Chapter Ninety-Three: Flowers to Faces

The irony wasn’t lost on me that I’d gotten some of my best sleep in weeks on a shitty little cot not long enough for me to have both my head and my feet resting on it at the same time. Though I was a little bothered by the absence of the other, much smaller, body nestled against mine in the limited space when I woke. Thankfully I didn’t have to go far to find her, though.

I found and donned my pants on my way to Stella, once again wearing nothing but her apron while she worked on something. She let out a happy sigh when I wrapped an arm around her from behind, then made a disappointed noise when she pressed back against me and felt my pants. Yeah, her and Rhallani were going to be the best of friends. A couple of horny, repressed geniuses.

“You have to go now, don’t you?” she asked softly, leaning her head against my shoulder and looking up at me.

“As much as I wish I didn’t, I have to,” I said, pressing a kiss to her hairline. After our talk after—and all the fun following it—I was done fighting the impulses. She’d made it more than clear I had her consent, and following those impulses helped lessen some of the stress in my chest.

She nodded. “Yeah, you’ve got a whole house of girls to talk to about being reincarnated souls from your past. Gotta say, I really don’t envy you, even if I’ll miss the shit out of you the moment you’re gone.”

I grunted noncommittally. “Just a bit longer. Cynthia’s got a plan in the works, and if it looks like that’ll take too long I can always go out and get a few levels. Get my hands on a skill that will let me take you out of here.”

A smile graced her black-painted lips. “I believe you. I should probably remove that listening charm, huh?”

I just shrugged. “Leave it for now, if it makes you feel better. If you feel like giving me privacy, all you have to do is take the loop off,” I said, rubbing her long, pointed ear between my thumb and forefinger.

She shuddered, her eyes rolling back in her head. “Jerk. Don’t go getting me all worked up when you’re on your way out the door.”

“Gotta leave you wanting more, right?” I teased.

The heated look she shot me almost made me reconsider leaving. “Trust me, that won’t be an issue.” Her eyes raked over my chest while her tongue worried her lip ring, then she shook herself out of her reverie. She dragged a bundle of objects wrapped in cloth over. “Here, I finished Rhallani’s project. I gave her the instructions on how to assemble it.”

I whistled. “Finished it already? I’m impressed.”

She shrugged, though a blush started to spread across the bridge of her nose. “I didn’t want to waste time sleeping while I had you here, so I was up most of the night. Besides, knowing what I know now…”

After she’d finally run out of steam last night, we’d laid on the cot and just talked. After some encouragement, I bounced some of my ideas off her about who might be who when it came to the reincarnated. Having her outside perspective made it much easier to do without spiraling, and her workshop had the same calming effect on me that Esther’s always had. And, if our theory on how we felt about one another before carrying over to some extent held true, then it would explain the difficulties Jack and I had been having.

“I can’t thank you enough,” I told her.

She just scoffed. “Please, you’re basically the one doing me the favor. Do you have any idea how much fun I’m already having thinking of ways to apply the new logic Rhallani’s practically reinvented? Wherever she got those runes and arrays from, it’s safe to say they were more advanced than we are in terms of magic and artificing. When you get me out of here, I plan to make you a not-so-small fortune with the designs I’ve already got cooking in my head.”

My heart swelled that she’d said ‘when’ and not ‘if’ I got her out. “And I plan to make sure you get credit for each and every design.”

After a brief moment of hesitation, she wrapped her fingers around the back of my neck and pulled me down to press her lips to mine. “I’ll never get tired of that,” she said wistfully, her eyes closed. Then she opened them and fixed those gold-flecked green eyes on me. “Now go on, you’ve got a whole house of gals to get to, and I don’t need to be startin’ any bad blood by monopolizing you.”

After another brief embrace, I stored away the project she’d finished and took my leave. Even knowing why, the pang I felt when I slipped into the tunnels that ran underneath the city was no less painful. I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to leave her in Madame Reade’s clutches before I lost it.

The journey back felt all too short this time, and before I knew it I was bypassing the heavy locked door that led to my basement. I was barely past the threshold before someone was slamming into my chest, wrapping their arms around me.

“Hey, Angel,” I said, hugging Rhallani back and pressing a kiss to her crown. “I’m sorry I left last night.”

She shook her head adamantly, pulling back enough to look up at me but not far enough to be forced to let go.

