(Rewritten) Ch. 46 – Breakdown

The Pictures On The Screen Tell A Story - Part 2

The pictures on the screen move and tell a story, of many dead people and more dead creatures. But the little girl watches no more, her eyes on the corner of the bed. She doesn't blink and doesn't breathe as the long snout of a beast comes into sight. The little girl's thoughts are numb, and the switch in her hand is red and the knife in her other hand is as long as the beast's fangs. She watches as the beast's head comes around the corner and she looks into its black eyes, hungry eyes.

The numb little girl did listen well when the busy man in the green clothes gave her the red switch and the long knife and said: "When your mama and your papa is gone, and your brother and your sister is gone, and you're all alone, and there is a scary beast, press this red button and keep it pressed, and take this knife and hold it so." And the busy man showed her how to hold the knife.

"And when the scary beast comes close and you can't run and nobody is there, then you hold the knife and you push as hard as you can and you keep the button pressed." The little girl keeps the button pressed and the beast comes closer and there is nobody else. So she holds the knife the way the busy man showed her, and then she pushes as hard as she can.

The beast gets loud and screams and bites her on the hand that holds the switch, and the hand comes off and the beast chokes and swallows the hand. Red drips from her arm and more red blooms in the beast, and soon the knife gets too hot to hold.

– An artist's rendition of the war against the Antithesis

***

First thing we did, was strip.

My horseshoe clattered to the floor in a big puddle forming at my feet, shortly followed by my deformed shift. Leah's Sleeve kept dry, but her overall was soggy and clung uncomfortably to my arms when I helped her get it off, like baggy wet jeans. Even my ear protectors were more water than fuzz.

My tail was still dripping, and I decided to do like a dog and shook it out, sending water droplets everywhere. Including Leah's face just as she removed her helmet, which she was absolutely thrilled by.

The tail fuzz was magic—it didn't smell like anything. No wet canine smell, no sweat, just clean nothingness. But it held onto water like a champ. So I kept right on helicoptering it. I grinned at Leah with the most innocent, big-eyed expression I could make, as I painted the room wet.

She jumped me with a growl, and tickled me with one hand at the side of my waist, making me squirm and laugh as I twisted away to escape. But she'd caught my tail in the other hand and pulled me in like a rope, gently, careful not to hurt me.

My tail, however, was no rope! No, indeed!

I snaked it up behind her back, and stuffed her face with it, leaving her spluttering once again.

Laughing, I stepped back and pulled my tail away, and took a minute to create a new, uh, bathrobe. Yup, being able to literally glue it to myself for shape made it so much easier. Freshly clothed, I weaved two towels. Since the fibroin of my silk was so very absorbent, I figured it'd do a great job of drying us off.

Hmm. That could be dangerous around chemicals. Soaked up acids in silk clothes and stuff…that would be nasty on the skin. But maybe as traps?

I gave the first fluffy sheet to Leah. It was really just a hand towel, since she needed it only for her face where I'd rollered her with my tail.

Second tiny towel complete, I carefully rubbed my antennae down with it. The intense frissons firing through the sensilla had me shifting back and forth on my feet as if I had to pee, until a massive yawn interrupted me.

Tinea, you should eat soon. You are quite malnourished.

"That explains the tiredness."

Yes. Your body lacks minerals, too, since the chrysalis. The slush from the facility will not suffice, I'm afraid—you need quality food.

"Got any suggestions?"

I assume you wish to keep the expenditure as low as possible?

"Yes, definitely."

In that case a few NutriBars, from your Class I Medical Utilities and stuffed with a variety of active supplements, would suffice for today. You'll want a second helping tomorrow.

"Sounds good. Leah, I need to use a few points for medicinal food. Maybe you, too?"

"Medicinal?"

"Supplements and stuff. I haven't even eaten properly since I woke up, nevermind all the weaving and moving and fighting."

"Ah, yeah. I'd prefer something that's not that, too." She said, nudging the remaining jar with a toe. I figured that made sense, considering she'd been here for…a while.

"Okay. Say, do you happen to have a food catalog?"

"Why, I do, actually! Indispensable, with kids around, really."

"Oh! Cool, what's in it? Uh, Tynea, would that still work with the supplements I need?"

