no time for any kind of nice happy life… but I want it. But I also don’t deserve it—I’ve killed so many people.”

“Me too.” I held her tight. “You saw outside.”

Joisse nodded numbly.

“And if you think Zarenna’s bad,” Seyari plopped down on the other side of Joisse. “Well, you should see me. This cult? Yeah, I used to be part of it. I was their attack dog—attack angel, really.”

“Really?” Joisse’s red eyes went wide.

“Yeah.” Seyari smiled sadly. “Really. You were consumed by anger, and even then you mostly took out unrepentant murderers. Doesn’t make it right, I know, but it makes it better. And we can pretend all we like that it’s the exact same evil, but it isn’t.

“Same with Zarenna. Sure, some of those cultists could maybe change their ways, or maybe were brainwashed, but Zarenna had to choose to save the city and us, or to try to save some of them and maybe lose everything.”

My daughter looked up at me, but I couldn’t quite meet her gaze. She looked quickly away and back to the ripped painting, her eyes scanning over the destroyed sitting room. “That sucks. It’s like there’s no good choice.”

“Yeah,” I said. “There isn’t. You just save the ones you love, and decide who you want to help and what side to take. Then you act and regret later. Even if you enjoy the fighting, even if your claws want to rip through flesh…” I shuddered. “You shouldn’t ever truly enjoy it. That moment of hot revenge isn’t worth a lifetime of cold regret.”

Joisse nodded. “I know that. All of that. The destruction and the regret and the rush. But… I don’t think I’m like I was before. Everything’s calmer now, but I’m worried it won’t stay that way.”

“Just worry about when you stop worrying.” I flopped my tail over all three of us, and Joisse pulled it closer to herself with her lower arms. “We’re always trying to be better, and I don’t think anyone ever actually ‘finds’ themselves. Not truly. We all just keep looking and looking, but we’re always changing. Just try to make that for the better, yeah?”

For a long, quiet moment, we all stared at the ruined painting. “You say a lot of deep stuff, Mom. How do I know it isn’t all bullcrap?”

I shrugged. “You don’t. I don’t. I just say what feels right and then figure out later what’s worth remembering.”

“Yeah, like that.”

“Hey!” I glanced down and all my worries were swept away by my daughter’s fang-filled smile.

“Thanks, Mom.” Joisse turned to Seyari. “And you too…” my daughter trailed off.

Seyari glanced up at me, and I nodded. Her mouth moved and her golden eyes filled with tears. Seyari shook her head and hiccupped.

“I didn’t mean to—” Joisse reached for Seyari.

The three-quarters angel shook her head again, but didn’t pull away. Seyari tried and failed not to cry, and Joisse was the one to hold her this time.

“It’s okay,” our daughter whispered. “I think you’re a good person—regardless of your past, the Seyari I know is kind and caring. And a little bit prickly.”

Seyari mumbled something, but I couldn’t understand it. Instead, I found my eyes drawn again to that damn painting. Maybe I’ll get it fixed.

Why would I think that?

We were going to chase after Mordwell. But… we didn’t know where he went, and we probably wouldn’t find out. And Astrye was vulnerable. And I needed influence and the region had no nobility.

But I also was an outsider. Just over the mountains might as well have been a world away. The people here would never accept me. Maybe I can take the picture back and reframe it.

All throughout trying to keep from watching Seyari as she cried with Joisse comforting her, I found my focus slipping., Eventually, I joined them, wrapping both of them up into a smaller hug. When I let go, Seyari was drying her tears.

“You—” she coughed, clearing her throat. “Joisse, you can call me ‘Mom’ too, if you’d like.”

Joisse blinked in shock. “I… okay! Okay, Mom!”

I hugged both of them again.

“But, you can’t both just be ‘Mom,’” Joisse continued. “And I don’t think either of you want to be ‘Dad,’ so maybe ‘Mom Sey’ and ‘Mom Renna?’”

“I’m fine with that!” I giggled. “Unless Sey wants ‘Dad.’”

“No way!” Seyari beamed, shaking and blinking away the last of her tears. “That sounds lovely, Joisse.”

“Great!” Our daughter pulled us into a hug. “Can we stay for just a minute longer?”

Laughing, I was about to say yes, when I caught footsteps outside, followed by a knock on the door.

“Renna?” Nelys asked through the battered wood. “Are you in there? I thought I heard your voice—we found something important.”

“Is everyone okay?” I asked back, raising my voice a little.

“Yep!”

“Can it wait a minute?”

“Well, yeah I guess…”

“Could I take that minute for family time?”

Nelys paused for a moment. “…Okay.”

I felt a pang of regret the moment the word left Nelys’s mouth. Family time. When they’re missing their own family and uncertain of their future. Way to go me. Way to be a shit friend.

“You should join us!” Joisse shouted. “Friends are fine too!” She gave me a wink and I melted.

Seyari jumped up to let Nelys in, and to my immense relief, they perked up quickly. As the conversation drifted to mundane topics, I realized how much I cherished this time.