“No, you did the right thing. We all know you far too well to think you’d have been at all okay if you’d stayed. Going to Stella was the right move, and we all agree on that.”

Relief almost made my knees buckle. I hadn’t even realized how worried I’d been that they’d be angry I ran.

“How are things?”

“Not as bad as I’m sure you’re imagining,” she said, running her hands through her hair. “Serena and Tiana both stepped up as soon as you were out the door and took lead. They brought Allie and her party into the fold and up to speed.”

She added the last part like she was afraid I’d be upset, but I just nodded. Maybe it was selfish, but the thought that I wouldn’t have to explain as much to Allie was another weight off my chest. “I think that’s the right choice.”

Her expression looked as relieved as I felt. “Yeah, I agree. I like her. Her friends, too. I think they’ll fit in great once things calm down a bit.”

I really hoped so, but I couldn’t bring myself to voice that thought aloud. “The twins?”

“Tsuki overheard us talking, so we brought her into the fold. She withdrew a bit, so I can’t tell what she’s thinking, but she asked that she be the one to tell her sister once she’s had time to think things through.”

That made me wince. Tsuki was always as slow to trust as she was protective of her sister, and the thought of who they most definitely were in their past life…

“Karina and Jayme are still in the dark, about pretty much everything,” Rhallani continued, “so we agreed to keep things that way for now until we know them a little better. Serena figures springing that on them might be a bit much when they’re still adjusting to their new lives already.”

As annoyed as I was with Allura, I still needed to personally thank her for putting Serena in my life. She was already such a far cry from the uncertain, inexperienced girl I’d met on the road. “Jack?” I asked tentatively.

My gut dropped as Rhallani winced. “I’ve already put in another order for more fireproof furniture. She was adamant she was alright, but I’m pretty sure she melted the lock on her bedroom door as well. I’ll know for certain when it’s cooled enough to check.”

I cursed, and Rhallani patted my chest. “She doesn’t seem as upset about the whole ‘reincarnated’ thing as she does the ‘still not able to touch you without burn cream on hand’ part. But,” she said, smiling, “hopefully that isn’t an issue for much longer.”

“I certainly hope so, and not just for my sake,” I grumbled. She laughed, and I relaxed a bit. I tucked a lock of her silver and gold hair behind her ear. “And you?”

Her expression sobered. “It’s a little crazy, but…”

“…But?”

A small smile graced her lips and she leaned her forehead against my chest. “It makes sense, I guess. It certainly makes me feel better about how things happened when we met.”

I felt my brows furrowing. “But you’re—”

“Hannah,” she said, nodding. “Yeah, I’ve figured that out. I spent most of last night pouring through every note I’ve ever taken trying to figure everything out before you got back. And I know you were too young to have been romantic with her, but you did trust her, didn’t you?” When I nodded, she hugged me tighter. “And I trusted you, but after your talk with Stella I think it was more than that. Right from when we first met, I felt like I could trust you. That you were good and strong and…”

She sighed happily. “I knew you’d never do anything to hurt me right down to my bones. You needed a teacher—someone to help you acclimate to the world. To explain things like the Accords. But I don’t think it was just that, either. You needed someone to protect. You needed someone to need you, and I’m self-aware enough to admit that I wanted someone I could rely on to protect me from the things I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself from.”

I crushed her to my chest and she let out a happy wheeze. “I’m gonna spend the next month analyzing every interaction I’ve had with all of you, aren’t I?”

“We will,” she promised. “And don’t worry, I’ve already done a lot of the work for you. I can let you go over the notes later.”

“Right. I guess I should probably go talk to the others, then. Get this clusterfuck all sorted.”

When she made no move to let me go, I looked down at her. She was chewing her lip, and when she noticed me watching her cheeks darkened. “I can’t say for sure, but I think you should also make time to talk to Noelle and Safina. Noelle’s an emotional lockbox, as usual, but last night Safina felt a little…clingier than usual. Uncertain and nervous.”

I sighed. “Shit, I didn’t even think of that.” No doubt she was worried about how this new development would affect those that weren’t reincarnated. If I’d treat them as secondary because we didn’t have shared history. “I’ll talk to them,” I said with a nod.

“Good,” she said. “Now gimme, I’ve got work to do and you’ve got a household to reassure.”