Certainly. Shall I send a list of your needs to Ypsilon?

"Yes! Leah! Food!"

Leah shook a finger at me. "Well now, young lady. Have patience! Let us be seated properly, first. And give me that towel, I'll help you with your hair."

I pouted, looking up at her from beneath my lashes. "But foood!"

Leah clearly only barely held onto her serious expression. "No buts, Tin-Tin! Towel. Now."

Pouting harder, I played the recalcitrant kid holding out the towel. Leah finally cracked up and her laughter spilled out, filling up the space around us, tickling my sensilla like a massage of happiness. I reveled in it, glad to tickle her funny bone, and wrapped my arms around her for a warm embrace.

Even if the hard grid of the Sleeve's exoskeleton got in the way, a hug was still a hug, and it felt great, especially when she hugged me in return and put her chin on my head for a few moments.

Eventually she let go of me, and said, "Here, turn around. Let me dry your hair."

Antennae in hand to keep them out of the way, I gave her my back and she softly threaded the silky fluff through my hair. I closed my eyes to better enjoy the kneading of my scalp.

***

Leah smiled as she stood behind Tinea, letting the messy sheet of silkweave soak up the moisture with slow movements. The fake feedback from the Sleeve forced her to be extra careful so she wouldn't pinch Tinea's antennae; her earlier aggravated fidgeting had shown how painfully sensitive they must be.

The grooming of another girl's hair was a familiar ritual, and it called to her on a level deeper than mere skin. This was what she'd always done—whether for her sister, or for the orphans.

Even the uncomfortable proprioception from the Sleeve couldn't change that.

Limb replacements, huh? Limbs, or a fighting vehicle? Which is gonna get us home safely? And get us the points we need?

Rationally, a vehicle was the obvious choice. They'd be able to cover more ground and could engage large groups on the go. A vehicle would also be a lot more obvious. In that sense, the limbs would allow them to stay under the radar for longer…

But none of that mattered if Leah couldn't keep it up, if the stress finished gnawing through her composure and she collapsed.

Anxiety furrowed Leah's brow.

Where were her limits? She wasn't doing so well. Barely holding together, really. She needed her life back, and her friends.

Leah had always been the one to pull others to their feet, organizing recovery periods and such. Now she had difficulty managing her own emotions while she was out here. Vulnerable. Leah wasn't a total stranger to receiving help, and really, only Tinea's presence made her continued functioning even possible.

But if Tinea was acting as a crutch for her, then she shouldn't be so anxious about Tinea facing danger. You were supposed to rely on crutches and trust them to hold up, after all.

Ah, but that wasn't what was getting to her.

Her hands shook slightly.

Leah had felt the lowest today when she'd learned that Tinea was hurt by her muffler—and she hadn't even noticed until Tinea had said something. Just like with…Lily.

Her fingers curled against her palm.

Lily's death had come suddenly. Out of nowhere. She'd known for a while that her little sister had been sick, and still, Leah hadn't noticed how bad things got until it was too late.

Reawakened guilt and shame clashed against each other and shredded Leah's heart. A flood of sharp-edged grief bent her spine.

And even though she'd put herself back together, even though she'd accepted that a young Leah couldn't be fairly blamed, since then she'd always been rather more vigilant against hidden illnesses than normal.

But she'd learned to handle it, hadn't she? She'd never let it take her down the slippery slope of unhealthy behavioral patterns very far, hadn't she?

So, why did she react so badly today? Why wasn't she able to manage?

Tears blinded her, but sobs wouldn't come. Leah was…mute. Again.

And was that really such a problem? Considering the last…ten or so days, emotional balance couldn't be expected of her, no matter how much it grated.

It fucking GRATED!!! HADN'T SHE ALREADY OVERCOME THIS?! HADN'T SHE EARNED HER WAY OUT OF THIS?!

Old traumas resurfacing, well, wasn't that a matter-of-course, with everything?

If so, then she should structure her plans around that. Like, stop trying to act as if she only needed to hold on—

***

One moment, I was in pure bliss. The next, Leah sagged to the ground on her knees behind me with heart-wrenching sobs-that-weren't. I whipped around, and it shocked me how broken she looked.

My heart dropped through my stomach.

***