With a chuckle, I passed along the bundle Stella had left me with. Rhallani skipped off with her project in hand and a gleam in her eye. I climbed the stairs behind her, albeit at a much slower pace. I could tell by the pull in my gut that most of my Links were in the dining room, so that’s where I headed first. The house was quiet this early in the morning, and it was strange to me how the manor felt like nothing had changed, even if everything inside it had.

The energy in the dining hall was warm and inviting. Conversations created a low, comforting hum as everyone talked over their breakfast. Attitudes were happy and relaxed, which was better than I could have hoped for when I’d been psyching myself out on the walk from the Silver Swallow.

But as soon as the first head turned in my direction and saw me, the room went silent. Hoping I didn’t look as nervous as I felt, I headed towards my girls. Serena, Tiana, Safina with Noelle in her lap, and Alice sat on one side while Vanni, Nora, Allie, Therese, and the dryad Rose sat opposite them. Serena stood as I approached, but I paused long enough to press a kiss to the top of Noelle’s head and give Safina’s shoulder a squeeze. Both of them relaxed, and a pleased rumble started up in Safina’s chest.

When I turned to Serena, she was searching my face intently. Whatever she saw there she approved of, stepping close enough to give me a quick peck on the cheek. I felt a surge of affection through our Link at the same time, further driving her point home. “Welcome home, love,” she said into my ear.

“Glad to be back,” I said softly. She stepped aside to give me the seat she’d been in so she could take the one on my side, leaving me between her and Tiana. I’d barely sat before my busty mage’s hand found my thigh, squeezing the muscle reassuringly. All it took was one heated look for me to get her message. Finding out she was almost certainly a reincarnated soul from my past changed nothing between us. She wouldn’t let it.

I placed my hand on her own thigh and squeezed it in return. That seemed to satisfy her as she returned to the omelet in front of her with a satisfied smile. After that, I realized I couldn’t avoid looking across the table any longer. My eyes found Allie’s immediately, feeling more than a little self-conscious that she’d watched our whole interaction after what I’d said to her last night. She offered me a tight smile and a nod, trying to say she wasn’t bothered, but she couldn’t fully hide the look in her eye.

She’d been a sight to look at the night before. Sharp features, high cheekbones, piercing violet eyes, long, silky black hair. There had been faint bags under her eyes and a sense of exhaustion from being on the road, as well as a fine coating of dust and dirt from days without a real bath. Now, freshly bathed, hair washed and shining, glowing from a good night’s sleep in a real bed, wearing comfortable clothes and carrying a ‘freshly woken’ vibe that was really doing things to me, she was breathtaking.

She moved to stand. “We’ll give you all some time—”

“Stay.” The word was out of my mouth before I even realized I’d spoken. She stopped looking as surprised as I felt. I cleared my throat. “Please. If you want, of course. You’re always welcome at my table.”

She slowly sank back into her chair. “I wasn’t sure if…” she trailed off.

I leaned back as a plate filled with eggs and bacon was set in front of me. “I’ve still got a lot of shit to figure out, but at the very least we don’t have to be strangers. I’m sorry I disappeared on you last night before we had the chance to talk further.”

She just shook her head, her shoulders slumping a little in relief. She leaned into the tall, muscular Nora beside her a little. “No, it’s fine. They told me about Stella, and…” She chewed the inside of her cheek, clearly unsure if she wanted to say more. Then she took a breath. “You’ve changed so much from when I—when Eliya knew you, but you’re still the same in all the ways that count. I know when you need to step away for a minute to straighten things out in your head.”

I think I might have preferred a swift kick to the sternum to how her words made me feel. Appreciation and relief—which seemed to be my prevalent emotions for the day—but also pain. Longing. Eliya never once held anything against me, even in the instances when she probably should have. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to Allie being just like her, even knowing she bore the same soul.

“Right,” I said, my voice coming out rougher than I would have liked. “I appreciate your understanding. Rhallani said they brought you up to speed?”

Allie cut an uncertain glance towards Serena, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about the brief flash I saw in her gaze. It was gone too quick for me to understand what it was, but I was certain I hadn’t imagined it. “They did. I hope that’s alright.”

I laughed mirthlessly. “It’s for the best. You deserve to know about the shitshow you’ve been tied to.”The corner of her lip quirked up and her eyes practically glowed in yet another painfully Eliya-like expression.

“At least I know we won’t be bored any time soon.”

My heart practically skipped a beat. “We?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

The tips of the ears sticking out of her hair turned red. She just shrugged. “Allura brought me back. Gave me another chance at a lot of things.” I was both thankful and a little disappointed when she didn’t elaborate on exactly what those ‘things’ were, but I kept silent. “I figure I can at least stick around until I’ve got some answers on why. And if that involves staying at the manor that feels more like home than any place I’ve ever been…” she trailed off with a shrug.

“Fair enough,” I said, taking a bite out of the bacon on my plate. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad to have you.”

She swallowed audibly, glancing to her friends at her sides. “I’m not leaving them behind, though. No matter what.”

“And I’d never ask you to,” I told her quickly.

Therese’s hand found Allie’s and she nodded encouragingly. Allie took a steadying breath. “Good, because I’d like you to take a look at them as well. See if their souls shimmer.”

That pesky feeling of an elephant sitting on my chest returned, but I just nodded once. From Nora and Tiana’s expressions they’d already discussed this, so I didn’t bother asking if they were alright with it. I’d reached the point where I no longer needed to close my eyes to draw on my Soul Sense, so I took a peek at the souls in question. What I saw made me frown.

It took me a moment to understand what I was looking at. Therese, Nora, and Rosa each had a strangeness to their souls. Each of them were oddly shaped. They had a protrusion, almost like a cone had been placed on one side. And it only took me a second to realize that each of these tails were pointing in the same direction.

At Allie.

Then with a glance to Tiana next to me, I understood. The shimmer wasn’t just a shimmer, it was the energy of their souls reaching towards me. Because I was looking directly at the tail, it blended in with the rest of the soul behind it, leaving nothing behind but a shimmer. I had a feeling that if I could look at Tiana’s soul from any direction but head on, it would look like Allie’s party’s souls did.

Which, to my great annoyance, raised a whole new host of questions. “Vanni’s soul doesn’t shimmer, but the other three of you do.”

A soft gasp slipped past Therese’s lips and Rose clung to her free hand. The dryad still hadn’t spoken a word in my presence, and that didn’t change now. Nora just nodded to herself as if it made complete sense to her, but Allie sagged in her chair. “That’s good to know. Really good.” She smiled softly. “I think I already know who they are, too.”

I frowned. “Who?”

She looked up at Nora, the adoration in her eyes clear. “You were Maeve. My emotional rock, even back then.” Then she turned to Therese. “And you were Gwendolyn, my best friend and confidante. You helped hold me together even when things were at their worst.” Then she looked past Therese to the dryad still leaning into Therese’s side. “And you were Isabel. I didn’t get the chance to know you all that well, but you were close enough to Gwen that you were important to me by proxy. When my episodes were at their worst, when I was Eliya and not Allie, I think I recognized you.”

Serena shot a confused glance at me, and I shook my head in response, already anticipating her question. “I don’t recognize any of those names.”

Allie just smiled brightly enough to make me glad I was sitting. “You wouldn’t have. They didn’t choose their names until after we arrived at our trial, and I was the only one to make it out. I couldn’t tell you about them because—”

“Because of the collars,” I finished for her. Karn had expressly forbid us to reveal any details about the trials that had earned us our classes. It was why Eliya never knew about Ina, Eve, Maris, Louis, or Jon. “But that doesn’t make sense,” I pointed out.

Allie frowned. “It makes complete sense. Even with Karn pitting us against each other gladiator style all the time, they were my best friends.”

Ignoring how fucked up my head got when she referred to Eliya’s memories as her own still, I shook my head. “I don’t doubt you there, and I’ll admit that your friends feel like complete strangers to me still, which isn’t how I’ve felt towards any of the others so far. But if we’re operating under the assumption that you’ve all been reincarnated as part of her deal with me—”

“—then you’re right,” Allie said, understanding dawning on her, “it doesn’t fit what we know that my family was reincarnated as well.” She brought her free hand to her chin, leaning further into Nora’s side while she squeezed Therese’s hand. “We’re missing something.”

I nodded in agreement. “Not just that, but their souls are being pulled towards you, not me.”

“A contingency plan?” Allie offered. “Maybe I was a backup?” She picked up a butterknife and suddenly the blade seemed to be made of shadows. “My magic is close to yours in a way, after all. Maybe I should see if I can wield the sword. They said you still have it, right?”

No. The voice in my head was sharp and insistent, sudden enough that it made me jump. That wouldn't go well. Ash’s tone was final, leaving no room for argument. Then she was gone.

But she didn’t need to weigh in. I didn’t care what happened, Allie was never going near that blade again. I’d lost her once, I wouldn’t lose her again. “That isn’t a good idea,” I said softly. “Especially not with your soul still recovering. The last thing we need to do is add a soul-devouring sword into the mix and make things worse.”

She grimaced. “Damn. Good point.” She sat up and stretched her arms above her head, and my gaze was pulled to the sliver of alabaster skin that peeked out from under her shirt as she did. “We can shelve the sword for now. If Rhallani’s on the case, I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before she figures that out. It’s probably better to figure out the reincarnated business anyways.”

I leaned my hands on the table, interlocking my fingers. “With Allura still missing in action, we’re pretty much on our own,” I pointed out.

She nodded. “If the Marker is anything to go by, then we’ve got just about everyone accounted for.”

The Marker. It had been weighing heavily on my mind since my world had been shattered last night. Without even needing me to ask, Serena offered her arm out to me. Gooseflesh spread over her skin at the touch of my fingers as I traced the vines and the flowers on them.

“The big gold one has to be Serena herself, right?” Allie finished, leaning forward with her eyes fixed on it.

“That makes sense,” I acknowledged. “And these two,” I trailed my thumb over the first two flowers, one black with a red center and the other red with a black center, “I think those are us. You and me.”

“My thoughts exactly. Serena said the other four were just buds before we met, right? Why do you think mine bloomed early?”

“Hard to say. It was bloomed by the time we got the Marker, so there’s no way to know for sure what would have triggered it. Could have been you getting your memories, you getting your class, or you meeting the others.” I shook my head. “There’s just no way to tell.”

Tiana leaned her head on my shoulder, her finger trailing after mine. “So these three are you three, then,” she said. She touched the red flower with blue stripes, the silver flower with a blue tint to it, and the earthy green flower. It wasn’t a leap to connect them with Nora, Therese, and Rose in turn. But beyond them was a bud. “So there’s one more?”

Allie thought for a moment, then perked up. “It has to be Davis!”

I couldn’t help the slightly possessive surge that went through me. “Davis?”

At the note in my voice, Allie burst into laughter. “Jealous, Z?” she teased, making my heart leap and twist all at the same time. Then she realized what she was doing and looked away with an embarrassed cough. “Don’t worry, you were more his type than me. He used to make me tell him all about you so he could ‘live vicariously through me.’ He was the one who helped me understand that I—how I felt about you.”

I nodded, feeling more relieved than I should have at her words. “I’ll keep an eye out. If Esadora was right, fate should eventually pull him into your orbit.”

She nodded, but my gaze was drawn back to where Tiana was tracing the vines coming from the other flower. One of them held a silver flower with gold threads—just like Rhallani’s hair—followed by two flowers nestled together in the same spot on the vine, one black and one white, then a red and orange flower that looked like a sunset and a freshly bloomed flower that had gold petals with specks of black on them.

Tiana tapped the black and white flowers. “The twins. Has to be.”

“Siri and Sora,” I agreed, and Allie’s breath caught.

“You’re sure?” she asked, her tone unsteady.

I nodded. “It makes the most sense.” They were the deaths that had nearly broken Eliya when it had happened. Sometimes I wondered if the only reason she made it through those times was how hard she had to work to keep me from giving up. Then I touched the gold flower with black specks. “This one has to be Stella, just from when it bloomed. After talking with her, I’m as certain as I can be that she’s Esther.”

Tiana nodded in agreement, then she placed her hand over mine and guided it towards the flower that looked like a sunset. “Those look a lot like the color of Jack’s flames,” she noted.

“She was Ria, wasn’t she?” Serena asked softly.

“Yeah.”

When I looked up, Allie was slowly turning her half-filled glass a quarter turn at a time. “Ria was the only one of us you were together with back then, right?” Her tone was light, but I caught the undercurrent of emotion in it.

“I don’t know if ‘together’ is quite the right word,” I said. “Honestly, it was more of a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship. I wasn’t—” my voice broke, “—I don’t think I could have managed anything more than that after losing you,” I admitted. “By the time I realized I wanted more, it was too late. From the tone of the letter she wrote me the day before she died, I think she felt much the same.”

Tiana’s arms wrapped around me, and the next thing I knew Noelle was practically elbowing her way into my lap. I didn’t bother fighting my smile as I wrapped an arm around her, careful of her nascent wings still healing as I pulled her tight to my chest.

“Once again, after talking with Stella,” I continued, “I think those unresolved feelings are still etched into our souls. And, thanks to something Rhallani said, I think there’s more to that theory than I originally anticipated. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if a lot of our initial relationships were influenced by how we felt for one another in the past.”

Allie nodded thoughtfully. “Pretty sure you’re right. I don’t think I’ve ever trusted anyone the way I do Therese and Nora—not as Allie, at least. And it would explain the sudden and violent impulse to cuddle that adorable Kitsune last night and see if that tail of hers was as fluffy as it looked,” she said nonchalantly. “I spent more than a few nights holding the twins after what Karn put us through.”

Once I finished packing that away to deal with later, an idea occurred to me. “Allie,” I said, trying to ignore the slight widening of her eyes when I said her name, “is there anyone else you’ve felt familiar towards?”

I could tell by her expression she understood what I was getting at immediately. “Well, I liked Rhallani right off the bat even if I didn’t feel like I knew her, which makes sense. I never talked to Hannah, but I knew of her. Right now I’m having to resist the urge to go off and find Ryoko so I can give her a nice crushing hug, but other than that…” She thought for a moment, then shook her head. “Nah, nobody else jumped out at me.” She glanced at Tiana. “Sorry.”

“Not surprising,” I said. I turned Serena’s arm enough to look at the third and final vine. I frowned when I realized it no longer had a single bud on it. Four flowers bloomed on the vine, three colorless with the second a sky blue color that took on a greenish tinge towards the center, perfectly matching the turquoise of Tiana’s eyes.

“When did this bloom?”

Serena shook her head. “I’m not sure. I felt Stella’s bloom, but I never felt this one. I didn’t realize it was there until yesterday.”

I hummed thoughtfully brushing my thumb against Tiana’s flower. “This one is yours, then,” I said softly. She made a soft sound of agreement in my ear, still flush with my back.

“She was a part of your trial, wasn’t she?” Allie asked softly.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense,” I agreed.

Tiana sucked her breath in sharply. “So Ina, Eve, or Maris, then? Unless I’m Jon or Louis, of course.” She said the last part jokingly, but I shook my head.

“Definitely not Jon or Louis,” I said with a chuckle. Then I thought about the other three, comparing them in my mind to the woman wrapped around me. A task made oddly easier by the fact that I didn’t know what two of them looked like since I hadn’t met them before we went into the dark. “Maris was always…harder. More sharp edges. Plus, she lacked a certain amount of emotional awareness when it came to others. The opposite of you.”

“So Ina or Eve, then?”

I briefly wondered if she could have been Ina, but that didn’t feel quite right. “Ina was… she was an eternal optimist. She was great at putting on a brave face while trying to shoulder the weight of everything on her own. She was always more concerned about making sure everyone else was alright than she was taking care of herself.”

Tiana was holding her breath, so it was Serena who asked, “You think she’s Ina, then?”

“No.” I smiled at Tiana over my shoulder. “Ina also had a bit of a need to be in control. She could be brash or pushy about it at times, too. She never knew the meaning of the word subtlety. You mentioned once that you had an irrational fear of being buried alive.”

She chuckled warmly, even as her arm tightened across my chest. “Not so irrational after the spider incident, but yes.”

“Eve died from being crushed by falling rubble in a pitch black cave underground,” I said softly, and she tensed.

“Oh,” was all she said.

“Before she died, Eve was the one who kept us all from losing our heads. Even in pitch black darkness, she always seemed to know what we were feeling. She was like a little emotional chameleon, being whoever she thought she needed to be to keep us all working together and moving forward. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times Ina and I butted heads after she passed.”

Tiana looked away, even as a smile spread over her face. She leaned into me, pressing her front flush with my back while she rested her head on my shoulder. “Oh,” she said again, but this time I could hear the smile in her tone.

When I looked back across the table, Allie was watching us with a pained smile of her own. One that tugged at my heart and almost broke my resolve then and there. She caught me looking and straightened. “So then the other three are probably members of your trial as well?”

I nodded, stroking my thumb along Tiana’s forearm. “It makes the most sense, and we know of two of them thanks to process of elimination.”

“Karina and Jayme. Do we know which is Ina and which is Maris?” Allie asked, leaning forward again with an all too familiar look on her face.

“I don’t know them well enough to be sure one way or another,” I admitted.

“Which leaves one more, but you mentioned two more names,” she pointed out.

“Jon, most likely. Louis always kept to himself, and he was the first of us to die so I never knew him all that well. Jon and I became friends, though.” I had to hope that me not being friendly enough with Louis didn’t cost him another chance at life. Just one more thing to bring up with Allura when I managed to track her down.

She nodded, drumming her fingers on the table. “Well, if we’re sticking with your thinking, then Tiana is our best bet at feeling out Karina and Jayme. If Eve was the glue, then odds are they’ll be drawn to trust her. Especially if you’re still keeping your distance to give her time to come to terms with the whole Patron/servant thing. Then we can decide when and how to tell them about all this,” she said waving her hand.

I arched a brow at her, and even her friends were giving her slightly incredulous looks. Serena laughed softly. “You think so, huh?” she asked, her tone teasing.

Allie blinked once, then her eyes went wide. She clamped a hand over her mouth, reeling back. “Shit, sorry! I didn’t mean to just interject myself like that. I know it’s none of my business—”

I couldn’t help but laugh, which earned me a dirty look from her and the girls on either side of her. “It’s fine. Eliya and I were always the ringleaders, working together to try and help the others. You’re just falling into old habits.” I didn’t add how refreshing it was that she did, but judging from the sparkle in her eyes I didn’t think I had to. “And you’re right, of course. Speaking of,” I turned to Tiana, “I never got to hear about how your day with them went.”

She brightened. “It was a lot of fun. We bought clothes, had lunch, got her plenty of odds and ends to make her more comfortable, and even spent a small fortune on books. You’ll have quite the fiction section by the time the month is out. They put an order in at a clothing shop and were going to go out today to pick it up. I was already planning to tag along.”

“Good. I don’t like keeping them in the dark for any longer than necessary.” She pressed the side of her head to mine, then retreated back to her chair. “Meanwhile, I have to figure out how I managed to miss another shimmer in our ranks.”

Therese spoke up for the first time. “If they’re drawn to you, odds are they probably work for or around you.”I nodded. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I’ll just have to take a peek at everyone’s souls I pass for the next few days and hope I get lucky.”

Serena turned her hand over to wrap her fingers around mine. “It’ll all work out, I’m sure of it. Until then,” she flashed her teeth at me in a grin, “who has the best memory? Rhallani’s going to be quite put out she missed this conversation.”

“I can do it,” a voice to my right said. I jumped, leaning forward to peer past Safina at Alice, who had most of a sausage already on its way back to her mouth for a second bite. She paused when she realized everyone was looking at her. “What? I didn’t want to interrupt.”

I chuckled while Safina ruffled her hair. “I can run interference. I’m sure I can think of a few ways to cheer her up if she’s really put out,” the Half-dragon said.

I pushed my mostly untouched plate away. “I’ll come along as well to answer any questions I’m sure she’ll have.” I pressed a kiss to the top of Noelle’s head, then Serena, then Tiana’s cheek before setting Noelle on the ground and standing. I shot an awkward nod towards Allie, then paused. In all the excitement, I’d nearly forgotten one of the ideas I’d come up with while half-asleep in Stella’s shop.

“Serena, do you remember after I fought the Valax queen? My soul burn?”

Her brows furrowed. “I do. Why?” Then understanding dawned on her face and she cut her eyes towards Allie. “Ah,” she said softly.

Allie frowned, noting the exchange. “What? What’d I miss?”

Serena stood. “Something best discussed in private.” She chewed her lip, looking back to me. “You’re sure you’re alright with that?”

I thought it over for a moment, but I couldn’t find any reason to be bothered by the idea of Serena using her healing skill on Allie, even if it meant a little extra skin-to-skin contact. “I trust you,” was all I said in response.

Her expression softened, and she nodded. She looked at Allie and tilted her head towards the corner of the room. Allie, with one last confused look towards me, followed. I watched them talk for a moment before I turned to head after Safina and Alice. I’d just made it out of the door when I heard a “Zaren, wait,” from behind me.

I turned, only slightly nervous to see Therese stalking towards me in that wispy way of hers. She was only slightly shorter than Tiana and I, but her narrow build made her seem taller than that. “Therese. Something I can help you with?”

She walked past me, jerking her head for me to follow, and led me into a spot where nobody would overhear us. “Are you really going to do this?” she demanded.

If I wasn’t nervous before, the anger in her voice would have tipped me off. “You’re gonna have to be a little more specific than that, I’m afraid.”

She crossed her arms. “You’re really going to keep Allie at arms’ length? Tell her you can’t be more than allies while you’ve got all those other girls hanging off you?”

I was taken aback at both her words and the heat behind them. “You…want me to pursue her? I was under the impression that you three were…” I trailed off.

“I love Allie,” she said simply. “Nora does too. But we came to terms with her feelings for you long before you turned out to still be alive and of an appropriate age to court. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hate the idea of sharing her with you, and I’d even go so far as to say I’m attracted to you as well. But what you’re doing right now is hurting her, and I can’t just stand by and let that be.”

Wow. Okay, that’s a lot to unpack. But her pale, nearly colorless eyes demanded an answer. I sighed. “I told her before why it has to be this way, and my stance hasn’t changed.”

Her opal eyes hardened. “Do you have any idea what she’s been through? What she’s had to endure just to get this far? Not just Allie, but Eliya as well? And after everything, it’s like you don’t even want her. She won’t say it, but I know that on some level it feels like she’s too late. That you’ve found your harem and decided you want them more than you want her.”

I took a step forward. “That isn’t true.” The words came out as a growl, but she didn’t so much as flinch. If anything, I was pretty sure she approved. “I want her more than you can imagine. I want her to be a part of this family that I’ve somehow managed to find. I want her to be happy, but more than that I want her to be happy with me. Don’t think for a second that I don’t want her, and don’t let her think it either.”

“So why, then?” she demanded. “Why keep this up? Why hold back? Why not try to move forward despite it? Why let the past keep you from having a future?”

I took a step closer, so close that we were nearly face to face, and lowered my voice so that only she could hear it. “Because without her knowing what happened that day—her last day—I wouldn’t be able to be with her fully. Not living with the knowledge that she could remember at any time and realize she hates me. That she blames me for how things ended. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us, and I won’t hurt her again.”

Her jaw worked as she glared at me, not backing down. “So tell her. Tell her what happened that day. Let her make the decision, but don’t keep punishing her for something she has no control over.”

“It isn’t that simple.” She opened her mouth to argue, but I cut her off. “I can tell her what happened. I can give her every grisly detail I can remember. But there are parts I can’t give her. I can’t tell Allie how she felt. I can’t tell her whether or not she blamed me as she took her last breaths. If she holds what I did against me the way I know I do.”

Something in my tone or my eyes finally got her to break, looking away. She nodded curtly, then stepped back to let me past her and into the hallway. I returned the nod and started walking. I was even with her when, in a low, pained voice, she asked, “What could have happened on that day that was so bad you carry it still?”I paused, looking down at my right hand. Tracing with my eyes the deep, ragged scar that had once cut across my palm that I’d had healed in a drunken stupor. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and looked her in the eye so that hopefully she’d understand everything I couldn’t say.

“I killed her.”

Therese recoiled like I’d struck her, and honestly I felt that might have been kinder. She shook her head. “You can’t have—there must have been a reason. Karn’s orders, or—”

“No,” I said softly. “I wasn’t ordered to do it.”

“But…” her brows furrowed, the first real break in her mask I’d seen so far, “you must have had a reason,” she repeated.

“I did,” I said with a shrug that was far more nonchalant than I felt. “But the only one who can decide whether or not that reason is good enough is her. And until then, I can’t be with her. No matter how badly I want her to be one of the faces I wake up next to, I don’t deserve that honor. And she’s the only one who can grant me that absolution. Until then I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she’s safe and happy, but that’s all I can do.”

And with that, I left Therese behind, speechless and in shock, hoping I hadn’t just made a mistake. I knew she’d tell Allie what I’d told her. And whether I’d taken the cowards way out by telling Therese instead of telling Allie to her face, I didn’t know.

It wasn’t lost on me that I’d just told Therese something I hadn’t even confided in Serena with, but that was something to deal with another day. I couldn’t help Allie remember, but I could help Jack deal with her situation.

That would have to be good enough for now.